Null Bit Me

An anonymous null bit wanders… wanting to infect.

Why should my wife be a virgin?

with 549 comments

This post by Ideasmith that linked to further posts by other women suddenly made me want to understand why did men want to marry virgins. Let me try to think like different males of different ages and lets see what I can come up with:

  1. Damn, she’s done it before me :-( I don’t want to marry her. I’ve lost the race. [This applies to a guy who's not done it yet and is extremely competitive]
  2. Aw shucks… what if she starts comparing me to the other guys…. and I am not good enough :-( [This applies to a guy with low self-esteem and would especially apply to a guy who's never done it]
  3. What! She’s done it before. She’s got no morals. What if she does it with other men after marriage. I can’t marry her. [This applies a guy who doesn't understand the power of love]
  4. If I meet one of her ex’s and he reminds me of their time together, I won’t be able to bear it. Wah! :-( [This applies to insufferable romantics weak-hearted men some men]
  5. She must have become “big” down there. I’ll never be able to fill her and satisfy her. [You need to grow up kiddo]
  6. She loves to do it too much. What if she can never have enough? She’ll wear me out and still not be happy :-( [Go out jogging every morning...]
  7. She might have STD’s. Why take a risk? [The ever cautious idiot]
  8. She might find me too small and make fun of me :-(

Ok… that is all I could think of. Please don’t beat me up. I just needed a break from work and something to get me to blog… and sex is usually a good topic to get out all that rust :-) All these came from all the discussions we had when we were in school and later.

Sometimes age is not enough to grow up.

Written by Null Bit

Tuesday, February 27, 2007 at 8:04 pm

Posted in Funny, Muses, Trackbacks

549 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. LOL….I absolutely lurrrve this post! It’s rocking hilarious!

    ideasmith

    Tuesday, February 27, 2007 at 9:39 pm

    • The original post is the silliest post that I have ever read on the Internet… And I live on the Internet.

      Reality Bites

      Saturday, September 4, 2010 at 9:55 pm

  2. I did not understand #1 – what’s with the competition about?

    I think, you could also write a converse post – ‘Why should my wife NOT be a virgin?’ :D

    Brad

    Wednesday, February 28, 2007 at 12:19 am

    • You tell us. I’m curious…

      Reality Bites

      Saturday, September 4, 2010 at 9:57 pm

  3. :D My first time here & I’m ROTFL!!

    Melody

    Wednesday, February 28, 2007 at 11:20 pm

    • The original poster’s lack of logical reasoning skills is hilarious indeed.

      Reality Bites

      Saturday, September 4, 2010 at 9:59 pm

  4. Whew.. no one’s furious yet :-)

    @Brad: I seriously can’t think of a single reason why my wife should NOT be a virgin. It barely takes any time or effort to convert from a virgin to a non-virgin :-P

    Null Bit

    Friday, March 2, 2007 at 9:54 am

  5. Rephrasing the topic – Why my wife should have at least moderate experience in bed as far as sexual performance is concerned! (Almost sounds like an exact science.)

    Brad

    Friday, March 2, 2007 at 9:45 pm

    • It is so that she can replace you more easily when the divorce papers are ready.

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 10:21 am

  6. a wife cant be virgin. girlfriends are virgin, and we make them non vergin

    ashish

    Saturday, March 17, 2007 at 3:55 pm

    • Aha! So that is how you got AIDS.

      Reality Bites

      Saturday, September 4, 2010 at 10:00 pm

  7. How is your marriage relationship special if your wife (or intended wife) has been physically intimate with other men? What exactly differentiates your “bond”? The 3×5 card issued from the state magistrate costing between $15 and $35 that says you are married for tax purposes? The potential for alimony? The question the groom should ask and get an answer too is why was I not worth waiting for? You didn’t think you’d ever meet me? You thought I wouldn’t mind? Would you mind if I went ahead and had lots of sex with hookers and other people before hand? Why is sex important at all for this woman and what does it mean and furthermore since she is willing to do this with others without such commitment how strong is the bond now that ring is there? Did your future wife not consider that maybe you might be a person with feelings and might not want to share your spouse with lots of other men? Oops! Can’t go there! Wah wah wah! cries the modern woman I want (whatever) now!! I can’t be bothered to think about someone else and if I end up pregnant or with venereal disease or emotional attached just as strongly to boyfriends 2, 5, 12, 17, and 36 oh well he’d just better suck it up and like it. How dare he be a human being to be considered when I haven’t even met him!

    ranor

    Tuesday, May 15, 2007 at 4:24 pm

    • I don’t believe a single promiscuity-lover has understood a word of what you said. But that’s their problem… Just wait until reality intrudes and bites their asses bringing problems into their marriages.

      Reality Bites

      Saturday, September 4, 2010 at 10:04 pm

    • or throw in the cries of “i can do whatever i want! i’m a modern female, don’t judge me!”. yeah sure we can, we can rape, murder, steal and all that as we please too, cause we are modern. give me a break. and what i absolutely hate about these people is, if you wanna have sex before you are married – great for you, not my problem. but don’t come around to people looking for virgins for marriage and insult them into the ground. seriously. i want a virgin, you don’t. different criteria for marriage. i want my marriage to last long (read: forever), and i don’t want to have sex with someone who has shared body fluids with other people – and that’s my problem and my criteria. and hi reality bites! :)

      Evelyn

      Monday, April 16, 2012 at 6:51 am

      • Hi, dear. 8)

        reality bites

        Thursday, April 19, 2012 at 2:19 pm

      • Hi again Evelyn, our old blog
        seems truly gone forever, so
        feel free to bookmark this
        “new” blog that you already
        know:

        http://tinyurl.com/celdqu6

        (shortened URL)

        We’ll talk here from now on. :)

        Anyway, if for any reason we
        lose touch with each other just
        look for “reality bites” (my
        nickname) on the Internet. ;)

        I’ll use my usual avatar icon
        whenever possible.

        Please post something on
        this blog when you get the
        chance, thank you. :)

        reality bites

        Friday, September 13, 2013 at 8:53 pm

  8. I like my woman jus the way she is non virgin… Oh well we all hav 2 go through some thing some time in life because nobodies perfect.

    Anonymous

    Monday, July 2, 2007 at 11:29 am

    • Nobody’s perfect. Except a virgin.

      Reality Bites

      Saturday, September 4, 2010 at 10:08 pm

  9. In today’s time when marrige’s happen late in life almost everyone encounters love and the attraction towards opposits sex, the exitement and eagerness to experiment and know leads to sex. It just happens. What is important is that we should make sure we stay faithful to our partners after marrige.

    Vinny

    Saturday, August 18, 2007 at 11:03 pm

    • So you can do orgies before marriage, but only your spouse after marriage? Why, oh, why, exactly?

      Reality Bites

      Saturday, September 4, 2010 at 10:10 pm

  10. Why should my wife be a virgin? Well… I can think of a few reasons why she should be a virgin out side of religious beliefs.
    I am sorry but STDs are a big thing. If you go to bed with a girl and are not sure if she has an STD you are an idiot! Why take the chance for a half an hour of pleaser? If the girl is a virgin, that likelihood of her have an STD is greatly diminished.
    Another reason why your wife should be a virgin is because what you learn with one guy doesn’t necessarily transfer to the next guy. What one guy likes is no guaranty that the next guy will like. So why get the experience and then have something to compare with you are married to the girl.
    Another reason my wife should be a virgin is because it re-enforces that she will be faithful to me after marriage. The power of love you said in you reasoning. I have see love faith continually! 1 our of every 2 marriages end of in divorce! Where is your power of love! It takes more than just love to make a marriage work! It takes commitment and trust! The power of love indeed! Truly love is giving with or without receiving anything in return. Truly love is not self-seeking! Truly love will wait for she future husband.
    Which leads me to my next point, why my wife should be a virgin because that is the ultimate wedding gift. She is saying that she loved me so much that she was willing to wait for me. She isn’t so needy that she shacks up with some guy just to feel loved. (that brings a tear to my eye).
    And I take it this group is not religious. So I will not go into what the Holy Bible says.
    (But just between you and me, I am probably going to be cursed to marry a girl that is not a virgin just because I wrote this. haha)

    Danny

    Thursday, March 6, 2008 at 11:06 pm

    • I applaud the immense courage that took you to say (with a straight face) that NullBit did a “reasoning”. We look forward to more of the same from him, for our own entertainment of course!

      Power of love? Just who came out with that bullcrap on his head. Oh, wait. NullBit did. Give me self-interest and it will beat “the POWAH OF LURRRVE” (now that is a REALLY hilarious concept!) ANY DAY. Mind you, NullBit is a grown-up; it’s true, I read it on the Internet! Don’t believe me? Google it up.

      Reality Bites

      Saturday, September 4, 2010 at 10:20 pm

  11. Some men think being a virgin means the girl had no “opportunities” to lose it. As in she must be worthless, ugly and so on. Also I don’t get the hypocrisy. She may not have stds if she is a virgin but that is no gurantee since she has parents who might have contracted an std they passed on to their kid. Also men should hold themselves to that standard because men can carry stds too. I would love to see a man be dumped because he isn’t a virgin and therefore “unclean.” Only then would he understand how it feels like to be rejected for something that is “damned if you do and damned if you don’t.”

    Eve

    Eve

    Friday, April 25, 2008 at 9:33 pm

    • Rejection does not bother a true man in the least.

      Reality Bites

      Saturday, September 4, 2010 at 10:23 pm

    • you are right EVE men should hold themselves pure for their future wife also. Smart people wait for their spouse only wild animals don’t have the control required to maintain purity. I’m tired of people acting like well one sex doesn’t wait on the other so it somehow validates their lack of control……. both parties should wait. Forgiveness is a hard pill to take.

      jwalker

      Tuesday, November 2, 2010 at 1:55 am

      • agreed with all. Eve, I dumped my first bf after I knew he wasn’t a virgin. He didn’t have full intercourse but i didn’t care. as long as you had any sexual contact with any female, don’t think for one second I want to be with you.
        one of his reasons that he liked me was because i was “pure”. well, idiot, if you want your wife to be pure or whatever, keep YOURSELF pure too. what is this double standard? you can have sex whenever you want but then you want the woman staying with you forever to be a virgin? give me a break.
        to think that the woman he even thought of sleeping with physically resembled a Humpback whale. and she slept with other men before. and he knew it. and still slept with her.
        and i’m sorry, you want to share your body fluids with ME? DREAM ON dude!

        Evelyn

        Monday, April 16, 2012 at 7:00 am

  12. I am a 28-year old virgin (male). Not because I did not have any opportunities, but because, as was mentioned by ranor and Danny, I believe it is the ultimate wedding gift. It is absolutely true that it is the one aspect that differentiates you from all the other ‘boyfriends’. If she has ‘given’ that to 2 or 3 or 10 other men, what makes you different and special? What will you have ‘inside’ of marriage that the others did not have ‘outside’ of marriage…nothing. just as love, trust and respect should be found jn marriage, so should these be found in relationships, so there is really nothing left for you that makes you unique as her husband. And these standards apply to both sexes! I hate the fact that the world goes out after short term joy and acceptance, and in doing that sacrifies something so worthy, intimate and special!

    Doors

    Tuesday, June 24, 2008 at 6:11 pm

    • Such short-term joy is short-lived, whereas the marital problems caused by premarital sex are a long-term curse.

      Reality Bites

      Saturday, September 4, 2010 at 10:38 pm

  13. my slut wife jaqueline vasquez is not a virgin. she is a cheap whore that had sex with 2 guys b4 me.

    yo mom

    Sunday, September 21, 2008 at 3:22 am

    • I feel bad for you.

      Reality Bites

      Saturday, September 4, 2010 at 10:40 pm

  14. Ranor, Eve, Doors, etc make so much sense. If she has slept with people before you but want to marry you, then what is she bringing into the marriage? Sure she’ll claim to take care of you, love you, etc etc but she has already shared the most intimate activity with someone else. If she wasn’t raped, what was she thinking?

    I was with a girl who said the right things to me “oh i was in love with the other guy when we had sex but I assumed he would marry me”. Sorry, I am not going to marry you because I think you won’t be wise enough to have my baby and run a household.

    Kunal

    Thursday, September 25, 2008 at 3:14 am

    • Well said. “Love” means nothing, really. What does “love” mean, anyway? That she felt butterflies in her stomach and opened her legs to him just for that? Ha.

      Reality Bites

      Saturday, September 4, 2010 at 10:45 pm

  15. Those who have had multiple sexual partners will not find issue with a wife or husband for that matter, who has had one or more prior partners. The reason being is that the more sexual partners a person has the less meaningful the physical and mental sexual connection becomes to that person, man and women alike.

    So ask yourself honestly:
    Q: What makes a husband/wife,(marriage) any different then a boyfriend/girlfriend,(dating)? Is it because now that you are married you have decided not to have sex with anyone else?
    C: Well, you already did. In fact you most likely had your fill of sex with others and now you wanna “settle down”. Now at this point, sex in your marriage is just a thing you do to fill your physical needs. The true meaing of sex between man and wife is lost. You missed the best part.
    NO, I would NOT marry a woman who is not a virgin.

    However, Keep this in mind.
    If you are not a virgin you cannot demand a virgin.

    More Al

    Sunday, January 18, 2009 at 11:25 pm

    • A fine synthesis of good points.

      Reality Bites

      Saturday, September 4, 2010 at 10:55 pm

  16. Also, if you are ok with wife not being a virgin —— PROVE IT.
    Ask her about previous sexual experience(s).
    Get details, find out how she feels/felt about each partner, physically and emotionally.
    If she does not tell you it’s most likely because there are strong feelings for one or more partners and what she knows that you don’t know may hurt you. What she wont say is that he made her feel better then you do currently.

    When you’re done with that ask yourself honestly, how do you feel about your wifes virginity now.

    Roscoe

    Sunday, January 25, 2009 at 6:53 pm

    • People tend to hide their premarital sexual past, probably because they know it is wrong.

      Anonymous

      Saturday, September 4, 2010 at 10:59 pm

  17. roscoe! doors! goood points.

    stillhazard

    Thursday, January 29, 2009 at 1:51 pm

    • Some of the best.

      Reality Bites

      Saturday, September 4, 2010 at 11:01 pm

  18. another thing, this might be part of male genes, if other guys can’t put up with that they must be gay, no self-respect or a women trying to dignify her ultimate failure of not being capable of remaining a virgin, to give in to a guy who is no longer with her. lmfa0 haha, left, abandoned, unvirginised, you still consider marriage?

    stillhazard

    Thursday, January 29, 2009 at 1:54 pm

    • Never.

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 8:04 am

  19. Why would a man need or want to marry a women these days anyway ?
    Everything I can get from a having wife I can get from a girlfriend or just some chic i’m having sex with. Without the real commitment. These chics don’t respect themselves that’s why they give it up so easy. If I had to be married i’d take an a ugly virgin over a pretty whore.

    Samson

    Saturday, January 31, 2009 at 10:59 pm

    • me too! man i agree with a 100 percent id do the same thing

      Anonymous

      Monday, April 19, 2010 at 5:10 am

      • Ditto.

        Reality Bitea

        Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 8:07 am

    • Ugly virgin all the way. All her beauty is inside her soul as she waited for ME!

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 8:06 am

    • i disagree with u not all virgens ar ugly just because somebody is virgin doesent mean their ugly is because they have beliefs they want to wait for marrige

      lily

      Tuesday, July 5, 2011 at 7:35 am

  20. I fell madly in love with a girl when I was 18 and we dated for six months before she told me she was not a virgin. This had a devastating effect and I’m unsure why I felt so sad but I did. I became angry towards her when drunk and whereas previously I had been a true gentlemen now I began to demand sex immadiately from her and was far less generous (I refused to celebrate Valentines day and such).
    I never told her I was a virgin because when I met her because I felt so bad she had not waited for me that I did not want to give her the gift of me so I lied about my past. I would have married this girl if she had been a virgin as I was a virgin at the time without a second thought.
    I can honestly also say I completely lost the respect of her and felt that our time together was not intimate so it made it very easy for me to cheat on her which I did on a few occasions. I also told her outright that it would be a cold day in hell if I married her and even if I did I would refuse to let her wear a white dress on our weddig day so her mother would know she was not a virgin (Her mother had a strong opinion on this).
    With my strong opinions we finally broke up after 5 years. Because of this bad relationship I found it very hard to become close to a girl and here I am now five years later and I have found another girl.
    This time I have met a lovely Thai girl and she is truly sweet with us being a perfect match. I had expected this girl had been with a Thai guy given our age but it took her three months to tell me she was with another foreigner before me. Again I went from really loving a person to now feeling very sad. Again I have explained quite clearly because of her past I will not marry you. It is now a lot more serious though as she is pregnate and is unable to live in my country without a serious commitment from me (Our immigration department). I can also say that 2 weeks after she told me about this I again lost respect for our intimate time together and I decided not to come home for the night and spent the night partying, drinking, and then finally having sex with a bar girl.

    Can someone explain why I get these feelings I really want to find happiness but….

    Mal

    Malcolm

    Thursday, March 5, 2009 at 5:41 pm

    • Sorry to break it to you but I’m a 20 year old virgin girl and I know I want to marry a virgin guy. Dude you cannot be asking for a virgin when you’re not one yourself. lol You’re a real jurk for judging women like that. Yes they’ve had sex but so have you. You’re not any better than they are and you’re probably going to end up with a non-virgin wife. If you really wanted a virgin you should’ve waited as well. Trust me it’s as hard for women as it is for men but us women who are saving it are not going to settle with men who have done the deed. NO DOUBLE STANDARDS!!!

      Student Y

      Saturday, February 6, 2010 at 4:43 pm

      • He can only accept a virgin. So he should look for one regardless. But he must immediately tell her all his sexual past and let her decide before she starts to love him.

        Reality Bites

        Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 8:18 am

    • dude i know exactly how you feel.i know that feeling of picturing another man touching your beloved girlfriend before you. the thought of it is depressing -.- iam still looking for that virgin my self. all my relationships have been a disaster because of this. as soon as i find out about a girls past even if shes only had sex with only one guy before me. i start acting different towards that person. it really sucks man. i feel that if i dont meet this unique girl iam looking for iam gonna end up marrying some pretty girl who i dont have feelings for just so i could have kids.

      Anthony Montehermoso

      Monday, April 19, 2010 at 5:33 am

      • Man, you must NEVER give up. Only a virgin will make you happy. Believe me when I say that retroactive jealousy never goes away. Do not go down that accursed path. Marry a virgin instead. Do not say I didn’t warn you.

        Reality Bites

        Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 8:20 am

    • Man, dump all bad girls, find a virgin and you both abstain from sex until marriage. It is not difficult to understand but it does take effort.

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 8:15 am

  21. You have these feelings because you feel cheated out of something that would rightly belong to you and you alone as her HUSBAND !

    I can understand your feelings in regard to the first woman as you were a virgin at the time.
    However, you are no longer a virgin and niether is your new girl.
    How can you ask for something of her that you can’t give yourself ?

    Your days of demanding a virgin ended when you inserted your penis into a vigina.

    More Al

    Monday, March 9, 2009 at 5:03 am

    • He can still look for a virgin but he must immediately reveal his sexual past to her so she can accept it or leave before getting too involved.

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 8:23 am

  22. This is why so many men have little to no respect for women. There are to many woman out there that give themselves to easily to often. What husband wants to hold a conversation or shake hands with the man who his wife used have sex with when she was just the other mans girlfriend or even worse, his play thing. Do you really wanna kiss a woman whose had someone elses penis in her mouth and make her your wife ?

    Ochola

    Tuesday, March 31, 2009 at 12:12 pm

    • Hell no.

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 8:25 am

  23. I got married to my wife who is not a virgin anymore. she was with someguy for six long years before me. Lets be honest with six years relationship with her ex. like its not necessary to elaborate. now we have kids. at first i thought i was able to accept her despite of “six” yrs before me. Now I have doubts to myself, i cant find an honor as a man, thinking that someone has screwed my wife before me for six heck long yrs then dump her.

    brite

    Thursday, April 9, 2009 at 3:36 pm

    • Read that, people? Deprogram yourself from Hollywood sex crap. They don’t tell you that premarital sex is a sure source of marital problems. Ignore that and be unhappy for many years to come, perhaps for the rest of your marriage (or life).

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 8:29 am

    • u guys are jerks,and how dare u pull the religious card! remember when jesus said he without sin cast the first stone? i was molested as a child and brought up without guidence i lost my virginity.now years later i am very religious and changed my whole life around and have been abstinent.i repented,but i cant change the past if i could i would.now i meet a guy who has feelings for me and i love him.hes religious but cant get past me not bein a virgin to marry me though he wishes he could get past it cuz he likes everything about who i am as a person now.i want to be with him no one else and think the world of him.we are both abstinent now and have never slept with each other,but before he became born again he used to sleep with non virgins as well as virgins then leave them.then he married a virgin and she was never greatful for anything and after 2 yrs she left him.now he meets me who does value him and accepts him for who he is now not who he was and we want the same things yet he cant get the virgin thing outta his head,though atleast hes praying about it.its a double standard.if god can forgive we cant society.i agree if people are still doing bad things but if they have repented and truly changed why deny a possibility of true happiness?leave the past in the past and judge them for how they act today.we all have skeletons in our closet and as he found out not even virgins are perfect cuz a month after she was with another guy!so just because someone makes mistakes in their past they should be doomed to misrable for the rest of their lives no matter how long its been or how much theyve changed?thats bullshit cuz then no one should have the right to be happy and find love.no one is going to be perfect so u have to out weigh how many good things they have compared to things u dont like.if theyre willing to marry you theyre saying regardless they want to be with u and only u from that day forward for the rest of their lives,thats pretty big virgin or not.

      mahleg

      Saturday, July 23, 2011 at 12:59 am

      • No one blames you for being a victim of molestation in the past, but you are responsible for your voluntary intercourse.

        There are numerous studies that prove that premarital sex is bad. Google for them. Bottom line, virginity until marriage is the best thing for both female AND male. (Down with double standards!)

        Just one premarital partner multiplies divorce probabilities at least 9 times for female and 15 times for male. And it only gets worse from there.

        Last but not least, retroactive jealousy rarely (if ever) goes away since it’s a genetic thing. It can hardly be helped. How long can one swim against a strong current? Even world-class athletes get tired sooner or later.

        Reality Bites
        (still a virgin)

        Reality Bites

        Sunday, July 24, 2011 at 9:05 am

  24. YES, your wife should be a virgin and so should her husband.
    GODs layout as part of a health marriage.

    Respect Urself

    Friday, April 17, 2009 at 11:53 am

    • Few people believe that God exists. Even less listen to His advice. But who cares? It still is good advice regardless. If they want to be unhappy, more power to them.

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 10:27 am

  25. My wife has a huge past ( intimate relationship with a guy for five years )…and so that makes me the second man in his life. I do want to spend my life with her (I love her seriously)but all these comments and posts are making me confused.
    What do I do ?

    need help

    Tuesday, May 5, 2009 at 1:16 am

    • Don’t do it bud. It does not get any better. I have suffered for 35 years with a woman I love and who has been a faithful partner since marriage(but not before). Sure the good out weighs the bad. But you suffer….

      wichita

      Friday, November 13, 2009 at 2:08 am

      • Seems like a very poor choice to me. No offense, eh?

        Reality Bites

        Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 10:35 am

    • Dump her and marry a virgin instead. The chemical euphoria (what you call “love”) will be gone sooner than you think, and only retroactive jealousy shall remain. Trust me on this one.

      I hope for your sake that you replace her with a better, VIRGIN woman. Do listen to my advice. She may seem irreplaceable to you right now but let me tell you, she is not. No one is.

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 10:31 am

  26. Do what makes you happy.
    Some men can’t stand the fact that their wife has had sex with someone other than them. Some men don’t mind at all. Don’t be concerned about how others feel about it, how do you feel about it ?

    Braddah Time

    Tuesday, June 16, 2009 at 6:38 pm

    • Some men call “marriage” a cuckolding arrangement, and those are the only ones that don’t mind their wife being fucked in the past… Or in the present and future, for that matter.

      Such relationships are totally meaningless, regardless of what the State calls them. And so are the people who are into them. They are not anymore married than animals who can only act out of sexual instinct. They do not need marriage, nor will they ever understand what’s it for. They are simply live-in “fuck buddies” and that’s it, but don’t you ever dare tell them unless you are prepared to face their rage!

      I suppose some people get married because of the fashion effect, or because they were indoctrinated to do so.

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 10:46 am

  27. Marry a virgin and save yourself for your spouse if you are one. Its too painful to marry someone who’s not -trust me. My wife (who was very promiscious before we met) took my virginity while we dated and now we’ve been married over a decade. I’ll just say this, I’ll never divorce her, and she’ll never know this, but If I could do it over again, I would not have spoken to her in the store where we met, I would just walk away.

    Blah

    Thursday, July 2, 2009 at 1:13 pm

    • I agree with you 100% Blah.

      I love my wife but if I could do it again, I was so tired if I had just stayed at home with my firend that night I would never have met her at that disco.

      Malcolm

      Thursday, October 8, 2009 at 4:01 am

      • Discos and bars are GREAT for meeting VERY promiscuous women!

        I hope you find a better woman for yourself. You only live once, so find a worthier woman as soon as you can.

        Reality Bites.

        Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 10:53 am

    • Don’t make a bad mistake any worse. Replace her with a virgin. The chemically-induced sadness will go away way faster than you think, and certainly many times faster than the slow suicide that your “marriage” is.

      Sorry to be blunt. But that’s what I think.

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 10:51 am

  28. Alot of men feel that way.
    It used to be that men would not admit it or say it but now I see more and more men who say exactly what Blah wrote.

    Tanny

    Wednesday, July 8, 2009 at 2:53 am

    • Hey, Hollywood Movies NEVER tell this to us.

      I wonder why?

      Perhaps premarital sex may not be “all fun and games”? Perhaps premarital sex has emotional and spiritual consequences?

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 10:57 am

  29. I know exactly how these other guys feel. My wife was not a virgin when we met and it bothers me even after ten years of marriage. I love my wife and thought I could get over her past. Like Blah I’ll never divorce my wife but the pain of knowing that she was someone else’s play thing makes me angry. Young girls of today (who will be the future wives and mothers) remain virgins and give the ultimate gift of love to your husband. And guys respect a virgin when you meet one. If you need physical gratification do so with a non-virgin.

    Anonymous

    Wednesday, August 19, 2009 at 4:53 pm

    • Good advice for the new generations, my friend.

      However… You may not divorce your wife, but she may divorce you. Retroactive jealousy is a pain even for the spouse… And it never goes away. (The RJ, not the spouse). Sorry to crash your party, I just had to say this. And that you do not have to live with someone whose past bothers you (as it always will).

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 11:04 am

    • hey u mens who are not virgens and want to marry a virgen i dont think a virgen girl want to marry u because she would probly want a virgen husband too and dont judge girls because they slept with other guys nobody is perfect so dont judge people

      layla

      Tuesday, July 5, 2011 at 7:54 am

  30. I am a 24 year old woman and I completely understand men that want virgin wives. It is how God intended it to be. Not just women though, men too. However, with all the promiscuity in the world it’s very difficult to find a woman with such strong morals. If you do meet someone who has been with someone else and it bothers you, then don’t even waste their time. I was a virgin until I was 19. I fell madly in love with a guy, I lost my virginity to him because I loved him and we were going to get married. Then he broke up with me. I was devastated. Something so valuable to me was just taken away and I felt worthless. I didn’t have sex again for a very long time. Until I met my husband. He didn’t mind that I had been with one other guy. He loved me for who I was. And after being with him I realized I never had an orgasm with my first. We are so happy now with our baby boy. It all depends on the person. Women, respect yourselves and be smart. Men, don’t be too judgemental. If a marriage is only about whether you’re a virgin or not, then you haven’t found the real reasons to get married. Nobody is perfect and if God can forgive our sins, why can’t you? I have no respect for women who just do it with random guys and same goes for guys with women. But if someone really repents for what they’ve done in the past, then let it go. Chances are you think about it more then they do. God bless you all.

    John

    Tuesday, September 1, 2009 at 1:39 am

    • Your failure to uphold the Christian rule of virginity until marriage is at the core of the problem, and let me assure you that it is not God’s fault. I know, truth is always harsh and never kind.

      That said…

      “Letting it go” will neither restore your crippled intimacy, nor prevent the negative consequences of your sins. God may forgive you (He does not have an interest in fucking women, at least not to my knowledge) but the damage is undoubtedly done.

      And your reference to orgasm seems like an attempt to compensate your husband for the loss of your virginity to a totally meaningless jerk. But let me tell you, your husband is not the only one who can give you an orgasm. As you’ll probably discover WHEN you first cheat. So what exclusive gift do you have left for him? Absolutely NOTHING.

      “You think about it more than you do”. Of course. You have sexual fun all you want, and when the party is over you pretend that men put up with your shit? No way woman. Glad you found a loser to take you off the marriage market, though. That way *I* won’t have to waste *my* time on the likes of you.

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 11:30 am

    • This post made me feel so much better thank you!!!

      Anonymous

      Sunday, October 24, 2010 at 2:36 am

      • To each his/her own.

        But repenting can only cleanse one’s conscience. It cannot erase the past or its consequences.

        Reality Bites

        Saturday, February 12, 2011 at 1:26 am

  31. I am a 24 year old woman and I completely understand men that want virgin wives. It is how God intended it to be. Not just women though, men too. However, with all the promiscuity in the world it’s very difficult to find a woman with such strong morals. If you do meet someone who has been with someone else and it bothers you, then don’t even waste their time. I was a virgin until I was 19. I fell madly in love with a guy, I lost my virginity to him because I loved him and we were going to get married. Then he broke up with me. I was devastated. Something so valuable to me was just taken away and I felt worthless. I didn’t have sex again for a very long time. Until I met my husband. He didn’t mind that I had been with one other guy. He loved me for who I was. And after being with him I realized I never had an orgasm with my first. We are so happy now with our baby boy. It all depends on the person. Women, respect yourselves and be smart. Men, don’t be too judgemental. If a marriage is only about whether you’re a virgin or not, then you haven’t found the real reasons to get married. Nobody is perfect and if God can forgive our sins, why can’t you? I have no respect for women who just do it with random guys and same goes for guys with women. But if someone really repents for what they’ve done in the past, then let it go. Chances are you think about it more then they do. God bless you all.

    Jennifer

    Tuesday, September 1, 2009 at 1:40 am

    • Why can’t I forgive sins like God? I’ve heard that guilt trip before. The answer is simple I am man. God can also forget our sins. Man cannot forget something like this that his wife has done. It will always be there between you and in your bedroom and at reunions. He will not say anything but the resentment grows. It is something so big you cannot discuss it. Am I correct? It must stay hidden in the dark. And we hide it from our children.
      We are supposed to feel better because you loved your first mate? You think your emotional attachment to another person is comforting to us? Likewise it not comforting to know you didn’t really have an orgasm with your first either. This is similar to the girl who thought I should feel better because she and her first never got totally undressed.
      Marriage is much bigger than a wife not being virgin but we should not and cannot minimize it’s importance. God designed your hymen for a reason.
      Sin can be forgiven by God and trespasses can be forgiven by men but consequences remain.
      I do not intend to be hateful but I do intend to be honest.

      wichita

      Friday, November 13, 2009 at 2:01 am

      • And to add to that;
        The only exception GOD gave that makes divorce acceptable in GODs eyes is Fornication.

        I’m not suggesting that anyone get divorced. Upon reading you find that a husbands heart will be hardened by his wifes fornication and for that reason only, divorce was allowed.

        Deuteronomy 24 & Matthew 19

        StrangeDays

        Saturday, November 14, 2009 at 8:19 pm

      • Guilt-tripping is a favorite trick/tool to extort forgiveness out of you, and the religious kind of guilt-tripping often does so by using the blackmail weapon of eternal damnation against all who do not forgive! Can’t you see the flames of Hell below you?

        But remember this, extorted forgiveness is not real forgiveness; it is neither lasting nor cause of good events. In fact, it leads to poor choices and lasting unhappiness. Broken marriages are proof.

        So DUMP guilt-trippers in a flash, lest you get caught in their net and suffer a lifetime of retroactive jealousy as a consequence.

        Reality Bites

        Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 11:47 am

  32. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? ;)

    barny

    Monday, September 14, 2009 at 5:42 pm

    • Words of wisdom, my friend.

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 11:50 am

  33. I was not the first person my wife has had sex with. Although she’s never told me I get the feeling she wishes she should have waited to give the ultimate gift of love to me, her husband. As much as we love each other, she will never find honor as a woman knowing that she lost something beautiful and precious to a guy who fucked her for two years before dumping her. She knows that our love, our marriage would have been so much more intense and stronger if she saved her virginity for me. She lost more than her virginity when she decided to fuck the guy who eventually dumped her. She gave away something that would have created a deeper and more meaningful marriage relationship.

    Anonymous

    Sunday, October 4, 2009 at 12:05 am

    • My experience is similar. First you are curious about her past then questions lead to resentment that becomes hatred. Because you love her you hold it all in. This manifests itself in a lower level of love and little uncontrollable reactions. Please girls if you love your future husband do not do this to him. Many just like me cannot forgive and forget so easily.

      wichita

      Friday, November 13, 2009 at 1:28 am

      • No one can.

        Anyone saying otherwise is really “grinning and bearing it”. They just won’t admit it to themselves.

        Reality Bites

        Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    • I feel bad for you.

      Best wishes for your second-rate marriage.

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    • My wife and I used to talk for a while and never had sex. We kissed and that was really about it but, one day I decided to just stop talking to her I broke her heart. At the time I did not care at all, but then about 4 months later I sent her a text and she just vented to me. She was with a guy for a week and had sex due to peer pressure. He had sex with her for literally two minutes he did not ejaculate or anything she told him to stop because she knew what she was doing was wrong and they used a condom. 13 days later we got together and have been together ever since. I love her with all my heart and she loves me soo much to. I’ve had sex with her now numerous amounts of time. I was the first person she gave oral to her first kiss. Should we really let 2 minutes effect us for the rest of our lives? She even bled the first time we did it because, her hymen was not fully deteriated. Shes cried numerous times but I guess that what i get for breaking her heart the first time.

      Anonymous

      Sunday, October 24, 2010 at 12:27 am

      • Two minutes ruined your one chance to be sexually exclusive. Think it won’t ruin your life?

        Talk is cheap, facts speak volumes.

        Welcome to the real world, where the higher the sexual partner count the higher the chance of divorce. And no matter how many times you two have sex, nothing will change the past. And your wife will still regret about it, for many years at least.

        See you next time that she loses control. Be it due to peer pressure, boredom, or whatever the excuse of the month is.

        Reality Bites

        Saturday, February 12, 2011 at 1:46 am

  34. I posted above:

    We are now married and have a baby girl.

    I still feel bad inside at times and certainly don’t spend time near my girl if I’m drinking.
    My issue is not that she had slept with someone it is that she directly told me ‘I dont know any foreigners and have never had a foreign boyfriend’. What she should have said is that ‘I have never had a foreign boyfriend but I had a three month sexual relationship with another foreigner’ If she had of told me about her relationship with a foreigner the first time I had asked her this I would have thanked her for her time and been on my way.
    All I ever wanted was to have a special girl and to be a special guy or my girl.
    The problem is that I feel I was forced to marry her because there is now a child involved and I have even stronger opinons about a child needing two parents. Our wedding was nothing more than signing some paperwork at a marriage office as I told her ‘western christian wedding have a special meaning and I can not be bothered putitng on a false show simply to make wedding organisers rich and keep photographers happy’

    I can also say that my attitude has changed from being the most generous person in the world to something completely different. I guess it dosen’t help I earn 180K and she earns nothing now and really given her nationality has limited income earning potential. I went to a special effort to ensure my assets are structured in a way and that my income is paid into an offshore account and any new assets are to be put in trust so that if she did decide to leave, she leaves with absolutely nothing. We are also keeping seperate accounts and I give her an allowance each month, this really is not the normal behaviour for a loving husband.

    Anyway we have sat and spoken about her lies and she says sorry for lieing but I still get the feeling that she is not sorry for what she actually did.

    I’ve also started spending more time than a married man should with beer bar girls which frighteners her a little.

    I dont think the pain ever goes away.

    Malcolm

    Thursday, October 8, 2009 at 3:54 am

    • I would also like to add that the consequences of her lies have caused her a lot of pain aswell. She now given her actions feels she can not trust me.
      Imagine how hard it must be for her feeling she can not trust her own husband because she made a serious mistake in life.
      This level of trust must be killing her because hse just asked the receptionist if I had brought any girls back to the room while she has been away. She also warned me that she would ask the receptionist each time she went away to keep a special eye on me. she has rights to feel like this because right now I’m thinking of a way of meeting up with this sweet girl I met about a year ago in Samui so that we can spend some romantic time together.

      Malcolm

      Thursday, October 8, 2009 at 3:05 pm

      • If she were a man, the fucking feminists would have said that this person was controlling and insecure. But since she is a woman, no one says a thing. Strange!

        Damn feminists and their DOUBLE STANDARDS. Damn them all to everlasting hell.

        By the way, she has NO right to treat you like that. REFUSE to be treated like that, and in fact capitalize on her behavior to justify a divorce. You hold the cards.

        Reality Bites

        Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 12:43 pm

    • You have my sympathies.

      Children are the perfect trapping devices to catch unsuspecting husbands. You should divorce her before she divorces you. The marriage is effectively over. I hope that your kids are not traumatized by the divorce process.

      HUGE kudos to you for bulletproofing your assets. Keep doing that, there are excellent courses on asset bulletproofing (written by top lawyers) that you can buy on the Internet and it will be money far better spent than on alimony.

      See, premarital sex causes negative consequences lasting far beyond the temporary pleasure. Let your experience serve as a warning to all unbelievers (who must be wearing blinders greater than horse blinders as they read this page; ignoring reality must be way too convenient for them, and more palatable than facing the unpleasant truth!).

      The pain does never go away. And your wife is a liar, she is lying with a straight face to boot, she extremely enjoyed her premarital sex, yet she is jealous that frivolous bar girls get more attention than her. Divorce her man, and don’t look back. I hope you do have the guts/cojones to do this. Your happiness is at stake, whether you admit it or not.

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 12:30 pm

  35. I notice that you mention, “‘western christian”. In your comments.
    1) Were you a virgin when you married your wife ?
    2) Is your wife Christian ?
    3) Are you Christian ?

    Wheather you and your wife are Christian or not but especially if you are; if you were not a virgin at marriage then you are just as out of line as you claim her to be.
    I can see your point and understand your disappointment if you were a virgin and married her only to find out the truth afterwards.
    However, GOD requires both man and woman to be without sex before marriage.
    If you have not complied with your part then you need to seriously rethink your stance on this matter.

    Web Professor

    Thursday, October 8, 2009 at 5:07 pm

    • I did not expect my wie to be a virgin. In this case I completely understood the situation and just expected that I be the only foreigner she had been with.

      Malcolm

      Sunday, October 11, 2009 at 1:24 pm

      • People, take note. This did not go well.

        Reality Bites

        Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 12:52 pm

    • He has a right to happiness whether he is Christian or not, and whether he and his wife were virgins at marriage or not.

      He has the right to search for a new, virgin girlfriend and to inform her of his sexual past so she can decide whether to marry him or not.

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 12:50 pm

  36. Jennifer makes some really good points ….

    Both men and women are supposed to be virgins until marriage.
    So men, (this includes me as I am a man) don’t ask for what you can’t give in a marriage. In other words don’t ask that your wife or future wife be a virgin if you are not.

    When two people have sex their souls becomes intermingled. The woman usually, (being a more emotional being) takes on traits, morals and character of her male partner. Although they both share traits, character & more the womans will show on the surface more so than the man. A man will show these things but mostly to his woman.

    With that being said, let’s look at a woman with multiple partners. She has shared traits, character and more with multiple partners and now all this shared “information” is now apart of who she is. For a woman it is almost impossible for her to give her full self to her current man due to the fact that her full self was given to the first partner and wasn’t available for any of the partners that came behind the first. This can be seen by studying the level of blind trust a woman who is still with her first has for her man vs. a woman who has had multiple partners. The looking at the level of blind trust a woman had for her first vs. The level of blind trust she has for her current partner who is not her first.
    A woman will trust her first with explanation or oncern of consequence, no other partner wil ever get that.

    There are exceptions, such as rape, molestation, trickery or any situation where a woman,(and in some cases young girls) doesn’t
    give herself freely. That connection with the sexual partner is limited, temporary or nonexistent.

    Web Professor

    Thursday, October 8, 2009 at 5:58 pm

    • QUOTE
      There are exceptions, such as rape, molestation, trickery or any situation where a woman,(and in some cases young girls) doesn’t
      give herself freely. That connection with the sexual partner is limited, temporary or nonexistent.
      /QUOTE

      Limited, temporary or nonexistent my ass. Rape, molestation, trickery leave permanent, indelible consequences. Just ask the victims, to be sure.

      Anonymous

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 12:57 pm

      • [quote]Test[/quote]

        Nothing to see here, carry on. :P

        Anomaly

        Wednesday, June 1, 2011 at 3:05 pm

  37. CORRECTION:

    A woman will trust her first without explanation or concern of consequence of actions, no other partner will ever get that level of trust granted to them.

    Disclaimer: This statement is not set in stone and there are always exceptions.

    Web Professor

    Thursday, October 8, 2009 at 6:04 pm

  38. i grew up in a christian family and i really think that my wife would be a virgin in the future….and then when i was 18 i remember the night that my ex-gf(she’s my wife now) told that she had slept with 1 guy and i remember how devastated i am.NEVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, I BECAME REALLY REALLY REALLY SAD,,like all the sadness came to me hard and quick…even my dad, brother and sister saw me crying really hard..i really love and fell inlove at first and really high hopes that she is diff than the other girls but she lost is..now we are married an pain NEVER went away even with 2 kids. and i am wondering if only 1 guy or more that had slept with her…sometime porn is my thing to cover my heaviness,,, still doesnt change i prayed to God that He’ll do something about this..but like Blah and others,,,if given a change i would’ve just walked away and not talk to her…and yes she took my virginity…

    lonelyboy

    Thursday, October 15, 2009 at 5:10 pm

    • My story is similar and my feeling were and are much like yours. I think women under estimate their partners and times by 3(i.e; divided by three). If she says she only did it about 6 times it was closer to 18 times and if she claims one mate it was 3. Men do just the opposite. If men claim three partners it was one.

      wichita

      Friday, November 13, 2009 at 1:36 am

      • Many women are liars, yet they pretend to be loved.

        Reality Bites

        Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    • Replace her with a virgin. It is not too late.

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 1:01 pm

  39. and yes even when i hear his ex-bf’s name i really get upset and sad even stomachache…sometimes i just pretend that i didn’t hear it… but honestly if i see the guy i always thought of murdering him or burying him alive…idk…probably or probably not BUT I WILL DO ANYTHING JUST TO TAKE THIS PAIN AWAY….not necessarily have to kill the ex-bf but if it will take the pain forever i might…

    lonelyboy

    Thursday, October 15, 2009 at 5:13 pm

    • I’m with you lonelyboy just about had enough. Stuck offshore doing bit of work at the moment at an exotic location. Girl cam up to me in a bar, made her intentions clear, so I said what the hell lets go for it.

      hmm… few beers down already tonigh, not long left in this location might take a tuk tuk to the bar just to see whats floating about.

      Malcolm

      Thursday, October 22, 2009 at 7:16 pm

      • The bar girl is treating you more honestly than your wife. Sad, but true.

        Reality Bites

        Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 1:13 pm

      • Regardless, it’s too late for you…the damage is done. You should of thought about those conflicts before you slept with your first girlfriend.
        You don’t deserve to deflower a virgin.
        But you do deserve all that drama you have now.
        You have your self-pity to thank.
        I just feel sorry for the poor child involved.

        Kat

        Saturday, October 16, 2010 at 11:43 am

    • I understand. You have fantasies to end the torment or get some satisfaction but it is only fantasy. Many cannot understand the heaviness in our hearts but many do. I could love her so much more if she had no past.

      wichita

      Friday, November 13, 2009 at 1:40 am

      • She has a sexual past, therefore you cannot love her. Period.

        Reality Bites

        Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 1:17 pm

    • I feel bad for you. Divorce and leave. But BULLETPROOF YOUR ASSETS before you do. Ask Malcolm for some pointers, he seems well-versed in that sort of stuff.

      And for God’s sake, do not have casual sex, that will only leave you empty. Find a virgin and marry her. THEN you’ll know what true love is.

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    • I hope that your pain goes away. Somehow.

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 1:23 pm

  40. Calm down buddy.
    I thought you grew up in a christian family, what’s all this talk of killing ?
    If you were going to do it, ( I’m not saying you should because you shouldn’t) you would be caught so fast & you premeditated it here on the internet. At some point you’ll be connected to your ip address.
    Anyway, If your then gf now wife was a willing participant in the sex she had before you then you can’t blame the guy she had sex with. However, if it was a situation of force, dominance or trickery, which in most states are forms of rape, then he may deserve death but as you are a christian it won’t be by your hand. I bring this up because I see so many young girls,(12 & 13 years old) fooled by the lies of older more experienced boys, (15,16 & older). In 99% of these cases the girl was not ready for sex and/or didn’t want to have sex. These boys and sometimes men look for girls of this age bracket. These girls not having a father or male figure around is also a big plus for them, it reduces the chance of reprercussion of their actions. It’s a big problem and has been for a long time. This is why so many US states have age of consent laws where people of a certain age can be protected from such preditors.

    Still Socializing

    Thursday, October 22, 2009 at 3:50 pm

    • I hope your pain goes away. Somehow.

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 1:19 pm

  41. Maybe those who don’t care about their wife’s past do not love their wife enough. How can it not bother someone who loves their wife to picture her in a naked loving embrace or an obscene position with a former lover?

    wichita

    Friday, November 13, 2009 at 2:22 am

    • Only perverts do not mind their wives’ sexual pasts.

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 1:24 pm

  42. Guys the best advice I can give is to fuck around even if you are married. If the wife finds out hopefully then she feels the same hurt you feel about her past. If she doesn’t find out then at least you’re having fun on the side. Cheating on my wife definitely made me feel better about her past. I was not a virgin when I got married but I would have respected my wife more if she was a virgin by not cheating on her during our marriage. Women need to respect themselves first before expecting respect from their man. Respect starts with saving yourself for marriage. If your husband is not your first, try to understand his pain and don’t judge him harshly if he does eventually cheat on you.

    I

    Sunday, November 29, 2009 at 1:02 am

    • Lol Wow you men are seriously pathetic! As I have said earlier I’m a virgin girl and I know I want a virgin guy to marry too. If you really wanted a virgin woman, then maybe you should’ve saved yourself for marriage as well. That’s why you men are not happy in marriage. You’ve been with women and married a woman who’s had sex and you cannot stand it. Honestly why even marry once you’ve had sex? Sorry to break it to you but you are no better than your wife for being a non-virgin when you got married. I don’t have anything against non-virgins but you have to find what’s right for you. I know what’s right for me is virginity till marriage for both me and my partner.

      Student Y

      Saturday, February 6, 2010 at 5:12 pm

      • QUOTE
        why even marry once you’ve had sex?
        /QUOTE

        A great question, I’m sure many will agree. Premarital sex greatly spoils the marriage experience before it even starts.

        Reality Bites

        Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 1:29 pm

    • QUOTE
      Respect starts with saving yourself for marriage. If your husband is not your first, try to understand his pain and don’t judge him harshly if he does eventually cheat on you.
      /QUOTE

      Well said, my friend. Although, you should NEVER cheat.

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 1:27 pm

  43. I am seriously worried for many women after reading through these comments; you justify the lack of a woman’s virginity before marriage as a reason for wanting to kill, cheat, and lack of trust after one? It sounds more like y’all are mad that you didn’t get the first hit, and regard your wives as nothing more than property; that her virginity is your property and someone stole it from you.

    What a woman does with her body before a marriage is her business. And what are all these comments about guys who weren’t virgins but expecting their wives to be virgins? How unfair is that? If you weren’t a virgin before marriage, you have no rights to expect your wife to be one because in essence she’s now cheated out of being her man’s first. In the same way you claim you can’t trust her, how can she trust you to not cheat on her after marriage? Because this is what you’d say now: “I thought marrying a virgin was the thing, but she has no experience, and she just can’t satisfy me.”

    And don’t argue that I must be saying this because I’ve done it; I’m a virgin who is seriously sick of men thinking that all women should be are quiet, homebound counterparts of males who hold themselves “pure” and understanding while their husbands have sex outside of marriage and justify it through inexcusable justifications, all while expecting their wives never do anything with anyone both before and after marriage.

    There may be societal pressure for men to lose virginity as soon as possible, but there is pressure for women to both keep and lose virginity before marriage. There have always been double standards, and this has always been used to demonize women for nothing other than maybe a mistaken trust in a MAN. You would all be frustrated out of your mind if no woman ever wanted to do it with you because they were saving it for marriage although you’d respect it. Why don’t you start by giving out clear messages: “I will stay a virgin for my wife, and she will stay a virgin for me”

    I do think some women are promiscuous to their detriment, but what you all are expecting out of your wife is that you be her first love; maybe you should have appeared in her life first and taken it, promising endless love and all that b.s. which have worked for centuries and centuries. The same crap y’all used to lose your virginity is probably the same lines that moved your wife’s heart to lose hers in the first place.

    J

    Wednesday, December 23, 2009 at 10:48 am

    • QUOTE
      her virginity is your property and someone stole it from you.
      /QUOTE

      Only a virgin can even hope to become my wife. Accept that or stand aside, for I won’t compromise. I certainly don’t care about nonvirgins as they never were my target market.

      QUOTE
      What a woman does with her body before a marriage is her business.
      /QUOTE

      No, it is not. My material, emotional and spiritual health IS my business. You sound like a feminist so ugly no sane man would ever touch you, let alone “liberate” you of your goods. But do not worry… There are plenty of desperate men around. Be patient and even you will find your unwary prey you can give your burdensome virginity to so you can brag to your feminist friends about your sexual initiation ritual.

      QUOTE
      And what are all these comments about guys who weren’t virgins but expecting their wives to be virgins? How unfair is that?
      If you weren’t a virgin before marriage, you have no rights to expect your wife to be one because in essence she’s now cheated out of being her man’s first.
      /QUOTE

      Anyone has the right to go after his/her own best interests, regardless of moral judgements. If women can have premarital sex, why cannot men? See, it works both ways. But feminists are one-way wonders.

      QUOTE
      In the same way you claim you can’t trust her, how can she trust you to not cheat on her after marriage?
      Because this is what you’d say now: “I thought marrying a virgin was the thing, but she has no experience, and she just can’t satisfy me.”
      /QUOTE

      I’d never think, let alone say, anything like that.

      QUOTE
      And don’t argue that I must be saying this because I’ve done it; I’m a virgin
      /QUOTE

      You’re not the only virgin on this blog, you know.

      QUOTE
      seriously sick of men thinking that all women should be are quiet, homebound counterparts of males who hold themselves “pure” and understanding while their husbands have sex outside of marriage and justify it through inexcusable justifications, all while expecting their wives never do anything with anyone both before and after marriage.
      /QUOTE

      I’m against double standards. But yeah, real women neither have premarital sex nor cheat. Ever. Can’t handle that? Step aside and quietly exit stage left.

      QUOTE
      There may be societal pressure for men to lose virginity as soon as possible, but there is pressure for women to both keep and lose virginity before marriage.
      /QUOTE

      Losers lose it to societal pressure.

      QUOTE
      There have always been double standards, and this has always been used to demonize women for nothing other than maybe a mistaken trust in a MAN.
      /QUOTE

      Just wait until marriage. Too hard? Too bad.

      QUOTE
      You would all be frustrated out of your mind if no woman ever wanted to do it with you because they were saving it for marriage although you’d respect it.
      /QUOTE

      It would be Heaven, not Hell.

      QUOTE
      Why don’t you start by giving out clear messages: “I will stay a virgin for my wife, and she will stay a virgin for me”
      /QUOTE

      I know that message well.

      QUOTE
      I do think some women are promiscuous to their detriment, but what you all are expecting out of your wife is that you be her first love; maybe you should have appeared in her life first and taken it, promising endless love and all that b.s. which have worked for centuries and centuries. The same crap y’all used to lose your virginity is probably the same lines that moved your wife’s heart to lose hers in the first place.
      /QUOTE

      Many women are ingenuous, I’m afraid. I’ll go for the smart ones, thank you.

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 2:03 pm

  44. J completely misses the point. We’re not mad about not getting the first hit. The point being made is that it sad that women place so little value on virginity. I’ve never had sex with a virgin and I’ve slept with many, many women. Given my vast experience in the sack I can honestly say that there is nothing special about the sexual relationship with my wife. One thing for certain though I would have respected her more if she was a virgin. I’ve met many virgin girls who I respected and even refused to sleep with so that they could keep their virginity for marriage. Based on my experience it is unfair to blame guys for double standards as ultimately the choice to remain a virgin or not still rests with the female. The real double standard is WOMEN expecting respect when they chose to fuck someone else before marriage. Men do not need virgins to have sex with as there are plenty of non virgins to satisfy ourselves with. Men genuinely do award more points to virgins and prefer virgin wives. Marriages where the wife was a virgin are happier. PS With the benefit of hindsight I too would have remained a virgin but chose not too as I was saddened that so many girls were doing it. It was pointless remaining one when I knew that my wife one day would not be a virgin. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Sounds fair to me

    I

    Wednesday, December 23, 2009 at 4:15 pm

    • Sorry, I, but I don’t agree with your point:
      “Marriages where the wife was a virgin are happier.”

      My mother was a virgin when she married my father (who was not a virgin) and 34 years later and numerous affairs (on his part) they are still together… are they happy? no… together? yes, and only because my mother is the religiously staunch Catholic who does not believe in divorce.

      I have older siblings whose response to our parents’ loveless marriage have retaliated by being very open-minded to having sex with multiple partners. But for my part, I am the 29 year old virgin who is peeved about the whole concept of marriage and not rushing into anything as sacred. I have high morals for myself, and I love both parents dearly, but unfaithfulness before and after marriage (on my father’s part) has truly traumatized my outlook and my openness regarding relationships.

      I think men who are not even virgins and who lack moral values, yet prey on virgins.. these men are the lowest class of people. Being a virgin doesn’t define a person. It merely sets a standard by which that person has set for himself/herself. I value anyone who loves themself, has a strong moral character, and respects his family, his friends, and person. It just depends on the person and what he/she finds important.

      Jellybean

      Sunday, February 7, 2010 at 2:28 pm

      • QUOTE
        are they happy? no…
        /QUOTE

        He said HAPPIER, not HAPPY. Were your mother not a virgin, things may have been even worse. She merely chose the wrong spouse to give her virginity to. Case closed. And regarding your siblings: it is not your mother’s fault at all.

        QUOTE
        I think men who are not even virgins and who lack moral values, yet prey on virgins.. these men are the lowest class of people.
        /QUOTE

        Agreed.

        QUOTE
        Being a virgin doesn’t define a person. It merely sets a standard by which that person has set for himself/herself. I value anyone who loves themself, has a strong moral character, and respects his family, his friends, and person. It just depends on the person and what he/she finds important.
        /QUOTE

        I value many people but don’t marry just anyone.

        Reality Bites

        Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 10:05 pm

    • I think a lot of the men think, “if I married a virgin woman, I would have been happier.” They also seem to say, “if I married a virgin woman, I would have less probability of cheating on her.” It all looks to me like “grass is greener on the other side,” and the possible, “reasons why I would/did cheat on my wife.”

      What you’re just sounds like an excuse; I have guy friends who choose to stay virgins, believe it or not, and I respect that. Your explanation sounds like an excuse to have sex before marriage and justifying it by blaming on the other gender. That’s irresponsible. It’s your choice to have sex whenever, but you also have to take responsibility for your actions.

      By your logic, men should also not ever expect respect for being non-virgins before marriage if there was no double standard to begin with. Men also have the choice of staying virgins, and they also do not deserve any respect nor should they expect any respect for not being virgins. How about that? Shouldn’t that be the true “standard”? But it’s not like that, now is it? That’s why there is a double standard.

      Are you sure it’s the fact that you have vast experience that there is nothing special with your wife, and not something else? Maybe she feels nothing special either, since you were also not a virgin at the time of the marriage. Does she care about you not being a virgin? Does she still love you although there is nothing special in the sex? It’s highly possible that if one partner is not feeling “special”, the other also does not feel “special.”

      koreangurl86

      Sunday, February 7, 2010 at 3:09 pm

      • Apart from rape victims, everyone else has the power of choice.

        Alas, it is too bad that many people exert such power of choice unwisely, choosing the temporary over the lasting.

        Reality Bites

        Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 10:09 pm

    • QUOTE
      there is nothing special about the sexual relationship with my wife.
      /QUOTE

      Such is the outcome of premarital sex. For both the male spouse AND the female spouse.

      QUOTE
      One thing for certain though I would have respected her more if she was a virgin.
      /QUOTE

      Alas, what’s done is done. Better luck next time!

      QUOTE
      I’ve met many virgin girls who I respected and even refused to sleep with so that they could keep their virginity for marriage.
      /QUOTE

      That is very nice. It really is.

      QUOTE
      The real double standard is WOMEN expecting respect when they chose to fuck someone else before marriage. Men do not need virgins to have sex with as there are plenty of non virgins to satisfy ourselves with. Men genuinely do award more points to virgins and prefer virgin wives.
      /QUOTE

      I couldn’t agree more.

      QUOTE
      Marriages where the wife was a virgin are happier. PS With the benefit of hindsight I too would have remained a virgin but chose not too as I was saddened that so many girls were doing it. It was pointless remaining one when I knew that my wife one day would not be a virgin. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Sounds fair to me
      /QUOTE

      A hasty bad choice made out of desperation, sorry to say. Sadly, it’s not an uncommon one.

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 9:55 pm

  45. I is still not getting the point; there is a societal pressure for women to value virginity (and both to go against it and be free of it), while it is generally acceptable that men should not be a virgin and promote promiscuity. That’s a double standard, and a confusing one at that. Men shouldn’t expect any respect for losing virginity either, but when they do lose virginity (usually before a marriage), society celebrates with him, while deeming the woman a “whore, slut, etc.” and other negative inferences to either frighten women from having sex or to justify their choice to have sex as being a horrible choice.

    There is an obvious assumption that a woman’s self respect somehow is related to whether she keeps her virginity or not. Why? Isn’t that an obvious bias to keep women sexually tied to what men think are deserving of respect? Why should women’s virginity be the mark that is used to determine whether someone deserves to have self-respect? There are women who enjoy sex just as a releasing device like some men, and don’t require it as some sort of compensation for respect. Men are often proud of having slept with XX number of women and glorified by their peers; why should women only be proud when she has slept with 1 man after a legally binding marriage?

    “Men do not need virgins to have sex with as there are plenty of non virgins to satisfy ourselves with.”

    If you don’t need virgins, there is no need for this discrimination. This also further affirms my argument that virginity is nothing but a title. There is no guarantee that a virgin wife equates to men not cheating on their wife after marriage.

    P.S. – think of the fact that for me, as a virgin at my age, finding a virgin man is like finding a nail in a haystack, and further alienates women like me (who supposedly deserve this respect), in a society that prefers conformity at all cost. Since I will never find a virgin man whom I can marry, it would also be natural for me to go ahead and lose it so I can join the “rest” of the population if I want to ever get married (assuming I prefer someone who has the same “sexual status” as I am). That’s what your argument is essentially saying.

    J

    Thursday, December 24, 2009 at 5:17 am

    • QUOTE
      there is a societal pressure for women to value virginity (and both to go against it and be free of it), while it is generally acceptable that men should not be a virgin and promote promiscuity.
      /QUOTE

      Again this societal pressure crap. Don’t you have a will of your own? Do “the voices” make you do it? If so, seek professional help.

      And men should stay virgins until marriage, too.

      QUOTE
      virginity is nothing but a title
      /QUOTE

      Premarital sex destroys marriages before they even start. Get the facts. Research the topic.

      QUOTE
      for me, as a virgin at my age, finding a virgin man is like finding a nail in a haystack, and further alienates women like me (who supposedly deserve this respect), in a society that prefers conformity at all cost.
      /QUOTE

      I can tell you, there ARE virgin men even in this day and age. Even on this blog. But you are scaring them off, and most of all alienating them to no end. I, for one, would never marry a female who behaves like a man and is a man in all, but name. See how feminist “liberation” crap backfires on you? Show us your feminine side rather than bitching about double standards and how, oh, life has been unfair to you!

      You are virgin only for lack of opportunity. You already lost your virginity in your thoughts, so what really would be the purpose of marrying you?

      Get impaled on the first jerk you find and QUIT WHINING. Let me tell you, “virgin”, we don’t need you. I’d rather marry a rape victim.

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 10:37 pm

  46. J, you are missing the point.

    1) Men, in a GOD intended sexual relationship are NOT penatrated, hence the “double standard”. How nasty is it for a woman to allow several men inside her in the first place. How many women would let man after man put their finger in her mouth or nose, even if he had a glove on ? Nasty right ???

    2) I thought marrying a virgin was the thing, but she has no experience, and she just can’t satisfy me.”..
    This statement was most likely made by someone that does not hold the intended husband/wife sexual relationship in high regrading in the first place. The more previous sexual experience a person has the last meaning the experience has to them, married or not.

    3) Statistically, the more sexual partners a woman has the less likely she is to get married. There’s a reason for that.

    I will agree with you and a few others on the point of if you are not or were not a virgin you can’t possibly expect your partner to be a virgin or be upset that they are not a virgin.

    4Real

    Saturday, December 26, 2009 at 11:03 pm

    • first of all… I am rather disturbed by the analogy that you used, but let’s turn that around; what about the man whose fingers have entered numerous number of noses? Is that clean after he washes his finger? It should be considered that both the finger and the nose is “unclean”, but it’s not. Who set the standards for what is clean and unclean at least for most of history? Men. I’m okay with treating virginity heavily if it’s applied to both sexes, but it’s not. The reason your analogy is biased is that you base the entire analogy on the thought that the one being penetrated necessarily “dirties” herself while the one penetrating does not. Both parties are at fault, you know… if a woman or man just does it by themselves, it’s not sex.

      second, I do agree that such thought comes from someone who may be a bit lacking on the moral department, but those people also marry, and they have used it as a viable excuse for their adultery. I’ve seen many women (who were virgins before marriage) suffer for that (both Christian and non-Christian). Being a virgin at the time of marriage (if you can even get there with all the pressure for sex before marriage amounting on females these days) has never promised anything to the woman, but only to the man, that indeed the offspring resulting from their sexual relationship would be of his.

      In a perfect world, both men and women would be virgins until marriage, and they would stay faithful and truthful to each other, which would eliminate the need for prostitutes, pimps, porno, and adultery altogether. Too bad such things don’t exist.

      J

      Saturday, January 9, 2010 at 1:36 am

      • I am glad you are disturbed by my analogy. It was meant to disturb and provoke. 
        In literal cleanness, a finger and a penis can both be washed clean a vigina cannot. In fact, do you know how long it takes for the remenant of the males fluids to be completely cleansed from vigina ? 
        The analogy does NOT base itself on the fact that one is clean and one is not, you just read it that way. They both become unclean, in every way. The point of the analogy is however based on one entering another. 

        Anything that enters the body effects the whole body. Unlike something that is put ON the body. Woman are more than 4 times more likely to contract disease from sex than men. This is because the vigina is one of the few entrances to the inner body. Regardless what society tells you today, men and women are *NOT equal. If they were then why would one need the other…

        One of GODs gifts to a woman is the gift to bear life from her womb. Yet you debate that if a man can have multiple partners then so should women be able to and why are woman looked upon differently. A mans initial contribution to the conception of a child is his sperm and the DNA witin. A woman shares her body and all within with that child for almost 10 months, (yes 10 not 9, look it up).
         
        For someone who claims to be a virgin I find it very difficult to understand why you don’t understand the stigma that’s placed on a woman for her sexual encounters outside of marriage.     

        GOD set the standard not men. Considering that the only reason GOD allows a man to divorce his wife is fornication, (whatever defination of the word you choose).

        *They are equals but not equal. Together they bring 50% to the union at which time they make a whole(100%).   

        4Real

        Sunday, January 10, 2010 at 8:04 pm

      • There is an inherent bias that “hey, because the insides of a nose cannot be washed, it remains dirty while you can wash the finger, so although it’s dirty, it’s not the same.” It’s only disturbing because it still regards the women as being much lower than men just because they choose to have sex before marriage on the basis that the one entering is less likely to be affected than the one being entered.

        I am not convinced that the difference in sexual organs is the reason for why a woman and a man should not be treated as equals. While it may have been necessary back when humans were few in numbers to value sexual organs as being important, but in times where humans have overpopulated the planet, that standard needs to change. Take out the sexual organ from the equation, and there is no longer a need to discriminate.

        For your religious argument, I cannot say much, because I do not believe the same thing as you do. I’ve yet to meet one woman who enjoyed their monthly cycle because it was a gift from God. For example, a menstruating woman was considered dirty in the bible. Menstruation is a necessary process that every woman within the age of reproduction must go through. Giving birth is a gift, but the process which enables pregnancy is not? That itself is contradictory.

        The reason I am a virgin is because I have yet to meet a male whose genes I’ve decided I wanted to carry. Simple as that. No attachment to soul, no attachment to some sort of trust, nothing. Sex is nothing but a tool for reproduction, some are prone to use it more and some aren’t, but that’s their choice. It doesn’t make anyone less dirty or more dirty.

        Besides, because woman is the being that carries and risks having the baby for so long, it should always be her choice whether she decides she wants to carry the genes of one man as opposed to another.

        I am also of the opinion that Religion and State have for most of its history, been the method of control over the common population. There is almost no religion that glorifies woman and childbirth that survives to this day. Most religions glorify birth, but they have never glorified the entire female sexual organ as being a gift, only the childbearing part. That itself shows a very male tint on religion.

        Even if you argue that religion was not a man-made product, the fact that men have used it for most of history to control both power and women show the standards it sets does not consider woman’s viewpoint or position at all.

        J

        Sunday, January 17, 2010 at 2:18 am

      • Only weird people stick fingers into other people’s noses. And I certainly won’t shake hands with them; they may say they washed their hands but I don’t believe them at all.

        QUOTE
        Too bad such things don’t exist.
        /QUOTE

        That is merely your uneducated opinion.

        Reality Bites

        Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 10:48 pm

    • QUOTE
      The more previous sexual experience a person has the last meaning the experience has to them, married or not.
      /QUOTE

      Bingo.

      QUOTE
      Statistically, the more sexual partners a woman has the less likely she is to get married. There’s a reason for that.
      /QUOTE

      Powerball.

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 10:42 pm

  47. I am a 22 yr old virgin man……

    MY ORIGINAL TYPE -> i am a born good boy, i am very kind, i always was of the mindset of 1 true love…and wont even dream of looking at any other girl. there wud be heavenly love between us….and i wud be all her’s..!!!

    MY PRESENT TYPE -> lacking full focus on studies, frustrated to sum extent, daydreaming often, developed a bit of hatred for girls, fear that may be i will also be cheated, made fun of, fear that i am destined to get a non-virgin.

    MY PRESENT MINDSET -> there’s nothing for the good….all is for the bad. the bad gets away with it….we suck our fingers. goodness is looked upon as weakness and incapable, whereas a bad guy is sexy, hot, daring etc etc. everywhere all are losing there virginity…what will i get by staying pure….except being taunted and made fun of!!

    I AM NOT REPELLED JUST BY THE FACT THAT MY PARTNER MAY NOT HAVE A HYMEN OR HOW LOOSE OR TIGHT SHE IS.

    POINTS WHICH APPEAL TO ME THE MOST AND WORRY ME IS :

    A-> a girl gives the highest amount of trust to her first love-maker.
    not necessarily her fault, even if she wants she cant giv that place to others.

    B-> there shud atleast be some thing that only a husband gets and not a boy-frnd.
    she loved her boy-frnds and had sex…..she will love her husband and hav sex as well…then what is it that the BF dint get but the hubby will get, only the responsibility of being with her for ever, loyal and caring, and supporting her?

    C-> if she had slept with others before…a certain amount of comparison is bound to come. in her deepest thoughts she may think…”oh my 3rd BF performed a certain move so well…oh my hubby just cant pull it off”..

    D-> if she just keeps a friendly contact with one of her ex-s. and suppose i meet the guy in a party, even a friendly smile from him to me wud feel like a smile designed to taunt the life out of me….a smile which says…”hey man..u r spending ur whole life with the one that i used and rejected as well”

    E-> even if by nature she is a good woman and is loyal……still consider the following case. suppose i as her hubby is the 2nd man in her life. and may be she loved her first guy very much…and may be she never broke up with that guy on a bitter note, may be their relation was long distance and eventually she had to choose me as hubby….so she’s got no such negetive memories of him.
    now what if sum day she meets him again and he asks her out for a evening coffee to chat a bit and go through memory lane…(u cant object to these….its not a offending demand…its courtsey to comply).
    now specially women being emotional creatures, may be she will feel a long lost bond with him even if just for that evening….and god knows may be in a certain
    lonely, emotionally high, weak and provocative moment she may not be able to say “no” to a sexual advance that he might make……game over !!!!!

    **honesttly speaking**….the first thought that flashes in my mind when i think of a non-virgin marrying me is —>> “SO NICE OF U…..U HAD UR SHARE OF ENJOYMENT, ENJOYED TO THE FULLEST, IT WAS AWESOME ISN’T IT……ALL THIS WHEN I WAS BUSY STRUGGLING TO BUILD A CAREER, GET A GOOD JOB, HAVE A GOOD AND STABLE INCOME, PLANNING TO BYE A CAR ETC ETC.
    AND NOW THAT I AM ESTABLISHED….U WILL NOT MISS A CHANCE TO CHOOSE ME AS UR HUBBY FOR A STABLE LIFE, SECURE LIFE WITH NO RISKS, AND OFFCOURSE ME AS UR HUBBY TO SUPPORT U, TAKE CARE OF U, BE LOYAL TO U, BE THERE 4 U IN BETTER OR FOR WORSE AND NOT TO MENTION HAV SEX WITH U(basic need after all)…..

    nemesis

    Saturday, January 9, 2010 at 1:00 am

    • Standard English grammar would make your post a lot easier to read, and doesn’t make it sound like some sort of emo rant.

      For all of your reasons, reverse also applies. The man compares too; she was good, she was bad, etc. If a man has ever loved someone, he will also hold a special feeling for her even after a relationship, and the same thing you’re implying women will do will occur. None of these things are specific to one sex. The best is for both sides to stay a virgin, and it is not only the job of the parents, but also the society’s to make that message clear instead of flooding popular culture with mixed signals.

      But if you’re that pissed about it, just go out and get laid and lose your virginity. It doesn’t sound like you value it that much (at least from the mood of your post) anyways, and you expect that you’ll be marrying a non-virgin woman in the future, so might as well “have your fun” too, then.

      Maybe there are women who are also busy with seeking that life and don’t need a man to support them in that manner; have you thought about that? For example, with my current career track, I don’t ever have to depend on a male counterpart to pay the bills or provide me a secure life. Then technically, I don’t really need a man for any other purpose than for reproduction now, do I? I also don’t need to stay a virgin for any man since I’m the wage earner. Not all women are in a situation to get married just for a stable life, so your logic doesn’t apply universally.

      Your reference of virginity as a point exactly proves my earlier comment that virginity is nothing but a title for a man to be proud about. To be a woman’s “first man.” At the core of this argument is that.

      J

      Saturday, January 9, 2010 at 1:55 am

      • QUOTE
        The best is for both sides to stay a virgin, and it is not only the job of the parents, but also the society’s to make that message clear instead of flooding popular culture with mixed signals.
        /QUOTE

        Finally, a somewhat reasonable statement.

        QUOTE
        But if you’re that pissed about it, just go out and get laid and lose your virginity. It doesn’t sound like you value it that much (at least from the mood of your post) anyways, and you expect that you’ll be marrying a non-virgin woman in the future, so might as well “have your fun” too, then.
        /QUOTE

        Funny how this also applies to yourself. If you can’t find a virgin man, change your behavior or go get laid. But for God’s sake, stop your man-hateful whining. You disgust us to no end.

        QUOTE
        Maybe there are women who are also busy with seeking that life and don’t need a man to support them in that manner; have you thought about that? For example, with my current career track, I don’t ever have to depend on a male counterpart to pay the bills or provide me a secure life. Then technically, I don’t really need a man for any other purpose than for reproduction now, do I? I also don’t need to stay a virgin for any man since I’m the wage earner. Not all women are in a situation to get married just for a stable life, so your logic doesn’t apply universally.
        /QUOTE

        They are not women. They are men in all, but name. And I’ll never marry a man.

        What hateful feminist indoctrinators who sneaked into your brain by means of liberal media won’t tell you is that your babies will need a father too. You just revealed to us another dark side of your character that should scare men into NOT marrying you. You deserve only to be used for casual, meaningless sex. But, ironically enough, that will make you even more hateful of men!

        YOU, then, are the source of your accursed, vicious loopback cycle: you hate men, they hate you in return so you hate them even more, they hate you even more in return etc. You either change your twisted behavior or find other ways to end your pain. I know a few exist.

        Reality Bites

        Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 11:12 pm

      • QUOTE
        reference of virginity as a point exactly proves my earlier comment that virginity is nothing but a title for a man to be proud about. To be a woman’s “first man.” At the core of this argument is that.
        /QUOTE

        Circular reasonings never proved anything, except the failed logician’s proficiency at constructing a cogent argument.

        Reality Bites

        Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 11:14 pm

    • A fine collection of good points, that J can attack only on the irrelevant grammar side, because that’s all she’ll ever see.

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 10:56 pm

  48. SO MY SOLUTION TO MY PROBLEM CAME FROM A COMMENT MY COUSIN BROTHER ONCE MADE TO ME CASUALLY…….

    he is a business minded, practical and smart guy…

    HE SAID….”look if u start fucking early on…and manage to be some girl’s first BF chances are u may get atleast one young virgin girl(least case scenario)…suppose you
    get 1 point for this…..now on top of that if in future ur wife is also a virgin then u get another point for that…total 2 points….if u r very lucky u can hav even 3, 4 or more points, but u will most probably hav atleast 1 point in ur life…….
    …….but if u think u r a fucking saint and stay pure then firstly u r getting no sex at all, forget about virgins…so u get 0 point…..now on top of that if ur wife is a non-virgin, u get another 0 point….so a big zero in ur whole life.

    so its common sense…what should we go for….the former or the latter ????

    nemesis

    Saturday, January 9, 2010 at 1:41 am

    • Just stay a virgin until marriage and stop worrying about merry-go happy bunnies. They are beneath you.

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 11:16 pm

  49. SO WHAT I DID ???????????

    i decided to start making GFs and wont hesitate if sex comes in my way…
    but the problem was it was not so easy for me….firstly i am a man, i hav far less choices than a woman. a woman almost can pick-up any man she loves, but we men dont always really get that easy options. if we get what we want we r considered lucky. a girl can get a man just by spreading her lags thats it !!!!

    so next started a big journey that i went through for the next one year….
    besides studying….i read loads and loads of books on female psychology…..
    books on NLP(neurolinguistic programming), social dinamics, reproductive biology, evolutionary psychology, human behaviour and many more….

    slowly i cud feel that i was gaining a ground shaking knowledge about the most wonderful creature on earth…HUMANS !! (specially women)
    i cud feel my self-confidence increasing slowly……

    so much so that i decided that after my engineering degree, i wud do a higher degree in the HR(human resource) field !!! i just was loving it !!!!

    fast forward 1 year and now here i am writing this for u guys…

    but my journey has just ended….
    hopefully i wud very very soon start to live exactly the life i dreamt of..
    though already i had 2 GFs in the past few months…and am currently having one.
    and a fourth one who loves me a lot but i cant make time for her…!!!

    and mind u i am a guy from the country INDIA….quite a conservative country
    and i am from the state of WEST BENGAL….a more conservative state.
    so 2 GFs in last few months is not quite bad..

    nowadays frnds come to my place to take suggestions about relationships, dating and stuff…etc etc. i’ve become kind of a love-guru.

    now i feel as if i have a goal in life, sumthing to live for !!
    am more or less happy….!!

    i will keep u guys posted as my life goes on…..god bless u all !!!!!!!!!!!

    nemesis

    Saturday, January 9, 2010 at 2:20 am

    • Good for you.

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 11:17 pm

  50. one thing i wud like to say to J

    is that may be women r working now….gr8
    but looking towards a man for support and stability
    is a strong evolutionary call from inside
    so in surveys its found that even if a woman is working fine….still one of the traits she wud look for in a man is stability, security,etc

    nemesis

    Saturday, January 9, 2010 at 2:31 am

    • Perhaps, but I don’t know where that survey was taken, the population of women who had a career that answered it, and I won’t take your answer just because it was in a “survey.”
      Besides, surveys and statistics are very easy to use to alter results to favor the producer’s opinions, thus never to be trusted 100%.

      Of course most woman would not be happy if her husband was at home sleeping all day doing no work if she was out working; he should also work. But there is absolutely no basis as to why a woman’s virginity should be traded (as some sort of property) for a man’s economic ability, especially today, where woman can earn as much as a man can in some instances (as well as the fact that she’d be carrying the man’s 50% genetic material in a form of a baby for 9 months then give birth, then rear that baby;). Man’s economic ability is a trade for continuation of his genes, not for a woman’s virginity.

      What should the woman get for not having to rely on a man financially then? Man’s virginity, perhaps? Do they even have them? Most of the time, no.

      I understand that you are from conservative part of India, and I am not, but by your story, it’s clear that virgin women are nothing but numbers to many men. It’s just a title that boosts your status within your society as the man who is “favored by women.” But if a woman sleeps with men, it’s not popularity but that she’s a whore. Why? Because it helps justify the man’s sexual promiscuity; “It’s not my fault that I had sex with her; it’s because she opens her legs for anyone.” It’s nothing but to raise the status of men while lowering the status of women over sexuality, a biological need for both sexes.

      No matter what anyone says, unless it was of rape or any nonconsensual nature, sex occurs when both parties agree to it; not just the woman. The man who sleeps with 10 women is also guilty of being a whore as the woman who sleeps with 10 men. But society doesn’t say that, now does it? So why blame the women for not staying a virgin? Isn’t it the men who make virgin women not virgins? Isn’t the fact that some women are not virgins due to the fact that they slept with men? Essentially, men are angry at the fact that women are not virgins because they themselves weren’t the ones to do it.

      Sure you justify it by saying “she didn’t wait for me, and it devastated me, etc.” but what it’s really saying is, “I wasn’t her first man.” If you were a virgin man at the time of the marriage, then I could understand that feeling of loss and betrayal, but if you weren’t, then you have absolutely no right to feel any anger for your wife not being a virgin.

      I was offended when you said that women could get men easily; if she didn’t care about the quality of the man, then yeah she could just pick anyone, but there are women who are very considerate when it comes to choosing who she wants to reproduce with. Most women don’t open their legs for every man and shouldn’t be lowered to such level just for the men to justify their promiscuity.

      J

      Saturday, January 9, 2010 at 2:54 am

      • Repeating the same points over and over won’t make them true.

        Reality Bites

        Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 11:36 pm

    • QUOTE
      may be women r working now….gr8
      /QUOTE

      Yeah, great. Now I can outsource slave labor to all-too-willing, muscly women. Now that is liberation! Too bad that I don’t find them sexually attractive in the least. I wonder why?

      Oh well, I’ll slack in front of my TV set and keep developing my beer belly. (Just kidding… I am a body builder, and I do it for myself and not for any woman).

      QUOTE
      but looking towards a man for support and stability
      is a strong evolutionary call from inside
      so in surveys its found that even if a woman is working fine….still one of the traits she wud look for in a man is stability, security,etc
      /QUOTE

      These universal truth will J deny, being the situation’s feminist. She’ll say she ignores the source of statistics, she’ll say that statistics are unreliable, but Heaven forbid that she accept these truths, anything but that! They would shake the foundations of her world! Oh my God, how they would! She shivers at the thought.

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 11:32 pm

  51. J there are many points you make in your posts which, in my mind, shows you clearly do not understand men. Firstly the balance of power is shifted in favour of women when it comes to sex. The reason for this is simple: it is a woman and only a woman who decides when sex takes place. A man cannot decide when sex takes place. The last time I checked men who decide when sex takes place are called rapists and punished to the full extent of the law for any transgressions in this regard.

    Clearly then there cannot be any societal pressure on women to remain a virgin and to lose their virginity too. The “double standard” that J speaks about is a fallacy. Societal pressure for women to remain virgins is there simply because society recognises that the power in a sexual relationship rests with women and therefore society expects women to exercise restraint and responsibility with respect to this power. This, in my view, is the main reason why there be a feeling that society favours men over women with respect to virginity.

    Secondly, when the poster above said that “a woman can get a man by simply spreading her legs” in no way did the poster imply that women are not discerning who they spread for. I understood this to be an expression which states (albeit crudely) that women in fact hold the power in a relationship as men are weak and are easily seduced by the charms of women. Power and responsibility go in hand in hand. To quote Rudyard Kipling “Power without responsibility – the prerogative of the harlot throughout the ages”.

    As mentioned above the real double standard is women expecting respect after losing their virginity before marriage. The strength of a woman’s character is indeed determined by her ability to exercise power with responsibility. It should come as no surprise then that men award more points to virgins especially if that virgin happens to become your wife. A woman who gives it up too easily is seen as weak and not regarded as “marriage material”. Unfortunately, all too often men end up with weak women as wives.

    I

    Saturday, January 9, 2010 at 4:41 pm

    • Until very recently, women were also considered as being guilty of “luring a man” during a rape trial. In parts of the world, it is the woman who is punished for being raped rather than the man, because it is considered that she “seduced” him somehow. If they think there was any “seduction,” the man goes free, even if she didn’t want to have sex with him. There is also a reason why so many of rapes often go UNPUNISHED, even in a developed country like the U.S. There is a social stigma against reporting rape. This what society says, “if she was raped, she probably sent him the wrong message.” Maybe it’s he who thought she sent him a message when she didn’t. Maybe it’s his fault for thinking her “no” was a “yes.” But that’s not how it is in most parts of the world.

      FOR MOST OF HISTORY, MEN CONTROLLED WHEN AND WHERE SEX TOOK PLACE. If your situation was true and women really did have power over sex, then women would not have been considered as property for so long. Religion and society gives women responsibility over a power they didn’t have and criminalized them for it. In a developed country called the U.S.A. where 80% of rape cases on college campuses go unreported, I am not convinced.

      The only reason rape is even a punishable crime in certain countries (not all, by the way), is due to women’s movements to make it so. The reality is that society tells women to stay a virgin until marriage, while pressuring them to give virginity up for the one they love. Parents and church says, “you must stay a virgin for your husband.’ TV says, “it’s okay to have sex with someone you love. If you’re a virgin at that age, you must be ugly,” or “No wonder you’re a virgin.” The voice is mostly equal on both parts for women, but for men, it’s “Sara told Abraham to sleep with her maid because she couldn’t give him a son,” “Allah promises (too many) virgin wives for those who sacrifice his life for him.” “You slept with how many chicks? You are a stud!” It’s not a logical fallacy; it’s reality.

      You seem to think that men end up with weak women; what about the vast majority of men who are not virgins at the time of the marriage? Weak people end up with weak people. You’re just as weak for not keeping your virginity as your wife, who didn’t keep her virginity. The fact that you think it’s okay for you to be a non-virgin but a horror for your wife to be a non-virgin proves my point about the inherent double standard and men’s skewed viewpoint toward defending their dominance over women’s sexuality. Do you admit that you’re a weak human being? Why can’t your wife also be admitted as a weak human being, who can be seduced by a good looking man, or a man she loves?

      A man can fall in love and have sex with her, or even sleep with a prostitute just for sexual relase, but a woman should never fall in love enough to sleep with a man or have sex except with her husband, and keep herself pent up no matter what, or never expect respect?

      Give me a break.

      J

      Sunday, February 7, 2010 at 3:37 pm

      • QUOTE
        Until very recently, women were also considered as being guilty of “luring a man” during a rape trial. In parts of the world, it is the woman who is punished for being raped rather than the man, because it is considered that she “seduced” him somehow.
        /QUOTE

        So what? Some women stalk and sexually molest men. But you’ll never admit that as this would not support your feminist one-sided argument that men are monsters and women are holy.

        And yes, some women DO provoke men by dressing without any semblance of modesty. Who would deny that (apart from feminists)? Then they act surprised and play victim if by chance they find an imbalanced person who rapes them. Go figure!

        QUOTE
        FOR MOST OF HISTORY, MEN CONTROLLED WHEN AND WHERE SEX TOOK PLACE.
        /QUOTE

        How does this feminist slogan justify sexual promiscuity and premarital sex, exactly?

        QUOTE
        women’s movements
        /QUOTE

        Aha! You are fully unmasked now, feminist.

        QUOTE
        Parents and church says, “you must stay a virgin for your husband.’ TV says, “it’s okay to have sex with someone you love. If you’re a virgin at that age, you must be ugly,” or “No wonder you’re a virgin.”
        /QUOTE

        Turn off the TV and start thinking with your head? I am a handsome virgin man, and I am ready to bet that I am older than you, too.

        QUOTE
        It’s not a logical fallacy; it’s reality.
        /QUOTE

        Throwing a few unrelevant truths here and there won’t make the case for sexual promiscuity as a whole any more right. Sexual promiscuity and premarital sex have real, lasting consequences; get over it. The sooner, the better.

        QUOTE
        You seem to think that men end up with weak women; what about the vast majority of men who are not virgins at the time of the marriage?
        /QUOTE

        Pointing out an adversary’s wrongdoing does not in any way justify one’s own wrongdoing.

        “Hey, I stole X, but… But.. BUT YOU STOLE X TOO!!!”

        To sum it up: no one condones double standards or wrongdoing. Virginity until marriage seems the best for me and this is what I ask AND offer. What others do is irrelevant to me.

        Reality Bites

        Wednesday, September 8, 2010 at 12:05 am

      • QUOTE (J)

        you like conspiracy too much …

        FOR MOST OF HISTORY, MEN CONTROLLED WHEN AND WHERE SEX TOOK PLACE.

        /QUOTE

        Two irreconcileable statements from J? You decide.
        She sometimes seems funny, in a weird sort of way. Just do not get sentimentally involved with her: your life would quickly become a total mess.

        reality bites

        Saturday, September 18, 2010 at 6:07 am

      • It’s easy to be a slut and difficult to be player. This is the reason why men who sleep around are respected but women aren’t. Different standards for sure but definitely not a double standard. Very simply, to women (and men) who still don’t get it, it is women and women only who decide when sex will take place. All society asks is that women should decide wisely.

        I

        Tuesday, May 28, 2013 at 6:33 am

    • QUOTE
      A woman who gives it up too easily is seen as weak and not regarded as “marriage material”. Unfortunately, all too often men end up with weak women as wives.
      /QUOTE

      Standing ovation!

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 11:39 pm

    • And this opinion justifies your compulive cheating and insecure need to CONTROL a woman, body and mind ….riiiiiiight. At least your wife maybe got to enjoy SOME good sex before she married a loser like you, I hope.

      Kat

      Saturday, October 16, 2010 at 12:00 pm

  52. J – THIS REPLY IS FOR YOUR SUNDAY JANUARY 17, 2010 REPLY TO ME:

    J, The fact that the “finger” can be more easily washed over the “nose”
    actually puts a greater importance on taking greater precautions as to what goes in the “nose”.
    Remember, the inner “nose” leads to the inner body while the finger does not.
    What goes in the body is harder to cleanse than what goes on the body.
    This follows the old principal, you are what you eat.

    physically & spiritually.

    It’s true, Men regard women as less when they are considered by men to be loose.
    Alot of men may not admit this but actions speak louder than words.
    I mean, men don’t go to the club to “holla” at the virgins, men want the easy ones….. but best believe they want to marry a
    virgin. I’m a man and you better believe I know that.

    Biblically, virgins are held in high esteem and very much sought after and this is scripturally supported.
    GOD himself choose a virgin to bring forth his only son…..

    On so many levels the one entering is less likey to be affected than the one being entered. although they are both greatly affected by the experience.
    Don’t let society tell you otherwise. I’ll have to write a whole other page just to touch on the subject.
    Even if you don’t believe the biblical implications on woman who have sex before marrige just look at the societal implications.
    You yourself are currently reading a thread about mens lack of desire to be with a woman who has had sex before him/marriage.
    With that being said, you could argue til your’re blue in the face and it will not change the facts.
    The men that have posted on this thread represent a small portion of men that share the exact same sentiment.

    Man and woman should be treated as equals, I didn’t say that they shouldn’t but then that is my point.
    They are not equal but equals and should be treated as such.
    Man needs woman and woman needs man. There is never the need for discrimination, with or without the organs.
    The one thing that people seem to not understand is that woman have a greater responsibility than man in humanity, especially in this regard.
    Hence the “bias”.

    Off subject…………

    Beleive it or not the world is NOT over populated. The worlds population is roughly 6.8 trillion
    with 300+ million living in the US. Those living in the US mostly live in the costal states leaving
    the middle states underpopulated. Basically, if you took every individual,(man, woman and child)
    in the world and placed each individual in their own home in the US, each home would sit on .3 acres
    leaving the rest of the earth completely unoocupied.

    Back on subject…………..

    Just because some or all women don’t enjoy their monthly cycle doesn’t mean it’s not a gift.
    Ask a woman who wants to have a child but can’t because her menstration or ovulation is unavailble
    for whatever reason. Its a gift !
    A menstrationing woman in the bible is NOT considered dirty. The menstration itself is considered dirty. It is clearly explained as such as well as explaining that menstration is the time in which a womans repro organs purges itself clean.
    This is one of many common misunderstandings in scripture. People tend to listen to what a pastor, preacher or reverand have to say opposed to listening to what GOD has to say by reading for themselves.
    The process that enables conception of a child, (sex)is also a gift, meant to be shared between husband and wife and no other.
    Unless you are an animal less than human that miraculously knows how to read and type :-), sex is more than just a “tool” for reproduction.
    I find it disturbing that a young woman like yourself would see it that way but at the same time I understand. I do hope that you sve yourself for your husband and I applaud your efforts this far.

    The subject of religion and state needs to be another thread…. :-)
    But i’ll tell you this, Christianity, TRUE Christianity has nothing to do with religion or state for that matter. Christianity never crosses over into the issues of religion or state and men who manipulate GODs word for their own gain or amusement will pay….
    Please, do not base your beliefs of Christianity on the actions of men claiming to be Christians or what you see/hear on tv. If you have to base it on anything, base it on truth. Let no one tell you what it says read and study for yourself.

    4Real

    Tuesday, January 19, 2010 at 1:45 am

    • I understand what you’re saying but it just sounds like rationalization for treating men differently than treating a woman; a man shouldn’t be given any respect for not being a virgin before marriage, but they demand it nevertheless, and refusing to do the same. I’m not going to talk for a man because I don’t know, but no one else has the right to judge whether a woman is dirty or clean (except for God, obviously), especially if the man is not “clean himself a.k.a. non-virgin.”
      As I said before, I don’t condone promiscuity for neither men nor women, but to assume that just because a woman had sexual relation(s) before marriage, she should be considered “dirty” when it is clear that society does not reflect this toward men show that the bias is always against women than it is toward men show that whatever standard exist for rationalization is biased to support a male point of view.
      Everything you’re explaining also further supports that it’s just about status; about marrying a virgin than the woman herself. If she had one lover before her husband (or even if she had sex once because that’s all it takes to lose virginity), she’s still considered as being more “immoral and loose” just because she didn’t “wait” for her husband, thus allowing all these men above to complain about it. While they were willing to enjoy premarital sex with their possible wives, they hated the fact that she was not a virgin at the time of the marriage? I am very confused, you know. It looks to me that they want their cakes and eat it too. If a woman decides to be a virgin until marriage, that means unless the man cheats on the woman during the dating period, he’d also have to abstain. There is no mention of men willing to do this. So why are women held to such high standards?
      Your club example further explains societal double standard toward men and women; men are free to engage in sexual relations before marriage and then to desire a virgin who clearly had no experience in that regard (the fact that you’re providing this common example show how prevalent this inequality is in society), but women are considered loose for the same issue. It’s some sort of expectation to pressure women into being nothing but sexual submissive (only to the husband) in a relationship by shading it in “immoral light.”
      Again, I won’t argue with you on any of the biblical references, because I am fully aware of all the glorifications of virgins in all monolithic religions present today. There’s an obsession with being a woman’s first, which is what I’ve also been arguing this entire time. We all know that man’s practice with theory or religion for the most part has always been tinted. Even if the bible itself talks of faithfulness from both parties, real practice has never been satisfactory, because no human being has ever stood up to the standards of the bible.
      I am reading a thread where the man has married a woman and is complaining about it after the fact (I do regret reading this because I’ve become even more convinced at just how much a woman’s body is still considered by men as some sort of property more than an equal human being, and learned so much stuff about men that probably will deter me from fully trusting them). If these men knew the woman they were going to marry was not a virgin but wanted to marry a virgin, maybe they shouldn’t have married, but they did. It looks like nothing but complaining about how the grass is greener on the other side.
      Unless these posters provide actual evidence of where they got these polls and statistics, I cannot trust any of them especially because I know of so many women who were virgins before marriage, but nothing repelled their husbands from cheating on these women, and breaking a marriage apart. On the other hand, I see many of my friends who were not virgins at the time of marriage, and yet are leading happy marriages. What am I supposed to deduce from that? Trust what I see or hearsay from someone I don’t know?
      It really looks to me that these men are angry because they weren’t the first man. Nothing more than that; an obsession with status and some sort of glorified thought that “they married a virgin.” This thread teaches me that love clearly doesn’t conquer all.
      I never said that virgins should be treated less than non-virgins, or whatnot; merely that a woman’s virginity or lack thereof should not be a reason for a husband to think murderous thoughts about someone (as posted above). I also think if a woman’s had 30 partners or something, she probably has STD’s and should avoided, and if any man marries her, he accepts these faults when he enters into a legally binding relationship with her and isn’t the brightest of the bunch, but demanding a woman stay a virgin until marriage (whenever that may be for anyone) is basically dictating that a woman never fall in love with anyone but the husband, to never make any mistakes in terms of emotional attachment to someone of the opposite sex until she dons on that white dress and walks down the aisle first. Isn’t it men’s fault for putting women in such high pedestals when they themselves cannot live with the same standards?
      People obviously do understand that woman has a greater part in reproduction, and thus the bias that they should be more careful with their bodies and the negative treatment for even the slightest possibilities of mistreatment of that; however, it is the male behavior of trying to control that up until recent centuries that have made a lot of women think that it’s not really theirs to begin with. Women were always considered the weaker human (unless they were a mother, at which point they’re then considered as the strongest being), to never take charge of her sexuality other than by keeping herself a virgin until marriage for her “husband”, while men are allowed to explore sexuality before marriage. I am not only talking about western society, but even today, there are some countries that perform female genital mutilation as means of controlling a woman’s sexuality. A lot of Muslim societies control women by forcing them to cover themselves with clothing completely. While claiming that the woman has power over sex, the fact is that’s not actually the case with many societies. Men still very much try to control it. Virginity or promotion of virginity just looks like the less painful version of that.
      There never is any reason for discrimination among sexes or races, but there are. For women, in practice, it really does boil down to the fact that her sexual organs and her use or lack thereof are the reasons for differential treatment.
      Off subject…………
      My definition of overpopulation is not based on acre/person, but more on resources/person. It’s clear that resources are not equally distributed among all people on earth, and the prevalence of AIDS globally and the high death rate (evidence of natural population control) for example show that Earth is overpopulated. The fact that many animals die as a direct result of human manipulation (of which not all are our faults but the faults of our ancestors) proves that humans are quickly reaching the threshold if they have not done so already.
      It’s great that US is so great in size that everyone can live in such space, but the fact is not every part of this country is necessarily habitable without some assistance.
      Back on subject…………..
      I don’t mean to disrespect those women who cannot have children, but it is true that woman’s sexuality is never a glorified aspect of her, only the childbearing and mothering aspect. Only a woman ever menstruates (as men do not), the fact is she is discriminated against for a 1/4 of their sexually viable life (in the bible that is) all for a process that is a necessary factor for that “gift”. The fact that women have been treated more as property than human for most of recorded history also show exactly what that “gift” equates to.
      I’m not talking here because I want to lose my virginity and justify it, just that some of the posts above have greatly disturbed me with their talks of violence and defamation of women just because she may have at one point engaged in sexual behavior before marriage. Just because we humans act more like virus in our ability to manipulate our environment doesn’t change the fact that we are still very much part of the ecosphere as dependents. We are part of the food chain and the evolutionary chain (unless you are a creationist, .. then I won’t argue with that aspect) just like everything else on the planet. Some may want to put a spin on sex as being more important, but there are much more important things in this world than sex. If everyone really did think of sex as nothing but reproduction, there is no need for demonization of a non-virgin female body, and perhaps we humans would be less self-obsessed and more focused on improvement of environment around us.
      Flip this situation around, and I would have every right to call basically all non-virgin men as whores for engaging in premarital affairs (more because men can engage in sex without any emotional attachment, right?), but I’d be the one being called crazy for it.
      Sure, the words on the scripture doesn’t say what pastors say, but most people go with it and most people tend to act on it too. All religion have been exploited by men in power to control the unaware masses, but unfortunately, it is the acts of these people that moves history most of the time, not the words in a book.

      J

      Tuesday, January 19, 2010 at 10:45 am

      • QUOTE
        If she had one lover before her husband (or even if she had sex once because that’s all it takes to lose virginity), she’s still considered as being more “immoral and loose” just because she didn’t “wait” for her husband, thus allowing all these men above to complain about it.
        /QUOTE

        A woman who did not wait until marriage cannot ever be my wife, period. I do not condemn her but she must leave me alone, for I’ll never marry her no amount how much she whines and complains.

        And I do not care how others treat her, that is a problem between her and society. I am not “society”, I am an individual with my own criteria for selecting a good wife. Get used to it.

        QUOTE
        to assume that just because a woman had sexual relation(s) before marriage, she should be considered “dirty” when it is clear that society does not reflect this toward men show that the bias is always against women than it is toward men show that whatever standard exist for rationalization is biased to support a male point of view.
        /QUOTE

        She is not “dirty”, she’s merely below my intimacy standards. She has to GET OVER IT and move on. And I don’t care about society: if anyone is offended by my wife selection criteria, that is their problem, not mine.

        Again, I’m a virgin so don’t accuse me of double standards. Your rants against them are getting boring and constitute over 75% of your posts here.

        QUOTE
        There’s an obsession with being a woman’s first
        /QUOTE

        I find that being the first is extremely romantic. And neurologically VERY bonding. So what? Do you have a problem with that? Am I not entitled to experience the emotions that I like and to search for the wife that I want? Funny how you defend women’s right to sex anywhere anytime, yet deny future husbands the right to find a virgin wife for themselves.

        Double standards, perhaps?

        QUOTE
        no human being has ever stood up to the standards of the bible.
        /QUOTE

        Just because you can’t uphold standards does not mean that we should not have any kind of standard or example to follow.

        QUOTE
        a woman’s body is still considered by men as some sort of property more than an equal human being
        /QUOTE

        It is not property, but how a woman treats it IS my business… If she wants to become my wife. Simple. You can sleep all day if you want, but don’t be surprised if an employer does not hire you for a job.

        QUOTE
        learned so much stuff about men that probably will deter me from fully trusting them
        /QUOTE

        You’ll never trust men because you scare off good men (but not sex-seeking jerks). This is because of your man-hating feminist upbringing. Do not think that men cannot feel that you HATE men. They sense that, and run for the hills. You even said earlier that you don’t need men. So why should they waste their love on the likes of you? Start behaving like a gentle woman and with some luck things MIGHT improve for you.

        QUOTE
        I see many of my friends who were not virgins at the time of marriage, and yet are leading happy marriages.
        /QUOTE

        “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”
        (Henry David Thoreau)

        QUOTE
        these men are angry because they weren’t the first man.
        /QUOTE

        I politely refuse their unwanted attention, and MOVE ON. Or at least, I can. Can they?

        QUOTE
        Nothing more than that; an obsession with status and some sort of glorified thought that “they married a virgin.”
        /QUOTE

        I search a virgin for myself, NOT to boost social status. I already said I don’t care about what society thinks.

        QUOTE
        love clearly doesn’t conquer all.
        /QUOTE

        Love is such an ambiguous term. And no, it does not conquer all and it is silly to even think it can.

        QUOTE
        a woman’s virginity or lack thereof should not be a reason for a husband to think murderous thoughts about someone (as posted above).
        /QUOTE

        But they do. Should not VERSUS they do. You can’t change human nature, especially not with your arrogance and naiveté.

        QUOTE
        demanding a woman stay a virgin until marriage (whenever that may be for anyone) is basically dictating that a woman never fall in love with anyone but the husband, to never make any mistakes in terms of emotional attachment to someone of the opposite sex until she dons on that white dress and walks down the aisle first.
        /QUOTE

        You can “fall in love” without having sex. I guarantee that you can. And that you can “fall out of love”, also.

        Mistakes? A woman can make mistakes. But I won’t forgive just any mistake. I am not Jesus Christ.

        Emotional attachment? My wife must be attached only to me. In fact, many marital problems arise from the fact that a wife is not fully loyal to her husband. Exes are not needed or wanted in any way.

        Again, I won’t comment anymore on the whole trite double standards topic as I already explained what I think on the subject.

        QUOTE
        up until recent centuries… for most of recorded history… etc.
        /QUOTE

        There is this feminist “liberation” obsession in all your posts. Can’t you just enjoy life on your terms, as I do? Do you have to fight a “men vs women” war? And don’t even get me started on your eugenics ideology rooted in “planet-saving” indoctrination. Remember that only communism makes people equal, and that caused hundreds of millions of government-caused human deaths.

        QUOTE
        All religion have been exploited by men in power to control the unaware masses, but unfortunately, it is the acts of these people that moves history most of the time, not the words in a book.
        /QUOTE

        There is an international feminist cult that is destroying men-women relations (and nuclear family as a result, which was the primary target since the beginning), and an international environmentalist cult hell-bent on population reduction “to save the planet” (so the wealthy won’t have to share their resources with us; see, it’s all about resources).

        They are controlling the unaware masses (of which you are very much a part, sorry to say). Try spending some time fighting them, rather than spending your life whining about double sexual standards (since there are things more important than sex, as you said!) which I condemned in the first place.

        Reality Bites

        Thursday, September 9, 2010 at 3:02 am

    • QUOTE
      Just because some or all women don’t enjoy their monthly cycle doesn’t mean it’s not a gift.
      Ask a woman who wants to have a child but can’t because her menstration or ovulation is unavailble
      for whatever reason. Its a gift !
      /QUOTE

      Well said. But some women only want the positive without the negative, power without responsibility, pleasure without pain.

      Reality Bites

      Thursday, September 9, 2010 at 1:32 am

  53. I strongly advise seeing a shrink. I think most of these people here were born in early 1800. Man open your eyes its already 2010 if you didn’t notice! What is important is the present. If your wife is not swallowing someone else s penis except yours, then you should all be happy. There’s nothing like your so called heavenly sex, nor preordained sex partner (stop making excuses like a little whiny boy). Don’t treat your wife like a piece of property or a cow. If she closes her eyes and thinks of the previous dude when you’re making love then there’s a problem.
    OK,what if a women saved her virginity just for you and within a few months you realize she’s not the right one for you, do you go hunting for another virgin? Or do you want to spent your life with her just for the sake of her being a virgin (even though she turns out to be a crack head) . Do you want your own mother, sister or daughter treated the same way by some ignorant man?

    I really think your wives deserve a better respecting men. Love is to give not to take all for yourselves.

    PR

    Thursday, February 4, 2010 at 8:44 am

    • QUOTE
      I strongly advise seeing a shrink.
      /QUOTE

      Why? Is independent thinking a disease in this age of conformism?

      QUOTE
      I think most of these people here were born in early 1800. Man open your eyes its already 2010 if you didn’t notice!
      /QUOTE

      And? What kind of reasoning would that be? Appealing to novelty, “newer is better”? Prove it to me. You can’t? Then perhaps your reasoning skill sucks, doesn’t it? Funny how your reasoning skill is broken, yet no one will be able to suggest you a good medic to fix that!

      I suggest turning off your TV. For a start.

      QUOTE
      What is important is the present. If your wife is not swallowing someone else s penis except yours, then you should all be happy.
      /QUOTE

      Why? Previous sexual expectations, emotional attachment to exes and STIs won’t go away with your naive wishful thinking. I live in a real world of consequences. Do you? Obviously not.

      QUOTE
      There’s nothing like your so called heavenly sex,
      /QUOTE

      Sex does not have to be heavenly, just EXCLUSIVE. According to my philosophy.

      QUOTE
      nor preordained sex partner (stop making excuses like a little whiny boy).
      /QUOTE

      No one is preordained. But when two people choose each other, it should be forever. According to my idea of marriage.

      QUOTE
      Don’t treat your wife like a piece of property or a cow.
      /QUOTE

      “My wife” she’ll never become, unless she submits her full sexuality to me, and retroactively. Don’t bypass my selection process with puerile linguistic exercises. Oh and personal attacks won’t lend a lick of credibility to your feminist liberation ideology.

      QUOTE
      If she closes her eyes and thinks of the previous dude when you’re making love then there’s a problem.
      /QUOTE

      No one can discover that. And she cannot control that. So I stay safe and exclude her from my life before she even becomes a part of it. Simple.

      QUOTE
      OK,what if a women saved her virginity just for you and within a few months you realize she’s not the right one for you, do you go hunting for another virgin?
      /QUOTE

      No one is preordained, remember? She saved her virginity for SOMEONE. Not necessarily for me. And I won’t have sex before marriage. And yes, I’ll look for another virgin. Case closed.

      QUOTE
      Or do you want to spent your life with her just for the sake of her being a virgin (even though she turns out to be a crack head).
      /QUOTE

      Not all virgins are suitable for me. Women like J, I’ll gladly avoid. I plan to find a decent virgin and to marry her. Not impossible at all, despite doomsayers.

      QUOTE
      Do you want your own mother, sister or daughter treated the same way by some ignorant man?
      /QUOTE

      I do not plan to express my sexuality with any of them.

      QUOTE
      I really think your wives deserve a better respecting men. Love is to give not to take all for yourselves.
      /QUOTE

      I give all of myself. But I expect the same in return.

      Reality Bites

      Thursday, September 9, 2010 at 3:38 am

  54. HaHaHa.
    The hoes have spoken….lol
    It’s funny how those who are opposed to a wife being a virgin are woman who I’m sure are not virgin brides themself. If these men don’t want nothing to do with ya then that is there right. If ya choose to sex every exposed dick you come across you have no one to blame or be upset with but yourself. Fact is, no MAN wants that.

    Hoes are for the community.
    Wives are for their husbands.

    Which one are you ?

    Piper

    Thursday, February 11, 2010 at 10:42 pm

  55. Furthermore, j WTF are you talking about. You’re rambling on and on contridicting yourself and saying absolutely nothing. Your wasting Internet space. Where are you from ?

    And the chic with all the “what ifs”…
    What if you were a virgin and married a virgin and had a good life. All those negative “what ifs” tell me one thing.
    YOUR PAST

    Piper

    Thursday, February 11, 2010 at 10:47 pm

    • Well, if you can’t understand what I am saying, there is no reason for me to try to explain it to you as it is clear by the language here that you do not have the capability to understand the language anyways (especially when you cannot even spell the word “contradicting” properly or use proper grammar; it’s “you’re,” not “your”).

      I do not contradict myself at any point. My points are clear: one, virginity is nothing more than status-glorifying tool for men used to demonize and force women to a lower status than men to justify wrong-doings and unequal treatment by men against women throughout history. Two, if a man is not a virgin, he should never expect to marry a virgin wife. Three, that a woman is held to a very high standard without providing her the adequate instruments to attain and maintain that standard. If you can’t understand that… then either you’re not reading clearly enough, or maybe you don’t have the ability to understand.

      You’re right on one point and one point only: I am not a bride.

      I also did not oppose a woman keeping her virginity until marriage as it is her choice to do so. I only argued that a lack of virginity alone should not be a basis for determination of entering into a marriage. Shouldn’t people get married because they love each other, and are willing to put up with each other for better or for worse for the rest of their lives? If you men are so crazy about a virgin wife, maybe you should wait until you find a virgin girl and put all your eggs in that basket and ignore any other woman that come by in your life before and after marriage.

      Before you men go mad about how women should be faithful to a husband (who she may not meet until she is in her 20’s or 30’s) until marriage, if you yourself have at any point, had sex with a woman who is not your wife, you have absolutely no right in demanding you be someone’s first, as your wife also has the right to take someone’s virginity but lost that right. To do so otherwise, is plain selfishness and greed.

      There is also no reason why I shouldn’t defend women and their right to enjoy life in general; it’s a fictional belief held by some men that a woman who is a virgin would automatically defend a male point of view. Just because I’ve never had sex with anyone doesn’t mean I will be the ever-faithful, perfect wife in marriage in the future, just as someone who may have had sex before marriage may be the perfect wife for that husband.

      Just because I will be waiting until marriage for various reasons doesn’t mean I should enforce my beliefs on someone else. They have the right to determine what is best for them. If I can convince the someone else to wait, that’s great. But I will not participate in demonizing a woman (by calling her a hoe) just because she fell in love with someone before her husband came along. Like I said, if you really want a virgin wife, be her first love, stay as her first love, marry her, and take her virginity on her wedding night.

      I’m against sexual promiscuity in general, by both genders. If you men are not willing to accept the fact that you need to stay a virgin for your wife who will also stay a virgin for you, then it’s not worth discussing anything.

      Status Quo will not change unless both sexes are held to the same standard and stick by that.

      A woman or man cannot help but be virgins if both party agrees not to engage in sexual behavior. It’s not only a woman’s choice/duty to say “no before marriage” but also a man’s choice/duty to say “I will not coerce you/manipulate you/get you in the mood in any way to have sex with me before marriage.”

      J

      Thursday, February 11, 2010 at 11:24 pm

  56. Chic, it’s nice that you have spell check to bad you don’t have grammar or common sense check because your grammar is not as good as you think, (YOU ARE supposed to put a comma before you open a parethesis. See my example) and you have no common sense. I could go on but this is the internet and the ish does not matter. You bable and bable and bable. Using alot of words to say absolutely nothing does not make you intelligent. It’s actually quite the opposite. You think you are being intelligent but you sound like a moron. You got more contradictions then the GOP. One minute you’re waiting on the right guy next “your” waiting on marriage. First “your” talking about the worlds population then all of the sudden you change it to the worlds health … WTH. Once again I could go on but …… etc. Just the fact that you post here is suspect. Posting on the internet will not redeem past hoeisms. I’ll say it again, if these men don’t want nothing to do with ya because of your past sexual exploits, it’s there right. Stop trying to change there minds. Furthermore, the later part of ur last post is just regurgitation from what has already been written in this thread.

    FIN

    Piper

    Friday, February 12, 2010 at 5:32 am

  57. By the way, “anyways” is not a word.
    I think you mean anyway …. :-)

    Piper

    Friday, February 12, 2010 at 5:35 am

    • I never said or tried to make myself intelligent by any means. If it takes more words for me to present my views, then so be it. If it’s confusing, those who take the time to read and answer courteously obviously will convince me that maybe men are justified for wanting a virgin wife than those who automatically flame anyone for having contrary opinions. You don’t flame the men who say, “I love my wife who was not a virgin at the time of the marriage.” Why am I your target? Because I’m a woman, and you think your worth will go up by insulting me.

      The fact that I post here is nothing more than evidence of genuine curiosity and being disturbed by the posts enough to act.

      I got it; you men want to and will have premarital sex, but your wife must be a virgin, or she’s a whore in your eyes. You want your cake and eat it too. It’s okay for you to be rags, sleeping around with women before marriage, but your wife needs to be pure, clean, and never touched, so you can mark her first and boast about it. Any woman you marry must be a virgin, or she’s not worthy of your utmost love. I completely understand.

      No man has yet to reply, “I abstained from sex during the time my wife and I dated, and at the time we got married, we were both virgins.”

      The fact that you’re here is evidence that you’re one bitter troll who is bent on stress relief by bashing women who you think are easy to bash because they’re of “lower quality” than you. You must be one sad man. Enough assumption yet?

      Besides, you like conspiracy too much; if you google virginity, this blog pops up. It’s not hard to wander into, to look at what the post is about. Why am I being discriminated against as being a hoe by a horrible internet troll like you? It’s because I am a woman and although a virgin, do not agree with the rest of the male audience.

      Have you ever thought that maybe you have no right to judge anyone? Have you never made a single mistake in your life? You have no right to call anyone a hoe, even if the target is a prostitute. Only she and she alone can call herself that.

      I can argue for non-virgin woman without actually losing virginity. I feel sorry for women who are married to men like you, as it’s clear that they’re not even treated as an equal partner in your minds.

      Just because I didn’t go out and get laid doesn’t mean anything. I can have a standard that I put myself up to, but that standard applies to me alone, just as your standards belong to you only and doesn’t apply to anyone else, no matter how much you want it to. I won’t judge anyone by their sexual lives or lack thereof. Why do I have to hate members of my own gender in order to accepted by men like you?

      By the way, I know it’s just a summary of all of my posts; I was convinced by your previous post that you were stupid, so I spelled it out for you.

      Oh, and I did mean anywayS. You spell words in whatever way you want, I have the right to add an extra S at the end of words on the internet where I don’t need to proofread. I mean, you still mixed up few of your contractions and possessives, but I’m sure you intended it.

      J

      Friday, February 12, 2010 at 6:36 am

  58. To your first sentence – you got that right.

    I choose you because you first came in here putting people down for broken english, spelling …. etc. Yet you say, “Have you ever thought that maybe you have no right to judge anyone? Have you never made a single mistake in your life”. You’ve made plenty but yet you’re the first to point others out. Another one of your contradictions.

    Just because you’re stupid doesn’t mean I am. It was not a summary of just your post. Other people post some of the same things you babled before your slow ass got here. I guess this was the only thread that came up in your google search. Get a life chic o stick. You flip flop
    constantly in your post. Whatever suits your point for the moment I guess.. I’m sure you say “anyways” when you speak. Why, because until I told you, you didn’t know any better. HaHaHa you just happened to add the “S”. My wife and I were not virgins when we got married but neither one of us knows another partner. Ut Oh, there goes your bs about conspiracys and whatever the hell else you were babling about.
    I noticed you didn’t reply to wheather you are waiting for the right guy or marriage or if you meant world population or world health. You’re all over the place with your redundant post sucking up bandwidth. If you’re a virgin so is Madonna.

    Piper

    Friday, February 12, 2010 at 7:55 am

    • i didn’t put anyone down, nor did I point anyone out at first. You were the one who called every woman who posted here, a “hoe” and lame catch phrases; of course it would be easy to think you’re an uneducated sexist pig.

      You’re right; I should go get a life. I should go out, party, and sleep with whoever; instead, I’m online, writing a long comment about virginity. How lame of me. I thought I was conversing with people (other than you). I also said in my previous post that I regret entering this blog because it was like seeing the part of a man that he doesn’t show to his own wife under the cover of anonymity.

      It’s true that my understanding of sexuality between men and women is still a bit fuzzy. The fact that I have no experience in this area means I have nothing but literature and opinions to depend on for any sort of opinion, thus it is possible for my views to be idealized. Maybe I shouldn’t have taken a blog entry and comments as seriously as I had. There is no sin in trying to convince people, but I do not accuse anyone of being anything unless they’ve shown it on their comment.

      It’s clear that you didn’t understand my intentions either. None of my assumptions about you are correct, and neither is your assumption about me.

      I did reply; it’s called, everyone has their own standards. Like I said before, I am following my own standards for behavior but will not impose that on anyone else. I will not judge any woman on my standards. Personally, I almost don’t mind dying a virgin; sex is not at the top of my to do list. It may change in a few years, but right now, it’s not important. By the time I am ready to put love as a priority, I seriously doubt I’ll find any man who is a virgin (unless he’s a monk). I’m already in my 20’s. At this point, a significant amount of men have already lost it. Heck, if I wanted to lose it, I’d be out clubbing and trying to hook up instead of writing on this blog.

      It makes me insecure in the ways that I am inexperienced. Sounds like a paradox, doesn’t it? Here, so many men complain about their wives not being a virgin, and I am scared of the fact that I’ve not done anything. Some of these men who posted seemed to present the fact that their wives were not virgins more than the fact that they love them. In fact, a lot of them seemed to obsess over that. That’s very scary; it’s like a man may want to marry me only because I am a virgin, foremost, and not because he loves me. So then I wonder, if I take virginity out of the equation, what happens? The above dialogue with various commenters happened.

      As for your reply to world population and health, I have no clue exactly what point you’re making as to that. I did mention STD’s, and I did mention overpopulation but you’re taking them out of context. What world health?

      You didn’t clearly present any additional argument other than “you contradict”, “you babble”, “you’re not a virgin.” I already told you I’ve never had sex with anyone ever, and if you don’t believe me, that’s fineå. I can’t prove that to you over the internet, it’s either I’m a loser 20-something year old virgin with no life, or a hoe with an agenda. I know I’ve never done it, the guy who (if I ever get married) I will sleep with will know it, so why should I care that some unknown guy doesn’t think I’m a virgin, right?

      J

      Friday, February 12, 2010 at 8:59 am

  59. Now add to your list – a liar. It’s as simple as going back and reading your previous post. It’s amazing how it’s right there in writing that you wrote yet you deny it. IF you’re a virgin then why are you so concerned about being called a hoe ? That comment is directed at the hoes and they know who they are. So now you call yourself lame then try to blame me for using the word first later. Another one of your constant inconsistencies. Your vision isn’t fuzzy you’re blind in one eye blurred in the other. You say you where here to gain information but I see atleast two other posters that tried to explain it to you nicely but notice one thing. They’re not replying to you anymore. They’re not replying because you were and are arguing the same point over and over, calling people on language and grammar,(and scroll up a reread because you did start that) and you simply just don’t get it as others have commented. So you weren’t conversating with others you were conversating at them and they stopped talking back along time ago. You didn’t realize this because you were to busy blabber mouthing. Do you do that in real conversation, Talk talk talk, you you you, talk talk talk ? You wanna understand about a mans thoughts on the subject read the effin post and shut the eff up a learn something for once.

    Girl, I’m gonna tell you like this. There are 20 or more woman for every man and like it or not you got competition, true story. Just like any competition you, a woman has to set herself apart from the rest. You, (if you’re really a virgin) are ahead of the pack. You as a virgin will be able to pick and choose your husband in the future. There ain’t no shame in being a virgin and only someone who regrets not being a virgin or whose trying to get in your pants will tell you otherwise. You better embrace your virginity and walk proud with it because that’s what men want period. That’s not to say that if you are not a virgin you won’t find someone fall in love and marry. There’s just more respect for twenty something year old virgins out there then hoes of any age and that’s the truth. Alot of men would probably never admit that to there no virgin wives out of respect and feelings but the truth is the truth and it’ll set ur ass free. I know plenty of 20 virgins male and female. You’ll get married and your relationship will be healthier for waiting.
    If what you say about yourself is true then you’re holding all the cards. Don’t throw them away like so many chics already have and then complain there are no good men out there. Ha!

    Piper

    Friday, February 12, 2010 at 6:36 pm

  60. The ideal situation for Christian marriage is, of course, when both parties are virgins, having understood that marriage is the only place in God’s eyes for sexual relations. But we don’t live in an ideal world. Many times, a person raised in a godly home and saved from childhood wishes to marry someone who was saved in their 20s and 30s and who brings to their Christian marriage a past lived according to worldly standards. While God puts our sins as far from us as the east is from the west when we come to Him in repentance and faith in Christ (Psalm 103:12), people have long memories and forgetting someone’s past may not be easy. The inability to forgive and forget the past mistakes of one of the marriage partners will definitely influence the marriage negatively.

    Before entering into a marriage with someone with a sexual past, it’s crucial to understand that salvation and forgiveness of sin is given to us by grace. “By grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, that no one should boast” (Ephesians 2:8-9). When we begin to understand what it means to be truly forgiven, we begin to see through God’s eyes and how much He must love us, and that helps us forgive others. To forgive is to let go of the other person’s past and see him or her as a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). Christ died for his/her sin and the potential spouse now has to decide if it can be lived with. This is where doctrine moves from the theoretical to the practical.

    In matters of forgiveness, it always helps to see our own pasts in God’s eyes. Sexual sin is certainly grievous to God, but so is lying, cheating, bad thoughts, drinking/smoking too much, impatience, pride, and unforgiveness. Who among us is without sin and can ‘cast the first stone’? Before coming to Christ each of us is “dead in transgressions and sins” and is made alive only by God’s grace (Ephesians 2:1-5). The question is can we forgive others as Christ forgave us? Completely and from the heart? Being able to do so is a mark of a true Christian. Jesus said if we don’t forgive, neither will God forgive us (Matthew 6:14-15). He did not mean that forgiving others is a way of procuring God’s forgiveness, which we know is by grace alone, but rather that a forgiving heart is a sign of the presence of the Holy Spirit in the heart of a true believer. Continued unforgiveness is a sign of a hard, unregenerate heart.

    Before entering into a marriage with a non-virgin, much thought, prayer, and introspection is in order. James 1:5 tells us that if we seek wisdom, God will grant it freely to all who ask. Speaking with a godly pastor and being involved in a Bible teaching church will help in the decision making process. Some churches have excellent pre-engagement classes. Also, talking freely and openly with the potential mate about these things may reveal things in both parties’ pasts that need to be addressed and forgiven.

    Marriage is a challenge in the best of circumstances and takes a lot of work to make it successful. Both partners need, and deserve, to be loved unconditionally. Ephesians 5 describes the roles of both husband and wife in marriage, but the passage begins with the overriding principle for both: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21). Willing sacrifice and the strength to choose to be a servant to the betterment of the marriage are the marks of a maturing spiritual man and woman who honor God. Wisely choosing a spouse based upon biblical qualities is important, but of equal importance are our own ongoing spiritual growth and our surrender to God’s will in our lives. A man who is seeking to be the man God wants him to be will be able to help his wife be the woman God desires her to be and, despite their pasts, they will be able to build their marriage into a God-honoring union that delights them both.

    Warrior Elite

    Sunday, April 11, 2010 at 11:11 pm

    • whores that suddenly after marriage become holy angels of faithfulness lol, if that is not a fetish i dont know what it is

      do not be deceived, faithfulness starts before marriage and whoever does not agree is a supreme ignoramus who should take statistics classes and read factbooks

      education solves many problems. for the hopeless, just wait for the divorce papers and that nasty alimony request in the courts that “could not be foretold” ahaha you guys are fucking funny do you know that

      amusing to say the least

      Sunday, August 15, 2010 at 4:02 am

    • Oh God, force me to marry her. Amen.

      Force me!

      Sunday, August 15, 2010 at 5:52 pm

  61. Clap Clap Clap….
    Very well written and executed !

    However, let’s not forget that the only reason GOD does allow divorce is in the case where a wife has fornicated, (not adultey). GOD knew/knows that a mans heart could not always resolve to know that his wife has laid with someone other then him. -Dueteronomy 24-

    Piper

    Friday, April 30, 2010 at 1:30 am

  62. WHEN WE BUY A HOUSE OR AN APARTMENT, WE CHECK IF WE HAVE OUR OWN “PRIVATE BATHROOM / TOILET ” RIGHT?

    WE WOULDN’T LIKE TO USE ACCOMMODATIONS WHICH HAS “SHARED” BATHROOM/TOILETS RIGHT?

    SIMILARY, DECENT HUMANS DON’T LIKE TO USE PUBLIC TOILETS AND URINALS, WHERE EVERY BODY HAVE SHOWN WHAT THEY HAVE “GOT”..

    GET ME?

    SO PERHAPS THAT ANSWERS WHY SHOULD A WIFE BE A VIRGIN… AFTER ALL DOING THE “INAGURATION CEREMONY” IS A CHANCE WHICH VERY PRIVELEGED FEW GET NOW A DAYS..

    TO EXPLAIN YOU THE OTHER WAY, SUPPOSE YOU LIKE HONEY AND HAVE A BIG JAR FULL OF YOUR FAVORITE HONEY, STILL NOT OPENED BY YOU. WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU RELAIZE THAT SOME ONE HAS ALREADY TASTED “YOUR” HONEY?

    WOULD YOU BE A MAN AND “DISTRIBUTE” YOUR HONEY EVEN BEFORE YOU TASTE IT? i AM SURE DECENT MEN DON’T DISTRIBUTE AT ALL, BUT FOR YOU I HAVE THIS Q. THINK ABOUT IT AND COMMENT IF REQUIRED.

    Mohit

    Tuesday, July 13, 2010 at 2:06 pm

  63. > Sometimes age is not enough to grow up.

    For you, it certainly was not.

    I Enjoy Your Wife And She Won't Tell You

    Saturday, August 14, 2010 at 4:34 pm

  64. NullBit, your nonvirgin wife will never see you as special. You see, you are her SIMPLETON MASTURBATION MACHINE and she will leave you as soon as you start having sexual problems or she finds somebody that pleases her more. (Both events usually happen at the same time, so take heart as you ready yourself!)

    What? You thought that she was only fucking you? What say you, now she is with you? But she was with someone else earlier, why can’t she replace a bozo just like she did with the bozos that came before you? She DEMONSTRATED that she can replace someone no longer fitting her purposes.

    Do you really think that she would never replace you as a sex toy? And what proof do you have of your supposed irreplaceability? Yeah, she is with you… FOR NOW.

    If you thought that you were special to her, now THAT is an unequalled childish fetish fantasy. Who the hell you think you are? She only wants sexual pleasure AND your money for her shopping. Her alimony request in the courts will be your hard-reality wake-up call which no ridiculing will work against, let me assure you of that. In fact, prepare to lose all your money AND your offspring to her.

    Sure, be like that, do not see it coming: “But I thought you loved me?” Hardy Har-har. Fool.

    This blog is dead

    Thursday, August 19, 2010 at 2:40 am

    • The coward killed himself when his wife left him, this is why he can’t reply. That, or AIDS did its magic. Either way, one less dork on this planet and we should all be grateful.

      McFadden

      Friday, August 20, 2010 at 3:05 pm

  65. My two cents on this topic.

    First hats off to Jennifer for expounding that men and women are equal in all aspects as created by God irrespective of their sexual organs, their mental make up and blah blah … The fact is that till we erase this inequality between men and women, both the sexes are going to suffer as they have done in the past.

    Now, here is what I think of on the issue of virgin or being non- virgin.

    1) Whenever any of the partnera has had previous physical relationship with the opposite sexes, there is a mutual exchange of some bodily excretions at the physical level. But there is something beyond that happens and that is an emotional bond and a part of oneself gets exchanged between the partner. So, what it means that he or she doesn’t remain the same as he/she was before. Nothing comes free in life. So, unlike animal, God has reated men/women in such a manner that any kind of sexual relationship between men and women is much more than just being physical. And so, it is much more complex.

    2) So, the question is whether we should indulge in such act before marriage or not. Well, we should know the consequences of getting into such acts first. Depending on the nos. of sexually active partner that he or she had, the complete self ( physical + mental+emotional+ spiritual) will get determined by the nos. of partner one had. A part of each partners become a part of your self and then you don’t remain what you were before. So what it means to your marriage and post marriage. Well, you start comparing your wife/husband with all your previous relationships that you had. children are the most beautifull gift that God has bestowed upon Humanity and they are borne out of love and affection of both the partners. If there is a lack of love because of the situations where the partners had previous relationshsips, you will not be able to give your 100 % to child bearing act and your children would feel lack of love throughout their life, they may wander without any purpose and such children resort to drugs and other …..

    3) In today’s world, each of us feels that well I am not sure if my parner is going to be virgin or not. Well, life is built upon faith, love and sacrifice. Even if one of the partner is clean and honest in terms of his /her conscience, it would show up in the quality of life, our children and many more. Finally, each of us has to bear the karma/ results of what we have sown in our lives. So, many of us has to start this and say I will not indulge in such acts before our marriage as this is going to ruin my life, children and ……..

    or else , let us be very clear in our conscience and say that we will not get into the sacred institution of marriage as this has lot sof impact on future generation, society, world and future well being of mankind. We will continue laying around and have fun in our life. Well not sure, for how long we can do that as it ultimately lead to complete destruction of man/woman.

    So, let’s be responsible in our thought/words/actions and do something that is good for ourselves/socity/mankind. Some one has to start this and let us be that some one and show the torch to others or lese this planet will become full of sorrows.

    Well, according to Hindu belief, if we preserve our semen and use it for child bearing act after marriage, the childrens of ours can be really very strong, bright and successful in their life. Try it and see for yourself.

    With Love and Regards,

    Manoj

    Manoj Kumar

    Monday, August 23, 2010 at 10:01 pm

  66. SO U GUYS WANT A USED CONTAINER FOR UR KIDS WHEN THEY ARE INSIDE?

    U WANT TO DEPOSIT UR KIDS AT PLACES WHERE OTHER “PROSPECTS” ALREADY HAVE PAID A VISIT?

    LOVE IS NOT ALL ABOUT SEX.. IT IS ABOUT RESPECT AS WELL.. SO IF 2 PARTNERS REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER BEFORE MARRIAGE WHI IS SEX ESSENTIAL?

    I THINK ‘I LOVE U’ IS PERHAPS THE CHEAPEST WORD AVAILABLE NOW.. IT IS LIKE A KEY TO GIRL’S VAGINA..

    SCREW HER AND ALL LOVE IS GONE ALONG WITH TEH EJACULATION.. GIRLS TOO ARE EXTREMLY STUPID AND LUSTFUL.. THEY TOO ARE AT EQUAL FAULTS.. WHY OTHERWISE WOULD THEY BE READY TO REMOVE THEIR PANTIES AND SPREAD THEIR LEGS?

    THEY TOO LIKE THE FUN PART.. LOVE IS JUST ONE EXCUSE TO BE SEX USED..

    SUCH PEOPLE ARE EMOTIONLESS, HEARTLESS, CRUEL, LIARS, MANIPULATORS, CHEATERS

    THERE COULD BE GENUINE LOVE I DONT DENY BUT THEN WHY DIDNT IT CULMINATE INTO MARRIAGE? WHAT STOPPED THEM? IF THEY COULD FUCK BEFORE MARRIAGE AND NO ONE STOPPED THEN, WHY WOULD ANY ONE STOP THEM FOR MARRYING?

    I THINK THESE PEOPLE DONT WANT ANY COMMITMENT..AS SAID ABOVE THEY ALL WANT SEX BY USING CHEAP WORDS LIKE ‘I LOVE U’, ‘I WILL BE WITH U FOR EVER’ ETC ETC..

    SOME ARE SMART TO USE CONDOMS AND DO GOOD BUSINESS FOR LATEX COMPANIES, SOME MAKE MISTAKES AND PRODUCE BASTARDS, WHICH THE SOCIETIES HAVE TO BEAR…

    SO THIS IS LOVE IN THESE TIMES, MERI JAAN…

    SEX AND LUST

    Mohit

    Sunday, September 5, 2010 at 5:43 am

  67. Wow.
    Seriously, a lot of you guys have some raging madonna/whore complex going on inside of your little brains there. No wonder you’re angry–you are having problems placing women into these nice, neat little black & white categories you’ve created and can’t seem to fathem that women aren’t like that at all. You are never going to find an assexual version of your MOMMIES!! Just because a woman is not a virgin doesn’t automatically make her a slut and try to impale herself on “every exposed dick” out there. That’s ridiculous! Reality Bites, you have some serious issues going on. Jennifer just gave a simple testimony of how forunate she was to find a man who loves her despite the fact that she trusted the wrong guy first, and you bash her for no longer being worthy of life since she didn’t give her virginity to her husband. You may as well be saying that any woman who willingly gives up her virginity is worthy of death–join the Taliban if that’s the way you feel–they belive in murdering a girl if she happens to stand “too close” to boy. People make mistakes, and they can have effects further down the road, but that does not stop people from living life and working it through. Plenty of non-virgin women to get married and STAY HAPPILY married for the rest of their lives, beacuse they admit their mistakes and know what is important in life, and aren’t “prone” to cheating any more that virgin brides are. Sometimes women loose their virginity to one man BEFORE they get married to them and it works out just fine.
    If you want to marry a virgin, fine, no one is making marry someone you don’t want to marry, but get the hell off your high horse and stop judging women by saying they are undeserving of someone else’s love because they’re not virgins! That is NOT your call to make! With you’re kind of attitude, you can expect to stay a virgin for a very, very long time until you finally grow the hell up.

    Kat

    Saturday, October 9, 2010 at 8:39 pm

    • QUOTE
      Wow.
      Seriously, a lot of you guys have some raging madonna/whore complex
      /QUOTE

      Freud isn’t exactly cutting-edge these days, you know. Some of his theories may be classed as outdated now. Interesting readings, perhaps; but outdated, nonetheless.

      QUOTE
      going on inside of your little brains there.
      /QUOTE

      Even an imbecile is able to (among nonsense remarks) say a truth that you will not be able to fight against. Appealing to brain size is a red-herring, a personal attack, or both.

      QUOTE
      No wonder you’re angry–you are having problems placing women into these nice, neat little black & white categories you’ve created and can’t seem to fathem that women aren’t like that at all.
      /QUOTE

      There are many shades of gray, but not everyone likes them… Or HAS to like them.

      QUOTE
      You are never going to find an assexual version of your MOMMIES!!
      /QUOTE

      More outdated madonna-whore speculation/hearsay. Psychiatry is very far from being an exact science at this time. Just read the new DSM-V and have fun. Oh, and when husband and wife want to have sex and have sex, they are all but asexual in my book.

      QUOTE
      Just because a woman is not a virgin doesn’t automatically make her a slut and try to impale herself on “every exposed dick” out there. That’s ridiculous!
      /QUOTE

      Many women do not care about sexual exclusivity. Strangely enough, many men do not like them…

      QUOTE
      Reality Bites, you have some serious issues going on.
      /QUOTE

      Be like that, try to insult me (and fail) just because I only am interested in a good virgin. You amuse me with your failed personal attacks.

      QUOTE
      Jennifer just gave a simple testimony of how forunate she was to find a man who loves her despite the fact that she trusted the wrong guy first,
      /QUOTE

      Good for her. But in my humble opinion, she should have waited for marriage before having sex.

      Sex clouds judgement. If a man is willing to wait until marriage before having sex with a woman, then perhaps he is not interested only in sex and maybe the chances of a happy, lasting marriage might be a bit higher.

      Marriages are not a guarantee of happiness. Marriages can fail. But having sex only with someone who committed his/her life specifically to you somewhat seems like a smart thing to me. You have to choose carefully and to stick together in mutual tolerance.

      QUOTE
      and you bash her for no longer being worthy of life since she didn’t give her virginity to her husband.
      /QUOTE

      She just isn’t worthy of me. Lesser men can have her.

      QUOTE
      You may as well be saying that any woman who willingly gives up her virginity is worthy of death–join the Taliban if that’s the way you feel–they belive in murdering a girl if she happens to stand “too close” to boy.
      /QUOTE

      This is black/white “reasoning”. Pot, meet kettle.

      QUOTE
      People make mistakes, and they can have effects further down the road, but that does not stop people from living life and working it through.
      /QUOTE

      They can live life. Without me. Then their mistakes won’t have any effect on me, rest assured of that.

      QUOTE
      Plenty of non-virgin women to get married and STAY HAPPILY married for the rest of their lives, beacuse they admit their mistakes and know what is important in life, and aren’t “prone” to cheating any more that virgin brides are.
      /QUOTE

      I do not *need* to get married. I can be picky. And virgin marriages DO last longer. Do your research, baby. It’s out there. I won’t do your homework for you. Not even if you threaten suicide. And I could care less whether you believe me or not. Just search and you will find. I did.

      QUOTE
      Sometimes women loose their virginity to one man BEFORE they get married to them and it works out just fine.
      /QUOTE

      It does not “happen”. They WANT it to happen. But some women wait until marriage, and those are smarter in my eyes.

      QUOTE
      If you want to marry a virgin, fine, no one is making marry someone you don’t want to marry, but get the hell off your high horse and stop judging women by saying they are undeserving of someone else’s love because they’re not virgins! That is NOT your call to make!
      /QUOTE

      I simply said that they are not worthy of MY love.

      QUOTE
      With you’re kind of attitude, you can expect to stay a virgin for a very, very long time until you finally grow the hell up.
      /QUOTE

      Oh, I am so scared! Not.

      Why are you enraged? Did I hit a nerve, or what?

      Firstly, I’d rather die a happy old virgin than marry someone I could never love and be unhappy for the rest of my life. Sex is not necessary for happiness.

      Secondly, any man (mature or immature) can choose to lose virginity to one of those women who trade sex for money (prostitutes, they used to call them). So your strange link between being “grown up” as a prerequisite for sex and losing virginity is a bit weak, to say the least.

      Thirdly, telling me to “grow the hell up” is nothing more than a personal attack. Which missed its mark, just like all the others. What does “growing up” mean, anyway? That you don’t like my way of thinking? See if I care. That you don’t believe my social skills are as good as yours? Talk about “being on a high horse”!

      Reality Bites

      Tuesday, October 12, 2010 at 10:17 pm

      • Struck a nerve? Pish! As if you need to be taken seriuously! Though I don’t appreciate you calling a woman who (..um…agreed with you, btw) loves her husband, a [future] adulterer, and encouraging these equally sinnful men to throw away their family like expired milk and get a “fresh” virgin—as if that’s actually going to cure them of their insecurities. I just felt a little need to put my opinion fourth and express my slight displeasure.
        Look, I don’t know what terrible thing happened to you to cause this distorted and unhealthy view, but it’s very obvious that your personal vendetta against woman who make sexual decisions that you don’t approve of is just that: personal.
        We can argue for the rest of our lives about the meaning/meanlessless of virginity and how it correlates to marital happiness, but I’m not going to do that–i have a very rich and fulfilling life to live and I’m not going to spend my time trying to reason with a crazy person with whack logic.
        Whatever.
        Bob-buy!

        Kat

        Saturday, October 16, 2010 at 11:32 am

      • QUOTE
        As if you need to be taken seriuously!

        distorted and unhealthy view

        your personal vendetta against woman who make sexual decisions that you don’t approve of is just that: personal.

        I’m not going to spend my time trying to reason with a crazy person with whack logic
        /QUOTE

        If you strip your posts of unsubstantiated personal attacks against me, very little remains.

        QUOTE
        I just felt a little need to put my opinion fourth and express my slight displeasure.
        /QUOTE

        Uhm, okay. Now, what’s for dinner…

        QUOTE
        We can argue for the rest of our lives about the meaning/meanlessless of virginity and how it correlates to marital happiness, but I’m not going to do that
        /QUOTE

        Makes me wonder why you’re posting here.

        QUOTE
        i have a very rich and fulfilling life to live
        /QUOTE

        Go ahead, no one is holding you.

        QUOTE
        Bob-buy!
        /QUOTE

        See you around, livid poster.

        Reality Bites

        Sunday, October 17, 2010 at 11:51 am

    • @Kat
      Two things I know about you from reading your post.
      1) You’re a woman
      2) You regret losing your virginity when you did.

      Understand this, trying to convince others that it’s ok to lose their virginity before marriage, whether it be male or female, is doing satans work for him. You are going directly against GODs word and therefore going directly against GOD.

      People make mistakes, things happen and GOD forgives sins.
      To answer the question should my wife be a virgin the answer is YES and so should I.

      Todd Jekins

      Tuesday, January 11, 2011 at 6:06 am

    • By the way… Strictly speaking…

      One can seek a virgin spouse BUT not be asexual towards him/her after marriage.

      Here’s the said, much-misunderstood, often-misquoted theory.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madonna-whore_complex

      Reality Bites

      Sunday, February 13, 2011 at 4:28 pm

  68. It is obvious the writer of this article is married to a woman who has been “used” as a sperm receptacle by another man. What a joy it would be to realize that there is nothing that you can you with your WIFE that she has not already done with someone else. Even the thought is thoroughly repugnant and disgusting.

    Either that or the writer is a woman who has forever lost her purity and has nothing to offer to a spouse that she has not already given away, cheaply. No essay or attempt at philosophy can give you the right to wear a white wedding dress again! You deplorable scum.

    Do you think a hymen exists by accident? No way, you fools! Sex is blood covenant that seals the marriage union! Why do you think most marriages end in divorce these days? The reason is that the very foundation was destroyed before the couple ever met! True love means waiting can committing yourself to ONE person until death.

    My wife and I will never divorce or cheat on each other. No one has ever had sex with her or kissed even her romantically except me. My wife is pure. I pity the man who is marriage to defiled, foul-smelling human garbage.

    I hate to upset the apple cart gentlemen, but the old tampon excuse is a bit ridiculous. If your wife did not bleed, in all probability there is a man to blame somewhere!

    A billion dollars cannot buy back a woman’s sacred virginity. I would rather have my wife than a billionaire who was not a virgin. You words cannot hurt me. My wife is pure, and your woman is used garbage! Ha ha ha ha! Scum.

    Filzhut

    Thursday, December 30, 2010 at 6:30 am

    • QUOTE
      What a joy it would be to realize that there is nothing that you can do with your WIFE that she has not already done with someone else. Even the thought is thoroughly repugnant and disgusting.
      /QUOTE

      So very true.

      QUOTE
      Why do you think most marriages end in divorce these days? The reason is that the very foundation was destroyed before the couple ever met! True love means waiting and committing yourself to ONE person until death.
      /QUOTE

      I couldn’t have said it better myself.

      Anyway several days ago, an American university published a study on the “Journal of family psychology”. It is a peer-reviewed publication of the American Psychological Association.

      The findings? There are several benefits that virginity until marriage provides, which premarital sex does not. The results of the experiment did not, repeat, did not depend from the test subjects’ religion (or lack thereof)! Google News is our friend, read it up.

      QUOTE
      My wife and I will never divorce or cheat on each other. No one has ever had sex with her or even kissed her romantically except me. My wife is pure.
      /QUOTE

      You are lucky beyond words.

      QUOTE
      A billion dollars cannot buy back a woman’s sacred virginity. I would rather have my wife than a billionaire who was not a virgin.
      /QUOTE

      My thoughts exactly.

      Reality Bites

      Saturday, January 8, 2011 at 2:49 am

  69. Proverbs 31:10

     10Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

     11The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

     12She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

    If you don’t know the definition of virtuous please look it up.

    Todd Jekins

    Tuesday, January 11, 2011 at 5:25 am

  70. I am a 30 year old Christian male virgin, who’s been trying to save myself for the girl I marry. I recently ended a relationship with a girl who I found out had sex with 3 other guys. One willingly, and the other two not so willingly. It was heartbreaking because I really cared about this girl, and I really thought I might marry her. I was shocked when I found this out, cause she just didn’t seem like that kind of girl.

    I made the mistake of staying with her for another 2 months after I found out, because I didn’t want to be so quick to throw away something special. She had become very important to me. During our time together we came very close to having sex ourselves, but managed not to.

    I continued to wrestle with her past and eventually just decided I just couldn’t handle it. So we broke up. I knew the bitterness and resentment was killing me.

    I know that the sexual contact we had was wrong and I feel somewhat hypocritical because we did have some sexual contact and almost had sex, but ultimately we did not.

    It was very hard for me to leave her because I did care about her, But I knew I had to, cause it would have killed our marriage.

    I regret the involvement I had with her. I regret the sexual contact I had with her. And although I may not be “pristine” and completely pure, I am still a virgin. And I am glad to at least have that one piece left that I can give to the woman I marry, and I do hope and pray that she is still a virgin.

    ChristianGuy

    Sunday, February 6, 2011 at 8:14 am

    • No matter what others say:

      1. It’s good that you managed to stop before full sexual intercourse.

      2. It’s good that you two broke up.

      3. Retroactive jealousy is okay, and can somewhat decrease at times but never really goes away.

      Bottom line, by breaking up you saved yourself (and the girl) a much, much greater suffering. Now, since you’re a Christian, you may pray for God’s forgiveness and somehow go on with your life.

      Find a good virgin woman, tell her of your sexual accident and make sure she is REALLY completely okay with the level of intimacy you shared with your last girlfriend. (Tell the new woman it’s important to answer truthfully; meanwhile, read her facial expressions).

      If your new girlfriend is not really okay with that, wish her good luck and leave; if she is really okay with that, continue with your courtship.

      May you find the good virgin wife that you seek. Now you should intensify your efforts in finding one, since you have reached The Big Thirty. But do not rush into marriage: always make sure that the woman has desirable qualities apart from being a virgin.

      reality bites

      Thursday, February 10, 2011 at 11:33 am

    • I just re-read this statement. A contradiction in terms?

      QUOTE
      I do hope and pray that (the woman I marry) is still a virgin.
      /QUOTE

      If virginity is important to you, why marry someone BEFORE discussing the requirement of virginity? If it’s important to you, discuss it BEFORE marriage. In fact, BEFORE courtship goes too far. Be tactful, but honest.

      There is only pain in marrying a woman only to discover that she was not a virgin like you were expecting her to be. The retroactive jealousy would make your (and her) life a living hell (and realistically, it would never go away). So… Think before you act.

      Reality Bites

      Friday, February 11, 2011 at 11:29 pm

    • Look for another girl who is a virgin. Obviously you cannot handle a woman not being a virgin. That’s normal. I gotta say you’re amazing for being 30 and having waited for your future wife. I hope you find her soon! E-mail me if you want to talk, I would love to get to know you! danielleclover@rocketmail.com

      Dee

      Wednesday, June 13, 2012 at 12:38 am

      • Just so you know I’m also a virgin but I’m 24

        Dee

        Wednesday, June 13, 2012 at 12:39 am

      • Congratulations for your great willpower! 8)

        And good luck in your search for your perfect soul mate. :)

        reality bites

        Friday, June 15, 2012 at 4:05 pm

  71. I think the author of the blog is a non-virgin corrupt feminist.

    What she is trying to say that if a woman who has sexual encounters before marriage, has no fault and if a man who was waiting for marriage to lose virginity rejects that non-virgin woman then he is insecure, has low self-esteem, he need to grow up!!!!!!!
    What a great logic?
    I can do nothing but laugh at the author.

    I want to ask a question to the author that will she marry a gang-rapist? Will you give him your so called “POWER OF LOVE”? Don’t tell me you will.

    I am a virgin and waited for years to get a shit. No way you non-virgin feminist.

    I will rather marry a street prostitute than a non-virgin because there is not much difference between them.
    In fact, street prostitutes are better than non-virgins because they won’t let touch their body without money, they have kept a certain price for their body but you non-virgin womans are free meal.

    Royale Man

    Friday, March 11, 2011 at 4:35 am

    • QUOTE
      What she is trying to say that if a woman who has sexual encounters before marriage, has no fault and if a man who was waiting for marriage to lose virginity rejects that non-virgin woman then he is insecure, has low self-esteem, he need to grow up!!!!!!!
      What a great logic?
      I can do nothing but laugh at the author.
      /QUOTE

      Yeah, the sad truth is that many people are irrational. Many simply cannot reason.

      When irrational people see that someone wants to stay virgin until marriage and/or wants a virgin spouse, irrational people often target him/her with personal attacks. It is their standard, factory-programmed response to something they cannot understand/bear and/or an expression of peer pressure.

      Hazy words like “insecure” and “grow up” are their battle cry. But such words are ambiguous; they mean very little. There is no universal standard of “being secure” and “being mature”, nor an obligation to conform to such a standard as defined by the ignorant masses. Everyone has its own definition of “being secure” and “being mature”.

      More importantly, just because one wants to stay virgin until marriage and/or wants a virgin spouse doesn’t mean that he/she is insecure or immature. There is no automatism.

      In fact, staying virgin until marriage and wanting a virgin spouse are very wise choices, since it’s been proven that there are STRONG links between sexual promiscuity and divorce probabilities (because of neurological, chemical and psychological reasons).

      In simple words, the more sexual partners one has, the higher the divorce probabilities if/when one later gets married.

      Whether people like it or not.

      Reality Bites

      Monday, March 14, 2011 at 9:20 am

    • QUOTE
      prostitutes are better than non-virgins because they won’t let touch their body without money, they have kept a certain price for their body but you non-virgin womans are free meal.
      /QUOTE

      Yeah, at least prostitutes get paid. Mind you, prostitution is bad but prostitutes may have more self-worth than “sexually liberated” people who do it for free.

      Reality Bites

      Monday, March 14, 2011 at 9:26 am

  72. QUOTE
    I think the author of the blog is a non-virgin corrupt feminist.
    /QUOTE

    I respect women in general but I have to say Feminism is one of the greatest evils in mankind’s history (yes, I respect good women AND am against feminism).

    Feminism tried to establish an illogic automatism between “having sex” and “freedom”.

    Concepts like “sexual freedom” (as intended by Feminism) and “right to orgasm” are the pinnacle of stupidity.

    First of all, if we exclude cases where women are actually held captive somewhere at the mercy of slave traders or violent men, ALL other women have sexual freedom by default.

    Unfortunately, many people cannot understand that HAVING something is one thing and that USING it is another thing. Just because we HAVE sexual freedom doesn’t mean that we should USE it.

    Just because, say, “John Doe” has a gun doesn’t mean he has to use it… Likewise, though each one of us CAN have sex, this doesn’t mean that we should do it with just anyone (or at all).

    So, women who believe they HAVE to have sex in order to be free are, in their own mind, more slave than the ones held captive by slave traders at gunpoint. Goethe once said, “None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free”.

    That said…

    “Right to orgasm”? You filthy feminists, you don’t have ANY right over my body. Go buy yourself a vibrator. I’m staying virgin until marriage and only my wife will be able to enjoy the benefits of being with me.

    Reality Bites

    Monday, March 14, 2011 at 8:56 am

  73. Prostitution is bad but prostitutes are better than non-virgins.
    See my ranking-
    1) Virgins – Best
    2) Rape victims – Best (my thinking)
    3) Prostitutes – Better
    4) Non-virgins – Worst

    I will definitely marry to (1) or (2), but suppose if only (3) & (4) option are available in whole world, then i will doubt whether to marry or not. But if i think of family making, then (3) have the little bit quality to become my marriage material because prostitutes do it due to “LACK” of money, and if i provide them their “LACK” then they will not do it.

    And suppose if i have only (4) option in the whole world, then i will NEVER NEVER NEVER ever marry. I will like to spend my whole life single “HAPPY” man than to “SUFFER” my whole life with a non-virgin.

    These Man-Insulter/Hater Feminists should first see their faces in the mirror. They should have a balanced approach rather than blindly raising voice against man without checking whether women is right or wrong.

    Because not a single decent man will ever like to marry a “orgasm” oriented women, only jerks will approach you. So it is better to come out of your one way feminism nature, and if you can’t do that, then better live in your own Lesbian World.

    We don’t need you and your feminism.

    Royale Man

    Monday, March 14, 2011 at 6:53 pm

  74. I was wondering if it’s the same way for women. Should I wait to find a man that’s a virgin too? I’m 21 and a virgin but I feel as if I wait for a virgin man to marry I might stay alone forever. Not many men are virgins. At the same time I don’t want to marry and be unhappy like many of the men on here. Most guys are saying they are upset and dishonored because their wives aren’t virgins. So I guess my question is, do women feel this way as well when they marry non virgin men?
    I also wanted to point out that reading these comments makes me feel really proud of myself for choosing to wait. If only I could meet someone like that in real life!

    Anonymous

    Friday, June 24, 2011 at 7:40 am

    • QUOTE
      Should I wait to find a man that’s a virgin too?
      /QUOTE

      Most definitely. This chart summarizes everything:

      http://tinyurl.com/69rkjyu

      The more premarital sex partners a man or woman has, the higher his/her divorce probabilities. Period.

      Reality Bites

      Friday, June 24, 2011 at 11:00 am

      • So, virginity until marriage is the best choice for people who plan to get married or end up marrying anyway.

        This, and many more pro-virginity facts and logic arguments, you can read on:

        http://www.everywomansblog.com/does-a-guy-mind-that-his-girlfriend-is-not-a-virgin/comment-page-5

        (You can read the comments from Page 1 if you are curious and have much time to spare).

        I started posting on Page 3, and not everyone liked it. Many do not believe that premarital sex does more harm than good!

        A few insulted me, but when I started quoting the Ph.D.’s and MD’s the offenders disappeared and yet have to come back…

        QUOTE
        really proud of myself for choosing to wait. If only I could meet someone like that in real life!
        /QUOTE

        Way to go, girl! And may you find a worthy husband – a virgin with a good compatible personality. Good luck!

        Reality Bites

        Friday, June 24, 2011 at 11:03 am

  75. I wanted to mention that much of the reason men cannot find virgin wives is because they tend to look for them in the wrong places and they want a woman who looks like a model. I’ve never been to a club or a bar but I’m a virgin. I go to church on Sundays and hang out at the college I go to. I’m an honor student and get straight As in college. I’m doing really well in school but I’ve never had a guy approach me because I’m very shy. I wish I did though. I’m a little overweight and I feel that most men don’t care to look at me that way because of that. Reading the posts here has made me feel great that I’m waiting but honestly I don’t see men acting this way in real life. I see men looking for women that disrespect themselves and want to sleep around. If guys wants virgins, then why don’t they look for them instead of sleeping around with non-virgins? It’s just really confusing to read these posts and then see how men act in real life.

    Student Y

    Sunday, June 26, 2011 at 8:32 am

    • Many men want a virgin woman but don’t stay virgin until marriage.

      As a virgin man, I think that this is very sad behavior.

      Avoid such hypocrites like the plague: they’d likely cheat on you at the first opportunity.

      Reality Bites

      Sunday, June 26, 2011 at 6:15 pm

      • Most men don’t want virgins. It seems like only virgin men want virgins because they want to hide the fact that they suck at sex. Most virgins are fat and ugly anyone, that’s why they’re virgins to begin with. No one wants a fat person.

        Dave

        Friday, July 1, 2011 at 10:16 pm

      • Wise men want virgin wives.

        http://tinyurl.com/69rkjyu

        Many people aren’t wise, as they plan to end up in divorce court.

        But they neither have a clue, nor do they have any intention to get one. Their blissful ignorance will likely be their downfall.

        a116814@jnxjn.com

        Sunday, July 3, 2011 at 5:42 pm

      • So would you rather have a somewhat overweight virgin than a beautiful woman that has had sex with only one person? I would choose the latter and I’m pretty sure all men would to! Fat people get no sympathy from me! Especially the women they need to take care of themselves. Sex is normal and actually healthy when it comes to adults. Fatness is not and no person who is fat deserves to be happy they need to excercise for real.

        Dave

        Monday, July 4, 2011 at 3:09 am

      • Yes, I prefer a woman 9 times less likely to breakup/divorce, thank you very much.
        http://tinyurl.com/69rkjyu (more sex partners equals even higher divorce chances!)

        Reality Bites

        Monday, July 4, 2011 at 6:59 am

      • Sex is healthy? As long as you are not promiscuous.

        There is “a significant correlation between sexual restraint and emotional well-being, between monogamy and happiness—and between promiscuity and depression”…

        … Especially among women! “Which may help explain why overall female happiness has actually drifted downward since the sexual revolution…”

        “The happiest women were those with a current sexual partner and ONLY ONE OR TWO PARTNERS IN THEIR LIFETIME. Virgins were almost as happy, though not quite, and then a young woman’s likelihood of depression rose steadily as her NUMBER OF PARTNERS climbed and the present STABILITY of her sex life diminished.”
        – The New York Times, March 6, 2011.

        Reality Bites

        Monday, July 4, 2011 at 7:01 am

      • Sex is natural? Something “natural” may not always be “desirable”.

        http://www.fallacyfiles.org/adnature.html

        Reality Bites

        Monday, July 4, 2011 at 7:05 am

    • No, I would rather have a thin and beautiful woman that knows how to please me in bed than a fat virgin. I think all men would! See that’s why you’re still alone because no one would ever want to be with you.

      Dave

      Thursday, June 30, 2011 at 10:57 pm

      • Untrue. While many slim people dislike fat people…

        http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/revealed-why-slim-people-dislike-the-overweight-459459.html

        Overweight people can date overweight people. Like attracts like.

        And though I am definitely not overweight, I can date a mildly overweight virgin woman – if she exercises and diets rigorously, as part of her effort to care for herself and to make me happy. Nobody is 100% ready for a relationship, everyone has to work hard at improving oneself.

        I am not short-sighted, and can see what a person can become over time.

        I am more concerned that the overweight condition may be a hint that the woman is lazy or would not care for her own health and for her future husband’s happiness.

        Reality Bites

        Sunday, July 3, 2011 at 5:56 pm

      • Let’s examine some hard data. In the good ol’ U.S.A.:

        http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/overwt.htm

        68% of people over age 20 weigh above normal. Almost seven out of ten!

        So… What of those people? Are they doomed to not date anyone? I don’t think so.

        Reality Bites

        Sunday, July 3, 2011 at 6:24 pm

      • I would much rather grow old alone than to marry someone like you!

        Student Y

        Tuesday, July 5, 2011 at 4:40 am

      • dave. I don’t know what garbage you are spouting about. seriously, you need to fill your brain with thoughts other than sex.

        I happen to be a virgin. many of my friends are virgins. we are not all fat/ugly. I don’t go out and meet guys actively but i do have men asking me out one time or another. same for my friends. so your argument doesn’t stand.

        how does “being a virgin” = fat and ugly anyway? logic reasoning fail.

        note though: sexy, virgin women like me, my friends and tons of women out there aren’t dying to sleep with a guy or marry a guy like you anytime soon. we have standards. the lesser women like the whores and non-virgins can have you. :D

        Evelyn

        Monday, April 16, 2012 at 10:26 am

    • Youre right most men dont look at you b/c youre fat face it no guy wants to be with a fat girl. oh and your virginity doesn’t help either. When you do meet someone make sure to please him. Give him sex because your fat and ugly your chances are slim to none. Sex migt help you keep him for a litle while but don’t expect for him to marry you. I mean you can’t really expect any guy to want to marry a fat girl right? Look men like women that are beautiful and you cannot be beautyful by being fat. You need to learn how to sattisfy a man. Just go out and have sex, virginity is over rated and it seems like you’re only saving yourself for your husband. But since youre fat your never going to have one! So just get over it and have sex. It’s really not all that bad. reality bites has no idea whats he talking about dont listen to him
      i now what its like and trust me men want women tsht know how to satisfy and woman that are skinny no chubs

      Danielle

      Monday, July 4, 2011 at 3:21 am

      • QUOTE
        no guy wants to be with a fat girl
        /QUOTE

        68% of “over-20″ Americans are overweight. Many of them are into relationships.

        QUOTE
        reality bites has no idea whats he talking about dont listen to him
        /QUOTE

        “Exercise, diet and stay virgin until marriage” is all I have to say to her.

        Scientific studies proved the links between promiscuity and divorce. So staying virgin until marriage is only wise. Don’t call someone ignorant only because YOU do not read.

        Reality Bites

        Monday, July 4, 2011 at 7:52 am

  76. Do men that seek virgins look for women that look good? I mean I’m not saying I don’t look good but as I have stated earlier I’m on the chunky side and well my self – esteem is not at its highest. I was just wondering if you guys that are commenting on how badly you would want a virgin to marry, are willing to look at inner beauty too?

    Student Y

    Tuesday, June 28, 2011 at 6:35 am

    • Without inner beauty, even a beautiful woman would be an empty shell. That said, men tend to prefer good-looking women, who since the dawn of time are considered (rightly or wrongly) possessing desirable genes for the perpetuation of the human species.

      A woman deliberately keeping her virginity for her husband already has part of what we call “inner beauty”. Virginity is required, but is not enough in itself.

      The prospective wife must not be lazy; she must be willing to do her part in a household. And she must care for the health and well-being of herself and her husband.

      All this means, among other things, that she has to be willing to get/stay in good shape, which includes the willingness to get slimmer (ie. exercising and dieting). I exercise and diet myself, and a woman can certainly do the same compatibly with her own general health condition. Down with couch potatoes! 8)

      Regarding self-esteem: it is very important, you have to work to increase that. Avoid associating with people that bring you down. If you feel you are overweight, exercise and diet for yourself (seek expert advice first) instead of doing it for someone else. Repeat, you are doing it for your own benefit and NOT to get admired by people!

      Take care of your own body and, as your aspect improves, you’ll feel better. And believe me, men will perceive that – which will also increase your self-esteem!

      Good luck!

      a116814@jnxjn.com

      Thursday, June 30, 2011 at 5:37 pm

  77. Student Y youre right most men dont look at you b/c youre fat face it no guy wants to be with a fat girl. oh and your virginity doesn’t help either. When you do meet someone make sure to please him. Give him sex because your fat and ugly your chances are slim to none. Sex migt help you keep him for a litle while but don’t expect for him to marry you. I mean you can’t really expect any guy to want to marry a fat girl right? Look men like women that are beautiful and you cannot be beautyful by being fat. You need to learn how to sattisfy a man. Just go out and have sex, virginity is over rated and it seems like you’re only saving yourself for your husband. But since youre fat your never going to have one! So just get over it and have sex. It’s really not all that bad. reality bites has no idea whats he talking about dont listen to him
    i now what its like and trust me men want women tsht know how to satisfy and woman that are skinny no chubs
    Reality bites needs to grow up!

    Danielle

    Monday, July 4, 2011 at 7:29 am

    • You need an education.

      Reality Bites

      Monday, July 4, 2011 at 7:54 am

      • I agree with you, she definitely needs an education. Honestly what is this girls’ problem? I’m not even that fat to begin with I’m just a little overweight. In all honesty I would rather be overweight and a virgin than to be a stupid skinny sperm bucket! I’ve heard that sex at a young age can cause someone to stunt their academic growth. It seems as if this is exactly what is happening!

        Student Y

        Tuesday, July 5, 2011 at 4:39 am

      • Finger, Thelen, Vessey, Mohn and Mann (2005)
        “Men and women who were virgins at age 18, when evaluated approximately 20 years later, had about half the risk of divorce, had completed about an additional year of education and had annual incomes nearly 20 percent higher than those who were not virgins at 18.”

        http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/archive/ldn/2005/may/05050607

        Reality Bites

        Tuesday, July 5, 2011 at 6:12 am

    • Yup. She needs an education. She sounds like she grew up in a jungle with no access to books. Which explains her uneducated garbage there. Either that, or she’s a non-virgin – most of them tend to speak like that.

      Danielle, take note: you might look like Miss Universe or whatever. But just judging from the things you have written here, no man with self-respect would want to be with you. Those on the lower rungs of social hierarchy would. But those looking for self-respect in a woman, virginity, brains etc wouldn’t go for the likes of you. The earlier you know that, the better it would be for you. At least it still gives you time to get educated.

      @student Y: don’t listen to her or other people who try to put you down. you sound like a nice person. just keep up with the good grades at college, maybe incorporate some exercise if u can into your lifestyle and just be patient. the nice, virgin man is out there and you might meet him at a rather unexpected time! :D

      Evelyn

      Monday, April 16, 2012 at 10:36 am

  78. Hey guys, I have a question. I’m a virgin but my guy isn’t. If I have sex with him, because I think we’re going to get married someday, would he still respect me? Will he still cherish me for giving him my virginity? I know I will be having sex with him but it would be my virginity that I would be giving him so do you think that he would love me more for that? I’m just wondering because my plan was to wait for marriage (we’re both Christians) but lately I feel like I want to have sex with him. I feel ready and he does too. Does anything change when two people have sex? Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks!
    Also do men cherish a woman more when she has sex with him after they are married or it doesn’t matter if she has sex with him before and then they get married?

    Tina

    Tuesday, August 2, 2011 at 8:13 pm

    • I was just going out, I’ll reply when I come back, and then only after some reading and pondering. :-) Stay tuned…

      Reality Bites

      Wednesday, August 3, 2011 at 10:19 pm

    • You’ve got strong feelings for this guy. He looks perfect and you can’t wait to get intimate with him.

      Don’t. Not yet.

      QUOTE
      I think we’re going to get married someday. I know I will be having sex with him.
      /QUOTE

      So you strongly feel he’s The One you must marry. You feel destined to!

      However, PHYSICAL ATTRACTION and LOVE are two different things.

      How can you be sure it’s LOVE and not simply PHYSICAL ATTRACTION (infatuation)?

      Keep in mind that: physical attraction clouds judgement, but the consequences of sex are real and “may” last a lifetime.

      Bottom line: think long and hard before having sex! Choose your sexual partner wisely!

      QUOTE
      If I have sex with him … would he still respect me? Will he still cherish me for giving him my virginity? Do you think that he would love me more for that?
      /QUOTE

      If you “give it up” too soon, some people will interpret this as being “easy” and leave you!

      If you “give it up” too late, some people will get tired of waiting and leave you!

      Here’s a quick market analysis.

      Some people require nonvirgins; some prefer nonvirgins; some are indifferent; some prefer virgins; some require virgins.

      Would your current boyfriend respect and cherish you for giving him your virginity? It partly depends on which “market segment” he belongs to, and partly on the moment this happens.

      Reality Bites

      Thursday, August 4, 2011 at 7:35 am

      • My advice?

        If you want your future marriage to last for a lifetime, STAY VIRGIN UNTIL MARRIAGE. Here’s a PARTIAL list of reasons…

        1. You’ll filter out the scum: sex-seekers, serial devirginizers, immature and impatient people (who’d make your life a living hell).
        Which is good, since they’d have cheated on you and left you at the first signs of difficulty. And yes, many will TAKE rather than GIVE in sex.

        2. You’ll also filter out people who simply aren’t right for you. People with incompatible personalities. Even if you FEEL he’s right, is him?
        Can you see reality clearly? Or infatuation is making you ignore many defects? Remember that very few people have the ability to change for
        the better. Only time and lucidity will allow you to see a man’s true colors. And Nature’s infatuation trick prevents us from seeing objectively!
        If at some point you discover he’s Mr. Wrong, why should you stay with him? But sex makes breakup MUCH harder – and precious months or years are lost! Time you could have spent with your REAL soul mate.

        QUOTE
        Does anything change when two people have sex?
        /QUOTE

        3. The oxytocin mechanism (indispensable for forming a lasting romantic bond to a person) is crippled by promiscuity. Read about oxytocin and its importance.
        In a nutshell, sex can immensely bond two people, but the more people you have sex with and the more this mechanism will be crippled.

        4. The more sexual partners one has, the higher the divorce probabilities. Numerous scientific studies ALL point to such results. See this synthesis chart:

        http://tinyurl.com/69rkjyu

        Bottom line, just one premarital sexual partner increases divorce probabilities 9 times for the female and 15 times for the male. More partners make things ever worse.

        5. He/she who enjoys premarital sex will also enjoy extramarital sex. And once the habit/ability to have extramarital sex is learned, it CANNOT be unlearned.
        In other words, premarital sex is merely a form of extramarital sex – and premarital sex makes cheating MUCH more likely. A 2005 MIT study explains why pleasant habits are hard to lose (eg. EXTRAMARITAL SEX).

        6. If you break up, your future husband WILL forever HAVE to best your ex’s sexual skills or you’ll be unsatisfied. Goodbye heavenly bliss, welcome Berlin Wall hell!

        7. Since you’re both Christians, premarital sex is against your chosen belief system. Partaking in that forbidden activity will bring much long-lasting guilt. And the Bible says that fornicators and adulterers will be cast into the “lake of fire”.

        QUOTE
        do men cherish a woman more when she has sex with him after they are married
        /QUOTE

        I certainly do, especially since I’ve read and pondered much on the importance of virginity (especially from a scientific point of view). I’m a virgin myself.

        QUOTE
        or it doesn’t matter if she has sex with him before and then they get married?
        /QUOTE

        Promiscuity harms marriages whether people acknowledge this or not. Such is the nature of Reality – it doesn’t care whether people acknowledge its existence or not.

        So would you rather listen to ignorants who say premarital sex is harmless – or to scientists who say premarital sex does more harm than good?

        That’s all for now… Hope this helped. Apologies if I some remarks appear harsh or rude, this was not my intention. Plainly put, reality is harsh. It bites. :E

        Reality Bites

        Thursday, August 4, 2011 at 8:02 am

      • One more comment on this statement…

        QUOTE
        (does it matter) if she has sex with him before and then they get married?
        /QUOTE

        The “premarital sex with future husband” strategy is risky. You don’t know if he’ll be your husband, until the marriage is celebrated.

        Sex may prolong a bad relationship by delaying a breakup; but if at some point you discover it’s the wrong relationship, why prolong it?

        Just marry the RIGHT person first, and only THEN use sex to deepen your relationship. With the RIGHT person – your husband! :-) Don’t bond with the wrong person.

        Hopefully your current boyfriend will be Mr. Right – but if he turns out to be Mr. Wrong, be willing to readily wave him a “civilized goodbye” in the interest of both.

        Reality Bites

        Thursday, August 4, 2011 at 8:33 am

  79. Do guys respect a woman more that dresses modestly? Lets say there’s a lady who’s a virgin but wears very revealing clothing, would you still respect her? What if there’s a virgin who dresses modestly, would you respect her more than the first one? Or does dress not matter? I was talking to a friend about this (he’s 18) and he told me that dress doesn’t matter as long as she’s a virgin. I have always found that it does but I wanted to see what you guys think.

    Denise

    Monday, August 8, 2011 at 7:37 am

    • A person who lacks modesty sends sexual messages to his/her surroundings, either wittingly or unwittingly.

      Sooner or later, an immodest virgin will lose his/her virginity, given the right set of environmental circumstances. He/she may be currently a virgin, but for how long?

      And an immodest husband or wife has an increased risk of cheating, because of the sexual messages he/she sends.

      So yes, modesty is very important. Lack of modesty in a person is a red flag. I respect modest women much more than immodest ones.

      Reality Bites

      Wednesday, August 10, 2011 at 4:14 pm

    • How would you dress for an interview? – because if you’re interested in a relationship, you’re always wearing interview clothing when you’re out in public. We all judge people by the way they dress and act. If you’re looking for a good man, always dress and act in a way that shows that you are a high quality woman.

      A virgin that dressed immodestly does not appear to be one – and will be judged and treated accordingly.

      unbroken

      Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 10:09 pm

  80. Whoa, long time no post. Hope you’re all doing fine and wish you a (belated) Happy New Year 2012… And let’s hope the Mayas were wrong. 8)

    Reality Bites

    Tuesday, January 24, 2012 at 8:11 am

  81. You know thus considerably when it comes to this topic, made me for my part consider it from so many varied angles. Its like women and men don’t seem to be fascinated except it is one thing to do with Woman gaga! Your individual stuffs outstanding. At all times deal with it up!

    Teen Masturbation Porn

    Monday, January 30, 2012 at 6:37 pm

  82. I just found out my girlfriend, is not a virgin and i’m so pissed about it. i cant even bear looking at her anymore, she told me she had sex with three other men before me, Mind you, she is a christian.. Right now i basically hate her, i feel so robbed, i was actually planning on marrying her.. I’m glad to see other men who feel this way, i never thought i would ever feel this way about her because i really love her.. I dont know if i can ever see her the same anymore, i dont even want her to touch me

    Anonymous

    Saturday, March 3, 2012 at 9:52 am

    • Hi Anonymous, I understand how you feel.

      Many don’t understand that it is perfectly natural to feel jealousy. It’s part of our nature, part of our built-in human hardware; and no one should ever feel guilty (or be made to feel guilty) because he/she desires or requires lifetime sexual exclusivity.

      If only people had a clue that “sexual freedom” has a high price tag. Promiscuity, studies show, drastically reduce the chances that a marriage will survive and succeed.

      http://tinyurl.com/69rkjyu

      There is a fantasy running rampant, that one can “have it all”, that one can “have the cake and eat it too”. That one can be promiscuous and have a successful lifetime marriage or long term relationship.

      Truth is, the past influences the future… And many understand this only when they try to get intimate with their spouse or longterm significant other. The more sexual partners one has, the more difficult it will be for the other to shine in bed and ultimately get close to their heart.

      Reality Bites

      Thursday, March 8, 2012 at 9:59 am

  83. Right…

    The website http://www.everywomansblog.com seems gone (domain name paid until 18 Sep 2012, but I suppose the webhosting has not been paid).

    Moreover, in the last few weeks that website seemed to be hijacked (probably from Central Asia) by ruthless spam bots. I guess its days were over.

    So…

    Anyone wanting to talk about virginity, and especially about virginity until marriage, may do so here.

    reality bites

    Friday, March 30, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    • Typo: Expiry date is 2 Sep 2012… But said website’s dead anyway.

      reality bites

      Friday, March 30, 2012 at 6:06 pm

      • Odd. That website’s online again (minus the spam bots and Russian domain hijackers). Go figure… Guess some maintenance took place to get rid of all malware that idiots threw at that site.

        reality bites

        Friday, April 6, 2012 at 10:02 am

      • Hi realitybites! i migrated from everywomansblog :)

        Evelyn

        Monday, April 16, 2012 at 10:43 am

      • Hi Evelyn, and welcome! :)

        I’ll also post on the old blog until it closes down, but before it does I’ll save the significant stuff and probably repost it here. :)

        reality bites

        Thursday, April 19, 2012 at 2:51 pm

  84. I’m seeing this woman I’m not a virgin and she’s was. We had sex but I feel to bad about it now. I wanted to marry her before we had sex but now I don’t. I feel like if she had sex with me, what makes me think that she won’t do it with another guy? Before premarital sex we were so intimate and now all we do is have sex. Sex ruined our relationship and I hate to say this but I don’t even respect her anymore. All I see when I see her is a piece of meat. I know this is wrong but I’m hoping one you guys could help me…thanks!

    Chris

    Monday, May 28, 2012 at 11:19 am

    • Hi Chris, and welcome. I’ll reply as soon as I can.

      You took her virginity but you weren’t a virgin when you did it? Have I understood the situation correctly?

      Also, you can post more details if you want. :)

      reality bites

      Tuesday, May 29, 2012 at 12:49 am

      • Yes, she was a virgin and I was not. I had already given myself to God, however and asked for forgiveness. I was with the church for about two years. When I first started going I met her and I wanted to concentrate on Christ but it got so hard and I began putting God second after her. We often break up but I think we’re meant to be together because we always get back together. I just feel bad because I feel like our intimacy has been stunned since we started having sex. I kept asking her go to church with me and she never did. Now I feel unworthy of attending so I don’t go. I haven’t gone for about a year now and I feel to empty. I feel sad because I want to go back but I want to stop having sex and I can’t! I feel like having sex with her has just messed up our relationship because before I would respect her and I thought she was a sweet, classy and Christian lady. Now I feel like all she ever wants to do is shop, have sex and take away my money.
        Can sex change a woman? Like can sex make an innocent girl get more out there. See before she would always stay at home and do sweet ladylike things like read or knit. Now she has started going out with friends, shopping like crazy and drinking.
        Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks!

        Chris

        Tuesday, May 29, 2012 at 10:38 am

      • Hi again Chris,

        I see religious and intimacy issues; let’s address them separately.

        First, the religious issue. It is more complex and potent.

        If you are Christian and want God’s approval, you must first understand WHICH Church is the right one. Most “churches” today are in cahoots with Satan, and their top leaders know it!

        Such shiny “churches” attract people, rob them of their money with a smile and kindly point them towards Hell. And whether Hell means eternal torture or simply eternal destruction, things don’t look well for their followers, as the Bible dooms most “christian” churches since they tell people to do the OPPOSITE of what Jesus commanded!

        So, don’t worry if you or that lady don’t go to church: there is an EXTREMELY good chance that it wasn’t the right church. On Judgement Day, the Lord will treat you better than if you kept going!

        That should have lifted an extremely heavy weight off your shoulders.

        Now, how to find the RIGHT Church? The one where all TRUE Christians go? Here’s the secret…

        It’s not a place to go to! Instead, the true Church is the worldwide scattered group of people who follow God’s commandments. People who do, rather than blab.

        So, stop thinking of tall buildings painted in white and costly black suits: Jesus is not there! He absolutely abhors such places, He was the son of a humble carpenter, and certainly didn’t dress Armani!

        To be a Christian, don’t go to a churchly building; rather, read the Bible (starting with the New Testament) to understand what God desires from you, and start doing it. Simple example: one can stop using swearwords if (s)he uses them. Easy. Congratulations, you have become a more observant Christian, closer to Jesus and to God, and IT DIDN’T COST YOU ANY MONEY! :)

        If you make a mistake, sincerely ask for God’s forgiveness and retry as many times as needed: He understands the weakness, and He’ll cleanse your sin completely as soon as you finish praying (maybe even before; all you have to do is, just ask) and try again.

        So, stop putting emphasis on a building; don’t ask “which church do you go to?”. Rather, find people who observe God’s commandments; find TRUE Christians: people who are kind and not rude, humble and not pompous, loving and not hateful. And at a certain point (but not out of the blue or too early), you may ask a potential soul mate if she believes in God and Jesus: like attracts like. Religious unity is a good start in a couple.

        The religious issue has been addressed. More about the intimacy issue in my next post. :)

        reality bites

        Tuesday, May 29, 2012 at 3:13 pm

      • Phew, what a day.

        Chris, I’ll comment about your relationship after a few hours of sleep. :)

        reality bites

        Wednesday, May 30, 2012 at 2:38 am

      • Sex changes people’s lives. So it is important that sex is kept only within marriage, when two people have ALREADY strongly chosen and solemnly vowed mutual lifetime faithfulness to each other, otherwise bad sexual habits can and will be developed.

        Promiscuity considerably reduces the success probabilities of a marriage, as you can see in this graph:

        http://tinyurl.com/69rkjyu

        If you ask me, judging from her behavior I believe that this woman has already had sex with multiple men… And liked it. Because of this, she most likely won’t be “marriage material” ever again. She’s probably promiscuous now, and will likely stay that way all her life, I’m afraid. Bad habits are very difficult to get rid of. She’s not the one you used to know anymore.

        Plus, she rejects God and Christ; sex, shopping and alcohol are her surrogate “gods” so this materialistic person is not The One for a Christ believer like you. I’m sorry.

        So here’s why you should leave her NOW, no matter what she says:
        1. She’s likely become promiscuous, and people with a promiscuous past will always struggle very much to stay faithful (no matter what promiscuous people say). That is, if they want to be faithful.
        2. You don’t want a wife unable to control herself. According to scientists, people unable to delay gratification (which includes sexual gratification) have little chances of becoming important or wealthy. Compulsive shoppers can’t be good finance managers.
        3. She’s a drain for your finances and she’s exploiting you (and your body).
        4. You’ll never be able to respect her again, because she’s become a completely different (worse) person and is likely going to stay like that all her life. Respect is everything in a marriage.

        Bottom line:
        Think of some kind excuse for breaking up, avoid her at all costs, throw or give away all that remembers you of her and find another attractive woman to court – this time a Jesus-believing woman for marriage purposes. Over time, the attraction you feel for your ex will fade, and you’ll only think of the new woman. It’s just the way it works.

        And you should STOP HAVING SEX until marriage. Otherwise the problem won’t be solved. Ask God for help. You can make it. Get married to the right woman (a carefully-chosen believer), and you’ll have love AND plenty of good sex.

        Hopefully I’ve brought some clarity on the above issues. Good luck in finding your perfect soul mate. :)

        reality bites

        Wednesday, May 30, 2012 at 12:24 pm

      • Hi again Chris, I forgot to say…

        Feel free to share your thoughts. :)

        reality bites

        Wednesday, May 30, 2012 at 12:55 pm

  85. I guess I understand what you’re saying but it’s hard. I mean I’ve been with this girl for three years! I love her and I hope she loves me. Although sometimes I do doubt it. How can I tell if she’s sleeping around? Also if I leave her I’m afraid I won’t find a girl that would love me because I’m not a virgin myself.
    I just wish I had a virgin and waited till marriage. But like you say since I’m sexually active I’m afraid I won’t be able to restrain myself.
    Also any tips on how to find a good girl who doesn’t drink or have premarital sex? It just seems like those are impossible to find :(

    Chris

    Thursday, May 31, 2012 at 9:27 am

    • St. Paul said that not everyone had the gift of continence. People who don’t have such gift should marry, perhaps past 20 years of age.

      The woman you talked about may be sleeping around because she seems to have an extrovert AND reckless lifestyle; compulsive shopping, alcohol drinking, excessive socialization and can’t restrain herself. Besides, do you believe that she abstained from sex when you two were in those “breakup” periods? And that she’d not have sex with her interlude guy(s) once she came back to you? I don’t believe so.

      Plus, as I said, she doesn’t seem to believe in God and Christ, so you’ll be happier with another woman (this time a believer).

      Read towards the end of this blog page to find some tips about how to find virgins.

      http://www.everywomansblog.com/does-a-guy-mind-that-his-girlfriend-is-not-a-virgin/comment-page-6

      You can also visit previous comment pages by changing “6” with the page number that you want to visit.

      reality bites

      Thursday, May 31, 2012 at 12:53 pm

      • Start by visiting libraries and other intellectual-oriented places. Higher IQ women are more likely to be virgins. That said, do visit the above mentioned blog.

        reality bites

        Thursday, May 31, 2012 at 1:11 pm

  86. Hello everyone I just had a few questions from reading all the comments in here. I’m a virgin, never had sex before, but I have had oral. Does that count? Am I still a virgin? Also if I’m not then is there no point in me staying celibate?
    I’m feeling guilty about the oral because it was with one guy that I really thought I loved at the time. I’m so happy it didn’t go further. He tried having sex but I told him I wasn’t ready and he dumped me right then and there!

    Brianna

    Thursday, May 31, 2012 at 9:52 am

    • You are a “biological virgin” since you’ve not allowed any man to perform the act of copulation on you. That is good, since P-V premarital intercourse greatly reduces the chances that a marriage will be successful.

      http://tinyurl.com/69rkjyu

      Regarding oral sex, unfortunately, the past cannot be changed but you can change your perception of it. You were pressured by a sexual exploiter and didn’t know what to do. This situation is quite common. So don’t feel guilty, you simply ignored that it was wrong and were the victim of sexual pressures of a sexual predator.

      Despite the oral sex (which I call “heavy sexual play” and from a biological point of view is a form of foreplay ritual that precedes copulation), you are still a “biological virgin” (vagina never penetrated) so you’ll still be valued more than nonvirgins.

      Maybe a man with only one previous sexual partner at most and that cherishes marriage may be right for you. But make sure that you both accept each others’ sexual history.

      reality bites

      Thursday, May 31, 2012 at 1:06 pm

  87. Is it true that men prefer virgin girls? I’ve always heard the opposite is true. I’m a virgin and guys are always ignoring me and my only boyfriend dumped me because I wouldn’t have sex with him. I want to wait for marriage but I feel so lonely at times. What should I do? I’m 20 by the way and in college. So you can imagine that it’s hard and without support from my peers it is even harder. Even the girls say that guys don’t like virgins!

    Victoria

    Tuesday, June 5, 2012 at 6:38 am

    • Guys like women with experience.

      Dora Girl

      Tuesday, June 5, 2012 at 11:25 pm

      • Not all guys. Quite a few would be happy to find a virgin.

        reality bites

        Tuesday, June 5, 2012 at 11:57 pm

    • Unfortunately, many men are stupid and only want to relieve themselves.

      I am certain that you don’t want that kind of man, and that you’re not that kind of girl.

      Don’t get into a relationship just because you feel lonely.

      If we adopt a ‘needy’ mindset, this only generates unhappiness.

      Instead, think: I would LIKE a soul mate, but don’t NEED him.

      When this new, positive point of view is adopted, your perspective changes. You learn to appreciate your ‘alone’ status as simply another way of living, another way of being, not negative in itself.

      Remember, it’s better being alone than in bad company. Do not desire a relationship with people who can’t control their sexual urges.

      Premarital/extramarital sexual activity, no matter how it’s called, skyrockets divorce/breakup probabilities; remember that when you are tempted to date a nonvirgin.

      reality bites

      Wednesday, June 6, 2012 at 12:29 am

  88. OMG I totally get what you all are saying! My friend, were both 16 and she has sex all the time. She’s had sex with like 5 different gusy alreasy! I’m going to wait for someone I love maybe marriage but at least someone I love. Sometimes its hard because sex is everywhere! But I want to wait. I see my friend struggle, she wants guys attention all the time and feels that if they don’t have sex with her then something is wrong. Her self-esteem is low and she’s always depressed. Once she even told me she wanted to kill herself because she was so sad that she wasn’t a virgin and one guy called her used. Just a few days ago she met a guy online, went on a date, had sex with him and he never called her again! I feel so bad for her! Is there any advice on how to keep your virginity? I’m only 16 and it’s super hard to keep it! But I hope i will.

    Anonymous

    Tuesday, June 12, 2012 at 8:31 am

    • I feel bad for your friend. Hopefully she’ll stop being promiscuous and understand that premarital sex does more harm than good.

      Congratulations on wanting to stay virgin longer than your peers.

      Advice, you say? Here’s what I have to say.

      Read this blog:

      http://www.everywomansblog.com/does-a-guy-mind-that-his-girlfriend-is-not-a-virgin/comment-page-5

      (Many sex/virginity studies quoted, proving premarital sex is harmful. Replace “5” with other page numbers if you want to read everything).

      Once you’ve convinced yourself that premarital sex is harmful, swear to yourself that you’ll stay virgin until marriage.

      Cultivate your Willpower. Remember, people who delay (sexual) gratification will have more success in life; scientists proved it.

      Stay away from all forms of pornography (movies, magazines, etc.) which encourage premarital and extramarital sex; they increase one’s sexual drive making things so much more difficult.

      Don’t allow anyone to touch you, as even 20 fleeting seconds of physical contact can stimulate your oxytocin response making a woman “love” (feel attracted to) a man. Believe it or not.

      Stay away from promiscuous people and from people who belittle you for being better than them; ruthlessly exclude them from your life, forever. You don’t need those morons; their life will be full of strife and drama, and you know it. Stay away from them, and prosper. :)

      Finally, take personal responsibility for your actions; remember that only you can fight your own battle, and that it can take but one mistake to ruin an entire lifetime, lethal diseases or not.

      Save your intimacy for your future spouse and you’ll be proud of yourself and of how YOU, not your sexual urges, control your body. :)

      reality bites

      Wednesday, June 13, 2012 at 10:07 pm

  89. My daughter wants to try out to be a cheerleader. I’ve had her in gymnastics but lately I feel uncomfortable with the idea of being a cheerleader. Isn’t the point in cheerleading to show off? High school cheer uniforms are getting more and more revealing! I’m afraid that she would be compromising her purity by wearing such revealing outfits. What should I do? Am I over reacting or is this a serious concern? She’s only 14 and I’ve raised her to wait till marriage, but I’m afraid cheerleading will cause impurity. I’m asking you guys because I see a lot of men really say how they feel and it would be great to get some input. Thanks!

    Gloria

    Thursday, June 14, 2012 at 10:36 am

    • Hi Gloria,

      Yours is a serious and legitimate concern.

      The more revealing the school cheer uniform is, the more sexual attention your daughter will attract, the more likely it will be that she loses her virginity before marriage.

      You should tactfully discourage her idea of becoming a cheerleader, or at least suggest her some alternate gymnastic/athletic activities that will keep her busy while allowing her to dress with modesty and keep her purity more easily.

      But DON’T make her understand you do this to protect her purity. Just try to stealthily find her more modest/safer, time-consuming activities that she may like better than cheerleading. With some luck, over time she may drop the cheerleading idea. Adolescents are rebels but they can change idea often. :)

      Maybe female running or female tennis would be good for her. Or anyway, female sports where your daughter would be surrounded by girls who will divert much of the boys’ attention away from her. Also, sports where there is competition are good, so your daughter is too busy trying to best her peers instead of looking for boys.

      reality bites

      Thursday, June 14, 2012 at 12:39 pm

      • All that said…

        It’s very good that you taught your daughter that purity is important. However, she must also be taught WHY it is important. Religion alone may not be enough. Prove to her that premarital sex would ruin her life, by quoting scientific studies.

        For example: (quoted from Every Woman’s Blog)

        Kahn and London (1991)
        “Women who are sexually active prior to marriage faced considerably higher risk of marital disruption than women who were virgin brides.”

        Laumann, Gagnon, Michael and Michaels (1994)
        – “For both genders, we find that virgins have dramatically more stable first marriages.”
        – “The finding confirms the results reported by Kahn and London…those who are virgins at marriage have much lower rates of separation and divorce.”
        – “Those who marry as non-virgins are also more likely – all other things being equal – to be unfaithful over the remainder of their life compared with those spouses who do marry as virgins.”

        Heaton (2002)
        “Dissolution rates are substantially higher among those who initiate sexual activity before marriage.”

        Teachman (2003)
        “Women with more than one intimate relationship prior to marriage have an elevated risk of marital disruption.”

        Paik (2011)
        “Research shows that adolescent sexuality/premarital sex is associated with marital dissolution.”

        Tell your daughter that everything is trade-off – that choosing the easy path now (premarital sex) would ruin her future intimacy with her future husband, and that this is very real as numbers show. There is no free lunch; a poor choice today will cause trouble tomorrow.

        There are numerous scientific studies that prove premarital sex is bad. Maybe one day I’ll make a complete list and post it on blogs like this one. :)

        Anyway, never ever forget this graph.

        http://tinyurl.com/69rkjyu

        Any comments, just write a line. :)

        reality bites

        Thursday, June 14, 2012 at 12:40 pm

  90. Thank you reality bites. I will comment on the info you just gave me soon but I wanted you to see this video. It’s pretty ridiculous! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-ibeeJ-xvY&feature=relmfu

    Gloria

    Saturday, June 16, 2012 at 11:22 pm

  91. ridiculous in the sense that the woman speaking tells other girls to not tell their partners how many sexual partners they have had! What a bad idea!

    Gloria

    Saturday, June 16, 2012 at 11:24 pm

    • Hi Gloria,

      Yes, what a rather ridiculous movie that is. Replete with “pretzel logic” (fallacious thinking) out of thin air. One thing that REALLY gets on my nerves is circular reasoning. For example…

      “If you like the person for who they are, it shouldn’t matter how many people they’ve slept with”? What a bunch of nonsense, since “how many people they’ve slept with” is part of “who they are”.

      I’ve seen other “The Young Turks” movies talking about sex, and I’ve found so many fallacies in their thinking that I could write pages and pages of logic rebuttals to just one of them.

      Having premarital sex should be considered okay because the majority has it? Please, give us a break.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Argumentum_ad_populum

      reality bites

      Sunday, June 17, 2012 at 7:31 am

      • QUOTE
        the woman speaking tells other girls to not tell their partners how many sexual partners they have had! What a bad idea!
        /QUOTE

        I also agree that it’s a very bad idea to not disclose one’s sexual past or to lie about it to a prospective soul mate.

        A relationship based on secrets (information denial to keep one in ignorance) and lies (deceit as part of an information warfare) is somewhat similar to a relationship based on ignorance or rape. Such a relationship is NOT based on honesty, so it cannot last and often ends abruptly with a loud bang, bringing destruction and sorrow to all involved.

        I also find it ironic that many people who support free speech about sex also often recommend to NOT say how many sexual partners they’ve had. Freedom of speech about sex, but not freedom of speech about the number of sexual partners? Quite hypocritical behavior, perhaps a form of Orwellian “doublethink”.

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doublethink

        “…to hold simultaneously two opinions which cancelled out, knowing them to be contradictory and believing in both of them… The power of holding two contradictory beliefs in one’s mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them…”
        (George Orwell, “1984”)

        reality bites

        Sunday, June 17, 2012 at 7:56 am

  92. I’m a virgin at 19. I feel pretty good about it but I want to ask do you guys think that cheerleading is really that bad? I did dance team in high school and I want to try out to be a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader someday. As long as I stay a virgin it shouldn’t be bad right? Also do you think that dressing immodestly would be wrong if a woman were to be a virgin?

    Dancestar

    Tuesday, June 19, 2012 at 10:06 am

    • Cheerleading is not bad in itself, but as Gloria said cheerleading uniforms are getting more and more revealing.

      If you dress immodestly (ie. if you show too much of your body), you’ll attract more sexual attention from the boys, and sooner or later you’ll meet a boy that you are really attracted to, and in a moment of weakness you may allow him to fondle you, and surely your virginity will be as good as gone.

      Long story short, I congratulate you for still being a virgin, but if you want to stay one you HAVE to dress with modesty. Alas, this means that you should renounce the idea of cheerleading.

      Don’t put yourself in situations where you could lose your virginity, it takes but one mistake to ruin a lifetime as the above quoted scientists proved (among others). Think of your future husband.

      We humans must not overestimate our own strength, instead we should flee away from risky situations before they happen. :)

      reality bites

      Wednesday, June 20, 2012 at 2:28 am

  93. My only argument for this is love God and others and not be worried about yourself. Where would be if He hadn’t of come? He dirtied Himself, so that we could become clean. Pray for His love to touch all of you. I’m His and He is mine. ;)

    Robes of white

    Wednesday, June 20, 2012 at 3:10 am

  94. But if I remained a virgin there shouldn’t be anything wrong with wearing immodest clothing right? Like the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, what do you think about them? Would you want one of them as a girlfriend? A wife? Even if she was a virgin, would you be OK if she was dressed like that?

    Dancestar

    Wednesday, June 20, 2012 at 9:49 am

    • What I think about DCC? Beautiful women, but as much as I love watching good-looking female bodies I would never date such women, let alone marry one. Virgin or not. And if I were married, I don’t think that my wife would be happy if I was surrounded by such women.

      A woman who loves dressing immodestly ignorantly and recklessly attracts hordes of sexual stalkers, making sexual faithfulness so much more difficult to protect. Allow to be more clear: a woman who loves dressing immodestly more than me will never be my wife.

      reality bites

      Wednesday, June 20, 2012 at 1:10 pm

      • After carefully re-reading my last post, I apologize. I did not mean any offense; I wrote “ignorantly” as in “unwittingly” or “unconsciously”, and I was speaking in general, not of a specific woman in particular.

        Anyway I’m sure you understand that how you dress can and does influence your probabilities of staying a virgin until marriage.

        reality bites

        Wednesday, June 20, 2012 at 10:57 pm

      • QUOTE
        a woman who loves dressing immodestly more than me will never be my wife.
        /QUOTE

        Argh. I meant… A woman who loves dressing immodestly more than she loves me will never be my wife.

        Where is the edit button when I need one… :-(

        Note to self: sleep more. 8)

        reality bites

        Friday, June 22, 2012 at 6:24 pm

      • Anyway, did I mention that I dislike women who dress immodestly? :D

        -4 starting score. Much less if the woman isn’t beautiful. :E

        Any average-looking woman can attract attention by uncovering more flesh, whereas it is hard to develop and manifest an interesting, magnetic personality.

        reality bites

        Friday, June 22, 2012 at 6:34 pm

  95. hey it’s me again…I get what you’re saying but it doesn’t make sense. Why then do the girls that are dressed immodestly get much more attention. They have the most dates, get married and other men always want them. If I dressed more modest it would be hard to find a husband don’t you think?

    Dancestar

    Friday, June 22, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    • Of course dressing immodestly would get you more dates and make you “more competitive” on the dating market. But remember:

      The answer lies in quality. Ask yourself: whom do you want to attract? Who is your target market?

      Do you want to date skirt-chasing drooling idiots who can’t keep it in their pants and for whom you’re just as good as the next one… Or do you want a man who appreciates you for your personality and spiritual side? The answer seems obvious to me.

      Also ask yourself: how many of the immodestly-dressing women who get married later get divorced because they attracted (and were attracted to) the wrong man? How many women cannot finish what they started? Too many to count.

      If you ignore my advice and decide to dress immodestly to attract more men, you’ll struggle more to stay a virgin and will have to remember that many men whom you’ll attract this way will not be right for you.

      Anyway I believe that you should aim for a virgin husband that values a virgin woman and has above-average intelligence. Anything less will likely disappoint you.

      reality bites

      Saturday, June 23, 2012 at 5:33 am

  96. Hello
    Thats a good way to insult virgins …;)
    I m a virgin in my early 20+ and I m a guy
    I hatepeople say that sex is just for pleasure ,I lost my virginity because I was in love ( where is ur love now then , why don’t u married then ) ,due to some circumstances we can’t marry ( and they will give stupid excuses ) ,we are animals and animals have more sex partners ( animals also kill and eat eachother , so should we also do it ,btw why u compare urself with animals )
    To me a virgin male or female has strong character ,self control ,true feeling of love for their future partner ,I never had sex not because I didn’t got the opportunitys but I don’t want to handle down my body and soul to anyone , I will give it to someone special ,my wife and I want a virgin wife because i would know that I m her only soul mate , she is not emotionally attached to someone else , she can control herself ,sex is not her main motive in life , if she non virgin , just thinking of someone else intimacy with her , using her hurts me ,
    Everyone has their own opinion in life , but we should not think virginity as burden but a fruit , most of people are against virgins because they themselves have lost it

    dude

    Sunday, July 29, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    • Well said, my friend!

      May you soon find a good virgin woman to marry. :)

      (And good luck to every virgin reading this, of course!)

      reality bites

      Monday, July 30, 2012 at 7:45 am

      • Do you recommend any places to find virgin boys? I’m a virgin girl and find this to be difficult. Have you met any virgin girls yourself? It’s hard, right?

        Stephanie

        Wednesday, October 10, 2012 at 4:11 am

      • Hi Stephanie,

        I’m a virgin man myself and yes, it’s hard to find virgin women today.

        However, it’s not impossible.

        There are several layers of problems that we face.

        1. People have sex. Once they do, they lose virginity forever and we virgin-seekers must find someone else to court. Who’s virgin today may not be a virgin next month, and so any virginity confessions we may have heard from our romantic interest could sadly just have become outdated.
        2. People are ignorant. They see few benefits in staying virgin until marriage; Science disagrees with them, but they are happy to stay ignorant.
        3. People are programmable. Mass media ridicule virginity until marriage and sexual faithfulness; as a result, relationships and families are destroyed before they are even formed.
        4. People lack willpower. They want ALL and NOW! Without thinking of the consequences.
        5. People often lie. They often aren’t what they pretend to be.

        (Continues…)

        reality bites

        Tuesday, October 16, 2012 at 10:30 am

      • To find a virgin person, we must become expert at Information Warfare.

        We must become expert at:
        1) Finding information. And
        2) Understanding if it’s true or false.

        At the same time, we must “investigate” as many people as possible and immediately disqualify anybody not satisfying our requirements (in terms of virginity and personality). “Fishing” for virgins requires knowing lots of people, so enlist “social hubs” (people that know hundreds of people) to help you with your search for a compatible virgin. (Google “social hubs”)

        Scientific studies have proven that certain features and characteristics are strongly associated with a higher probability to be a virgin. Find such studies, read them and take EXTREMELY careful note of the said features and characteristics.

        For example:
        1. Higher-IQ people are more likely to be virgins.
        2. Religious people (especially regular church-goers) are more likely to be virgins.
        3. Introverted people are more likely to be virgins. (The fewer people they meet, the more the probabilities to still be virgins).
        4. People with a certain college Major are more likely to be virgins (see link).

        http://www.forwardon.com/view.php?e=Id1200c8f6b7f5f813

        So… Where to find virgins, given the above information?

        Find places visited by higher-IQ, introverted people with a certain college Major. For example: you’ll find more virgins in college libraries and bookstores than in bars and night clubs. And churches “contain” a certain amount of virgins, if you can identify and exclude the hypocrites who pretend to be pure but are not.

        Sorry for the late reply. Difficult questions require long and thoughtful answers. :-) That’s all for now. I hope this helped a bit.

        reality bites

        Tuesday, October 16, 2012 at 11:32 am

      • I almost forgot…

        QUOTE
        Have you met any virgin girls yourself?
        /QUOTE

        Yes, so far I’ve found several virgin girls.

        I’ll keep searching until I find a virgin woman with a compatible personality. :)

        Good luck!

        reality bites

        Tuesday, October 16, 2012 at 11:37 am

  97. So I just married my best friend. She’s wonderful and full of life and I love her. However, when we had sex on our wedding night for the first time, she did not bleed. Has she been lying to me about her virginity? She was surprised about it and she did cry during the intercourse so I kinda believe her but I have doubts now. She’s a great woman and waited to kiss me till our wedding day! She told me she had kissed another guy but that that was as far as they had gone. She’s always talking about purity and abstinence so I don’t think she’s lying to me. She’s a Christian and a strong one too. She told me that her ex (the one she kissed) left her because he wouldn’t have sex with her. I’m just wondering if it’s normal that women who are virgins don’t bleed? I did have a hard time going in lol and she was tight but I’m just wondering about that. Could someone answer me? Thanks!

    Zachary

    Sunday, October 7, 2012 at 9:01 am

    • Hi Zachary and Stephanie, I’ll reply as soon as I can! Stay tuned!

      reality bites

      Friday, October 12, 2012 at 1:51 am

    • Hi again Zachary, sorry for the late reply.

      Congratulations on marrying a wonderful woman!

      Now, to answer your questions:

      Not every woman bleeds when she loses her virginity. In fact:

      Not all women are born with the hymen, and the hymen does not always break on the first night, and bleeding does not always occur when virginity is lost. You should tell all this to your wife. Have a look at this web page:

      http://www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/2372.aspx?CategoryID=118&SubCategoryID=119

      Your wife definitely looks sincere to me. I believe that she cried because she really, really wanted to bleed; because she was eager to demonstrate to you that she was indeed a virgin on the first night (having waited and suffered for so long). Letting her know the above facts should reassure her that you believed her and bring her some much needed relief.

      Also remember that she did not hide that she kissed another man before, and that her religion (belief system) forbids premarital sex so she believes in purity and rejected his avances. Plus, since you had a hard time at first entry, I can only infer that her vaginal canal was very tight because she was never taken by another man AND because she was very tense (being the first time and full of worries).

      So, as far as I can tell, it looks very credible to me that she remained a virgin for you. Yes, as far as I can tell, she was a virgin on wedding night! So, have a wonderful life with her, and good luck!

      Hope this answer helped. :-)

      reality bites

      Sunday, October 14, 2012 at 4:29 pm

      • Test message… It worked

        reality bites

        Thursday, March 28, 2013 at 12:29 am

  98. number 4 is mine; but you can’t say “insufferable romantics weak-hearted men”–

    I can’t even bear idea of she kissed someone else, and believe me majority of “man” think the way. It is nor about romanticism or whatsoever. It is man’s pride; nobody can touch what is mine.

    Cengo

    Monday, December 10, 2012 at 5:26 pm

  99. number 4 is mine; but you can’t say “insufferable romantics weak-hearted men”–

    I can’t even bear the idea of she kissed someone else, and believe me majority of “man” think the same way. It is not about romanticism or whatsoever. It is man’s pride; nobody can touch what is mine.

    Cengo

    Monday, December 10, 2012 at 5:27 pm

  100. How can you tell if a girl is a virgin or not?

    Alex Ross Vessuo

    Wednesday, March 27, 2013 at 11:12 am

    • By carefully observing her behavior and gathering reliable information about her.

      reality bites

      Thursday, March 28, 2013 at 12:44 am

      • Remember that

        1, The more she trusts someone and the safer she feels, the more she’ll tell the truth to him/her.

        2, When she’s alone, she’ll usually be more sincere than when she’s in public (less embarassment and the ability to plausibly deny any virginity confession made in private to you)

        3, You can tactfully gather some intelligence from people close to her (but the straight question ‘Is she a virgin?’ should never be asked to people you’re not close friends with, and not especially ‘out of the blue’)

        4, You can guess the PROBABILITY that she’s a virgin by reading statistics collected from scientific studies (eg. a religious nondrinking woman with a college degree and high IQ is much more likely to be a virgin compared to an uneducated atheistic heavy drinker with average IQ)

        I’ve simplified many things but here’s your answer. :)

        reality bites

        Thursday, March 28, 2013 at 12:45 am

  101. hi reality bites

    i married 3 yrs back . ON first night i had doubts . She was more keen to let me insert in wrong side. Plus no pain or tightness. I inquired and she fumbled but denied anything. I met her neighbor and she joked abt my wife as prentender of simple girl but she is not. Then i use to keep asking but she use to feel very nervous bt never confessed. It became sure given her body language that she is hiding. I once told her school boys/girls names and told i am going to create her profile on FB and join them. She got little panicked. But after a week asked me to get her a FB profile in reluctant way.

    I told her i would hire a detective and find details. She gets nervous and then asks me to do it. Sometimes she asks me to focus on our child and future. Our problems were overheard by my famly and they taunt her. This has made her depressed and she seldom have any sex willingly.

    Now i cry, then forgive and then again feel anger. I know she is loyal now. She cant go anywhere and she had to listen to her parents as she has several younger siblings who are yet to be married.

    should i take help of detctive agency to dig the past ? I feel like harming the guy who did this to a girl belonging to conservative background.

    I feel sad and depressed all times. I want to forgive and move on but cant. i love her but the facts hits me all the time. I cant picture her being fcked by anyone. i want all details. how many times …in what time and what position …Her family is vulnerable to to gossip and have siblings to marry . I hate her for loosing it. And i hate her parents for failing to protect/guide her. I want to hint her mother and younger sisters. her father prbably knows and protects her as father, though dejected. Even one of her sister knows this. She avoided my wife lately and she wife wept.

    akash

    Friday, July 5, 2013 at 5:39 pm

    • Hi akash,

      I see powerful clues that your wife probably was not a virgin on wedding night.

      Probably a guy took her virginity, being from a conservative background she felt guilty at first but she continued to have sex to the point that “normal” sex was not enough. Hence her willingness to try “alternative” stuff on wedding night.

      Hiring the services of a good investigation agency is an excellent investment… before marriage. The decision to marry is one of the most important in one’s life, and the price tag of an expert and knowledgeable “private eye” is usually worth it, as this can prevent one from marrying the wrong person.

      But now you’re married, and must carefully examine the situation before making a decision. Let’s see how.

      reality bites

      Saturday, July 6, 2013 at 1:31 pm

      • Here’s how I view the situation.

        In your case, you should only hire an investigation agency if you want to collect proof for a divorce. But let me say why in your case hiring them probably wouldn’t be a good idea.

        First, you told your wife that you wanted to hire such an agency.

        So not only she’s feeling guilty about (lying about) her past; she’ll now be on the defensive for quite some time.

        These two things alone (her sense of guilt and her defensive stance) will make retrieving information about your wife so much more difficult.

        She’ll also feel under close scrutiny, therefore your wife, already loyal to you (out of love), will be even more loyal to you (out of fear of the numerous consequences).

        Therefore, an investigation agency would probably find very little proof of sexual unfaithfulness. Ergo, if you want them to collect solid proof for a divorce case, you’re probably wasting your money.

        Moreover, if you assumed that the woman was a virgin on wedding night but did not ask her BEFORE the wedding ceremony if she was a virgin, you can criticize her for her moral conduct (IF you was a virgin at marriage) but you cannot say (not especially to a Judge) that you were tricked into marrying her. (The most important questions should be asked before marriage). Again, an investigation agency would cost much to you, and not be able to solve your problem.

        reality bites

        Saturday, July 6, 2013 at 1:37 pm

      • All that said, if you want to hire an investigation agency to discover (AFTER the wedding) her past out of curiosity, again, save your money. I’ll tell you why:

        You have already discovered that she has a past. Wanting to know who did what to your wife before marriage is human curiosity, but the more you know the more you’ll hate both your wife AND her past lover(s). I can see only trouble ahead (by the way: please DON’T harm anyone, it’s not worth it and you’d only get in trouble with the law, which would REALLY worsen your life conditions).

        To summarize, should you hire an investigation agency? No, because they won’t be able to help you in your particular case: they’d likely find no solid proof for a divorce case (no marriage fraud, no sexual unfaithfulness) but they’d cost much and give you some information that would make you hate your wife and her past lover(s) much more, causing you many more worries and trouble.

        Save your money for your family, present or future.

        Also remember, don’t ever think of cheating for revenge: technically, your wife has not cheated on you, but if you did you’d make things ten times as worse as they are now.

        reality bites

        Saturday, July 6, 2013 at 1:42 pm

      • So… To divorce or not to divorce? That is the question now. But only you can answer.

        Here’s why you may be thinking of a divorce.

        1. Premarital sex is associated with, and often is the cause of, a catastrophic cascade of numerous problems (too many to mention). This has been proven by scientific studies common people have no idea about and are, strangely enough, not mentioned in most mass media. In fact, the more sex partners one has before a marriage, the less a marriage will last on average. Fact. (Which, alas, applies also to you; the more sexual partners you’ve had, including any past girlfriends or wives, the higher the risk of breakup/divorce). All other things being equal, the best marriage is always one where both spouses are virgins.

        2. The trust bond between you and your wife is broken, maybe even permanently. Lying and withholding information are usually serious offences in a marriage, and can seldom be truly forgiven.

        3. Irreconcilable characterial differences. For example: she did not value virginity much, and likes “alternative” sex; you value virginity and want “normal” sex.

        And here’s why you may think it’s best to NOT divorce in your case.

        1. After divorce, your personal sexual partners count would most likely go up; as would the scientifically demonstrated risk that a new marriage or long term relationship would actually be worse and shorter-lived than the one you left.

        2. Economic reasons. Two incomes are very much needed today to survive. But more importantly, a divorce would cost you VERY much, since your proof of bridal misconduct would be almost nonexistent, so that you would be unable to build a strong divorce case. As I said, you weren’t tricked into marriage, and she’s likely not been unfaithful during marriage so far.

        3. You have a child and (s)he needs a family where both parents are united and on good terms.

        In a nutshell, I truly hope you don’t divorce; but whatever you do, first and foremost please do think of your child’s future and happiness.

        I hope this helped. As you can see, reality is quite complicated and complex problems require complex answers.

        Should you have any other questions, feel free to ask and I’ll do my best to answer within a reasonable time frame. :-)

        reality bites

        Saturday, July 6, 2013 at 2:01 pm

  102. I’m a virgin girl at 24 years old and sometimes I feel that waiting might not be worth it because my husband will probably not be a virgin. I also hear everyone say that virgins are wanted and most guys would cherish a virgin, but I met a guy at church and he didn’t care at all. He was with some girl from college and she treated him in an awful way. She even cheated on him with his best friend and had an abortion without his consent. Yet he still loves her and wants to marry her! And I know why…it’s because she looks like Barbie. He’s always talking about how pretty she is but he never mentions anything else that he likes about her. Meanwhile I am here brunette, athletic and intelligent. I care about Jesus, helping the needy and my friends and family. I am a humble servant of the Lord and keep my virtues but this guy just doesn’t see that. I even told him I was a virgin and he didn’t care! I know it’s wrong to think this way but sometimes I feel like just sleeping around…after all my future husband it probably doing that right now. :(

    Stephanie Aumiller

    Saturday, August 17, 2013 at 4:15 am

    • Hi Stephanie,

      The man looks very shallow; he doesn’t care about your sacrifices, doesn’t value sexual exclusivity (the very core of a marriage!) and he is infatuated with a girl who would make a terrible wife (bad taste in women? More like cluelessness about what to look for in a woman).

      He wouldn’t appreciate and cherish you at all! Avoid him like the plague, or I very much believe that he’ll fill your life with sorrow.

      Moreover, some people just aren’t meant for marriage, and his girl probably is one of them. Oh, how do I not envy him! And if he ever convinces her to marry him, a marriage based only on attraction will not last!

      reality bites

      Sunday, August 18, 2013 at 7:10 am

      • All that said, congratulations for staying a virgin so far. As a virgin man myself, I know well how it is difficult… But I also know that it’s worth it.

        Don’t give up, because there are definite benefits in staying virgin until marriage: a much closer bond with your spouse, a FAR far lower risk of divorce, a life filled with much more health and less diseases, and what not.

        Read the scientific info and logic arguments I’ve posted throughout the years on this blog:

        http://www.everywomansblog.com/does-a-guy-mind-that-his-girlfriend-is-not-a-virgin/comment-page-X/

        (replace “X” with page number, pages range from 1 to 7 as of now, scientific stuff slowly starts on page 5)

        Don’t give in to peer pressure; since you’re a smart girl, I know
        that you’ll stay virgin until marriage and enjoy the benefits that the stupid, the ignorant and the lazy will never get! ;)

        Any questions, just post them (on either blog).

        reality bites

        Sunday, August 18, 2013 at 7:18 am

      • QUOTE
        how do I not envy him!
        /QUOTE

        I wanted to type “how I do not envy him!”, but it’s late night here and there’s no edit button so… apologies for my typing error

        reality bites

        Sunday, August 18, 2013 at 7:26 am

      • On Thursday, June 14, 2012 at 12:40 pm I posted quotes from some important scientific studies. Let me repost such quotes, and may more people read them this time around:

        Kahn and London (1991)
        “Women who are sexually active prior to marriage faced considerably higher risk of marital disruption than women who were virgin brides.”

        Laumann, Gagnon, Michael and Michaels (1994)
        – “For both genders, we find that virgins have dramatically more stable first marriages.”
        – “The finding confirms the results reported by Kahn and London…those who are virgins at marriage have much lower rates of separation and divorce.”
        – “Those who marry as non-virgins are also more likely – all other things being equal – to be unfaithful over the remainder of their life compared with those spouses who do marry as virgins.”

        Heaton (2002)
        “Dissolution rates are substantially higher among those who initiate sexual activity before marriage.”

        Teachman (2003)
        “Women with more than one intimate relationship prior to marriage have an elevated risk of marital disruption.”

        Paik (2011)
        “Research shows that adolescent sexuality/premarital sex is associated with marital dissolution.”

        reality bites

        Monday, August 19, 2013 at 3:54 am

  103. Hi Evelyn, looks like http://www.everywomansblog.com is down again… I hope it’s not for good this time! But I managed to save every bit of discussion material, thanks to my backups… and even the latest posts thanks to Google Cache! :D

    The blog page now says “The domain everywomansblog.com has expired. If you are currently the domain owner please login to your domain manager to renew your domain”. However, a quick WHOIS search reveals that the domain has been renewed and now has “Expiration Date: 02-sep-2014″

    So I’ll wait one more week or so before posting again, to allow time for any technical web problems to be solved. The EWB blog may come back online, but if it doesn’t we can on this blog instead from now on. Remember to check both. :)

    reality bites

    Sunday, September 8, 2013 at 11:03 am

    • I meant “if it doesn’t we can CHAT on this blog instead from now on”. :)

      reality bites

      Sunday, September 8, 2013 at 11:05 am

      • Testing whether posting works or not… Ok it works

        reality bites

        Friday, September 20, 2013 at 8:39 pm

      • Testing emoticons engine:
        :) :D 8) :/ :\ :( :'( =) ^_^ :| :> :! :$ :d :? :*) ;) ;D ;p ;d :# :E :o :O @:) :X :x :8 :I :[ :]

        reality bites

        Thursday, January 16, 2014 at 5:14 am

      • Testing some BBC (Bulletin Board Code):

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BBCode

        [b]bolded text[/b]
        [i]italicized text[/i]
        [u]underlined text[/u]
        [s]strikethrough text[/s]

        monospaced text

        [style size="15px"]Large Text[/style]

        reality bites

        Friday, February 14, 2014 at 9:23 am

  104. Sorry, missing word: I wanted to type,

    if it doesn’t come back online, we can CHAT on this blog instead from now on. :)

    reality bites

    Sunday, September 8, 2013 at 11:08 am

    • Hey there! haha such a co-incidence! I dropped by here and saw your message. Anyway the EWB site still reads the same as before.. ‘this domain has expired… ‘ I hope it comes back on soon! I will surely check both! By the way, have u ever read this site: http://judgybitch.com ?

      Evelyn

      Monday, September 16, 2013 at 11:18 am

      • Nope; it’s a funny blog with a telling title! Thanks. :)

        I liked the commentary about consensual sex, legalese and logic; an amusing point of view about Georg Cantor’s set theory and Euler/Venn diagrams (” ‘No’ really does mean ‘Yes’ “)!

        And that stylized “Berk” cartoon character (of “The Trap Door” fame) rules, I think I might just print a poster out of it and hang it in the kitchen haha. :D

        Anyway I’ll soon reply here to the questions you recently posted on EWB. Stay tuned. :)

        reality bites

        Monday, September 16, 2013 at 12:43 pm

      • Haha. it’s a funny, judgy, bitchy blog. But I like what the author discusses – things about the loose morals of women these days and such. And it’s also very logically written – quite rare coming from a female author. No problem – take your time with the replies!

        Evelyn

        Wednesday, September 18, 2013 at 1:02 pm

      • Anyway just a short comment on what I just read:

        http://judgybitch.com/2012/11/03/does-your-husbandboyfriend-watch-porn-good-it-means-hes-a-healthy-male-with-a-normal-sexual-appetite-and-that-is-not-yours-to-control-get-over-yourself/

        but I don’t agree with her views on porn. Hers is a very simple argument: objecting porn is objecting male sexuality. And if women can read their lit erotica, men can watch their porn. Which is an argument for equality isnt it, and which I absolutely do not agree with. My girlfriends don’t read such rubbish, neither do I. So why do we have to put up with our men watching porn? Hers is the kind of mindset which further perpetuates these porn-watching behaviours in men and ruins relationships by telling women bothered by it to ‘get over yourself’. MANY women who are bothered when their partners watch porn do not read literotica at all, so how is that an argument. Anyway, I’m still quite disgusted that some women are for watching porn or encouraging their partners to do so. If you see the last comment on the page, the commenter replying to another above who says he/she doesn’t agree with porn-watching, is ‘repressed’. I wonder HOW? how does NOT watching porn and having some discipline mean one is repressed? Disgusted.

        Evelyn

        Friday, September 20, 2013 at 7:24 am

      • http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2012/07/10/sexual-objectification-part-3-daily-rituals-to-stop/

        Reality bites, take a look at the link above, it might be interesting. It’s a series of posts on sexual objectification of women. The author is actually really a sociologist who writes a lot about said issues. I found her post refreshing, although some of the suggestions sounded more tongue-in-cheek than anything. But scroll down to the comments and I get shocked at the load of stupidity going on there. Instead of reading the article properly, these ‘women’ are wondering why the heck they should be doing all these things (ie, taking some responsibility for their actions) and start attacking the author, making loads of logical reasoning mistakes along the way and asking why MEN aren’t told by the author to do anything.

        Way to Miss the point. the author was addressing women so of course her tips would only be for women isnt it? one would think its obvious… plus i still dont understand why people are so against taking peronal responsibility for their actions but instead constantly arguing why arent external entities doing the same. commenter who made sense was this person ‘CS’.

        It’s incredibly stupid people like this who make me lose complete hope over mankind ever bringing ourselves to a better place. It also makes me think that women fully deserve the shit they are getting in society these days.

        Evelyn

        Friday, September 20, 2013 at 7:57 pm

      • The blog hasn’t yet published my latest reply, instead I got this message:
        ‘Duplicate comment detected; it looks as though you’ve already said that!’

        If by tomorrow morning my reply’s not yet published, I’ll change it a bit and repost it. :)

        reality bites

        Friday, September 20, 2013 at 8:52 pm

      • Anyway, regarding the horde of irrational posters:

        You should constantly remember that unlike us, most people don’t read scientific studies and don’t have a strong understanding of Logic. They are generally irrational, frustrated and becoming increasingly aggressive; many seem to think that insults are valid arguments and that the louder they scream, the more they’ll win a debate.

        Unfortunately for them, it doesn’t work that way.

        Knowledge and Logic combined can be used to win any rational debate. We know it first-hand. But let me tell you that people don’t like losing, and that losing people can become very aggressive. After all, to them we are like a Main Battle Tank crushing unarmed civilians beneath its treads, and nobody likes being crushed.

        And so, no matter where I post, I am often the object of gratuitous verbal aggressions which can at times quickly escalate to very worrisome levels. I think I’m doing well in preserving my anonymity behind a pseudonym and proxy servers.

        Anyway yes, I don’t expect much out of mankind; most won’t spontaneously evolve. Quite the contrary; powerful and well-funded organizations will make sure that mankind is shaped to their liking, producing ever more shallow and stupid consumers – cows to milk ‘from cradle to grave’ (until robots can replace them in most menial and intellectal jobs, after which… the Masters of Society will not rule out a Malthusian genocide to get rid of us ‘useless eaters’).

        Only by spreading Knowledge and Logic combined will things ever change.

        That’s it in a nutshell… More later! :)

        reality bites

        Friday, September 20, 2013 at 10:55 pm

      • Reposting my yet-unpublished reply in two chunks:

        QUOTE
        I don’t agree with her views on porn.
        /QUOTE

        As we discussed in the past, porn is harmful for several reasons. The one that most people will readily accept is this one:

        http://www.edguider.com/erectile_dysfunction/can_internet_porn_cause_erectile_dysfunction_ed_in_men.html

        reality bites

        Sunday, September 22, 2013 at 10:28 am

      • Quote from the website:
        “Can Porn Lead to Erectile Dysfunction?

        The answer is quite simply yes. Recent blogs on http://www.psychologytoday.com have revealed that men addicted to porn can suffer ED problems because the brain gets desensitized to regular stimuli with women.”

        This and other facts demonstrate that watching porn does far more harm than good, so the JB blog author (as likeable as she is) should revise her point of view after knowing all the facts and logic arguments. :)

        reality bites

        Sunday, September 22, 2013 at 10:30 am

  105. QUOTE
    I found her post refreshing, although some of the suggestions sounded more tongue-in-cheek than anything.
    /QUOTE

    Yeah, nice article with good advice indeed aimed at women… Strange that some women didn’t understand that. Also, I’ve not found CS’s comment, perhaps it was removed.

    reality bites

    Sunday, September 22, 2013 at 11:29 am

    • C.S’s comment was a very long way down and buried amongst all the stupidity haaha, took me ages to find too.

      Something interesting I came across today: http://scienceblogs.com/notrocketscience/2010/01/12/how-sexual-objectification-silences-women-the-male-glance/

      I usually avoid the comment sections of such articles cause I know that they will be filled with stupid people commenting as if they are experts and above all the research. as well as pooh-poohing the research; something as a researcher I never enjoy reading. I enjoy being a researcher, but the thing that really gets to me is that people are so darn stupid. And they will just dismiss your painstakingly-done research in just a few minutes… cause they are… well.. so dumb and can’t process things at all. it’s a huge barrier in my field cause at some point, we have to ‘sell’ our research (not so much for my company cause we aren’t largely profit-driven, but we still have to work with clients). but can you imagine trying to convince these common, stupid people to agree with your research? it’s a tough gig and one of the most unpleasant things about working in my industry that I’m seriously considering switching to Academia. one question that I always have on my mind is – do I need to worry about convincing the masses? hmm

      anyway I digress. the blog link mentions how women speak less and are more uncomfortable when they know a man is focussing on their body than on their face or simply listening to their voice. it’s an interesting finding and something that I find to be quite familiar, personally. In the past, when I’ve had guys ‘check me out’, I tend to ‘withdraw’ somehow and try not to engage with the situation. no matter how hot the guys were or how interested I was, I tended to find this very off-putting on a sub-conscious level. guys who looked at my face when they spoke to me/ never made it obvious they were checking my body out physically (whether they did or not I wouldn’t want to know) were people I felt more comfortable around.

      Evelyn

      Monday, September 23, 2013 at 11:31 am

      • Anyway, I know what you mean about research. Take virginity studies, for example – the hard numbers and facts are there, yet most people don’t accept that virginity until marriage is the best course of action. It flies in the face of all the televised sexual pseudoknowledge they’ve been programmed with! And so, people disregard the research; but this won’t make the research any less valid. Numbers and facts don’t lie!

        QUOTE
        do I need to worry about convincing the masses? hmm
        /QUOTE

        A scientific research must be as objective as possible in order to be valid. A study that bends or misuses the results in order to please the client is not true research and will eventually hurt the “objectivity reputation” of the writer(s).

        The “cool” clients will accept your research no matter what, the “uncool” clients won’t. You set your own boundaries and work ethics. Since research must be “sold” at some point, here’s what you should do:

        You have maximum freedom with the “cool” clients. To the “uncool” ones, explain that misleading findings would be a waste of money for them and would be counterproductive (at least in the long run).

        So, when selling a work to an “uncool” client, whenever possible try to adopt as main selling points the findings that your “uncool” client agrees with. If that won’t work… Well, the client is really purchasing an endorsement or public relations article rather than scientific work, and you should wave him/her goodbye. Or at least, if you can, politely ask your company if you can work at a more honest research project instead.

        reality bites

        Sunday, October 6, 2013 at 3:02 pm

    • Actually it’s not strange that women don’t understand any form of advice given to them these days. They see such things as ‘oppressive’ and ‘backward’ and refuse to listen to them. Whenever anyone so much as makes a suggestion to them to rethink their behaviours and change their ways they see it as an attack on their personality and behave very aggressively. They also view all these types of advice as people ‘policing’ their behaviour. And ya’know, as ‘modern’, ‘liberated’ women they should not be told what to do, cause they know best!! *sarcastic smile*

      Anyway! There were some thoughts that occurred to me over the weekend that I would like to ask you about. Let’s say you are dating a new guy, and well this guy has been single for awhile before you two start dating. And then the both of you start talking about sex – as in very generally. And he tells you (in a very general manner) that all men need to have something to ‘stimulate’ them sexually, so they can ‘release’ and that keeps him healthy because he’s managing his sex drive. And when you question him about that ‘something’, he says it’s semi-nude/nude pictures of women. I have a few questions from there.

      1) Should a person continue dating said guy who admits to masturbating to such pictures to get himself off?
      2) Even if this progresses to a serious relationship/marriage, will there be a chance that he will continue to do such a thing?
      3) On a not-so-related-but-still-kinda-related question, haha. What is a good way for women to ‘manage’ their sex drives well? I mean, women do feel horny as well from time to time (especially before their periods), so what should women do to ‘release’ that horniness and keep her healthy? Masturbate? to semi-nude/nude men?

      Evelyn

      Monday, September 30, 2013 at 10:36 am

      • And I have another really weird question, that is sexually unrelated haha. What would you do if something like this happens to you:
        You are intending to get into the queue in a café to get a drink. However, there are two girls in front of you. And they look to you like they aren’t really in the queue. First off, they are staring at the menu high up on the wall and discussing. Second, there’s a huge gap between them and the other person who is ordering at the head of the queue. So seeing that they don’t really seem to be in a queue and also that you aren’t really in a good mood and in a rush, you go past them and line up behind the guy who is currently ordering. Not so long later, one of the girls quietly tells you that they were in the queue first. What would you have replied?

        I was kind of already pissed, and my shoes were killing my feet. And also cause I was much taller, I did not apologise and told them, ‘Then hurry up and order your food’. They quickly then hurried to the front to order. I regretted that almost immediately cause it sounded really bitchy and I always feel like kicking myself when I cant come up with smarter replies in such situations. Cause I actually really wanted to point out to them that they didn’t look like they were queuing in the first place and should queue properly. I also instinctively knew they felt they had to tell me off, cause I was alone and I’m a girl (there were two of them). IF it were a bunch of guys or even a really big guy standing alone, I doubt they would have done the same.

        I know it’s a weird question and a really small situation, but these situations occur a lot around here. (someone should have a manual to teach people to come up with smart replies in such situations!)

        Evelyn

        Monday, September 30, 2013 at 10:46 am

      • Hi Evelyn,

        Don’t feel guilty about your reply to the two women, they’ve caused an unclear and irritating situation and I feel they’ve asked for it. :)

        We’re entering the fascinating realm of “fuzzy logic” here… The realm where the light can be either “on” or “off” as in boolean logic… but also “somewhere in between” as it’s often the case.

        The “somewhere in between” in this case is an unclear situation and can depend on many things. Were the two women rightly in the queue or not? My puzzling answer is: Partly!

        In the absence of laws and regulations about queues (eg. distance between two customers, etc.) and in the absence of a device spewing out numbered tickets, one’s opinion is as good as everybody else’s. So it is the service provider (ie. bartender or waiter) who ultimately decides who will be served first. His/her ruling is final.

        But before anything else, ask yourself, is this worth fighting over with two irrational, moronic women with an inflated ego and a marked sense of entitlement?

        If it’s not worth it, consider them “in the queue” and let them pass… Even if they lied and cheated you. I wouldn’t like this situation myself… But arguing can often waste more time than the time that you want to save. And “time is money” (and the café’s staff would agree with good ol’ Ben Franklin).

        On the contrary, if it’s worth it and you have a legit reason, consider those people “out of the queue”, politely stand your ground and let the service provider decide. Let me tell you a story…

        Just recently, a small group of people TRIED to argue with me in a public office, because I had passed in front of them in the queue. The office had just reopened for the Afternoon Session…

        Rather than arguing with the said people, I’ve asked STRAIGHT to the service provider, “Here’s my ticket that I got today moments before the end of the Morning Session. Is it still valid?” He said, “It is, please come in”. Situation cleared in just a few seconds, and I was rightfully served before them. Reality Bites 1, pointless arguers 0. :D

        So, as I see it, arguing for a couple of positions in a queue is often pointless, time-consuming and unnecessary… But if it’s worth it and you have objective, legit reasons (eg. a valid numbered ticket or appointment), talk straight to the service provider (instead of arguing with the other clients/customers/users) whenever possible. :)

        This is my point of view on the subject, please let me know what you think. 8)

        reality bites

        Saturday, October 5, 2013 at 7:25 am

      • Let me underline, again, that arguing with irrational people in the lack of objective criteria for determining who’s “right” and who’s “wrong” is often futile. In fact, most people won’t admit defeat, even in the face of irrefutable proof that you’re right and they’re wrong.

        We could reply to the two women that to be part of the queue, they must be “close enough” to the preceding customer as defined by the majority of people. But this is a definition that’s far from objective, and very often not worth fighting over it. And again, even if we could prove that we’re “objectively right”, many people wouldn’t peacefully give up. So, the service provider is the only one who can end any dispute over queue-position. :)

        Finally, yeah, two guys wouldn’t probably have argued with you. Humans are so predictable…

        reality bites

        Sunday, October 6, 2013 at 4:38 am

      • First, the specific reply.

        That guy is honest and well-meaning (ie. ignores scientific studies), but based on what I know and understand he has a high probability to develop a porn addiction AND erectile dysfunction, both of which will hurt a relationship or marriage. And it’s hard to find a polite way to tell him…

        In extreme synthesis, the guy will probably cheat on his partner/spouse for lack of sufficient self-control, but later honestly confess the cheating to her. But you know what? The “number of sexual partners” statistic will go up, and the correlated “marriage/relationship duration” statistic will go down…

        No, IMHO a girl shouldn’t be dating him until he solves his problem and changes his beliefs about porn and masturbation. Honesty is good, masturbation and porn are not.

        Now, for the general reply.

        Both men and women can have very high sex drives.

        Masturbation may at first appear to be an effective way to manage one’s sex drive, but in the long run it becomes painfully obvious that it’s harmful to the person doing it.

        Firstly, it reinforces the need for porn (and porn is bad, as we widely discussed).

        Secondly, it doesn’t teach us self-control (one of the main ingredients for a successful long-term relationship) and in fact it prevents us from increasing our ability to self-control (needed to avoid cheating).

        Thirdly, it develops one’s egoism (taking vs giving) which, again, hurts a marriage/relationship (because it changes one’s focus from the partner to self satisfaction).

        Here are the best ways (IMHO) to manage one’s sexual drive, in decreasing order of effectiveness:
        1. To be married to the right spouse.
        2. To not be exposed to porn (soft/hard) or otherwise sexually stimulating materials and discussions.
        3. To think of something other than sex (eg. read, sleep, go jogging…)
        4. To take sex-drive reduction (safe and legal) substances.

        An example of said substances. This plant’s extract has been used for centuries and is said to reduce sexual desire.

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vitex_agnus-castus

        Here was my reply. Agree/disagree? Feel free to let me know what you think. :)

        reality bites

        Sunday, October 6, 2013 at 4:43 pm

      • And here’s an article about how porn is harmful.

        http://www.adhdmarriage.com/content/9-reasons-porn-hurts

        reality bites

        Monday, October 7, 2013 at 9:01 pm

      • Haha, I agree with you. A lot of these social situations aren’t very clear, and sometimes – at least where I live – the service providers themselves don’t lay down the rules loud and clear. Sometimes they even let the queue-cutter or the person not obeying the rules to go first, which really infuriates me.

        This is probably largely cause of my personality – I hate it when people don’t ‘obey’ social rules and decorum and just do as they please. It’s this ‘ i shall do as i please without any concern or consideration for others’ attitude i’m very disdainful about, and I dislike it when people get away with it. It’s a value I very strongly hold. Also, cause of my pride, I have a tendency to tell people off when i’m really really pissed. haha.

        But you are right, I usually don’t see it as anything worth my time arguing over, cause most people have too much pride and not much sense in such situations to ever admit or even consider that they are wrong.

        Evelyn

        Wednesday, October 16, 2013 at 11:35 am

      • Yeah you are right, I found out that the guy (thank God just a friend, not someone i’m dating) has until this day issues with porn/managing his sexual desire. He’s about 32 and used to have this amazing lady whom I’m also friends with as his girlfriend. She was just amazing, a truly rare gem amongst all the women you see these days. But she left him after realising that he just couldn’t control this part of himself and she because of that started to unconsciously lose respect for him and wouldn’t treat him as well. So to stop herself from doing all that she left him. It’s so many years ago, but yet I still see him struggle with this behaviour of his to this day. Some habits really don’t die. =/

        I agree with your list. I tend to think that if you are watching porn etc you aren’t engaged enough in life. People with hobbies/work/activities they are really passionate about and put their heart and soul into rarely have any time or energy to engage in such mindless (not to mention, damaging) drivel like porn. Is the list same for both men and women? I always wonder if there is a gender difference. Cause I know a lot of women who can control their sexual urges (or maybe they are expected to by society hmm) but a lot of men who seemingly cannot.

        Evelyn

        Wednesday, October 16, 2013 at 11:46 am

      • QUOTE
        Is the list same for both men and women? I always wonder if there is a gender difference. Cause I know a lot of women who can control their sexual urges (or maybe they are expected to by society hmm) but a lot of men who seemingly cannot.
        /QUOTE

        Yes, the list is the same for both men and women. :)

        Both genders can apply my suggestions and keep sex drive under control.

        Men or women, who has the highest “natural” (not porn-assisted, etc.) sexual drive? I don’t know. We should read more about it before forming a judgement.

        reality bites

        Monday, October 21, 2013 at 6:37 am

      • ^ That would be an interesting study to do haha. I’ll need to read more into it (when I do have the time eventually), but my guess would be it’s about the same. I personally knew women who were watching porn and just plain addicted to it more than the average man (needless to say, they were all not virgins and had sex willingly before marriage). I can’t remember where I read this but there was a study I once came across which found that women who have a higher sex drive (watched porn, slept around, sexually active etc) had a higher testosterone level than the average woman. This made their ‘sexual’ activity seem more ‘man-like’ so to speak. Maybe there’s something about the hormones!

        Evelyn

        Wednesday, October 23, 2013 at 8:38 am

  106. Virginity-until-marriage pledges. Do they work or not?

    They can work, according to a 2008 study:

    http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/health/2008-06-10-virginity-pledges_N.htm

    “Teenagers who vowed to remain virgins until they were married were less likely to be sexually active than others who didn’t make a pledge.”

    So… Pledgers are more likely to stay virgin longer, compared to nonpledgers. Anybody looking for a virgin spouse should remember that.

    reality bites

    Monday, October 7, 2013 at 12:04 am

    • Of course, I’m not in any way suggesting that one should marry a teenager haha, or in one’s teenage years. Far from it.

      In fact, I’ve read somewhere that emotional and mental development may not be complete before 25 or even 30 years of age. Sex before emotional/mental/physical development is complete would seriously damage the person.

      Drawing from ancient philosophy, I remember that ancient Jews considered a human “adult” at 30 years of age. Jesus Christ was not considered “adult” before then. St. Paul recommended to not marry before the juvenile “age of strong passions” is over (1 Cor 7:38), ie. before one has developed some degree of self-control.

      My point of view (also considering that with the passage of time, fertility decreases and genetic defects probabilities increase), is that the ideal age for getting married is between 20 and 30 years of age, possibly after earning a college degree. :)

      reality bites

      Monday, October 7, 2013 at 12:46 am

      • Another study found that LATE virginity loss (ie. losing virginity in the twenties etc.) MIGHT cause sexual problems.

        http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Sex/story?id=3932047&page=1

        However, the authors admit these points:
        1. there’s no proven causation link, just some correlation
        2. EARLY virginity loss is also linked to sexual problems (inconclusive study, anyone?)

        On top of that, I’ll add that:
        3. whoever may recommend us to “lose virginity early”, should be reminded that this doesn’t imply “losing virginity outside of marriage” (logic for the win!)

        Finally:
        4. if I had to make a choice, I would rather be a mentally/emotionally developed lifetime virgin than losing virginity early just to avoid hypothetical sexual problems. I’ll still need my beautiful, fully-developed mind in my 80s! Haha.

        reality bites

        Wednesday, October 9, 2013 at 6:40 am

      • http://www.academic.marist.edu/mwwatch/fall05/science1.htm

        “A National Institutes of Health study proposes that the part of the brain that restrains risky behavior, including reckless driving, and thinking skills is not fully developed until the age of 25.”

        In other words, most people won’t be “adult” before age 25!

        I wonder what the world would look like if the legal age of consent was raised to 25. Probably much better! Haha. :D

        reality bites

        Wednesday, October 9, 2013 at 6:59 am

      • Yet more details about this fascinating topic.

        http://www.livescience.com/7005-brains-young-adults-fully-mature.html

        reality bites

        Wednesday, October 9, 2013 at 7:02 am

      • And now, some more good news for women who lost their virginity early!

        http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/06/15/virginity-teens-divorce-study_n_877529.html

        “31 percent who lost their virginity as teens divorced within five years, and 47 percent divorced within 10 years. On the flip side, the divorce rate for women who had waited to have sex was only 15 percent at the five year mark, and 27 percent by the time 10 years rolled around.”

        Findings consistent with other material I’ve read.

        So, there is no escape: if you lost your virginity early, chances are good that you’ll be divorced within 10 years! So, try not to have too many children, unless you want to make them suffer the painful consequences of a divorce.

        reality bites

        Wednesday, October 9, 2013 at 3:00 pm

      • If anybody asks “Why should my wife be a virgin?” like this blog page does, a sarcastic reply could be…

        “I don’t know! Anybody knows? Nobody knows!” Haha.

        Actually, we could list all the scientific reasons why it’s wise to remain virgin until marriage. Maybe one day I’ll create a complete list from the “knowledge bites” I’ve posted throughout the years here and there. Time permitting.

        reality bites

        Wednesday, October 9, 2013 at 3:09 pm

      • The above study obviously refers to married women (unmarried women can’t divorce, duh – although, girlfriends can break up… the percentages must be the same more or less!)

        reality bites

        Wednesday, October 9, 2013 at 4:00 pm

    • Again on virginity pledges:

      http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/1589051/posts

      “A 2004 study from Columbia and Yale Universities found that teens who make a virginity pledge are 12 times more likely than non-pledgers to be virgins at marriage. Also, those who signed a pledge were more likely to delay sexual activity for 18 months, have fewer partners, and marry earlier. A Heritage Foundation study found that young women who pledge to remain virgins are about 40 percent less likely to have an out-of-wedlock birth compared to those who do not pledge.”

      reality bites

      Monday, October 7, 2013 at 6:09 am

    • I agree with the pledging thing. I have not conducted any virgin-related studies haha but have a huge pool of virgin friends and all of them have the following whilst growing up: 1) the unconscious desire to want to remain a virgin til marriage 2) a good/close relationship with their families 3) like-minded friends who desired the same thing. a combination of personality, upbringing and environment. It’s easy to see how there are so many ways people can trip up.

      About the mental development age, I think you are spot on. I remember reading in my psychology texts back in college that the personality only really becomes developed/fully formed at 25 earliest, 30 latest. some argue about 30 being the latest, but the common consensus was 25 was the earliest age that our brains/personality become fully developed. Our prefrontal cortex (which controls decision making and higher thought processes) also only fully forms around this age. And if i’m not wrong, this part of the brain is central in controlling our pleasure principles/values/judgments etc. Any impairment (poor social conditions/accidents) leads to very impulsive behaviour. Which is what they found in a lot of criminals. I think a lot of non-virgins/people with very low self control have very undeveloped prefrontal cortexes.

      Personally I think a good age to marry would be between 25-30 ideally. Even just using myself as an example, I feel my personality/mental faculties to be changing (for the better I hope!) each year. How I think about things/process things now is very different from a year ago. I used to be more emotional/reactive about things, these days i’m more confident about what I think/say and have no issues when people disagree with me cause I have utter confidence in why I think the way I do and do the things I do. I’m sure I’ll keep changing.

      which is why it completely amazes me why some people get hitched so young (before 25) haha. other than the biological pros (conceiving/fertility etc) I can’t see any advantages.

      I’ve also read somewhere… can’t remember where now.. that engaging in behaviour your brain isn’t fully developed to handle (sex, drugs, vices, porn) before a certain age, can ‘short-circuit’ the brain in a sense and actually kill off any further neural development.

      Evelyn

      Wednesday, October 16, 2013 at 12:04 pm

      • The worst people in my life all seem to suffer from prefrontal cortex underdevelopment haha. They are the most horrific people I know: undisciplined, disorderly, impulsive, intractable, violent (or verbally abusive at minimum), vindictive, envious, lazy, opportunist but shortsighted (especially when evaluating the benefits of “following the rules”)… The list goes on and on. Every imaginable negative personality trait, all rolled into one emotionally overloaded body.

        I loathe (and pity) them all. Most of them don’t stand a chance of ever evolving.

        reality bites

        Saturday, October 19, 2013 at 11:44 pm

      • Hi again Evelyn,

        This article mentions that the prefrontal cortex is important to resist temptations and delay gratification (though it contains an error, read Mike’s Comment #11):

        http://scienceblogs.com/cortex/2008/10/23/selfcontrol-and-the-prefrontal/

        Quote from the article:
        “willpower trumped raw intelligence” they write… Similar to what you posted over a year ago on the (now shut down) everywomansblog.com blog.

        Needless to say, humans who CAN deny gratification to themselves (for “as long as needed”) seem the best candidates for a long term relationship.

        In fact, I consider a “virgin by choice” to be superior compared to a “virgin for lack of opportunities”.

        reality bites

        Sunday, October 20, 2013 at 12:49 am

      • Yes! I’ve met people with many of the above traits. A lot of negativity just rolled into one person, you are right. Ew. thank God i’m not in their presence anymore and I wont hesitate to eliminate people from my life who display those characteristics. Yeah, they don’t ever stand a chance of ever evolving. I know this is gonna sound controversial… but everytime I hear about such people having children, I somehow wish there was a way to stop them – you know, natural selection in a sense – so they can’t reproduce. It’s the same feeling I get whenever I read about some C-list trashy celeb having a child with another equally trashy person. I cringe.

        Evelyn

        Wednesday, October 23, 2013 at 8:42 am

      • QUOTE
        I know this is gonna sound controversial… but everytime I hear about such people having children, I somehow wish there was a way to stop them – you know, natural selection in a sense – so they can’t reproduce.
        /QUOTE

        Yep, read my latest (Nov 3, 2013) message below. :)

        reality bites

        Sunday, November 3, 2013 at 3:31 am

  107. This is interesting. On the benefits of monogamy…

    http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2012/07/30/hookinguprealities/casual-sex-makes-college-students-crazy-fat-and-stupid/

    “Monogamous relationships between young people were predictive of fewer mental health problems and lower rates of obesity.”

    And of course…

    “the number of sex partners a person has is linked to a number of negative health outcomes…”

    But we already knew that!

    That said… Of course, a marriage to the right person will provide even greater benefits compared to a “simple” long term relationship, which the study fails to underline because it was aimed at young college students (among whom, I bet, not many are married).

    reality bites

    Tuesday, October 15, 2013 at 4:26 pm

    • Yeah. I mean, a lot of people and I mean.. ALOT use this pre-marital long term relationships they are in to justify pre-martial sex. They will go like, ‘o, we were together for 10 years and had sex but ended up marrying’. It makes no sense to me. It doesn’t matter how long or short you were together before marrying, or whether you end up marring, the point is not to have any sexual contact during that period of time that matters. It’s like saying ‘o I got drunk and then got raped at a party, but I’m now in a long term relationship with the guy (who raped me), so technically he’s not a rapist’. That said, many of my friends (who are either completely single or in pre-marital LTRs) are healthy, not fat and have very good work ethics.

      It just occurred to me that someone needs to do a correlation experiment of MBTI types with the tendency to indulge in pre-marital sex! I personally think xxFPs will come up as one of the highest correlations.

      Evelyn

      Wednesday, October 16, 2013 at 8:35 am

      • QUOTE
        It’s like saying ‘o I got drunk and then got raped at a party, but I’m now in a long term relationship with the guy (who raped me), so technically he’s not a rapist’.
        /QUOTE

        You could say that many people are “drunk with ignorance”. They go through life ignoring the consequences of their actions. They have a careless attitude, rather than carefree attitude.

        Claiming to have achieved a specific goal AFTER some events somehow happened to help its achievement is a Texas Sharpshooter Fallacy:

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Texas_sharpshooter_fallacy

        The fallacy (faulty reasoning) takes its name from a joke where a Texan fires some bullets at a barn and only later paints a target around the best cluster of hits, to support his claim that he is a sharpshooter.

        By the way, this one fallacy is favored not only by boasters, but also by many scammers throughout the world. The real results of scam products are very often not quite as good as advertised!

        reality bites

        Sunday, October 20, 2013 at 9:36 pm

      • QUOTE
        someone needs to do a correlation experiment of MBTI types with the tendency to indulge in pre-marital sex! I personally think xxFPs will come up as one of the highest correlations.
        /QUOTE

        The highest correlation with premarital sex would probably be found for the ESFP type. (This Myers-Briggs model is great stuff, by the way).

        (E)xtrovert individuals tend to meet more people, among whom they are more likely to find somebody that makes them lose their virginity (or cheat upon their spouse/partner, hint hint).

        As for the (S)ensing part, people who rely only on the five senses cannot access the sixth sense (intuition). Data must often be interpreted in order to get the “big picture”.

        For example, when a girl says she’s a virgin, is the datum literal? Does she mean what she just said? Or is she lying? Or is she just kidding? Or is she saying so under threat of punishment, like it happens in certain countries? The meaning of data depends on CONTEXT, so other data must be acquired and interpreted along with the original datum.

        reality bites

        Monday, October 21, 2013 at 5:20 am

      • Here’s a link to the Myers-Briggs personality rating system for who’s interested.

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers-Briggs_Type_Indicator

        Anyway…

        Whoever relies only on the five senses has a limited perception of reality.

        The (S)ensing guy who wants a virgin and believes the literal datum (“I’m a virgin”, the girl of the above example said) can end up having sex with her, perhaps after marrying her. If the datum is later discovered as false (ie. if the girl is NOT a virgin), the end result is: suffering, suffering and yet more suffering (for example: break of trust, unwanted marriage to the wrong person, undesired children, unplanned costly alimony checks, etc.).

        So, beware (S)ensing people: don’t trust all you can see, hear, and touch. Always use your Judgement. Interpret data. Don’t be shallow. Always acquire more data to help you interpret reality and discover what the truth is – because it is a world of liars out there. :)

        reality bites

        Monday, October 21, 2013 at 5:48 am

      • Interesting, this is the first time I’m hearing about that particular fallacy, thanks! Careless vs carefree attitude indeed is a very fine distinction that most people don’t care to have. :D Freedom = careless for the masses rather than carefree.

        My guess would be on the ESFPs or ISFPs too. In fact when I typed that older post I was thinking of few ISFPs I used to know. They were the most unstable, emotionally high-maintenance people I ever knew who lived their lives as if it were all a huge big drama. Needless to say these types are usually found a lot in celebrities or ‘artist’ types. I find the Introverted SFPs to be no less promiscuous than their extroverted counterparts. Having a lower reach of people they know does not make them any less likely to sleep around, I think. I find them the most unstable/promiscuous of all the introverted types.

        Anyway, there is something about xSFx people that I highly dislike. The emotions combined with the lack of intuition makes for very painful company in my experience. Because of that, they tend to come across very self-centred and defensive especially when people do not agree with them. xSTx I much prefer but they tend to be abit rigid in thinking.

        Actually, I would probably sound abit controversial saying this, but I tend to find Sensors to be a bit less intelligent than their Intuitive counterparts. They simply absorb information and decipher situations based on past experiences, but they rarely go one step further and assess things more. In psychology terms, I find sensors to be very low self-monitors. They behave the same in ALL situations and then wonder why sometimes people dislike them greatly. They also tend to not be able to ‘read’ situations and vibes from people well. Not sure what you think of this. I’m sure there are some very iffy Intuitives who make poor judgments on people/situations (INFPs come to mind), but there’s always that extra ‘something’ about an Intuitive – I can always tell when i’m talking to one, they come across pretty deep. Needless to say, Intuitives make up only 25% and Sensors 75%.

        Evelyn

        Monday, October 28, 2013 at 12:41 pm

  108. I have a quick question that just occurred to me – I wanted to know what you think about this. I’m sure you see many people taking pictures of themselves these days and anything revolving around them – 50 photos of them in the same pose, their food/breakfast/lunch/dinner, their purchases etc and just random silly things and posting them on facebook and wherever for other people to see/comment on. (cue eye rolls).

    now, what do you think of people who go for professional photoshoots.. of themselves. Like they get their individual portraits taken by some professional and they do it annually. Would such a person strike you as narcissistic? I recently was speaking to a male friend and he told me he does this things like once or twice a year for himself cause he finds the shots tasteful and it’s fun. I couldn’t stop laughing when he showed me the photos.. I don’t know, it’s not something I would ever do for myself. But then again, he’s someone who’s very.. how should I describe it.. kind of a little different from your usual photo-whores. He just likes nice pictures. Nice pictures of himself and scenery. LOL. whenever he talks about a photo it’s usually how the photo turned out. This friend also happens to like to well, preen himself a lot. Needs to have nice hair, likes jewellery. For a man.. I find it quite… hilarious. hahahah. Combining all these I used to think he was a narcissist. Like completely self-absorbed and self-obsessed and not down-to-earth. at all. It bothered me cause he’s been expressing interest, and I’m also at the stage where I find him interesting, but am not sure whether to get turned off by such behaviour or not.

    My question really is, how do you separate people who just genuinely enjoy doing things that makes them look good, doing things cause it’s aesthetically pleasing versus the people who are just plain narcissistic. Cause in this self-obsessed world where everyone loves to photograph themselves I’m finding it very hard to tell the difference. Needless to say, before I spoke to my friend, I thought he was vain and self-obsessed and wrote him off mentally. It was only after speaking to him that I realised he had a lot going on in his head which impressed me (his mbti type is an entp and I always tend to really admire xNTx types). Wondering how you would personally filter out the self-obsessed with those who seem self-obsessed but aren’t all that.

    Evelyn

    Wednesday, October 16, 2013 at 8:28 am

    • Hi Evelyn,

      QUOTE
      Would such a person strike you as narcissistic?
      /QUOTE

      It depends.

      A professional photo of self taken once a year isn’t necessarily proof of a personality disorder. However, unless one works in certain fields (eg. modeling), an entire yearly photoshoot of self probably is “overkill”.

      As I’ve written recently, let’s not limit ourselves at what our five senses perceive, and let’s not stop at the literal datum.

      We must gather other data to help interpret the original literal datum, and see if this leads to a DSM-IV diagnosis of some personality disorder.

      Reasons to have an entire photoshoot of self once a year…

      1. To keep the CV updated, since a photo can be part of the CV. Fair enough.

      (But many times, a photo isn’t required in a CV, and can even be counterproductive – though if a very outdated picture is used, the CV can be perceived as a bit dishonest when the job interview comes).

      2. For the social network profiles.

      (If the guy uses various social networks to increase his business/job opportunities it’s understandable, otherwise he’s just “pimping his image”)

      3. Life is short and we must “carpe diem”, seize the moment, as we age.

      (But why only photos of self and scenery, without any other people or animals in the background? Besides, one usually doesn’t age much in a year! Seems a bit self-centric at this point).

      4. He has a developed aesthetic sense and a taste for beautiful things.

      (But why photos of self and scenery, with no beautiful architectural works/structures, museums, frescoes or statues in the background?)

      5. He has a high opinion of himself.

      (Quite possible… And this doesn’t necessarily mean that the opinion is based on facts, or that he has a high level of self-esteem).

      Now, here is what I think.

      CONCLUSION 1

      This guy seems like he wants to be able to present only the best parts of himself and to hide the less pleasant sides of self.

      In fact, he had many pictures of self taken by a PROFESSIONAL, which should guarantee that few “bad pictures” are produced in the first place, and so that among these (ALREADY GOOD) he can choose/keep/show only the best ones and hide/destroy the rest.

      He also wears nice clothes and jewelry to further improve his image. Everyone must see him only at his best, God forbid that he forgets his gold watch at home or somebody see him with his hair uncombed!

      CONCLUSION 2

      This guy has a very high opinion of himself (right or wrong), but to the detriment of others.

      If he can regularly afford nice clothes and jewelry, he probably has a good income and probably accomplished something in life. However, his flaws are not in the material world…

      In his yearly photoshoot, only himself and the scenery are allowed.

      There is NO PLACE FOR ANYONE ELSE. In his photos… And, maybe, even in his life. (Unlikely to change).

      Let me underline that it’s not a party photoshoot, where just about everyone gets a chance of having a picture taken with him.

      No, our image god must have all the stage for himself. HE is the most important person in his life. Hell, even the natural scenery that he loves so much goes into the background.

      Which brings me to discuss another thing.

      He seems to like Nature, so natural scenery is a must in his pictures.

      But his aesthetic sense and taste seems all aimed at himself first and nature second (nature being instrumental to heightening the beauty of his own image). Let me repeat, he’s used Nature and jewels to improve his image; I wonder if he’s looking for a trophy girlfriend (as in, a girlfriend to display as a trophy) to further enhance his image.

      No urban/human environments. In the background of his photos, as far as I know, there are no beautiful architectural works/structures, museums, churches, mosaics, frescoes or statues. Or people other than him (they must not be good or beautiful enough for him, haha).

      FINAL THOUGHTS

      My gut feeling (intuition) is that this guy is worshiping his own image, wants others to worship his image… This makes him feel good… But doesn’t want people for many other purposes.

      You may actually have stumbled upon a Histrionic man. Or at least, he seems more Histrionic than Narcissist. “HPD affects four times as many women as men” and only up to 3% of the population… Still, you’ve probably met a man with HPD.

      Double confirmation… You said that he “happens to like to well, preen himself a lot” and that “needs to have nice hair, likes jewellery. For a man.. (it is) quite… hilarious”. In other words, uncommon. Uncommon means, compatible with the above mentioned percentage and numbers (up to a fifth of 3% ie. up to 0.006% of the population)

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Histrionic_personality_disorder

      “People affected by HPD are lively, dramatic, vivacious, enthusiastic, and flirtatious…”

      (“a lot going on in his head which impressed me” you would say… also, remember that people can do the Myers-Briggs test wrong or may even lie about it! Is he truly an ENTP? Generally speaking, people can even lie to THEMSELVES when taking psychologic tests, to obtain the results they like best – because many can’t handle a truth colliding with their own self-image!)

      Wikipedia goes on:
      “People with HPD have a high need for attention, make loud and inappropriate appearances, exaggerate their behaviors and emotions, and crave stimulation… Associated features include egocentrism, self-indulgence, continuous longing for appreciation, and persistent manipulative behavior to achieve their own needs.”

      Manipulativeness is shared with the narcissistic profile; but for me, he’s mainly (at least mildly) HPD. Theatrical Histrionic is Millon’s subtype if you ask me:
      “Affected, mannered, put-on; postures are striking, eyecatching, graphic; markets self-appearance; is synthesized, stagy; simulates desirable/dramatic poses.”

      Of course I could be wrong… This is no diagnosis, I’m no psychologist/psychiatrist and my guess is as good as anyone else’s and I have very little information to work on. (I was right about Masturbation/Porn Guy, he wouldn’t get rid of his vices haha).

      But if you have other questions, let me know. :)

      Question Everything!

      reality bites

      Tuesday, October 22, 2013 at 2:40 am

    • QUOTE
      how do you separate people who just genuinely enjoy doing things that makes them look good, doing things cause it’s aesthetically pleasing versus the people who are just plain narcissistic.

      Wondering how you would personally filter out the self-obsessed with those who seem self-obsessed but aren’t all that.
      /QUOTE

      You must gather as much data as possible about the subject, then use reasoning and data management/interpretation theories to prove or disprove the original data.

      It’s a lot of work, I know.

      First, we must state our goals: to know the real personality of an individual.

      Next, we decide the correct tools to use.

      In our case, data interpretation theories are mainly contained within the DSM-IV manual and the psychometric models of personality analysis (such as the Myers-Briggs). These are our tools.

      Next, we must remember that humans can lie, therefore data gathered from a human source can be false (and often is: people tend to create a “perfect image” that is not the truth).

      But data analysis can help us see through the lies. New data can confirm old data or disprove it. In the end, a final judgement will be formed (more or less accurate based on our data and understanding of it).

      Let’s suppose that a guy appears to be self-obsessed. That is the literal datum; our first impression, if you will. But is it true?

      HYPOTHESIS A

      After observing him a bit, you see that he acts like he’s the Chosen One and as if everyone else is inferior, revealing a “superiority belief”.

      You two later have an argument and rather than admitting that your logic is superior to his, he stubbornly insists that he is right even though his reasoning is patently flawed.

      At a dinner table, he serves himself first and either serves you AFTER him or even implies that you’ll have to serve yourself.

      At some point, you ask him to please do/buy X for you and he invents a plausible excuse as to why he cannot. From voice analysis you get a nonverbal clue that it’s beneath him. Bonus points if the excuse is later proven false. In the following days, other similar requests are turned down time after time, with similar results.

      You later discover that the guy treats everyone like s–t. Especially women. You know it because independent sources told you of certain negative episodes that stuck in their mind. After some talking, you determine that the sources are credible and not motivated by envy and don’t have old scores to settle.

      Finally, you discover that his pictures are posted on the Internet EVERYWHERE and that he posts on frivolous forums here and there, where all he does is discussing the best hairdo or teaching the fastest way to grow some muscles (I’m sure he knows! haha). He even brags about himself being handsome or having visible six-pack abdominals. Bonus points if the muscular pictures are not his (reverse image search engines are your friends).

      I don’t know about you, but I’d consider this guy as self-obsessed.

      HYPOTHESIS B

      Even though he cares for his image very much, your first impression was wrong.

      You see that he is polite in his dealings with other people, who appreciate his presence and a few of them also want to hang out with him.

      You discover that the guy volunteers at a local charity four hours a week. He helps them with accounting, since he works as accountant/consultant for a living.

      You see several photos of him on the Internet, but they are mostly work-related. There, he discusses the best ways to cut costs by automating processes.

      When you later have an argument with him, he understands that he’s wrong and that you have a point. He concedes that you may be right.

      Finally, when you later go out, you both take the bus and you personally see him give his seat to an elderly woman (not in bad shape) as a gesture of courtesy.

      I don’t know about you, but I’d rate this guy much higher than the other one (in Hypothesis A). This guy of Hypothesis B doesn’t seem self-obsessed to me.

      FINAL THOUGHTS

      Sure, some people may be extraordinary liars and manage to fool somebody, but remember the proverb, “a lie has no legs”: the truth will come out sooner or later. It is only a matter of whether it’s before or after becoming romantically involved with the liar…

      Therefore, let’s become expert information hunters/gatherers and interpreters. :) That way we won’t be easily fooled/scammed. It is a travel, not a destination… One can only get better as time goes by.

      Discovering the truth takes time, effort and sometimes luck. It is a skill to be honed. I’ve simplified things very much but I think I’ve briefly explained the essential points.

      Anyway, I hope this helps and let me know if you have other questions. :) If I’ve been unclear, incoherent or inconcludent… It’s because I badly need some sleep haha.

      reality bites

      Tuesday, October 22, 2013 at 6:42 am

      • Thanks for the very detailed explanation! I guess things need to be taken as a whole. I have an issue with people though – I tend to quickly write people off after observing certain aspects of them. Might work well in an environment where I need to size people off quickly, but I have written out people too quickly in the past. Not sure why I do that. But I tend to be neutral/dislike people in general so it doesn’t bother me too much – yet- hahahahaha.

        Evelyn

        Monday, October 28, 2013 at 12:48 pm

      • Don’t mention it. :)

        You do well in being very protective of yourself. In fact, it is mandatory to look for negative behavior and aspects in the subject/target – “red flags”, if you will.

        Two instances of a certain negative behavior, or one single particularly intense instance of negative behavior warn you that you may want to exclude that person from your life before (s)he even becomes a part of it.

        For example: everyone can have a fit of rage every now and then. But if the episode is particularly intense and unjustified, or if it’s not the first time, then the subject should be avoided and possibly even excluded from your life.

        Again, one single particularly intense episode of negative behavior OR repeated mild negative episodes are grounds for termination of human contact.

        Once a subject has been excluded from your life (because you decided that the negative behavior is a sure sign of a persistent negative personality trait), if (s)he wants to be a part of your life you should say “Then change behavior X”. And in my humble opinion, you shouldn’t give the subject a second chance before six months of time because one can hardly change his/her personality before then.

        For example, if you visit a man’s home and he says “Sorry for the mess, I’ve just moved here” and one month later his home is still a disorderly mess, exclude him from your life. A disorderly or liar man would make a nightmare husband.

        The real problem will be identifying the (thankfully few) extraordinary actors/liars who do not display (in front of you…) ANY negative behavior/aspects for months or even years. They are the most dangerous species.

        reality bites

        Tuesday, October 29, 2013 at 2:18 pm

      • Speaking about red flags, I tend to use this as a general guideline and find it quite helpful: emotional instability. Now this is a very wide range of characteristics/behaviours, but I tend to find that people who experience negative emotions more often than not and have no qualms about affecting other people around them as and when they want to with these negative emotions need to be avoided at all costs. So I tend to avoid the ones who always seem to be bitter about something/angry about something or angers easily, gets upset/sad easily and/or quarrelsome. Actually, even those who experience constant highs/positive experiences need to be kept at arm’s length (they need to get their heads checked) but I don’t find them as toxic as the ones constantly spewing negative emotion and affecting everyone around them. I also tend to avoid the bitchy ones ie: the ones who are sarcastic to everyone around them and act as if everyone owes them a living. This is usually a sign of arrogance and a superiority (or maybe inferiority?) complex.

        this is just from observation – but people that I’ve known who react in a negative way emotionally to things tend to also be very unbalanced in many other areas of life: materialistic/questionable lifestyles/irresponsible/liars/alcoholics you name it. I think that emotional stability is a huge sign of a developed personality, someone who acknowledges that we all have our off-days, but has managed to acquire the skills to manage their emotions well. They might feel angry at that bunch of assholes who cut their queue, but they get over it quickly.

        I’m not saying that people can’t express their emotions, but I do think there’s a time and place to do so and the proper way to do it. A lot of people simply ‘take it out’ on others. I don’t feel that anyone has the ‘right’ to do that.

        It might be my gravitation towards emotional stability and cause I really dislike conflict (hence I really loathe people/friends who want to pick a fight over an issue that can be solved by talking nicely), but I really dislike emotional people. I’ve weeded all these.. emotional pests (mostly women, not surprising eh) out of my life and keep those that are very logical and sane by my side. Needless to say, most of my friends both male and female are of the xSTx/xNTx MBTI types. If you are going to pick a fight with me whilst i’m at work over a simple scheduling for a social event or act like a quarrelsome self-centred bitch although you are three hours late and I’m still waiting you for u at a place 2 hours away from my house (and have always late to any meetup with me), sorry, you don’t deserve my respect or time. Neither do you deserve to be in my inner circle or in my life. get out!

        Evelyn

        Thursday, October 31, 2013 at 3:04 pm

  109. Hi Evelyn,

    Most avatars (ours included) in this blog have been replaced by “On/Off Button” avatars… Except a privileged few, because they had used personalized (non-standard) avatars. Very strange… Hopefully it’s a temporary error.

    Anyway I wonder if we should find a secondary blog (preferably allowing anonymous posts) to write on if/when this main/primary blog crashes or is deleted.

    reality bites

    Friday, October 25, 2013 at 10:02 am

    • On/Off Button avatars? What is that?

      I think we should find an alternative. I’m not sure what blogs/webpages are out there to continue our discussions peacefully without having to fight off trolls constantly. I’m thinking blogs which are kinda abandoned by their owners like this one should work very well.

      Evelyn

      Monday, October 28, 2013 at 12:26 pm

      • The avatar, as you know, is the poster’s portrait or iconic symbol. On this blog, the avatar is displayed on the right of the message, near the poster’s name and posting date.

        Until recently, the icons for anonymous posters were assigned based on the poster’s e-mail address.

        QUOTE
        On/Off Button avatars? What is that?
        /QUOTE

        Now, for no apparent reason, the funny icons/avatars of the anonymous posters have been replaced by “Monitor Power On/Power Off” blue button icons. Or at least… I can’t see the former avatars/icons of anonymous posters anymore.

        Your avatar/icon was the “sproingy smoochy scorpion”; I miss her already haha.

        QUOTE
        blogs which are kinda abandoned by their owners like this one should work very well.
        /QUOTE

        I agree. Semi-abandoned is good. For now we’ll stay here but if I find a better blog I’ll post the address here. :)

        reality bites

        Monday, October 28, 2013 at 9:31 pm

      • oh ok I get what you mean. Hmm. could it be the way your computer loads the site? Cause I can still see our avatars. My lovely scorpion lol and your blue little.. man. haha.

        Evelyn

        Thursday, October 31, 2013 at 3:08 pm

    • there was also something that I was pondering about recently that I want to ask about. I think I mentioned this to you in the previous blog, but might not have asked the same question. So here it is: what is a child/teen to do when his/her parents don’t get along? And especially if the child does not have siblings? I define a child/teen here as someone who isnt old enough to support themselves in any way – especially financial support. Say, they have heated quarrels occasionally, show their irritation/anger/disgust at the other on a frequent basis, their relationship seems to be always an emotional rollercoaster ride – one day they are speaking, the next day they are irritated at each other over something really insignificant, both parents badmouth the other to the kid, there’s also physical abuse although it’s nothing too serious (relatively) that warrants any sort of hospitalization etc.

      What’s a child to do? Especially if they do not have siblings, and especially if the parents are not keen on any ‘outside interference’ – meaning, they are ‘embarrassed’ about letting friends and family know about the conflicts and abuse and try as hard as possible to hide it from everyone.

      I was just thinking of my younger self over the weekend and was feeling very sorry for myself. I remember the utter helplessness I used to feel in these situations. I’m not sure how it didn’t seriously affect my personality (but then again, I tend to daydream abit and tune out my reality sometimes) and how come I seemed to do nothing about it when I was younger (just lived with it). And it doesn’t help that my country being an Asian one has very limited outreach/welfare places for people in such situations, that singles can’t buy a house til you are 35, and that outsiders (including extended family members) tend not to want to get involved because ‘it’s not their problem’ and people don’t like to tell others about their family issues cause it’s so ‘embarrassing’ and ‘face-losing’. (rolls eyes majorly). This is the thing I absolutely hate about Asian culture, they would rather die in some situations than seek help all because of their silly face-saving nonsense.

      I’m thinking a sibling might help a little better but I have none. I was also thinking back to the days when my mother used to hoard stuff big time (she still does) and my dad would bring cleaners to come and throw out her stuff when she wasn’t at home. I mean, what would you have done in that situation? You wake up one morning, your mum isn’t in, you are enjoying your breakfast and your dad walks in and tells you that some cleaners – complete strangers by the way – would be coming in to throw out her stuff. What would you do? Call a relative (which I did in the end), call the police? What? What is a 19 year old girl completely helpless in such a situation do? Especially when you have a dad known for violent temper tantrums?

      My parents have toned down a lot less but they still do have childish tiffs. And going on any holiday with them is absolutely stressful and such a killjoy. Actually, living with them is a pain too, half the time.

      I believe I have coped with it well but I actually do suffer from anxiety issues. I’m not sure how serious it is, but when i’m faced with any uncertainty, I usually react with anxiety and pessimism. And I try to find things about the situation that will prove my perception bias – that the situation will end in doom. This also goes for guys/relationships i’m starting and I observe every single flaw (taking professional photos of himself for instance hahaha), jump to a conclusion and then cross that person out. At home, I tend to be in a vigilant mode.. not by choice, but I tend to survey the atmosphere/people for any clues that they are going to get pissed off with each other and then try to do something to pre-empt that. It probably sounds very silly but I tend to do that very often and find myself sometimes, not being able to have a peace of mind and be myself at home.

      I wonder how do I overcome all that? My mum still hoards things and my dad gets annoyed. Some people have told me to ignore it as it is not my ‘business’. But excuse me, I live in the same place as these people and if they ever have a tiff over the hoarding, it affects my mood, my entire being for the whole day. So how is it not my business?! I solely blame my parents for this anxiety that I have. It is not affected me to a large degree, I am aware of it and am always trying to break out of it. But if not for them, this would not happen and I hugely resent them for bringing me into this world when they aren’t even getting along. I’m an innocent party. I feel very revengeful at times, and do want to take it out on time in a very big way and stamp my authority all over them in future, for instance limiting contacting between them and my kids, because of this. It sounds very mean and I probably wouldn’t do it, but I never know.. I do have a very, very nasty, unforgiving side that comes out when pushed too much over my level of tolerance.

      Very long post but wanted to know what you think!

      Evelyn

      Monday, October 28, 2013 at 1:11 pm

      • Hello Evelyn,

        It is an IMMENSELY complex and delicate topic, one that certainly can’t be covered with a two-lines reply. Let’s try and “eat the elephant one bite at a time” haha.

        For now, allow me to start replying by discussing the MACROSCOPIC problem that’s beneath our eyes. In other words, the SOCIETAL-wide problem rather than the problem of the single child/teen.

        I have seen countless “families” that are nothing more than loveless random agglomerates of humans: started by physical attraction (they erroneously call it “love”) between two individuals (usually with SERIOUS issues), incremented by procreative “feel good” ignorant ideas and held together only by economic necessity, despair and yet more ignorance.

        Many such “families” are also the breeding grounds for the next generation of losers, because many times the grown children perpetuate their parents’ mistakes since, well, they don’t know any better!

        Needless to say, that is the WRONG kind of family. Again, a loveless agglomerate of aleatorily-selected humans created by: ignorance, economic necessity and despair.

        My “quick reply” is that yes, ignorant losers should be forbidden from ever procreating, and this would solve MANY problems. At the source. Before they have a chance to even happen.

        HOWEVER, society won’t improve if we ask dictatorial governments to solve the problem; they are only interested in enslaving us for their own benefit (in fact, practically ALL current governments are dystopian and have a vested interest in making things WORSE, not better, for the next generations). I have yet to see one “just” government that would be able to enforce procreative restrictions and the connected moral precepts without causing untold grief to the people it rules.

        So, the (long-term) freedom-based solution is “simply” to ENLIGHTEN THE MASSES by releasing to the public reality-based information about how a Family is supposed to be (formed). Teaching people to stay virgin until marriage and why, how to choose their spouse and how to raise a PROPER, happy Family (heterosexual couple + eventual children).

        Only when the majority of population starts following GOOD family-creation rules (the “best practices” we could say), will things improve for human societies of the world (and for the next generations).

        And that was my brief explanation of the MACROSCOPIC problem and its main solution.

        Soon, I’ll discuss the MICROSCOPIC problem – the problem of the single child/teen trapped in a “horror family”.

        (If you want, by all means, feel free to comment while I write my next message(s)!)

        reality bites

        Sunday, November 3, 2013 at 3:03 am

      • QUOTE
        what is a child/teen to do
        /QUOTE

        A very broad and somewhat daunting question! But I’ll do my best to reply! I’ll need to do a series of posts and they’ll be long, so bear with me. Anyway, as promised…

        Here is some advice for people (especially children/teens) trapped in a “horror family”.

        Evelyn, please understand that this is general advice aimed at readers in general; a specific reply meant just for you will soon follow.

        THE OBVIOUS AND NOT-SO-OBVIOUS STUFF

        First, the obvious stuff.

        Being threatened or verbally/physically abused is NEVER ok. ESPECIALLY if parents or relatives are the abusers.

        Even forcing you to listen to their stupid YELLING CONTESTS and unwanted drama is domestic violence!

        It is true that the majority of people, perhaps most, won’t change; except for the worse. Especially abusers. So, don’t waste time trying to change them: almost always, they won’t.

        Anyway… Abusers don’t deserve any love. Quite the contrary. NEVER love your abusers! This would destroy your soul. They must ALWAYS be the secret object of your utmost contempt!

        WHAT ABOUT PHYSICAL VIOLENCE?

        Assault and rape are NEVER acceptable; should you ever be victim of violent crimes… don’t hesitate to contact the police (and shelter associations, along with any helpful relatives/friends). All the while, be strong and proceed with your “happiness plan” (more later).

        GETTING TO THE POINT…

        So, the best and most rational course of action should be this.
        – Carefully evaluate your situation: threats and opportunities present in your environment.
        – Plan your “escape” from a situation that can and very often gets only worse and worse as time goes by.
        – “Escape”, but only when you are fully convinced AND objectively ready to do so.

        That said, your mind will now have to absorb the philosophical stuff necessary for your success at the game of survival you’re forced to play.

        YOUR ORIGINS

        No matter what brought you into this world and put you in your current difficult situation (ie. immature, egoistic, evil/abusive parents; unloving relatives; mean neighbors; oppressive governments), you are here on Planet Earth now and you have to fight for your rights. Nobody will do it for you.

        And although you may meet a few people who’ll give you some help sometimes… Never forget that it’s your war, not theirs.

        (Long post. Put on some “mood music” while I write my next one…)

        reality bites

        Thursday, November 7, 2013 at 6:43 am

      • YOUR GOALS

        Being happy is your right and your ultimate goal. There is no higher goal than this.

        Achieve it at all costs, and may woes befall all that will oppose you.

        FRIEND OR FOE?

        Anybody who actively tries to prevent you from achieving happiness is your sworn enemy (ESPECIALLY if they are related by blood to you).

        Like it or not.

        We were not born to hate. But if the people who should have loved us… hate us and abuse us instead… it is time to review our personal “map of friends and foes”.

        It’s not easy, especially for a child/teen, but it must be done in order to survive and stay mentally sane.

        So, think of all people you know and IN YOUR MIND label them “friend” if they consistently treat you well, or “foe” if they treat you badly. This, independently from blood ties. ONLY BEHAVIOR MATTERS. Again: BEHAVIOR, not blood ties, is what matters when evaluating a person. So if “sweet daddy” is a narcissist psychopath yelling at you all day and maybe beating you… He’s NOT your ally, period.

        Also, beware! A few people with hidden purposes will try to fool you by appearing as “friend” on your radar, whereas they are “foe” instead (because they want to exploit you).

        And remember, dear reader: if you are an orphan, or if you have no siblings, comfort yourself by remembering that people more unfortunate than you HAVE THE WRONG PARENTS OR SIBLINGS playing in the ADVERSARY TEAM.

        So, dear reader, accept that there are some terrible parents, terrible siblings, terrible relatives, mean neighbors, liberty-crushing governments and some REALLY EVIL SADISTIC people on this world.

        Accept this fact, exclude them all from your life as much as you can, and move on. I guarantee that FAR better people exist on this world. People FAR worthier of being called “family”.

        (I’ll write more after a break – stay tuned!)

        reality bites

        Thursday, November 7, 2013 at 7:50 am

      • (Posting problems – testing the posting system… ok test successful)

        reality bites

        Friday, November 8, 2013 at 5:49 am

      • (Continues from previous post)

        SO…?

        So, dear reader, since you can’t change people and especially people who ruin your life, and given that you probably have few if any allies… what to do?

        There is a difficult “road to freedom” in front of you, and the sooner you start your journey the better.

        BE HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND SAVE!

        Respect all laws and be honest. You’ll end up losing your liberty, money and good reputation if you don’t.

        Study as hard as you can, until you earn the highest educational title that you can and want to earn. It will allow you to earn more when you will work. At the same time…

        In your spare time, work (as soon, and as much, as the law allows you). Any honest job will do but remember that (just like your educational title) your job should allow you to utilize and hone your unique skills, yes you do have them dear reader (discover and use them). Having said that… of course a higher-paying job is good as long as the hourly net earnings (after expenses and taxes) are higher and you don’t hate the job.

        Don’t waste money on junk, and don’t throw money on unnecessary expenses. Save every cent you can, stash your money in a secret place/account (and be as silent as possible about it, or somebody will find a way to take it away from you one way or the other – you better believe this one, friend).

        Trust me, the time will come when you’ll want to buy a car (for work), start a business or expatriate and you’ll regret that you don’t have enough money to do it. Except if you followed my advice and saved money when many other people would have spent most of it and then some, the idiots.

        So, be extraordinarily wise for your age and quietly save all the money you can. Because you’ll need it.

        Returning to the topic of time… don’t waste time on unnecessary social relations: true friends will be few, far between and precious, all other people are NOWHERE as important. At the same time, cultivate the best business/work relationships that will allow you to earn more and faster. Be selective about whom you associate with!

        Reserve daily time for sleeping well (6 hours per day minimum) and a couple of hours for restful activities away from abusers. Otherwise you may go insane or suffer a mental breakdown.

        (To be continued ASAP…)

        reality bites

        Friday, November 8, 2013 at 5:54 am

      • SURVIVAL SKILLS

        In order to better survive abuse from the “bad guys” while you are trapped with them… consider mastering the following “survival skills”.

        Beware: these “dark skills”, once acquired and developed, will often negatively impact personality, eventually becoming negative personality traits that will accompany you throughout your life. (More stuff to thank your abusers for). I know few people who, having developed said skills, have reverted back to their “innocent” lifestyle when the emergency was over. However it’s not impossible, because willpower ultimately trumps all.

        The “survival skills” are:

        #1 – SECRECY (tier 1, the most basic survival skill)

        You must not reveal your intentions – especially your HAPPINESS PLAN – to HOSTILE SUBJECTS.

        Believe me that when your mediocre enemies understand that you are on your way to become happy, more powerful, wealthier and free (especially from their influence), they WILL oppose and try to “punish” you. I guarantee that.

        So… Don’t speak to abusive parents or envious siblings of your plans to save money to leave home, or anything like that, if at all possible. Slavers don’t like it when their slave wants to escape from their slavepen! At the very least, you’d trigger a hail of unwanted questions that would beg more questions that would beg more questions… For quite a while.

        Also, use your judgment in deciding when to hide your emotions. Some people genuinely enjoy killing your joy (positive emotions) by making you feel bad, and feed on any negative emotions (fear, doubt, confusion, anxiety, etc.) that you may be experiencing. Needless to say, you don’t need such EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES in your life! (Emotional vampires… Remember that expression well).

        I almost forgot… If possible, don’t openly show hostility to somebody whose resources you may need later.

        Anyway the most general possible rule regarding secrecy is: don’t make your thoughts and actions public, at least not too much, unless it’s absolutely necessary. Secrecy can actually be a good thing, and I consider it a “gray skill” rather than a “black skill”.

        #2 – LYING (tier 2, the borderline skill)

        Lies are a powerful tool, can help you conceal things better; but always remember these rules:

        ALWAYS tell the truth when questioned by authorities, or you’ll be in more trouble than you can imagine!

        But you can lie to others, if ALL these conditions are met:
        1) you have good memory,
        2) you are CERTAIN that you won’t get caught (otherwise people will consider you a liar and stop believing you!), and
        3) it’s NECESSARY to protect your peace of mind, personal whereabouts, wallet or other primary good.

        NEVER lie if this would endanger your life: criminals invariably become ferocious when they discover they’ve been lied to!

        Long ago, a guy I know used a lie to buy time and successfully sprinted away, avoiding a thorough beating by multiple bullies, but it was a risky proposition!

        Anyway, tell the truth if you can’t lie convincingly, and consider staying silent if you can’t tell an ugly or counterproductive truth.

        #3 – DUPLICITY (tier 3, the treacherous skill)

        Be a great actor/actress. Examples:

        1) Cry misery while you stash any and all the cash you earn into a secret safe place/account.

        2) While you help your “family” with housekeeping chores… do your secret preparations for leaving house and moving to a better place once and for all, never to look back.

        Etc. You get the idea. Let people believe what they want… But ultimately do what you want and serve only yourself.

        P.S.

        Forgiveness, what skill is that? Forgive your abusers?

        I don’t recommend it in most cases. People seldom repent and often redo the very same mistakes (at your expense; they consider you their guinea pig, after all!).

        In any case… Don’t feel obliged to forgive somebody who hasn’t asked forgiveness.

        And in the rare event that somebody asks to be forgiven… Beware of people who pretend to be sorry (because they need you) but aren’t.

        (End of general “domestic survival” advice for readers… Sorry for the extreme length of my posts. Specific advice for Evelyn will follow next after a break! You’re on Reality Bites Channel! :D )

        reality bites

        Saturday, November 9, 2013 at 5:38 am

      • QUOTE
        People seldom repent and often REDO the very same mistakes
        /QUOTE

        Aaargh! I meant: People often make the very same mistakes over and over again.

        Damn, I sure need to sleep more. And an edit button. Haha. (To be continued)

        reality bites

        Saturday, November 9, 2013 at 5:53 am

      • Hi Evelyn, finally here is some specific advice for your difficult situation. Sorry for the wait but I was doing a bit of reading haha. Also reading my previous advice given to you (on the old EWB blog) saved on my hard disk.

        I’m reading much data about your extremely complex country… I think I know where it is, thanks to the clues you posted. I’ll simply call it “your country” without naming it, to preserve your privacy.

        I’ve understood that you live in a certain Asian developed country (surrounded by third world countries) with rigid real-estate purchase rules.

        Since you can’t change your parents’ behavior or legally buy real estate yet… You must plan your next moves carefully, since they’ll determine the quality of your life in the next years.

        I’ll list your main options.

        1) To stay with your parents until you are old enough to buy a house in your country as a single… or until you’re married to the right man.
        2) To rent an apartment in your country.
        3) To expatriate.

        Each option has pros and cons. Let’s discuss them.

        1) Staying with your parents until a major event happens in your life.

        Saving much on expenses, but at the cost of suffering many more years of domestic abuse. More abuse is not what you want… And would probably drive you insane over time. Also, the pressure to marry is very high since in your country, married couples can buy real estate at a much younger age compared to singles – and while I understand the causes behind this demographic policy, a woman must choose her husband very carefully and not in a hurry just to leave a “madhouse”. Countless are the stories of women who married the wrong men out of necessity, and such stories are not pretty.

        Side note… Buying a house in someone else’s name may be illegal, I understand that someone probably does it but I don’t recommend it.

        2) Paying rent.

        You need a high income or you won’t be able to afford renting an apartment in your country. In other words, you either (for example) have two jobs, or become manager/CEO of a profitable company, or become a skilled financial derivatives investor, or successful freelance consultant, or share expenses with emotionally stable and reliable co-renters, or you can’t afford it. And if you do manage to afford it… The rent would be a waste of money – months or years of earnings gone without acquiring ownership of real estate or saving for the future. But you’d have a more peaceful place to live in (if the apartment is chosen carefully – no excessively noisy neighbors or co-renters, etc. or it would be a living hell all over again, only much more costly!)

        3) Expatriate.

        This would bring you the farthest away from domestic abuse. Great. But it’s not easy and presents several problems that will have to be solved, and there are several important choices to make.

        There are numerous factors to consider when choosing the country you want to live in. Race, culture, language, citizenship, friendliness to immigrants, age, educational system differences, cost of living, fiscal benefits etc. I’m trying to consider them all in my reply.

        Hong Kong (though no longer an independent country) would look like a good place to live. You’d probably feel at home – and there are many fiscal benefits, including low or no taxes depending on your activity. For example, there is no capital gains tax, no withholding taxes, no sales tax, no GST, no VAT… Oh and no real estate tax. I’ve also read that there has been a huge drop in real estate prices… Very good for buyers. But if you rent an apartment, remember to always pay in time since the law is pro-landlord.

        http://www.lowtax.net/lowtax/html/hongkong/jhktax.html

        In Australia you’d certainly have more freedom and more rights, but even though there’s a strong community compatible with your origins you’d always be a minority and probably always be seen as a foreigner; and taxes are higher.

        Anyway, if I’ve understood your origins and culture correctly, major towns around the world often have a special district where you can feel right at home, among individuals of your kind.

        Moving on…

        Considerations about moving overseas… U.S.A.? Don’t even think about it. High taxes (and the IRS will closely watch your earnings WORLDWIDE if you become a citizen), high real-estate prices, draconian laws and shrinking freedom of speech. Thinking of Canada? Vancouver, Edmonton, Calgary, Toronto, Montreal have support communities. There is less crime than the U.S.A.; but colder climate, higher taxes and… I’ve heard, quite relaxed sexual moral… Eek.

        Europe? Hmm. Let me see…

        England: London, Manchester, Birmingham, Liverpool all have strong communities supportive to people of your origins. Most work opportunities should be in London.

        France: very cosmopolitan; your best place would be in Paris, the Belleville neighbourhood.

        Germany: Berlin, possibly. Belgium: Antwerp.

        reality bites

        Sunday, November 10, 2013 at 7:23 am

      • CONCLUSIONS

        Final thoughts…

        1) Marrying the wrong man or living with your parents much longer would make your life a living hell and may drive you insane over time. Sorry for repeating myself but I wanted to underline this!

        2) To rent an apartment in your country, you’ll have to pay rent with reliable co-renters and/or earn more. If you find a better-paid stable job, consider “jumping ship”, otherwise you may find a second job as domestic helper or a flexible, “portable” activity that has to do with the Internet (for example, investing on financial derivatives – investing IS about psychology after all – but you must know very well what you’re doing or you’ll lose much money).

        3) Expatriating and living in a better country with more relaxed rules (especially regarding real-estate) would probably be a corageous choice but also the best one. Maybe expatriate with your best female friends? Something to consider. Especially since you and any future children will over time have the opportunity to acquire a second citizenship with all connected rights.

        4) Bonus thoughts (for rewarding your reading patience): the behavior problems of people often depend from wrong beliefs and negative emotions. For example, hoarding is rooted in the fear of the unknown and of the future. Temper tantrums are a way of saying, “Hey, look at me, I’m the Alpha here! Do what I say or else!” – attention seeking and marking one’s territory, and also reinforcing own’s sense of omnipotence. Read this interesting page:

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tantrum

        “Heinz Kohut contended that ‘the infant’s core is likely to contain a SELF-CENTRED, GRANDIOSE-EXHIBITIONIST PART’, and that ‘tantrums at being frustrated thus represent NARCISSISTIC RAGES’[17] at the blow to the INFLATED SELF-IMAGE. With ‘a child confronted with some refusal…regardless of its justifications, the refusal automatically provokes fury, since it offends his sense of omnipotence’.” Narcissistic rage… Lots to read and to say on this expression. I can imagine some conversations going on in your household… “Throw your stuff NOW!”, “No!”, “YES YOU WILL! ACTUALLY I’M THROWING YOUR GARBAGE OUT!” and objects flying through the room… It must not be pretty. :-(

        5) More bonus thoughts… Yes, you are an innocent party. You have no obligation to forgive your parents, not even if they were to ask forgiveness. Keeping your future kids away from your parents would probably be a good thing, since they’ve caused you much grief and would likely spoil your kids as well.

        I’m not saying that you must hate your parents… Yes, they brought you into this world, so what? That’s not quite enough to love two individuals (who can’t even get along). What about the difficult negative conditions you’ve been forced to face because of them? I wouldn’t thank such parents. Who cares about good intentions, when they’re so untreatable and such a constant mental energy drain? The hardships you’ve been put through are all too real! Years of psychologic/emotional trauma and economic difficulties, you’re probably thinking by now “thanks dear parents for wasting years of my life”! Not.

        Finally, remember: a quick succession of “I love you”/”I hate you” thoughts about the very same people will only cause a mental breakdown within a few years. The mind doesn’t react well to emotional confusion! You need mental stability at all costs – an orderly world, and lasting peace of mind!

        This is why I recommend “not loving” your parents. They seem unstable people and the farther away you manage to escape, the better for your mental health! Again, I’m not saying to hate your parents, at least “do not love” them! Your mind will thank you. You’ll feel better, trust me! Find an alternative “emotional support system” elsewhere, an alternate “family” to go to, composed of far better people: you’ll be glad you did!

        That’s all for now… Sorry for the post length and for my ignorance about your country, I’ve written my best reply after much reading and thinking. Feel free to share your thoughts (in fact, I look forward to reading any that you may have) and to ask more questions. :)

        reality bites

        Sunday, November 10, 2013 at 8:33 am

      • QUOTE
        Keeping your future kids away from your parents would probably be a good thing, since they’ve caused you much grief and would likely spoil your kids as well.
        /QUOTE

        I meant, though you resisted your parents’ negative influence quite well, your future kids’ personality would be negatively influenced if you allowed your parents to spend too much time with them.

        Should you decide to have kids at some point… Remember a few things:

        1) Although you spent your childhood in a “nightmare household”… You (and your wisely-chosen husband) will be far better parents than your parents ever were! :)

        2) Your kids will be YOUR kids, NOT your parents’ kids… Although they are not your property, you certainly have the moral right and duty to exclude negative subjects from their life, to protect them. So… If your parents are irredeemable negative examples… Yes to “granny/grandpa embargo”! Haha.

        reality bites

        Sunday, November 10, 2013 at 9:16 am

      • A decent book to read on the topic of parental domestic abuse is:

        “Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life” by Dr. Susan Forward.

        The latest edition (new or used) is still available for purchase in various online book stores.

        You can read small excerpts here (including some typical reactions of toxic parents when confronted with their actions):

        http://www.travelin-tigers.com/zlyn/bktoxic.htm

        On Amazon.com you can “Look Inside!” and read numerous pages of this book. The general index of contents is interesting!

        reality bites

        Sunday, November 10, 2013 at 10:25 pm

  110. interesting take on the power of sex and its misuse in modern day society.

    http://embodyilluminati.tumblr.com/post/65548073375/the-effects-of-a-sexualized-society-the

    Evelyn

    Monday, November 4, 2013 at 7:25 am

    • Thanks for posting a link to this article. Interesting stuff.

      Indeed, sex is one of the most powerful forces in nature; and many don’t use it correctly.

      I’ll comment on a few points written by the author.

      “Among those who abuse sex there will never be a great conqueror, or a philosopher, etc…”

      Alexander the Great conqueror is rumored to have had homosexual relationship(s). As did many Ancient Greek philosophers. Of course I’m not writing this to excuse such squalid, deviant behavior. Far from it. I’m just correcting an excessively peremptory statement.

      Anyway I believe that, had Alexander spent more time trying to generate more heirs in the way Nature intended, his empire wouldn’t have crumbled with remarkable speed soon after his death, divided among his warring generals…

      “The sex is the energy supply of the human body and when we waste it due to abuse, our sexual energy, The human machine begins to fail, increasing illness and sending us faster to the grave. The wise use of sex rejuvenates and those who use it wisely will keep their youth for a long time, will develop internal powers, revitalize their bodies, will heal from illness, and also heal other people.”

      Sex performed in the correct environment and in the right way has been proven to be beneficial for health, boosting the immune system, improving the senses, etc.

      Eastern philosophy even studied, centuries ago, how excessive ejaculation reduces the lifespan and health of the individual.

      http://www.1vigor.com/article/ejaculation-frequency/index.html

      “Humanity has confused passion with love. Love is unknown, and that’s why there are many tragedies, and broken homes.”

      This is probably the most important part in the whole article. One that we can hardly disagree with.

      reality bites

      Monday, November 4, 2013 at 12:12 pm

  111. SO…?

    So, dear reader, since you can’t change people and especially people who ruin your life, and given that you probably have few if any allies… what to do?

    There is a difficult “road to freedom” in front of you, and the sooner you start your journey the better.

    BE HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND SAVE!

    Respect all laws and be honest. You’ll end up losing your liberty, money and good reputation if you don’t.

    Study as hard as you can, until you earn the highest educational title that you can and want to earn. It will allow you to earn more when you will work. At the same time…

    In your spare time, work (as soon, and as much, as the law allows you). Any honest job will do but remember that (just like your educational title) your job should allow you to utilize and hone your unique skills, yes you do have them dear reader (discover and use them). Having said that… of course a higher-paying job is good as long as the hourly net earnings (after expenses and taxes) are higher and you don’t hate the job.

    Don’t waste money on junk, and don’t throw money on unnecessary expenses. Save every cent you can, stash your money in a secret place/account (and be as silent as possible about it, or somebody will find a way to take it away from you one way or the other – you better believe this one, friend).

    Trust me, the time will come when you’ll want to buy a car (for work), start a business or expatriate and you’ll regret that you don’t have enough money to do it. Except if you followed my advice and saved money when many other people would have spent most of it and then some, the idiots.

    So, be extraordinarily wise for your age and quietly save all the money you can. Because you’ll need it.

    Returning to the topic of time… don’t waste time on unnecessary social relations: true friends will be few, far between and precious, all other people are NOWHERE as important. At the same time, cultivate the best business/work relationships that will allow you to earn more and faster. Be selective about whom you associate with!

    Reserve daily time for sleeping well (6 hours per day minimum) and a couple of hours for restful activities away from abusers. Otherwise you may go insane or suffer a mental breakdown.

    (To be continued ASAP…)

    reality bites

    Friday, November 8, 2013 at 5:46 am

    • This post was a double post, please ignore it… Follow Evelyn’s thread above instead. Don’t know the technical causes of my recent posting problems… Perhaps something to do with Java settings.

      reality bites

      Friday, November 8, 2013 at 5:59 am

  112. Hello Evelyn,

    Hopefully I haven’t posted anything offensive (if I have, it wasn’t my intention so if that’s the case please accept my apologies).

    I simply wanted to call things by their true name (eg. your parents forcing you to hear their screams is “domestic abuse”), it may be unpleasant but I felt I had to say that. (That said, I sincerely believe you also wanted to know what I think of your parents, so forgive me if I took the freedom to put it in writing).

    You’re essentially trapped between two very conflictual parents, who (unfortunately) seem to have little to no probability of changing for the better. So I believe I did the right thing in telling you to, basically, escape (details provided above) as it seems the only rational long-term solution.

    I must say that your country’s policies are a major part of the problem though. Good legislative intentions, but numerous bad effects; denying a home to below-35 singles in itself won’t automatically lead to the formation of new “quality families” as if by miracle. Something else is needed, or this law will only lead to bad decisions (eg. hurried marriages) and different types of sorrow (eg. dependence on a “nightmare household”).

    If a law should be passed, perhaps it should deny the “right to marry” to people who don’t pass two tests, a “personality test” banning people with mild-to-serious personality disorders (psychopaths, narcissists, etc.) from marrying (until objectively reformed… which for some means, forever) and a “knowledge test” ascertaining that both subjects know all that it takes to successfully start a new family.

    But there is no easy way to implement this and as you know, there is not one government today that wouldn’t turn this possibly good idea into a sad excuse for dictatorial control over people’s lives.

    Above all, people’s culture must change; they must be encouraged to improve their personality before starting a new family. That’s the entire core of the problem. Parents must willingly adopt a sound “moral code” and encourage their children to love it and to willingly adopt it as well.

    What do you think? I hand over the keyboard to you. :)

    reality bites

    Tuesday, November 26, 2013 at 6:03 pm

    • Hey RealityBites! :D

      Really sorry I was away for a bit. I actually typed up a response at work, hit send, but my computer hanged and I got distracted. Wanted to respond over the weekend, but was busy sprincleaning sigh.And nope I wasn’t offended in any way by your replies, so please don’t worry! I get offended by most people in public and by society in general, but not by RealityBites, so don’t worry about it :D

      Yes, I think a test should be passed before people are allowed to marry or even allowed to have kids. I read a British publication called the DailyMail, and the number of trashy men and women getting together (and not even marrying in some cases) to have kids is disgusting.

      And nope, my parents will never improve sadly. In fact they had one episode last sunday when my dad almost hit my mum. That was when I truly realised, no amount of talking/counselling will ever help people like that. And i really should just care more about myself and my life/future. This is one reason why I’ve never wanted to be a counsellor by the way, I think I would be extremely depressed at the number of cases that fail.

      And you are right, my country isn’t exactly a very pleasant place to live in. The standard of living is rising everyday yet wages stay the same. There are tons of policies around housing, health, personal finances a person has to navigate, and it makes buying a house or a car for instance, terribly unpleasant. It results in situations where people like me are trapped (I’ve friends with more abusive family situations who are also in the same state as me). And it results in even more social problems when couples who are thinking of houses have to buy a house BEFORE they marry. I mean how ridiculous is this? There are numerous cases of people who buy the house and are about to marry before someone has cold feet and chickens out or cheats on their partner. These things create a lot of social problems.

      Rent here is also extremely expensive and getting worst, which is why it’s not a good option too. The only way I would rent, is when I get a chance to rent out an entire flat or something. No way in hell am I sharing my space with complete strangers. =/

      Also, I thought about the countries you listed. Canada.. seems like a very laid-back place and people there are nice. But as what you say, they are very loose on sexual morals and very sexually liberated (heard this from a friend =/) so, nope, not good. USA… don’t even think about it! Haha, high crime rates, loose morals, government spying on people… the society seems to be in a mess and you never know when you might get shot… you might just be out deciding to grab coffee for like 10 minutes and some random madman decides to open fire in your starbucks outlet =/ crazy place to be in. Hong Kong? EWWW. sorry but that’s one of the Asian options I struck off first. LOL. The country is very small with a high population which lends itself to all of the problems my country is facing right now: hiking transport fares, crowds of people everywhere, everybody seems to be stressed out, expensive housing and their apartment spaces are one of the most pathetic around. Most of them look as big as a shoebox! So nope. I don’t wish to escape my country to run into the same thing at another place. And have you worked with HK people before? No offense, but they are one of the worst people around – rude, pushy and aggressive, and incredibly snobbish as well. I rank them on par with South Koreans whom I don’t think highly of at all. I will pass! LOL.

      I am considering China though (I predict they will become mighty economic powers in the next few decades) and they have a lot of demand for someone of my skillset, plus I speak the language. Another country would be Taiwan. Europe is a great place, but they seem to be depressed economically. I dislike France cause of the people, whereas Belgium and Germany sound great. England is fantastic but they seem to have a shitty education system/govt. I’m actually eyeing the Nordic countries (Denmark, Norway, Sweden) but they are hella expensive… and another i’m eyeing is Finland – they have a truly marvellous education system and I want my future children to be educated that way.

      Let me read more of your posts and I will write back later!

      Evelyn

      Monday, December 2, 2013 at 10:47 am

      • Hey Evelyn, glad you’re alright! :)

        Buy a house… BEFORE you can marry? I’ll read more carefully later but if it’s so, the country you live in does seem messed up haha. Time to leave it!

        But to go where?

        You have valid points for not liking Hong Kong (now technically a Special Administrative Region of China but still with its own independent legal system and currency). I’ve never worked with HK people but if you say that they are generally rude and aggressive, it must be so and I believe you. :) I suppose living in a shoebox with other people makes people angry haha (the average HK apartment’s surface is only 450 square feet, I totally missed that detail!)

        Guess much written material on HK is propaganda (“energetic people” sounded better indeed!), and videogames don’t portray HK accurately at all!

        However, in Hong Kong you have much more legal protection compared to China (a country with a fascinating past and culture but some serious problems).

        It’s true that China will slowly improve etc. but there you can still be fined or arrested for almost no reason at all – including, being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Not so in HK.

        China will reinforce its role as one of the world’s most powerful countries. It defends its territory very aggressively, expanding whenever they get the chance. They recently, unilaterally “grabbed” some international airspace for themselves, declaring that they can down any airplane that trespasses without revealing flight information. Not to mention their recent feud with Japan over a few small islands…

        I believe that China’s 1.6 Billion people are a “demographic bomb” ready to explode… Even more so since the “only-child policy” will be abolished soon. And nobody truly wants to be against (…outside?) China when that happens. Especially since China (already a nuclear power) is quickly obtaining military technology from friends and foes alike, and rapidly upgrading its massive army…

        Anyway, I suppose that if you are very careful and stay out of trouble (which includes, being careful about whom you associate with: ignorance of your innocent-looking neighbor’s activities is no protection there), then China is an okay place to live in, not great, but okay. IMHO. :)

        Taiwan may be a nice neighboring country but because of tensions with China it will become increasingly militarized. And wherever soldiers freely roam the streets, civil rights get thrown out the window. And if the USA ever abandons Taiwan, the island will get invaded by China, period. So, I personally wouldn’t feel safe living in Taiwan. Your mileage may vary, though. Different strokes for different people! :)

        Next, I’ll post some more thoughts about other countries.

        reality bites

        Monday, December 2, 2013 at 2:12 pm

      • QUOTE
        I’m actually eyeing the Nordic countries (Denmark, Norway, Sweden) but they are hella expensive… and another i’m eyeing is Finland – they have a truly marvellous education system and I want my future children to be educated that way.
        /QUOTE

        Scandinavia is a great-looking place. Nordic countries have stunning landscapes and usually friendly people but here is something that you may not know:

        Divorce rates in those countries are rather high. Here is some data from the year 2002:

        Sweden: 54.9%
        Finland: 51.2%
        Denmark: 44.5%
        Norway: 40.4%

        These are the percentages of marriages ending in a divorce.

        I’ve long wanted to mention these percentages, and here is what I think:

        There may be a direct link between the relaxed sexual moral/freedom found in those countries and the divorce rates.

        To quickly summarize how morally messed up those countries are:

        Gay and lesbian “marriage” are legally recognized in all of them.

        Sex with animals is legal in: Denmark (since 1933), Finland (since 1971), Sweden (since 1944 but will thankfully be outlawed from 2014) and was legal in Norway until 2008. But zoo pornography is still not banned in several cases…

        In other words, in these countries, morality is pretty much subjective and the traditional heterosexual marriage is not held in high regard at all. As you may guess, many children there are born out of wedlock (the majority, in Norway and Sweden) – which isn’t exactly good for their health and happiness… The rest of children, those born in a wedlock, are not immune from problems. As you know, people from “broken families” have a higher probability of divorcing if they do end up getting married. So… There are far better countries to look for a spouse. The risk of divorce in those countries looks too high to me. The local culture simply does not encourage, let alone enforce, lifetime heterosexual monogamy.

        Anyway, can you imagine… Men French-kissing other men in the streets, and my neighbor drooling after my pet or asking for a threesome with my (future) heterosexual spouse? Eww. No thanks, I’ll pass – forever.

        In conclusion… I believe that the morality of a country’s people must also be taken into account when choosing where to live. :)

        Here is a (propaganda?) map portraying in RED the (hostile to the LGBT lobby?) countries where the Constitutions, thankfully, forbid homosexual “marriages” (those countries should be painted in blessed “safe/ally GREEN”! Anyway, look at how the “blue cancer” is spreading, Europe looks terminally ill already…)

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Same_sex_marriage_map_Europe_detailed.svg

        I must go out now but I may have more thoughts to share later. :)

        reality bites

        Monday, December 2, 2013 at 6:00 pm

      • Hello! Yes, there are a few types of flats that newly-weds go after. One type is known as resale, and another Build-to-order (BTO). Resale flats though cheaper aren’t actually seen as of value for some reason (I need to do more digging on this, and perhaps the article above might help somewhat). Many newly-weds go for BTO flats, which has a minimum of 2-3 years being put on the waiting list. And this wait time is set to increase to 4-5 year wait (there’s an article on the net, don’t want to paste it here haha). So if you are PLANNING to get married, what are you to do? You either place yourself on the wait list or you hope your parents are willing enough (or have the space) to spare you and your spouse another room in the house… but who wants to live with parents all their lives?

        So, people at my age (mid-20s) place themselves on the BTO wait list (note: the wait list is soo long, that some people don’t even qualify to be on the wait list – you have to apply to be on it) and hope to get one. And also hope that by the time they are successful, they are already married and are ready to get the keys to the new house – all perfect timing.

        But many people, in their haste for wanting to get a house for themselves, don’t stop and think if the person they are getting the house with is THE person they want to marry! They just think: I’ve got a partner, I (both of us) need a house. Ok lets sign up, and if we eventually get married, the house is ours. Quite obvious to me how this entire process is just set up for failure.

        Firstly, how can you be so sure you want to be buying a house with this guy/girl? How can you be so sure at this moment that 2-3 years down the road, you will be married to this person, or how can you even be so sure now that this is someone you will be with 2-3 years down the road? It just completely doesn’t make sense to me! Also, since singles can’t buy houses til we are 35, we have to hope we are married before that if we ever want to have a house to ourselves. And so as a consequence I can recount TONS of stories of people finally getting their houses and about to get married, but having their soon-to-be spouse break off the engagement/run off with someone else. I’m not saying that couples not lasting til marriage is just the housing policy to be blamed. But I think it’s a huge factor, cause people get very fearful and want to speed things up – but making sure you are with the right person is a process that shouldn’t ever be sped up unnecessarily! And especially not due to housing policies.

        Evelyn

        Tuesday, December 3, 2013 at 12:00 pm

      • Oh, I had the greatest misfortune of being asked to coordinate between a Hong Kong company and my previous company for an event. Every.Single.Person on the team was soooooooooo aggressive it really got on my nerves. When they sent you emails, they want a response IMMEDIATELY. If they don’t get it, expect your phone to be constantly ringing off the hook with calls from them. It’s as if they will all drop dead if they don’t receive your email in 10 seconds. And I got shouted at by a CEO’s secretary cause she expected me to send her the files after I’ve long left work! Utterly stupid people. Yup their apartments are pathetic – I once saw a picture where really really improverished people literally had to live in human cages cause there was no space for them anywhere and they couldn’t afford it. Also, HKers used to be notorious for being very rude to foreigners who didn’t speak their language (Cantonese, though they are good English speakers). I love their food but I will never step foot in that country ever. (Sorry, I just thoroughly dislike them).

        Yeap – China.. gosh, they still execute people (by shooting them in the heads if I;m not wrong), if they were to ever to do anything to slightly get on the State’s wrong side. And yes, Chinese are VERY aggressive people. I’ve had opportunities to work with them and they usually come in 2 extreme forms. On one end, you have the really nice very open-minded ones. And on the other, the really pushy aggressive ones who will do anything to do just to get their goals. It’s sometimes very hard to distinguish both cause they first group might just be pretending to be nice to you just to get what they want. But a lot of things have to be done according to their own will and their culture, you can’t really just go in and do what you like. It sometimes reeks of superiority complex.

        Also, their one-child policy is slowly disappearing, while Beijing and major cities keep to it, many other provinces no longer do. I have quite a number of China-born friends my age who have siblings. =/ I would never want to live in Shanghai or Beijing I think, maybe somewhere less metropolitan.. in the mountains perhaps? :D

        Taiwan, besides their food, don’t generally appeal to me actually. I just thought of it cause I speak their national languages, so it’s easier. But their conflict with China is actually pretty unsettling. If I had to choose between Taiwan and Europe, I much prefer the latter.

        Evelyn

        Tuesday, December 3, 2013 at 12:12 pm

      • Yup! I’ve heard of the Divorce rates there, and I think you are right to say it could be because of their rather lax outlook on marriage, fidelity and all that. Besides gay marriages, many of them I know co-habit with their partners before marriage and have babies out of wedlock, yes. And no one bats an eyelid to that. Even the Norwegian Royal Family (sorry, very into Royal stuff) has a Crown Princess who used to be part of the underground rave scene, took drugs, slept around and has a child out of wedlock with a drug addict. Yet, the Crown Prince married her (met her when she was pregnant with that man’s child) and she will in future be imposed onto the people as a Queen. How utterly disgusting is that?

        I know quite a few acquaintances from Denmark – perfectly nice people – but who have children out of wedlock and/or married but eventually divorced, with kids. =/ And wait.. sex with ANIMALS? The hell? That is SOOOOOO DISGUSTING. How is this even allowed anywhere on earth?!?!

        ‘I’ll pass – forever’ LOL. Not to mention these Nordic countries have very very high tax rates and high suicide rates (I think Sweden and Denmark) rank amongst one of the top in the world.

        Yes I agree, I think the morals/culture have to be taken into account. And I’m also very concerned about the type of education in the country. Cause I want my kids to be well-educated – explorative, deep thinkers, creative who aren’t so boxed-in like most people around here.

        Evelyn

        Tuesday, December 3, 2013 at 12:22 pm

      • So many thoughts to write down, where to begin? Hmm…

        Royal Houses? Oh. I’m sure you agree that they very rarely behaved in a “royal” way. We could name names and narrate historic episodes but we don’t need to. Suffice to say, Queen Junkie (or the Junkie Queen) would not sound great at all. :)

        Anyway…

        I believe that high (quick) suicide rates in Sweden and Denmark prove, once more, that limitless freedom does not always translate to happiness. Sexual promiscuity and use of tobacco, alcohol and drugs don’t make citizens happy; they just dumb them down, preventing their intellectual and spiritual evolution (who needs books, when you got booze?) and making them dependent on (dangerous) external sources of (ephemeral) satisfaction that almost inevitably lead to depression, and ultimately to some form of suicide (can be quick suicide… or slow suicide, eg. tobacco use often leads to some form of deadly cancer).

        People must be taught some basic truths about relationships (like, sex binds and promiscuity leads to unhappiness) and be trained to cope with the end of a relationship. And that the said substances are neither the solution, nor leading to lasting happiness (quite the contrary). Easier said than done…

        Moving on…

        Let’s forget about China, about Taiwan and most definitely about Hong Kong.

        Looks like you need a country with a good education system, moderate-to-low taxes, moderate-to-high demand for the professions that you like.

        Let me see what I can write in my next post. :)

        reality bites

        Wednesday, December 4, 2013 at 9:06 am

      • Some recent facts about Australia:
        1. It ranks 8th (out of 48 countries) regarding higher education quality; behind Scandinavian countries, but ahead of United Kingdom, France and Germany.
        2. There seems to be high demand for Psychologists (different flavors). If it’s in the Skilled Occupations List (SOL), then it’s in high demand:

        http://www.visabureau.com/australia/skilled-occupation-list.aspx

        Market Research Analysts also seem in high demand.
        3. Slightly higher taxes compared to UK, but higher wages and lower overall cost of living. (This I understood, after reading various sources).
        4. Seventh best health care system in the world (source: Bloomberg.com).
        5. “Only” one out of three babies are born out of wedlock, compared to Britain’s one out of two (2016 forecast).
        6. The Supreme Court has just forbidden homosexual marriages!

        I find it funny that an ex penal colony such as Australia seems more “moral” right now compared to their former masters (UK).

        Sure, one can ignore all the above data and go to overtaxed Sweden – where higher education is slightly better but MASTURBATION IN PUBLIC IS LEGAL (as long as you don’t watch somebody). Eek, I mean, what the hell? Oh and another thing: in Sweden, even light-spanking your children will earn you jail time. So should you ever want to discipline your kids… I hope your hypnosis skills are good! Haha.

        Anyway, so many countries to examine. I wonder which ones are on your mind. :)

        reality bites

        Thursday, December 12, 2013 at 5:50 pm

      • haha hey! Yes, Australia seems like not a bad place to be in. There are also a lot of Asians there, though my worry would be racism, which used to be rampant in certain areas, especially Sydney. Also, my friends who have lived in different areas there say it can get very very boring depending on the place you are in. A friend lived in Canberra and found it absolutely boring and in almost every city i think most shops/restaurants close at 5pm. hahahahaha. But a lot of people who go there really enjoy themselves and say very good things about the country. Also, i think their crime rate isn’t so high? I’m concerned about that. I don’t want to be in a place with crazies walking around (America) and where i don’t feel safe even in my house. Ever thought that America is just as scary to live in as some third world countries? Hmm. Anyway i would have to do some more research on Australia, visit there and so forth, cause i think they have tightened their citizenship rules. Also i hope their education system is good.

        My first choice actually would be to live somewhere else in Asia (not much options though) then subject myself living in ‘liberal’ Western countries. If the education sucks, I’d probably home schools my future kids. Though how do you build up social skills for them if they don’t go to school?

        Will have to think about it some more! haha. but thanks for the information on Australia! :D:D

        Evelyn

        Sunday, December 15, 2013 at 7:51 am

      • Racism, Crime, Firearms, Education are all important topics…

        Although national law uniforms many things, remember that:
        1) in federal states such as Australia, local authorities may opt for different rules about certain issues
        2) national averages may not tell us much at all (e.g. racism may be high in Sydney and low in Canberra)

        So, one always has to study the LOCAL DATA AND LAWS in order to make a correct choice. Which can take much time – but it’s fundamental.

        Let’s start with discussing Racism. Since you read the Daily Mail, I thought I’d link to this map (can be saved on the hard disk and/or printed):

        http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2325502/Map-shows-worlds-racist-countries-answers-surprise-you.html

        “The data came from the World Value Survey, which measured the social attitudes of people in different countries, as reported by the Washington Post.”

        Australia’s AVERAGE racism should actually be low (<5.0%). But as we said, one must examine the local State/city/town in order to know the LOCAL reality of things. (I may, for example, eat 3 chickens per month on average… but probably my neighbor doesn't eat any! Remember "three types of lies: lies, damn lies and statistics" etc.)

        Actually, about 1 in 24 Australians ethnically originated from Asian countries such as your own (data I gathered from Wikipedia). So you should do well if you find a good area with lower-than-average problems.

        Citizenship… That may come later. In many countries, as you know, you start as a resident – and as I said, if your job is on the Skilled Occupations List then AFAIK you shouldn't have problems in becoming one. I'm sure Australia welcomes people like you, skilled professionals with no criminal record. :)

        reality bites

        Monday, December 16, 2013 at 1:00 pm

      • Australian higher education is good… With some local variance between State and State.

        Now listen closely:

        No matter how good the higher education is in the country you’ll be living in… Before college, I heartily recommend homeschooling (you beat me to it haha).

        Proper homeschooling produces thinking, thoughtful, independent-minded individuals…

        Whereas, “State indoctrination camps” do not – anywhere, at all. (You said: “I want my kids to be well-educated – explorative, deep thinkers, creative who aren’t so boxed-in like most people around here”… well, said camps are not the answer).

        Above all, include LOGIC as the ABSOLUTELY MOST IMPORTANT subject in the curriculum, because your future kids’ lives and well-being depend on it. Without Logic, they’ll be vulnerable to scammers (politicians, con men etc.), preyed upon, unable to think clearly and independently, and unwitting/brainwashed soldiers of the State.

        Mathematics is also extremely important.

        Languages: English is the most important – you may add a second language if needed (for instance, for better chances at college admission), but I’d prefer learning new concrete knowledge to merely being able to call the same old things with a foreign name. If you DO add more languages to the curriculum, do this EARLY! Like, in pre-scholar age! Because, the younger the student, the easier it is to learn new languages.

        Regarding History… Prefer textbooks with a more objective slant. Remember that “History is written by the victors.” (Winston S. Churchill)

        As far as I know, top-colleges are generally willing to consider admitting homeschooled students if they’re good, and have on many occasions.

        Oh and… Respect your future kids’ natural inclinations and talents, in fact spot them early on and wisely guide them towards success, building their education around them if at all possible (given the foreseeable “future state of the economy” when they’ll be adults). :)

        reality bites

        Monday, December 16, 2013 at 1:23 pm

      • Haha, you can school my kids in Logic! I don’t think I’m as good at it as you are. Oh, I always will want to give my kids the space to explore things they are interested in. If I see someone who’s good at basketball and happens to like it very much, I will do my best to groom him. I don’t want what parents in Asian countries do – send their kids to all manner of classes (piano, ballet, art, violin, football, you name it) from a young age but none of the kids are really interested in them. It’s just a manner of ‘competing’ with other parents and their kids and is a complete waste of money, not to mention stupid.

        How does one develop the right social skills if they were home-schooled too? That’s just about all the concern I have about home schooling haha. I don’t know if there is a difference, because at a school you will meet and interact with people etc. But at home, the opportunities are a little limited.

        Evelyn

        Tuesday, January 7, 2014 at 10:59 am

      • QUOTE
        you can school my kids in Logic! I don’t think I’m as good at it as you are.
        /QUOTE

        Thanks for the compliments! :) But in time, you may become more skilled than me!

        I’ll comment on your other posts soon; meanwhile, if I may, here is a (draft stage) idea for a Logic course.

        reality bites

        Friday, January 10, 2014 at 5:43 am

      • BASIC LOGIC COURSE

        Theory assignment:
        Learn ALL you can about all existing Fallacies. Example: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_fallacies
        Read stuff like this for about two hours a day. (Good websites and books exist on the topic)

        Practice assignment:
        Practice “fallacy finding” anytime you can (i.e. spot the “wrong reasonings” of people).
        Practice on paper first (print/read online/offline material/news and see what fallacies you can find); circle/mark the fallacious sentence bit, identify the fallacy’s name and write it next to the marked sentence bit. (Example: “Have you stopped beating your wife?” => “loaded question (fallacy)” that an innocent husband can’t answer with a simple yes or no! ).

        Within a few months your mind will start becoming accustomed to “fallacy finding”. It will become second-nature. This is like military training: once your mind is trained, you become unstoppable – for real! And it can only get better!

        I guarantee that if you follow the Logic training rigorously, your life will never be the same! :D

        reality bites

        Friday, January 10, 2014 at 5:47 am

      • Practice “fallacy finding” until you can spot AND identify a fallacy in under five seconds, and wonderful things will start to happen:

        1. Nobody will be able to defeat you in a debate anymore! (If you have enough practice and enough truthful information). Priceless by itself!

        2. You will solve problems faster, no matter how complex, because your mind will more clearly see any solutions that may exist! Now that’s a competitive advantage.

        3. You will spot a lie or fraud much faster! (Politicians, narcissists etc. will be practically “naked” to your eyes!)

        The average person can, with enough training and patience, become a very skilled “fallacy killer” within a year. It’s electrifying and nothing short of amazing.

        Evelyn, try the basic Logic course and let me know what you think! :D

        reality bites

        Friday, January 10, 2014 at 5:52 am

      • QUOTE
        no amount of talking/counselling will ever help people like that. And i really should just care more about myself and my life/future.
        /QUOTE

        Exactly… Spot “problematic” subjects early on, and drop them like hot potatoes (as soon as you won’t be needing them anymore)… 97+ times out of 100, trying to change them is a waste of irreplaceable time (your most precious resource).

        Speaking about Time… Anybody wasting your Time is like a war criminal. Unfortunately, no matter what happened or how Time was lost, no human can give us back even a millisecond of Time, so…

        Use the rest of your lifetime in the best possible way. Since your Time is limited and irreplaceable… I believe that you should allocate your Time in “decreasing productivity order”.

        In other words, the most important people in your life should get more of your Time, based on your own very personal “priority scale” dictated by Wisdom. For example: Time for yourself first and foremost, then for your “soul mate”, for your (future) children, for your best friends, etc.

        Relatives? In my humble opinion, many are only a pain and nothing else. Those who are, should be left out of your life if at all possible.

        Relatives often feel no need to develop their personalities to “Evelyn Standards”(TM)… They feel entitled to “being special” and to receive special treatment from you because, well, they are RELATED BY BLOOD! Oh My God. I call this, the Family (Ties) Fallacy: just because one is related by blood, doesn’t mean (s)he is entitled to receive special treatment or to treat us like sXXt.

        (I personally know a few who, when they’re not busy gossiping about other relatives or lecturing me about politics… will be mortally offended if I don’t “lay out a red carpet” for them when they “gift” me, mere mortal, with their “divine” – and thankfully rare – presence).

        Having said all that…

        Above all…

        Create a life that YOU like… Enlightened by Logic first and foremost, but full of Love towards the ones you have FREELY chosen to love. :)

        Owe No One!

        reality bites

        Tuesday, January 14, 2014 at 5:34 pm

  113. Oh I wanted to ask you something else! I was reading something this morning which left me feeling rather irritated. It was this discussion on a forum where people were saying ‘women should have long hair because long hair is a symbol of femininity’.

    I’ve had this saying before but really, I think it’s utter tripe. How does one’s hair length indicate how feminine you are??? I’ve met women with incredibly short hair who oozed femininity from every pore, and women with long hair who really need to do themselves and others a favour and change themselves into men.

    This is I believe another one of ‘society’s notions’ that attempt to dictate how a women should look and be so that she can be certain things. I find it incredibly ridiculous and am shocked people believe such tripe. I think the same people will believe whitening lotions really make one’s skin whiter (rolls eyes). I’m incredibly sick and tired of people hanging on to these stupid ideas and using it to police what women should wear. Oh, women must wear makeup, women must wear dresses to look feminine, women must wear heels, women must this and that and BLABLABLA’ how absolutely tiring! People do all sorts of things for all sorts of reasons, the women wearing skirts/dresses thing to look feminine has got to be one of the worst things besides the hair length that I’ve heard. I personally rarely wear dresses or heels because I’m a fast walker and I don’t want to always be so conscious of my skirt riding up etc or inconveniencing myself. And that makes me less feminine? Goodness.

    And people, especially men who don’t date women just cause they don’t wear skirts/heels/have long hair need to have their priorities and heads examined.

    What do you think?

    Evelyn

    Monday, December 2, 2013 at 10:57 am

    • How should a woman dress? It depends. We should look at the “big picture” as dressing is part of a bigger issue: attractiveness.

      In a free country, a woman can dress any way she likes.

      However… A woman that wants to be liked by her man should definitely abide by certain rules.

      Deep within our nervous system, influenced by both DNA and culture, are our “beauty ideals”.

      In other words, inside us are the “rules” that let us decide whether (and how much) a person is sexually attractive or not. Personal taste is the expression of how the rules combine inside us; so, some men prefer blondes, some prefer brunettes; one likes a certain behavior whereas someone else abhors it, etc.

      And some rules apply to the majority of people; a simple statistic fact.

      Most people are heterosexuals, and are “programmed” (by DNA and culture) to find attractive certain characteristics of the opposite gender (eg. sexual characters), since one of Nature’s main goals is the forming of heterosexual couples and encouraging them to copulate (by means of beauty, love and pleasure), so they generate offspring, and thus transmit the DNA to the children, who are to be reared (usually by the parents) until adulthood so the cycle can start again. In other words, the perpetuation of Life.

      (And homosexuals should, like, get over it instead of whining to dictators so they impose their distorted vision on normal people).

      Homosexuals are a deviation from this norm; they find people of the same gender, attractive.

      Now, what’s all this got to do with dressing?

      Everything.

      Never miss the “big picture”: dressing is part of what makes a person, attractive or NOT attractive.

      reality bites

      Monday, December 9, 2013 at 2:00 am

      • Now, let me deliberately use the words “male” and “female” in this post, because there is less chance of misunderstanding (the words “man” and “woman” do not satisfactorily evidence the biological differences between the two sexes, which are often minimized without valid reasons!). You may not believe it, but the words “man and woman” in the same sentence can evoke in our mind a “war of the sexes”, reducing our ability to think objectively about certain topics… which is exactly what decades of conditioning by feminist movements wanted to do in the first place.

        And here is my attempt at Biology 101… Here is the whole issue of attractiveness (including, dressing) as I see and understand it:

        Heterosexual males desire a female who looks and behaves like a female. This, AFAIK, includes what follows.

        (Pay attention to the topic: “testosterone levels” as you go).

        1) Body fat in all the right places.

        Chemical/hormonal equilibrium is paramount (especially when it comes to testosterone levels). Without such equilibrium, the body fat may go (or not go) where Nature meant it to go!

        An attractive female necessarily has a good-looking silhouette; her attractiveness is decided mostly by certain mathematical formulas, numbers and proportions (“golden ratio” and all that), encoded in our DNA, and partly by personal preference (eg. a certain male prefers “huge breasts” whereas someone else may like “normal breasts”, etc.)

        Now here’s the answer you’ve been waiting for:

        Clothes should NEVER hide the characteristic female curves. Never!

        But there is a fine line here; clothes should moderately evidence the female curves (so anyone can SUBCONSCIOUSLY think to themselves, “that’s a female”) but not so much as to distract or look ridiculous.

        Modesty, as always, is the key (word). (Too much naked skin exposed is hardly a show of modesty; common sense is needed here).

        Wearing a skirt or wearing pants, it doesn’t matter and either is fine, as long as the female can be immediately identified as “female” at first sight (at least at close range).

        Culture and laws also have their say in deciding how a female should dress (eg. pink is seen as a “female color” in many countries); they are human constructs though, and common sense is the filter as always. The “golden rule” of “modestly evidencing the female curves” should be respected no matter what.

        We should acknowledge the natural differences between the sexes, rather than hide them.

        2) Not being too muscular.

        Talking of female silhouette…

        Too much muscle in a female looks intimidating and confusing to the male. Like she was invading his biological territory; this truth should be acknowledged, rather than fought. (I’d never marry a female who practices Thai boxe or heavy weight lifting – she can boxe or lift weights all she wants, but she’ll never have me!)

        Plus, she can have hormonal problems (AFAIK, too much testosterone can harm her health, her fertility, her cycle, her silhouette, her fidelity – high testosterone increases her sex drive and therefore her probability of cheating – and may even hurt her life expectancy!).

        3) Cheekbones that are not too pronounced.

        When I look at my girlfriend/wife’s face, I don’t want to see high-testosterone-induced pronounced cheekbones that remind me of Arnold Schwarzenegger‎ in the movie “Terminator 2″…

        4) Body hair under control.

        A good-looking female waxes regularly – and keeps testosterone under control too. The female just isn’t meant to have too high levels of testosterone in the body. Which, among other things, increases body hair growth… and I tell you, that’s not quite a pleasant thing to see in a female…

        5) A female-sounding voice.

        Again, very high testosterone levels can negatively influence the female voice, and make her sound a bit more like a male voice. And attractiveness can go down. Also, some bad news for smokers (male and female alike): there are good chances that smoking will ruin your voice!

        6) Nice hair.

        Long or short, it doesn’t matter as long as they are clean, well-cut and the female carries them with dignity. A good haircut becomes even more important as she ages; in fact, as time goes by, the difference between her and the male (balding or with a receding hairline) becomes more and more evident. (Usually, it’s males that have hair problems as they age – but I’ve seen partly balding females, and I tell you it’s not pretty! Guess what… Testosterone levels have a hand in this).

        Once again, we’re underlining Nature’s distinctions between male and female humans.

        I almost forgot: a female with a shaved head is horrible to behold. Almost grounds for divorce by itself maybe, haha. And a colored punk-style haircut on a female head is just… ugh, so the haircut of bulldykes (masculine lesbians).

        7) Honorable behavior.

        One of the most important parts! Here are some guidelines.

        No aggressive/violent behavior if at all possible. Keep noise, swearing and gossip to a minimum. And no verbal violence (yes, some females commit verbal abuse on people around them and even on their partner!). Be polite and respect other people, including other people’s time. Walk to get from A to B with dignity, not to attract attention on your legs and B-side. And don’t send provoking or mixed signals: males don’t like to be needlessly aroused or deceived about your intentions. She who ignores these rules must be ready to run into potential trouble.

        reality bites

        Monday, December 9, 2013 at 2:08 am

      • Final notes…

        I find long hair, heels and makeup to be “distinctly feminine” (heels shouldn’t be too high though, as they are unhealthy AND dangerous), however a female with short hair wearing tennis shoes and no makeup can be even more feminine depending on how she behaves. It’s a personal choice and has to do with individual personality!

        In summary…

        The “golden rule” is that in dressing, demeanor and other fields, the natural differences between the female and the male should be acknowledged and modestly evidenced, rather than denied and opposed. We are human beings, Nature/God’s best masterpiece.

        Above all, remember this:

        If male and female weren’t different, they could never be so wonderfully complementary to each other.

        Anybody trying to make male and female look equal, should be jailed for life so society isn’t ruined by such a catastrophic idea (which caused devastating damage to the very fabric of society itself). Equal rights doesn’t mean that males and females should dress the same!

        And this, dear Evelyn, is Reality Bites’ stance not only on how female humans should dress (which is but a small part of the “big picture” of attractiveness), but also on how female humans should look like and behave – simply model Nature, in modesty. :)

        I’m fairly sure that you agree with most of my ideas on this delicate subject.

        I could post a specular message aimed at male humans (how they should dress, look like and behave) but I don’t think it’s necessary.

        Feel free to share your thoughts. :)

        reality bites

        Monday, December 9, 2013 at 2:17 am

  114. Actually I am abit confused on beauty standards, so I’m not really very sure if I agree with you entirely. I strongly believe that a lot of women – despite their denials – dress to look attractive to men. All men? Nope. Only the ones they find attractive. Also, they dress for other women. To look better than other women (and therefore a sign of superiority) seems to give a lot of women some kind of high and somehow gives them the right to act like downright snobbish bitches with no manners. Also, a lot of women want to look better than other women to ‘beat out competition’ and attract men (of course, only certain attractive men need apply). In other words, intrasexual competition.

    On the other side, you have certain women who truly just dress for themselves. I would be one example, I have some friends who are like that as well. The thing is, it’s very difficult to say whether women TRULLY dress for themselves or whether their choices are made by subconscious media brainwashing of how a woman should dress to look ‘attractive’. But there are women out there who truly don’t give a shit about society’s/media’s rules about beauty and attractiveness and just wear what is comfortable (these women are usually very modestly dressed and make up free). True women who really exercising their freedom of choice.

    I think where it gets confusing is when the first group of women dress to look attractive (to attract men and beat out female competition) and then justifying it by blaming it on the men for wanting them to look a certain way. Which is some of what you listed above – long hair, heels, implants (for some) etc. On one hand I find it extremely silly – because NO man (or woman) is going to arrest you for dressing the way you do (mostly), so this oppression/patriarachy speeches these feminists are making don’t make sense at all. Cause really, women DO have a choice to dress however they want, but a lot of women don’t, instead choosing to dress for a (mostly) male gaze (selective of course) by listening to what the media/society/women’s magazines (other women) telling them what to wear. Which is, oppression in itself. These women, I feel, are oppressing themselves and then blaming this oppression on men or whatever. To me, these people are losers/followers.

    But at the same time, whenever I read some sort of ‘rules’ as to how a woman should dress to look attractive, that’s when I think these feminists actually have some sort of truth to what they say (though I dislike them). (Most) girls want to look/feel attractive, and they are just following guidelines because that’s what they perceive men find attractive (and a lot of men verify these lists to be true) and are just obeying the ‘rules’.

    Am I making sense? What do you think?

    As for me, I will stick to my mid-length and at times messy hair (my hair is wavy and gets very out of control), my flats, and my at times loose fitting dressing (I dislike showing off my figure though I have a better one than most who go to the gym :D). I’m also not entirely against abit of female body hair. And if some random male that I happen to be interested in (or some random female), thinks I’m extremely unfeminine and not attractive in any way physically because of the above can go fuck (her)himself :)

    Evelyn

    Tuesday, December 10, 2013 at 1:36 pm

    • Yes, this makes sense. There is no doubt that different women dress differently for the various reasons that you listed:

      Attracting interesting men, intrasexual competition, superiority complex, media brainwashing, self gratification. Among others.

      In particular, many women indeed obey Nature and dress to attract men.

      We can resist to a certain culture promoting a certain way of dressing…

      But we can hardly resist being attracted to certain pheromones, or the beauty of body symmetry (almost universally interpreted by our brains as a sign of “good genes”; here, we could consider surgery as a kind of cheat/trick increasing attractiveness; and certain clothes do increase the chances of the woman attracting the man that she desires). Or more generally, the compelling urge to find a suitable partner.

      Some things are almost beyond our control. “Attraction is not a choice”, as somebody said (although, “willpower reigns supreme”, says Reality Bites!).

      It can be very difficult to get over a “crush”, because Nature pushes us towards copulation with a partner responding to our “beauty ideals” (right or wrong that they may be) as encoded in our DNA and, partly, defined by culture (that, combined, result in our unique personal taste).

      We may live in the 21st century, but some things haven’t changed at all since the dawn of mankind.

      Small parenthesis about body hair… I find women with moustaches, repulsing. I really do. I knew this woman years ago, that was sort of attracted to me; intelligent, beautiful… except she had a certain amount of hairs between the upper lip and the nose. Needless to say, I wasn’t thinking about kissing her…

      We could write interesting stuff about the natural mechanism of REPULSION. It can be defined in many ways, but I simply summarize it as Nature’s way of preventing copulation with partners who may have “bad genes” which would pollute the offspring’s genetic patrimony. We may like it or not… But this, AFAIK, is how it is. :)

      Remember that attraction is something largely dictated by Nature; rational people choose their partner based on rational things, but physical attraction is still mostly determined by “irrational” elements (which in the eyes of Nature actually make much sense: Nature is very much genetics-oriented!).

      And I may be stating the obvious, but unless a woman is physically attracted to her partner she will not be in the mood to make love (husbands are forewarned: make yourselves attractive to your wives!)

      Please insert your thoughts below:
      *blinking cursor* :D

      reality bites

      Tuesday, December 10, 2013 at 3:42 pm

      • In the meanwhile… Visit this funny web page! :D

        http://www.funny-jokes-and-videos.blogspot.com/2010/10/funny-men-vsun-men.html

        reality bites

        Tuesday, December 10, 2013 at 6:51 pm

      • Exactly. I think a lot of women just dress ‘well’ to attract men. As well as to have an ‘ego boost’ going out and having both men and women looking at them (talk about low self esteem). These are my top 2 reasons. Anyway i really dislike women who think just cause they bother to shop every Sunday for nice clothes, are willing to spend $1000s on handbags/shoes/clothes and are willing to spend an hour slapping chemical products on their face in the mornings and so they are far better than you. I see a lot of women like that in my country, in corporates as well as outside. And I’m like, what makes you think that makes you matter than me? If we were ever to have a debate in court, popularity contest or asked to lead a country all whilst taking care of a family, I’d probably own your ass in all 3 and more =/

        Haha yeah, crushes are hard to get over. I think this is particularly if the person is very attractive and you don’t know their character very well. This makes you assign all sorts of good attributes to them which isn’t true mostly. But well, i think if you don’t know a person at all in the first place, you shouldn’t even be liking them so much to the point you can’t get over them!

        Oh haha, yes i have a couple of female friends who have the hairline above their mouths. I also always find myself staring at the hair there and feeling a little grossed out when we talk. Interestingly, i find these types of women to be extremely independent, strong-willed, strong-minded and very intelligent. Interestingly as well, they don’t seem to have much luck in the romance department or actually seem to care about it lol.

        But we need to discuss at length the topic of REPULSION soon! :D

        LOL blinking cursor.. actually that’s interesting, cause i’ve always heard the opposite – men complaining that their wives boobs/body etc are all out of shape and hence extremely unattractive after childbirth. I don’t know what you think about these men, but i find myself repulsed by them. :D

        i’ll read your links and comment again on them soon, cause i wanted to talk a little bit more about this repulsive thing called feminism. And yes you are right, they are men-hating creatures, but not only that, i also think they hate their own sex and would do anything to destroy other women.

        Evelyn

        Sunday, December 15, 2013 at 8:03 am

      • Haha, I saw the comic. Typical woman behaviour. Always judging on appearances/what other people wear. It’s even more pronounced in shallow Asian societies such as the one I’m living in. It’s like how much makeup/how many designer labels/what handbag you carry/what you are wearing today determines your worth as a person. *Eyeroll* Please. Ask any of these shallow to give a charismatic public speech, run a company/country, or come up with a business strategy for their company and none of them will be able to do it.

        Going into a little off-tangent about women these days. Alot of them complain about the ‘glass ceiling’ in their office. What glass ceiling? My opinion is that nothing like that exists. Women who are leaders are right where they are or getting there. Women who don’t want career development/do anything of strategic importance for their companies are right where they are too. Women who want to balance both family and be in a leadership position? Nothing wrong with that, but one has to understand we can’t have all our cake and eat it. Something has to give on both ends. Either less time with the kids/family or having to accept a not-so-high position with the added responsibilities. One can’t have both.

        Also, I usually find it very difficult to take women seriously at work cause they get emotional over the LAMEST things. Someone will make a comment about the colour of their dress and it makes them all weepy and angsty. God. Do you ever hear men getting all whiny and angry when one of their colleagues just so much as say they look better in a blue shirt? (No wonder more men are leaders).

        Lastly, I don’t know about others as I live in a relatively shallow, materialistic society. But, I can’t take any woman in a professional setting seriously when they put a lot of focus on their looks. I work in the Business District area and i see this everyday on the trains. Heavy makeup/heavily done up hair/short, tight outfits. Yuck. Save it for your husband and the weekend. Thank goodness in the field I’m in, people care loads more about your competence and abilities.

        Evelyn

        Tuesday, January 7, 2014 at 10:42 am

      • I agree that no “glass ceiling” exists and that each woman is where her beliefs and skills allow her to be, compatibly with her time, effort and goals.

        In other words, women of value who invest enough time and effort will eventually get to the top echelons no matter how much they may be ostracized by other people. It has happened and will happen time and time again. If a woman doesn’t get to the top, she lacks self esteem or skills, or simply has more prioritary goals (like, looking good vs producing results haha – well spotted).

        I also agree that one has to make choices in life, so if a man/woman goes for “100% career” (s)he’ll eventually reach a very high status but will have to neglect other areas (such as “building a family”). Decisions, decisions…

        In a nutshell, I don’t see a “conspiracy to keep women in a lower status”.

        reality bites

        Thursday, January 30, 2014 at 6:49 am

      • QUOTE
        i’ve always heard the opposite – men complaining that their wives boobs/body etc are all out of shape and hence extremely unattractive after childbirth. I don’t know what you think about these men, but i find myself repulsed by them.
        /QUOTE

        Wives may indeed objectively be less attractive shortly after childbirth, this is natural; but a man who says this explicitly, or even implicitly, shows a total lack of sensibility towards her. Of course a rejected woman can feel repulsion for such a man, this is natural too.

        Such a woman must always be treated with respect, and viewed as one’s soul mate who is going through a “low” period, has sacrificed much to expand the family, and will return to be attractive once this “low” period is over. Also, she should be helped to get back to top shape.

        reality bites

        Friday, January 31, 2014 at 7:41 pm

  115. About feminism: we could write much (given enough time – so little these days), since it’s a HUGELY complex topic, but for now suffice it to say that for the most part I find their ideas and beliefs to be mostly nonsense.

    Actually, anybody who respects women should reject any ideas based on falsehoods and violence – which are a significant part of the “feminist movement” as it stands today: it is often a “man-hating movement”, expressing their (few) legit concerns in ALL the wrong ways.

    Anyway, for now, I’ll simply link to a collection of articles about feminism. Interesting stuff, for sure.

    http://www.angryharry.com/notefeminismforstudents.htm

    reality bites

    Wednesday, December 11, 2013 at 1:45 pm

    • And while I’m posting about feminism…

      http://www.rt.com/art-and-culture/femen-topless-activist-feminist-665/

      I read that FEMEN activists, known for their “topless protests”, are paid about $1,000 monthly!

      I wonder just who pays that kind of money? Who is financing them? What are their goals?

      reality bites

      Wednesday, December 11, 2013 at 2:13 pm

      • Haha, I always wonder who finance or support these sorts of movements and behaviours too. Topless protests are so popular in Sweden (it’s really not a country I wanna live in).

        Feminism is too complex, I agree. I think the biggest proponents of it hate both men and women. They teach women to be violent and manipultative towards men to get what they want and tell men they are worthless and women are worth more. Most feminists are also all for acting promiscuous and having pre-marital sex. I’ve seen alot of arguments saying men who sleep around are studs and so women should be able to sleep around like a men for the same reasons. I will never support such a vile concept. Also, many of them want equality with men but completely contradict themselves. They want to be leaders in corporations and of countries but can’t go beyond focussing on their looks or take up jobs in construction or engineering. Men and women can NEVER be equal. There I said it. We are already biologically different and from there arises different characteristics and roles in society. I think both sexes complement each other very well from where we all are, and we don’t have to compete with each other for the same resources.

        Evelyn

        Tuesday, January 7, 2014 at 10:51 am

      • QUOTE
        I’ve seen alot of arguments saying men who sleep around are studs and so women should be able to sleep around like a men for the same reasons. I will never support such a vile concept.
        /QUOTE

        Indeed, “two wrongs make a right” is a common logical fallacy.

        Here, we have the “You Too” subfallacy which states, “if you do this wrong thing, I can too” or “my wrong is justified because you did the same”.

        http://www.fallacyfiles.org/twowrong.html

        Premarital/extramarital sex is wrong/damaging for women AND for men. Period.

        Can you imagine someone saying, “if you steal I can steal too” or “if you drink poison so can I”? Oh, dear. The illogicity of it!

        (Kids, DON’T steal and DON’T drink poison!) :D

        reality bites

        Saturday, February 1, 2014 at 6:19 pm

      • QUOTE
        Men and women can NEVER be equal. There I said it. We are already biologically different and from there arises different characteristics and roles in society. I think both sexes complement each other very well from where we all are, and we don’t have to compete with each other for the same resources.
        /QUOTE

        Yeah, well said. Specialization is one feature of evolved societies/species. :) Indeed, man and woman naturally specialize in different tasks/positions and I see no rational reason to change that.

        But feminist groups… They pursue “equality” at all costs. Generally speaking… They don’t want equal rights for both men and women; they want to MAKE EVERYONE EQUAL, forcibly erasing natural/physiological differences between the sexes. This is pure, unadulterated MADNESS.

        reality bites

        Tuesday, February 4, 2014 at 6:28 pm

      • ^ Exactly. I usually avoid people who claim they are feminists. Especially women. I find them… very… how does one put it, ‘not normal’. I find feminist women very un-feminine..haha. I have an acquaintance who would get very emotional and angsty whenever men held the door open for her or offered to hold anything for her. =/ She said such acts are sexist behaviour. I found it and still find it odd. I mean, if a woman holds a door open for another woman, is she exhibiting sexist behaviour as well? Is she ‘looking down’ on the other woman? I would love for men (or women, anybody) to hold the door open for me. I think it’s a general act of kindness that people should exhibit more towards each other. Sadly we have less of that, and I’m not entirely sure, but I do suspect such changes in society are due to the Feminist movement and other similar movements. It ‘spoils the market’ so to speak. Men are becoming so passive in dating, women are becoming overly aggressive in other areas of life. People are becoming more individualistic and selfish, everyone is worse off to be honest. I’m rambling! So i will stop here haha.

        Evelyn

        Wednesday, February 5, 2014 at 1:34 pm

  116. There is something else that is bothering me that i’d like to confide in you about. Remember the bunch of former friends i used to have, in particular these 2 girls J and C i used to be very very close to? C and i had a huge row 2 years back about pre-marital sex? And then J took her side (but rationalized her actions saying she wanted to mediate – how could she when she know both of us well and can’t be objective and said i shouldn’t judge C? And i think i also told you C stopped talking to me for some reason after my bday last year? I think it was cause she was getting together with this new guy and as usual when she does that she forgets all her friends. She got engaged last year and recently got married this year (and she only knew the guy in August of 2011). Anyway after her distant attitude to me last March made me completely stop talking to her, i didn’t wish her on her bday, congratulate her on her engagement or wedding either. I also stayed away from J, mostly cause there were certain things in her character i was seeing and i didn’t like. the 3 of us with another 3 girls used to be really close in school about 10 years ago. Early in January they had this group chat thing where they were discussing a meet up and everyone started gushing about her engagement.

    Haha, you can imagine how it irritated me. I saw it as an unwanted intrusion. I was thinking, you don’t bother to keep in touch, and now you just add me on this group chat thing and start spamming it about her engagement? I mean, i don’t care, and if it’s so interesting to you, take it somewhere else, i don’t have to wake up to 20+ messages each day talking about things i don’t give a shit about. I’m usually never this irritated with group chats by the way. I told them i had no time to join them (lie) and a few days later i left the chat – good riddance. But i think they saw it as me not wanting to join them, they organized some kind of hen’s party for her and i wasn’t invited. Bothered me a little, but i figured its normal for them, since J and C also met up a lot back when we were all still ok.

    And, i wasn’t invited to C’s wedding as well. I was actually pretty upset about that for a bit. I mean, we might not have been talking for a year or so, but we were friends since 7? At least have some basic courtesy? Which she obviously doesn’t have. I know i shouldn’t be upset or whatever, but whenever i think about C, i feel SO stupid. I gave so much of my effort in our friendship, tried to comfort her and patch things up with her and her ex, be there for her when she’s sad etc. And this is what i got in the end. And i think partly because i also feel a little guilty still for our row in 2011, i still subconsciously can’t seem to let go off the friendship. God, i sometimes even dream of her. How gross!!

    I know it’s definitely not worth my time on such people and i definitely don’t think they see my friendship with them the same way, neither do they take it that seriously. And I’m all for weeding out problematic friendships no matter how old they are for new ones. but i don’t know why i can’t seem to subconsciously let go of it. Any thoughts? =/

    Evelyn

    Sunday, December 15, 2013 at 8:52 am

    • Hi Evelyn,

      Yes, I remember your 1 Nov 2012 post about J and H (not C – I checked my HDD haha) on EveryWomansBlog. :)

      Here are my main points.

      1) C and J were different people many years ago.

      People change over time – usually for the worse, unless they are guided by Logic rather than emotions. And most people ARE guided by emotions; they go wherever the wind takes them, never developing any sort of REAL free will, existing but not living, reacting to the environment but failing to carefully plan their future (or using false/inaccurate information to plan their nightmare future!)

      Many people also usually suck at Diplomacy – ditching long-date friends without GOOD reason. Fair enough – if C divorces, she may come crying to you (looking for an Agony Aunt haha); if neither spouses were virgins, as you know, chances of divorcing within 5-10 years are rather high.

      2) No matter how good the past, you must get rid of “bad investments”, including “formerly good investments turned bad”.

      In the free market, when the price goes down, you sell before a small loss becomes huge. (Always have a symbolic “price chart” in your mind, trying to see where somebody is located at the moment… and place your “stop loss” order! Haha)

      I tell you what, your life goes on without C (and without J). And it will be better; have no doubts about this.

      The two girls, in their current state, are clearly unworthy of being your friends. So… Rationalize that they DESERVE to be forgotten, and move on. :)

      3) Replace C and J with better friends.

      Nature abhors a vacuum; dreams are one way Nature uses to let you know.

      So… Find better friends. Over time, you’ll forget about C and J and form new, wonderful memories with much better people. People that you’ll choose much more carefully, since you now have a much stronger understanding of Logic and a much deeper knowledge of Data than when you were 7 years old! :)

      Let me repeat this again: you are far better equipped now as a logical adult, with the ability to choose friends wisely, than you were when you were in second grade!

      I advise hiding any and all photographs of C and J in a hidden place, eg. album called “Damnatio Memoriae” or something like that! (Remember my 30 Dec 2011 speech about “lines of defense” for forgetting bad memories and bad people, etc.: 1) avoidance, 2) keeping busy and 3) fighting!) Also hide any of their gifts (but don’t get rid of them unless you’re absolutely, positively certain it’s final).

      If you expatriate like you should, you’ll forget about many people anyway! (You can always use email, Skype and phone to keep in touch with the most significant ones if you so wish).

      Hopefully my thoughts will bring you some comfort or somehow be useful. Time, as always, is the best healer. Let me know if you have other questions. :)

      reality bites

      Monday, December 16, 2013 at 3:39 pm

    • QUOTE
      Many people also usually suck at Diplomacy – ditching long-date friends without GOOD reason.
      /QUOTE

      I meant that your former friends (stupidly) discarded you like a used object. Which is sad, since you are a valuable person who adds value to other people’s lives.

      But apparently not everyone can appreciate a jewel when they see one.

      In fact, I often ask myself why people are so easy to forget one’s help, listening patience and understanding. And ultimately, why a lot of people become ungrateful, bitter and ready to dump a friend for no reason at all.

      reality bites

      Wednesday, January 1, 2014 at 4:09 am

      • ^ I agree. There are loads of people like that out there. It’s sad certainly, but I’m happy to say I’ve found much better friends. :D I’m also thinking, women like – not so much J, but certainly C and another friend I’ve dumped, W – them don’t usually have many female friends. It’s very telling isn’t it? C has had a history of not keeping in contact and just straight out forgetting girlfriends whom she used to be close to and who treated her well. It’s not just me, it’s at least 3-4 girls in her past. And I remember we used to be close to this other girl – G – a very nice and funny girl whom we both knew since we were 10, but who happened to be lesbian and revealed it when we were about 18 and started dating this other girl C absolutely hated. C went nuts. Completely cut off contact and told people around her to cut off contact with G. Which I thought was really vicious cause 1) a person’s sexuality doesn’t suddenly make them a demon, especially since it was a person who treated you very well and never did anything offensive to you except came out about her sexuality. 2) To ask other people to cut this girl out of their lives cause you find her sexuality offensive to you is offensive in itself, not to mention, vicious.

        W on the other hand, always had some fights or quarrels or huge dislikes for other girls. I cut her off when she told me being 3 hours late to meet me wasn’t being late and was real bitchy about it (think I told you about it). Interestingly, both girls always seem to have some drama episode with their boyfriends. I don’t know if men are like that, but I find it suspicious when women can’t keep/don’t have close female friends.

        Which is why, the past of someone is ALWAYS important. People like to argue, you should look at who they are now, not who they were 10 years ago. But who they were 10 years ago made them who they are now, isn’t it? ;)

        Evelyn

        Tuesday, January 7, 2014 at 11:38 am

      • QUOTE
        them don’t usually have many female friends. It’s very telling isn’t it?
        /QUOTE

        Yeah, I believe it’s because these subjects are very egoistic and competitive, and so they can retain friendships only as long as they can hide their true nature. Once they are unmasked, they become more and more lonely… Wonder why? Haha.

        True friendships must be nurtured, and “friendships of utility” (one of the three types of friendship identified by Aristotle) are shallow and will only last so much as there is mutual interest.

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philia

        reality bites

        Thursday, January 16, 2014 at 2:43 pm

      • QUOTE
        we used to be close to this other girl – G – a very nice and funny girl whom we both knew since we were 10, but who happened to be lesbian and revealed it when we were about 18 and started dating this other girl
        /QUOTE

        While most people are not homosexual, a few are.

        However…

        A distinction must be made between “being homosexual” and “having homosexual feelings”.

        Not everyone having homosexual feelings is a homosexual. Decades ago, the Kinsey Scale of sexual responses identified seven degrees of sexual orientation.

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale

        I think some people are too fast to call themselves “homosexual” while they are “having homosexual feelings” some of the time, triggered by the most varied of causes (chemical/hormonal, emotional, environmental, etc.)

        Such homosexual feelings are partly encouraged by the mass media, who tend to exalt homosexuality more and more these days.

        That said, yes, some people are homosexuals and would be even if the mass media did not exist.

        reality bites

        Thursday, January 16, 2014 at 3:13 pm

      • Here are some other thoughts of mine on the matter of sexual orientation.

        1) Everyone must understand their own sexual orientation.

        To understand one’s own sexual orientation, having sex is not necessary. Sex is not a prerequisite to having feelings, and can in fact powerfully influence them… confusing the subjects further. Virgins can have heterosexual and/or homosexual feelings, just like nonvirgins.

        People owe it to themselves to understand what their own sexual orientation is, and to (wisely) plan what they want to be.

        2) Sexual orientation can change over time.

        As I understand it, many people, perhaps everyone with enough conscious effort, can move between 0 and 6 (and vice versa) on the Kinsey Scale. But each “step” can be difficult and is not instantaneous.

        To me, sexually healthy humans who follow Nature’s plan and understood its beauty will consistently score 0 on the Kinsey Scale (Exclusively Heterosexual), which according to my understanding is the most beneficial score for the person; in fact, scoring anything more than 0 can lead to problems (more on that in a future post).

        3) Sexual orientation can be considered a value.

        So, heterosexuality and homosexuality are both subjective values.

        But to Nature, heterosexuality is (in so many ways) an objective value. For example, as a matter of fact, in the overwhelming majority of cases, Nature rewards unprotected heterosexual sex with the generation of offspring bearing the male and the female’s unique DNA. Carrying out Nature’s plan for the perpetuation/survival of species and the preservation and enhancement of biodiversity.

        Whereas, with almost total certainty, homosexual humans will NEVER, ever be able to co-generate in a natural way (whether they can get over it or not), without some Frankenstein-ish technology pushing humans way beyond their natural niches; which would be undesirable in so many ways. To me, Nature is like the most beautiful and irreplaceable of paintings, and I consider anybody trying to ruin it is nothing but a vandalic criminal.

        (To be continued soon… I have much to say on the topic of sexual orientation!)

        reality bites

        Friday, January 17, 2014 at 6:53 pm

      • Hello from Europe! haha. Yes I agree, people can have homosexual feelings but ‘snap out of it’ once they are out of the environment that causes those sort of feelings. I strongly believe these feelings are usually transient and are a result of the interactions you have with the environment you are in everyday. I was from an all-girls school and there were plenty, countless of female friends I used to have who were confused about their sexual orientation/had feelings for girls. But I thought that was partly mostly due to the environment, as these girls went on to have heterosexual relationships after leaving the school. Unless they were secretly bisexual or something… but that’s another story. So yeah, when people are at the curious age (adolescent phase) combined with environmental factors like being in an all-girls environment or having friends who have homosexual relationships… that causes people to develop those feelings. I think, if pass a certain age and one still gravitates towards same-sex relationships, then that person is most probably ‘genuinely’ homosexual. Hope I made sense.

        Evelyn

        Tuesday, January 21, 2014 at 8:37 pm

      • Actually, to be honest, I don’t feel strongly against homosexuals. At least those that I am friends with, they don’t have deviant lifestyles (though I know a few who sleep around a lot, and it seems like homosexuals sleep around more than heteros, on average), and are very nice people. My homosexual female friends are the most reliable i’ve ever met, more reliable than the straight women i know. People with deviant lifestyles in general just dont mesh well with me, homo or not. I’m not terribly into the Nature argument against them as well. Maybe it’s cause I know quite a number of them and understand the discrimination they face – overt or subtle – in many areas of life that I don’t see the point speaking out against their lifestyle..and besides it’s also a lifestyle that doesn’t concern in me in any direct sense, seeing that I will never have romantic relationships with or marry these people… Those I know have also been like that from a young age.. i believe there’s a term like that in psychology – gender identity dysmorphic disorder or something like that. And in my view, they are mostly BORN like that and really can’t do anything about it. So for those who are born relating with such an identity, it’s kind of like being born in with a certain race or ethnicity or gender isn’t it? There’s not much that they can do about it! My only beef I have with homosexual men is that I wished some of them were straight! I just dislike the discrimination against some of them just cause of their sexual orientation (those born with the identity disorder in particular), just like I dislike discrimination against anyone really. But that’s just my opinion.

        Evelyn

        Tuesday, January 21, 2014 at 8:48 pm

      • QUOTE
        I think, if pass a certain age and one still gravitates towards same-sex relationships, then that person is most probably ‘genuinely’ homosexual.
        /QUOTE

        If somebody (young or not) gravitates towards homosexual relationships for years (be it during adolescence or during middle age), we sure can consider him/her homosexual. It goes without saying. :)

        But yeah, since adolescence is when sexual desire prepotently shows up and individuals start to experiment new things… A few adolescents will see that homosexuality exists, “have a try” at it… Then drop it and be heterosexual all their lives. A few others will stay homosexual as they enter adulthood.

        reality bites

        Wednesday, January 22, 2014 at 2:40 am

      • OPEN PARENTHESIS. NATURE AND OBJECTIVITY

        Allow me a (not so small) parentheses to explain what I think in general.

        Exchanging opinions is nice, mind-opening and all; what I rarely say is, one of my very personal goals (while I do research for my replies) is to find out at least some facts of life and stand by them. :) Arduous task… But I feel I’ll make it somehow, in my lifetime. May Aristotle watch over me. :D

        Me and you are but two subjects living immersed in this reality, and while our opinions may differ and often do… there IS something like “objective reality”. Which does not care about our opinions, and will certainly continue to exist long after we’ll be gone. :)

        Two plus two equals four… “Why?”, ask to whomever/whatever made the laws of Mathematics. Answering anything else could be a form of fictional evasion from reality. “What if” the result was three or five? As much as I love fiction and hypothetical scenarios, at the end of the day we’re all immersed in a ruthless Objective Reality and that’s what we all have to deal with. :)

        So, when you ask me, what do I think about something? I personally want to answer the equivalent of “my opinion is: two plus two equals four” to the best of my ability and knowledge… Beats me why I should answer anything else than “four”, unless: I am lying, I don’t have enough truthful information to reply satisfactorily or you ask me about a hypothetical scenario. Example of fictional scenario: “What if men had six arms instead of two?” “Then we’d work much faster but need much more energy, etc.” but would we look more beautiful/handsome with six arms? I don’t think so… and anyway, a healthy human only has two arms in this reality, period! That’s my point of view.

        The Nature argument is not always liked or interesting… Noted down. :) But know why I constantly refer to this mysterious entity. It’s because it is bigger and more objective than me and you and we’re both part of it… If we don’t look at the “big picture” instead of our tiny backyards, we won’t be able to give valid and satisfactory replies to the very questions that torment us.

        Just like a mathematical formula, the value of an answer could be measured by how many cases it applies to. And if it applies to every case or even to “simply” the majority of billions of people, then the reply has great value.

        If somebody tells me that I’m obsessed with Logic and Nature, I’ll reply that he’s telling me the equivalent of “you’re obsessed with breathing”. Without referring to them, Knowledge cannot advance and the “Ignorant Billions’ Wars” will never end: billions of people each with their own opinion about how much “two plus two” should equal to! I feel this is unacceptable and an horrific waste of trillions of irreplaceable hours of talking time that could have been better used in more productive ways.

        After having debated for thousands of years, it would be great if humankind could reach certain (emotions-independent) conclusions about certain issues! Research must go forward, and it has its tools, which don’t include repeating many peoples’ unresearched opinions. :)

        Yes… To me, facts are more interesting than opinions. I’m not denigrating other peoples’ opinions of course! But I prefer reading research studies to conversing with many people haha. Though, thankfully, I sometimes meet very nice people (even online) that not only are interesting and recognize the value of facts, but also deserve all my respect. *winks at Evelyn* ;)

        Closed parenthesis… And back to the discussion. :)

        reality bites

        Wednesday, January 22, 2014 at 8:21 pm

      • I enjoyed reading that! I completely agree that humankind needs to focus on things that are more rooted in objective reality and facts. There are far too many people out there who start a lot of thought movements/talk about sociological issues without realising that they base all of it on their own opinions and not facts! Take feminism for example. Women FELT and BELIEVED they were being treated on a lower level than men. Whilst this might be true in certain cases and circumstances, a lot of the time it is also untrue. Alot of women simply look around them and go ‘hey, I’m paid $1000 lower than Joe although I’ve been here 10 years longer. That’s not fair! That’s discrimination against me and women!!’ And out she goes on the street demonstrating for ‘women’s rights’. But what she and a lot of other people don’t realise is that, they are getting all angsty about things they have no FULL knowledge of. They come to a conclusion based on whatever they have observed in their SUBJECTIVE reality, meaning a perception bias is at work here. And then they go out on the streets waging war against the world. And this is not just tied to the people in the feminist movement, I’m referring to countless of other societal issues out there that makes people get all angsty and ragey.

        Far too many people come to conclusions based on their opinions and emotions without giving a care about facts and objective reality. You’ll see many people on here and countless other areas on the internet completely ignore research findings just cause it doesn’t validate their opinion or lifestyle. Or just because they don’t ‘believe’ it. Well, research does not care whether anyone believes in it or not. It’ll continue to exist whatever people think of it. I’m a full supporter of research (that’s why i’m in the industry haha) and have zero patience for people who think their insignificant opinions, silly beliefs and emotions have more bearing on the world than data and facts and objective reality.

        As for how objective reality/nature applies to the homosexual debate. I completely agree that there is a ‘Natural’ order to life, ie: heterosexuality, and I hold that view too. However, where I am coming from, and what I am trying to say is that the nature argument cannot be held on individuals who are born with the Gender Identity Disorder/Gender Dysphoria issue. If I can be any clearer, what I am saying is that these people aren’t born ‘the right way’, if you get what I mean, they are an ‘anomaly’ which completely eliminates them from the Nature argument. There’s a reason why homosexuality was termed a psychiatric/mental disorder in the earlier centuries and in some scientific circles today is still seen as such. Of course we can’t know who was born with such identity issues and who aren’t. But I really only make an exception with these people. I do have homosexual female friends who feel they aren’t women and identify with the male role more, especially in society, and telling them they aren’t doing things ‘Nature’s’ way isn’t suddenly going to make them heterosexual individuals I’m afraid. Discriminating against them doesn’t help anybody either. But, people who are homosexual because it is ‘cool’ or ‘in’ or looks ‘fun’ really, really need to get a life and have their heads checked. Asap.

        Evelyn

        Thursday, January 23, 2014 at 5:13 pm

      • Hi Evelyn, glad you enjoyed that! And I fully agree on most of your latest post. Time permitting, I’ll soon explain why I may partly disagree on a small part of the second half of it.

        For now, let me simply clarify that I don’t hate homosexuals. However, I strongly disapprove “homosexual behavior”, for a number of reasons.

        Also, here’s a brief Topics List to keep track of our “opened” discussion threads.

        TOPICS

        Main topics:
        Deviance
        “Natural” vs. “Non-Natural” homosexuality: causes and consequences
        Repulsion
        Violence against homosexuals

        Other topics:
        Socialization for homeschooled kids
        Various unanswered questions left since EWB’s shutdown
        Other topics I might have forgotten

        reality bites

        Thursday, January 23, 2014 at 6:54 pm

      • To clarify further:

        “I don’t hate homosexuals” means that I would never insult or hit/beat them up.

        However, as I said, I do strongly disapprove their homosexual behavior… Whatever the cause of such behavior is. And even if it’s not aimed at me. I won’t tell them… But if they do explicitly ask me what I think, they must accept that I strongly dislike such behavior. I am not a fan of what we’d call “political correctness”.

        The fact that homosexual behavior grosses me out does not make me “homophobic” (politician newspeak/codeword for “heretic”, an emotion-loaded word to stop people from thinking): it’s just a healthy, natural, heterosexual reaction called Repulsion. (“Witch hunters”, get over it! :D)

        reality bites

        Thursday, January 23, 2014 at 8:56 pm

      • Haha, we would have to agree to disagree then. Cause while I do feel repulsed by them on a subconscious level (I’m pretty disgusted at feminine gays than lesbians to be honest) i don’t feel repulsed by them enough to CARE. Haha. I think there’s a continuum..a scale if you will, of things I’m personally repulsed by. And whilst homosexuality does give me those grossed-out feelings, they don’t gross me out as much as people who sleep around, have pre-marital sex and boast about it, feminists and the like. Pre-marital sex and non-virgins (especially the braggy ones) repulse me the MOST. And cause they are more prevalent, they affect my life (when choosing a partner) and are well, everywhere they can’t really be ignored, they TRULLY repulse me. And I care enough about that repulsion to want to do something about it – join like-minded people in preventing the further spread of such a ‘disease’ in society. Homosexuals, well, i don’t see them much where i live, those i do know seem to have gender identity disorders and really suffer from it their whole lives as a consequence of their lifestyle already, they don’t affect my life (never gonna date or marry them) and on a whole just don’t bother me. I can just ignore them. Also, those I’m close to, bar the homosexuality, have way better values than a good number of heterosexuals i once knew (keyword: knew). Also, there’re many studies out there that show homosexual couples raise very well-adjusted children, though of course one may question the intention of such studies. So no, whilst i’m repulsed, it’s not as much as other things and people I’m repulsed by and so I’m not gonna channel any energy towards the group of them. I just think in life one needs to pick one’s battles to ‘fight’ so to speak, and dealing with homosexuality in any shape or form isn’t high on my list. Now, eliminating or dealing with non-virgins, promiscuous people, people with low IQ/EQ, superficial, narcissistic, lazy and irresponsible individuals – that sounds REALLY good. :D

        Evelyn

        Friday, January 24, 2014 at 5:05 am

      • QUOTE
        homosexuals sleep around more than heteros, on average
        /QUOTE

        Thanks for mentioning this. There are many studies out there about this topic, done by various organizations each with their own goals.

        Here are a few interesting statistics.

        http://www.carm.org/statistics-homosexual-promiscuity

        reality bites

        Thursday, January 30, 2014 at 11:52 pm

      • Some more thoughts about homosexuality and gender identity.

        QUOTE
        I do have homosexual female friends who feel they aren’t women and identify with the male role more, especially in society,
        /QUOTE

        If we remove from the equation the “cultural brainwashing” making homosexuality and transgendering more socially acceptable or even “trendy”, I understand that there are people out there suffering from TRUE (=not manufactured) problems: chemical/hormonal imbalances (more or less permanent), mental diseases, neurological problems or a combination of these. And that in many cases, such TRUE problems can’t be cured (effectively/yet). In other words, some homosexuals can be “cured” but some others apparently cannot.

        QUOTE
        and telling them they aren’t doing things ‘Nature’s’ way isn’t suddenly going to make them heterosexual individuals I’m afraid.
        /QUOTE

        I never said that enumerating facts would convert homosexuals to normalcy. :)

        According to studies, “facts don’t necessarily have the power to change our minds… (people) often became even more strongly set in their beliefs. Facts, they found, were not curing misinformation. Like an underpowered antibiotic, facts could actually make misinformation even stronger”.

        http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/articles/2010/07/11/how_facts_backfire/

        Applying this to homosexuality… If someone (misguided or not) has decided that (s)he wants to be homosexual, there is little that can be done to change his/her mind. (We don’t have billions of dollars in advertising/propaganda budget, so…).

        Speaking more generally…

        I like it when people agree with my philosophy (eg. rejecting homosexuality, etc.), which I keep as based on facts as possible. But I don’t expect them to agree with me. Good for people if they accept what we call “reality”, though (it means they’ll be more successful people).

        One thing is certain; because I tend to stick to facts, people won’t be able to successfully accuse me of being “bigot” or “outdated” if I don’t approve a “modern” lifestyle (whatever that means; for instance, homosexuality was widespread in Ancient Greece!). Far more often than not, there is at least one good logic reason for everything I think and say and for every position I express.

        reality bites

        Tuesday, February 4, 2014 at 6:33 am

      • ^ I didn’t say YOU said it. I was actually referring to the act of ‘telling them’ as a general thing. Personally I have hinted at homosexual friends that the consequences of their lifestyle is a result of it not being ‘natural’. Generally speaking, and I think alot of people confuse this. The ‘natural’ I’m referring to (and I think you too, RB) is a way of nature, of evolution. What I find quite saddening is that people use this ‘nature’ argument to do whatever they want – have lots of pre-marital sex for instance. Which is also one HUGE reason I don’t use the nature argument to defend anything, I rather use the numbers and the facts :)

        Evelyn

        Wednesday, February 5, 2014 at 1:27 pm

      • I’ll rearrange your message to make my comments more orderly and intelligible.

        QUOTE
        (homosexuals) that I am friends with (…) are very nice people. My homosexual female friends are the most reliable i’ve ever met, more reliable than the straight women i know. (…) My only beef I have with homosexual men is that I wished SOME of them were straight!
        /QUOTE

        We agree that positive personal qualities are independent from sexual orientation. In fact, homosexual men are one of the very few kinds of men that a woman can be truly (nonsexual) friends with. However…

        QUOTE
        those who are born relating with such an identity, it’s kind of like being born in with a certain race or ethnicity or gender isn’t it?
        /QUOTE

        It is my understanding that in Nature’s eyes, homosexuality is a form of handicap/malfunction. Read my detailed reply below.

        QUOTE
        I don’t see the point speaking out against their lifestyle..and besides it’s also a lifestyle that doesn’t concern in me in any direct sense, seeing that I will never have romantic relationships with or marry these people… (…) My only beef I have with homosexual men is that I wished some of them were straight!
        /QUOTE

        When asked about it, I defend the heterosexual lifestyle and discourage homosexuality. Simply put, homosexuality “spoils the market”. Yes, if homosexuality spreads, even me and you can be negatively affected. You wished that some homosexual men were straight… And I wished some women weren’t lesbians. Indeed, the sexual orientation of certain people DOES produce some consequences for us, even though we may at first deny it.

        Just think. Relationships that are never going to start, and future offsprings never born, because of sexual orientation incompatibilities. Scores of parallel universes – annihilated before they are created. What a horrific waste of creative energies, massive loss of future opportunities, and terrible waste of future values. Imagine, the scientist that would have invented teleportation or the matter-antimatter engine – never born. Tragedy.

        QUOTE
        There’s not much that they can do about it! (…) Those I know have also been like that from a young age.. i believe there’s a term like that in psychology – gender identity dysmorphic disorder or something like that. And in my view, they are mostly BORN like that and really can’t do anything about it.
        /QUOTE

        Some “natural” homosexuals do fight against their overwhelming feelings. Read my reply below. :)

        reality bites

        Sunday, February 23, 2014 at 4:35 pm

      • QUOTE
        cause they are more prevalent, they affect my life (when choosing a partner) and are well, everywhere they can’t really be ignored, they TRULLY repulse me.
        /QUOTE

        Agreed that promiscuous people are far more numerous and influence the “romance market” far more than homosexuals do. Hence, promiscuity is a more pressing problem compared to homosexuality (but this shouldn’t be ignored, either). I mostly speak against promiscuity, but when specifically asked about the subject I also speak against homosexuality. :)

        QUOTE
        eliminating or dealing with non-virgins, promiscuous people, people with low IQ/EQ, superficial, narcissistic, lazy and irresponsible individuals – that sounds REALLY good. :D
        /QUOTE

        Congratulations, you’ve just eliminated 90% of humankind! :D

        Actually, sometimes I feel as if the world would look much better without them, sad but true haha. :)

        A scene from the “Death Note” anime series just came to my mind…

        reality bites

        Sunday, February 23, 2014 at 6:06 pm

      • QUOTE
        people use this ‘nature’ argument to do whatever they want – have lots of pre-marital sex for instance. Which is also one HUGE reason I don’t use the nature argument to defend anything, I rather use the numbers and the facts
        /QUOTE

        There are many wrong (fallacious) ways of using the Nature argument, and we should avoid them.

        http://www.fallacyfiles.org/adnature.html

        Let me give a few examples of “wrong” appeals to Nature and the consequences of holding a wrong belief.

        Many people who believe their smoking “100% natural tobacco” is okay… will still get cancer sooner or later. (Nature’s punishment)

        Many people who believe being promiscuous is okay because “sex is natural”… will still get some disease or emotional/mental problem (or deambulation problem if a jealous partner beats them haha) sooner or later. (Nature’s punishment)

        People who believe “anal sex is natural” and therefore okay… will still get injured (or diseased, or both) sooner or later. (Nature’s punishment).

        But pointing out that if we don’t follow Nature’s plan we’ll have problems… That is quite the reality of facts. If we don’t act according to the “instruction manuals”… Our toy is gonna break sooner or later. And it can’t always be fixed.

        reality bites

        Sunday, February 23, 2014 at 8:55 pm

      • QUOTE
        I don’t use the nature argument to defend anything, I rather use the numbers and the facts
        /QUOTE

        Avoiding problems is a very logical reason to do things Nature’s way.

        For instance: if you want to avoid caries, you’ll limit your sugar intake and keep your teeth as clean as possible. If you want to avoid being eaten by a bear, you’ll stay away from her lair. Etc.

        And if you want to minimize the risk of venereal diseases, you’ll have as few sexual partners as possible (and choose The One as wisely as possible).

        Regarding “numbers and facts”, the numbers help to prove the existence of facts but we don’t have to give more numbers than necessary. :)

        If I say “the Sun appears to rise in the East and appears to set in the West”, hardly anyone will contest me, as we talk about the Sun’s APPARENT motion.

        On the other hand, we’ll have to gather more proof if we want to be able to say “the Earth revolves around the Sun”. Which is now common knowledge… But AFAIK, before the Renaissance, few believed that.

        Scientific research had to gather a certain body of proof before scientists could say this. But to say that statement, I don’t believe we need to prove that the average distance of the Earth from the Sun is 149,669,180 km; that would likely be “overkill”, ie. more information than we need for our purposes.

        reality bites

        Monday, February 24, 2014 at 12:24 am

    • I’m rather busy lately… But I’ll add two more cents of mine. :)

      QUOTE
      Actually, to be honest, I don’t feel strongly against homosexuals. At least those that I am friends with, they don’t have deviant lifestyles (though I know a few who sleep around a lot, and it seems like homosexuals sleep around more than heteros, on average), and are very nice people. My homosexual female friends are the most reliable i’ve ever met, more reliable than the straight women i know. People with deviant lifestyles in general just dont mesh well with me, homo or not.
      /QUOTE

      I find it interesting (not criticizing, just observing) that you don’t consider homosexuality a deviant behavior but consider promiscuity to be deviant. :)

      From a statistical point of view, quite the opposite seems to be true (heterosexuality and promiscuity seem to be the recorded normal/common/average behavior; whereas, homosexuality and LIFETIME sexual exclusivity are minority behaviors).

      Being a majority, of course, doesn’t imply that a behavior is right or wrong per se. But… Whether we like it or not, Nature/God has definite plans for us… We’ve been designed and shaped (by billions of years of evolution, God, the Matrix, or whatever we may believe in). A System exists and we are part of it. This is undeniable.

      reality bites

      Sunday, February 23, 2014 at 11:39 am

      • Simply put, there are two kinds of creatures/people: those who follow Nature’s plans (and are rewarded by it for doing so), and those who for whatever reasons/motives don’t follow Nature’s plans (and get punished).

        Nature rewards heterosexuality and has studied mechanisms to punish homosexuality. Here is a partial list.

        1) The inability for two individuals of the same gender to co-generate offspring to pass their genes to.

        2) Increased health risks of homosexual sexual activities compared to heterosexual copulation.

        3) Stigmatization.

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_stigma

        Now, my comments.

        1) Yes, sterile heterosexuals can’t co-generate offspring either. But heterosexual couples are DESIGNED to be able to co-generate offspring. Whereas, homosexual couples cannot co-generate BY DESIGN. This is to reply to one of homosexuals’ favorite arguments, before it is even presented. And if somebody still argues… My God, what do schools teach nowadays. I think I’ll homeschool my future kids, thank you very much. :)

        2) Self explanatory. Connect organs not meant for each other, and get nasty injures and diseases more frequently. (Yes, it also applies to “oral sex”, heterosexual or not).

        3) Homosexuals have been stigmatized/discriminated/persecuted by people in most cultures since the dawn of time. I merely observe that the fact of stigmatization exists, without offering any more moral judgment than I would if I said that in Nature the predator (eg. fox) eats the prey (eg. hen) or that many species of bears are carnivores. We may be against violence, but rest assured, Nature is not when it comes to enforcing her plans. :) Whether we like it or not… This is how it is.

        Extra comments…

        4) Homosexuality is a HANDICAP (malfunction) in Nature’s eyes.

        Anybody not following Nature’s sexual plans is considered to be malfunctioning (and punished) by our mysterious Designer Entity.

        I have never seen a maimed man exalt his own crippled condition, but (and this TRULY bothers me) I have seen homosexuals brag and express pride about their sexual orientation. Most crippled people would do almost anything to get back to “factory/brand new condition”, whereas I don’t see the same readiness in many homosexuals to “get back to normal”.

        5) Categories of homosexuals.

        I roughly divide homosexuals into two categories.

        A) “Natural” homosexuals, created by OBJECTIVE PROBLEMS as we said. Two subcategories:
        A1) “Natural” homosexuals who give up and live as homosexuals. Unfortunately, they can’t be helped.
        A2) “Natural” homosexuals who fight back and want to “become normal”. By all means, they must get ALL scientific and social help available to overcome their handicap.

        B) “Learned” homosexuals, who have VOLUNTARILY become homosexuals. They get no sympathy from me.

        That’s it for now… Again, I don’t hate homosexuals, I’m merely stating the obvious (which is not so obvious in these “days of the LGBT lobby”).

        One last thought about people who confuse the RULE with the EXCEPTION: may INVERSION OF REALITY become a thing of the past. Like, before immediately. :)

        reality bites

        Sunday, February 23, 2014 at 12:10 pm

      • I think the homosexuals you see in your immediate environment affect to a large extent your views on them. Whilst you find it ‘interesting’ (read: weird etc) that I dislike, hate promiscuity and its followers but not homosexuals; I don’t see my beliefs the same way. I’m relating my views on homosexuals based off the homosexuals I’ve interacted with. You quoted a few categories below and I do believe those I have as friends are natural born homosexuals. They are just LIKE THAT since day one. It’s like race or ethnicity or skin colour. You can’t do anything about that really. They can’t change themselves even if they would want to – that would probably involve an entire brain transplant. And these group of homosexuals are the most embarrassed to admit being homosexual. A lot of this group of gays lead double lives and I can imagine the sort of stress such individuals go through just doing that. And in the region of the world I am in, being gay is not something to be proud of. Ever. It’s not something you go and gayly (pun intended) announce to people. I’m not referring to the groups of homosexuals who fight to be ‘normal’ or who are really heteros but pretend to be gay cause it’s ‘fun’. I could care less about these groups of gays. There’s nothing fun about being gay in this society. Which is why I am fine with the group of ‘born’ gays I’m talking about, they didn’t have a choice in their sexuality, they just are, and many of them aren’t out there announcing they are gay or bothering people. And yet people stigmatize them for their lifestyle. The discrimination against them is no different from the discrimination towards blacks or people from a certain race. And I’m not going to do that.

        Promiscuous people on the other hand are mostly promiscuous by CHOICE. I am sure there are some people who are genetically pre-disposed to be more promiscuous than others (girls with high levels of the testerone hormone for instance), but most are promiscuous through their own choice, their own poor decisions, and their own weak personalities. I don’t see society persecuting people for their promiscuous choices. In fact they are praised and called ‘brave’ and ‘modern’ and what not. Exactly like the flamboyant types of gays who fight to ‘be normal’ or who are gay by choice just cause it’s fun and what not. These are the types of people who make poor choices but yet want to be seen as modern heroes. And these are the people I completely, utterly despise.

        I also think with the first group of gays I’ve mentioned, giving them an anti-homo speech and why it is right or wrong isn’t going to change them or make them feel better. I think in a situation like theirs, empathy helps more than logic. And I also think that if, you, RealityBites, were born gay (touch wood), you might actually be more sympathetic towards their situation. But since neither you nor I know what sorts of lives this group of gays are living out, the kind of stressful double lives they have to lead (which they very much deserve as a punishment for being ‘un-natural'; from what I’ve read above), it is very difficult to sympathize or put ourselves in their shoes so to speak, very difficult to understand their needs and the stigmatization they get, but much easier to just sit here and condemn.

        Also, I mentioned the sorts of societal battles humans need to fight. I much prefer fighting against promiscuity cause it’s EVERYWHERE and affects my life and possibly my children’s. Homosexuality? I really could care less. Cause where I live, and actually in most countries I’ve been, gays have their own hang out places and own lifestyles, worlds away from mine, figuratively and literally. If I dislike gays, can I ignore them? Sure. Out of sight, out of mind. Literally. Can I ignore promiscuous behavior/promiscuous people? NO. They are EVERYWHERE. and wearing disguises and leading lives full of lies. They are in your office, in your apartment block, in your churches, everywhere. Which is why I’m actually really puzzled why heterosexuals feel this need to go out of their way to display homophobic behaviour towards gays and discriminate them when they are so easily ignored and don’t even infringe upon your lives (unless you live or work in a place full of gays).

        Evelyn

        Wednesday, February 26, 2014 at 1:02 pm

  117. Here’s an old study. Teens who skip breakfast lose virginity earlier:

    http://www.nowpublic.com/health/young-kids-who-skip-breakfast-lose-virginity-earlier

    “Young people who skip breakfast are more likely to lose their virginity at a younger age than those with a stable home life and regular breakfasts.”

    So the innocent question, “Do you skip breakfast?” may indirectly reveal the probability that a certain person is still a virgin (or not).

    reality bites

    Friday, December 20, 2013 at 1:57 pm

    • I remember that and I agree with it. Skipping breakfast or not eating regular meals has a lot to do with discipline. People who sleep early, get up early, take proper meals at proper times etc, these people are all virgins (real people I know). Also, i want to add that people who have great problems with punctuality (general time management issues) are usually NOT virgins as well. A lack of respect for one’s time, and worse of all, someone else’s time has largely to do with poor discipline AND lack of respect and/or boundaries. This should be extended to other areas in the person’s life to see if they behave similarly. But from my observation, people who generally lack DISCIPLINE (to work in a proper job, be punctual when meeting a friend, wake up early to eat breakfast) are generally not virgins. Interestingly, ALL my close friends (both male and female) are virgins and they don’t display any of the above behavior. People I’ve gotten rid of (like C, J above and others) weren’t virgins or didn’t believe/care much about virginity.

      Evelyn

      Friday, January 3, 2014 at 9:10 pm

    • I remember and I agree with that. Skipping breakfast shows a LACK of DISCIPLINE. People who wake up early, sleep early and eat proper meals at proper times are mostly virgins (real people i know). Also i would like to add, poor time management and a general lack of responsibility and focus in other areas in life (not being punctual, turning up late to meetings, not being able to hold down a proper job) usually indicate the person is not a virgin, doesn’t care about it and if is one, will not stay one for very long. Cause all these traits have to do with self-respect, respecting other people and shows a complete lack of boundaries. It’s very interesting how all my close friends are ALL virgins and don’t display the poor behaviors above but the rest who i know and have long gotten rid of (C, J, others) aren’t virgins or don’t care about it.

      Evelyn

      Friday, January 3, 2014 at 9:14 pm

  118. It’s that time of the year again…

    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! :)

    reality bites

    Tuesday, December 24, 2013 at 11:07 am

    • A VERY belated Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you too! :D

      Evelyn

      Friday, January 3, 2014 at 9:04 pm

      • I remember and I agree with that. Skipping breakfast shows a LACK of DISCIPLINE. People who wake up early, sleep early and eat proper meals at proper times are mostly virgins (real people i know). Also i would like to add, poor time management and a general lack of responsibility and focus in other areas in life (not being punctual, turning up late to meetings, not being able to hold down a proper job) usually indicate the person is not a virgin, doesn’t care about it and if is one, will not stay one for very long. Cause all these traits have to do with self-respect, respecting other people and shows a complete lack of boundaries. It’s very interesting how all my close friends are ALL virgins and don’t display the poor behaviors above but the rest who i know and have long gotten rid of (C, J, others) aren’t virgins or don’t care about it.

        Evelyn

        Friday, January 3, 2014 at 9:15 pm

      • OMG so sorry about the multiple posts but my computer kept not showing the new comment every time i posted. =O

        Evelyn

        Saturday, January 4, 2014 at 5:27 pm

      • No worries. :)

        This blog can be slow to display posts and displays less emoticons (having a more outdated software) compared to the old EWB blog, which ruled in comparison.

        We still need a new, semi-abandoned blog allowing anonymous posting behind proxies, haha. But I’m not sure where to find a better one. Guess we’ll stay here for the time being.

        Anyway here’s a hint, you can type your message in a text document on your computer’s desktop before posting; that way, if problems arise (defective posting, power outage, etc.) you still have that document ready and won’t have to rewrite anything (just add or remove a character if the blog says that “you already posted that”). :)

        reality bites

        Saturday, January 4, 2014 at 7:16 pm

      • haha nice! I usually type them in Word (if it doesn’t hang my computer)

        Evelyn

        Tuesday, January 7, 2014 at 10:19 am

  119. Oh and one more un-related topic! haha. Have you heard of the ‘Law of Attraction’ or related books like ‘The Secret’. What are your thoughts on it?

    Evelyn

    Wednesday, February 5, 2014 at 1:37 pm

    • Hello Evelyn,

      I’m sure you’ve read this page.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_attraction

      Here are my thoughts on the so-called “Law of Attraction” and its related books (“The Secret”, etc.)

      Since you quoted Einstein and Heisenberg’s “we agree to disagree”, I’ll setup my answer accordingly haha.

      Mix Schrodinger’s Cat Paradox with Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle, add the Theory of Parallel Universes and some Synchronicity along with the Law of Compound Interest and the Butterfly Effect. Complete with the Four Fundamental Thermodynamics Laws and serve Relatively cold.

      These are the principles that may be involved. More seriously, though…

      Many think that there is no Law of Attraction. Some disagree.

      Here is what I think.

      There is no SUPERNATURAL “good things come to me” magic formula that will gift you with a four-story mansion out of thin air.

      So my first thought is, if you want to buy a “good things magically come to me for free” manual, forget it; there is no such thing (no pain, no gain, etc.) and I strongly suggest that you save your money for the mansion instead, haha. (Writing a book about LOA can help! :D)

      That said…

      I believe that with their NATURAL actions, which all start with a simple THOUGHT, people may be creating PARALLEL UNIVERSES.

      Example.

      Suppose that you take a graduate Advanced Psychology course to improve your CV. Now suppose that you don’t.

      So you are at a crossroads: you can either take the course or NOT take the course.

      In other words, you can create at least two parallel universes: one where you have advanced knowledge, and one where you don’t. (We should be talking of CLASSES of universes, but bear with me).

      By taking the graduate course, you generally increase your PROBABILITIES of improving your situation, however you don’t control the END RESULT of your actions (which started as simple thoughts) no matter how well-meaning. Let me oversimplify this so I don’t bore you…

      The “happy ending” universes are the ones where: a giant international firm offers you a qualified and better-paid job because you now have the “cutting edge” over your competitors (universe G1); your competitors win anyway but effectively save you from a crap job (universe G2); you get a better job but not because of the course (universe G3); etc.

      The “bad ending” universes are those where: the “big firm” job turns out to be crap and you end up hating every second of it (universe B1); the job is good but two months later, they fire you because you’ve been made redundant (universe B2); an envious/mad colleague goes on a shooting spree at the “big firm” main premises and you unfortunately become one of the victims (universe B3). (Er, yeah, let’s be more optimistic haha). Etc.

      The point is, we can have good ideas/thoughts and take action based upon them; but the END RESULT is, more often than not, out of our control. And NO “magic formula” will change that.

      OF COURSE I recommend taking that graduate “Advanced Psychology” course (FAR more useful than “The Secret!”), because the (natural) “law of attraction” is simply BEING PREPARED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF OPPORTUNITIES and above all TAKING ACTION (in the form of CALCULATED RISK).

      But there is NO (supernatural) formula that will bring you good things for free and out of thin air. Noooooooooooooooo way!

      Pain and effort is the required price to obtain almost every good thing in this world. :)

      Closing thoughts… The more you own/have (knowledge, money, etc.), the more you can earn (more knowledge, more money, etc.) and “good actions” compound on each other to create always better (for you) universes. Sure, you can have setback/drawdown periods but in the long run you can prevail by sheer willpower.

      The important thing is to NEVER give up (despite setbacks/drawdowns) and keep fighting, planning/thinking carefully then taking action (calculated risk) accordingly. :)

      I hope you liked my answer. Feel free to ask more.

      P.S. I recently suffered a cataclysmic data loss, started with an unexpected neighborhood blackout compounded with a wrong command issued to my PC. But I don’t blame “negative thoughts”, in fact this “negative synchronicity” is mostly my fault; I should have planned that a blackout could endanger my data and should be more careful when “fast blind typing” (I don’t blame the keyboard designer, though certain keys are suspiciously near to each other!). I’ll see what I can recover haha. ;)

      reality bites

      Sunday, February 9, 2014 at 7:42 am

      • “I should have planned” => “I should have foreseen that a blackout” etc. -_-

        reality bites

        Sunday, February 9, 2014 at 8:39 am

      • Hello! I do get what you mean and I do agree :)

        I find this topic interesting though. I’ve actually been reading Law of Attraction stuff for awhile now, and whilst I do believe in one of their basic reasoning: that positive thoughts do attract positive outcomes. (Mostly). The way i see it, this isn’t telling people to sit there daydream and great things will happen. I personally think the LOA involves actions as well. And that positive thinking or whatever thought or belief you have (which is subconscious) will unconsciously affect your actions. Kind of like a self-fulfilling prophecy. That’s just my perspective though. Another facet of the LOA i like is the whole gratitude as well as making meditation a good practice in one’s life. I used to meditate (without knowing about the LOA yet) and felt quite good.

        However, I actually do have a few issues with the LOA (as well as its followers). MANY of LOA’s followers think you can just sit there and daydream of one million dollars, do up vision boards etc and 1 month later, poof! The money is gonna appear in your bank. Err… nope. Another issue, is the whole ‘I attract what i think/feel’ premise. Many people start blaming themselves when negative things happen and only worsens their cause. Also, this is one part of the LOA i find abit iffy and hard to prove (i mean the whole thing isn’t exactly scientific is it) – like we all have a combination of good/neutral/not so good thoughts passing through our minds each day. Another issue that i have with LOA and its teachings, and this is the BIGGEST issue i have with it – is that LOA is very very materialistic and self-centred. Their premise is that you can create for yourself, but not for others. so you see tons of people always asking about how to get wealthy, buy their dream house, get their dream job etc. How to get wealthy is the biggest topic i personally think. Do any of those topics include ‘How to ease poverty in Africa’ or How to narrow the rich-poor gap in East Asia? NOPE. Also, what kind of messages is the LOA sending out about the poor and disadvantaged in society? That they actually had negative thought patterns that led to them being born in Africa or living in slums in India???

        The last issue i have with the LOA, well it’s not really an issue, but i’m just abit cynical as to how LOA actually will work for people in general. As we both clearly know, people are negative,unhappy beings who don’t even want to work on character development or any sort of change in their lives. Lots of people are happy where they are though there’s so much space for improvement. They see the LOA as this ‘get rich quick, get what I want in life quick’ scheme that doesn’t need any work, it just involves sitting on your ass and thinking positive thoughts and feeling good. See how it appeals to the lazy (which is most people these days)? Also, what alot of these followers don’t realize is that the benefits of LOA/meditation etc is that it is a very DEEP process. It’s not just some superficial ‘think good thoughts when you wake up’ exercise and everything is going to be ok. Changing one’s belief patterns/character development is a deep spiritual change and it is not a fast, cheap and easy way about it, muck akin to mastering the emotional/meditational aspect when practising martial arts. But people think it is so EASY to just sit there and have good thoughts and feelings and great things are supposed to start appearing. LOLLLLL.

        Btw: oh no. could you recover most of your data then? (Have you lost anything from our exchanges from the previous blog? haha kidding :D) I can’t cope with any data losses man – considering the amount of stuff i keep on computer (for future reference) and never back it up =/

        Evelyn

        Monday, February 10, 2014 at 1:53 pm

      • To put it succintly, “Law of Attraction” seems simply a “marketing name” for the “Principle of Causality” (ie. action causes consequences), now shrouded in a veil of mysticism. :)

        Sure, beliefs are important (dictating where we can or cannot “go” in life, what we allow or not allow ourselves to do), thoughts are important (no thoughts, no plan, no action)…

        But without actions, one’s dream will never become reality. Even lotto players take some kind of action (buying a ticket).

        reality bites

        Wednesday, February 12, 2014 at 8:56 pm

      • QUOTE
        oh no. could you recover most of your data then? (Have you lost anything from our exchanges from the previous blog? haha kidding :D)
        /QUOTE

        Er.. Thanks for bringing this topic up. :)

        So far, after several days, I recovered most of my USELESS files, but few of the IMPORTANT files (not many were important, thankfully). Murphy’s Law… I’ll try some more though.

        Alas, looks like I’ve indeed lost my backup of our EWB conversations. :(

        Google Cache hasn’t kept a backup copy apparently. All is not lost, however. Click here to see a list of backed up web addresses:

        http://tinyurl.com/virgology

        Thanks to the Way Back Machine (fantastic guys), you can recover 7 out of 8 comment pages about the virginity topic. (Let’s save them onto our hard drives). Covering the period up to the end of Dec 2012.

        Click one URL at a time, then jump to the most recent backup that doesn’t say “domain expired”. Or alternatively…

        Paste one full URL at a time in the search box (including the “comment-page-X” part (X = 1 to 7) ) then click “Browse History” and jump to the most recent backup page not telling you “domain expired”. If I’ve been unclear, let me know.

        As you’ll see, your first post (your “Can I marry you?” post, haha) was just at the start of page 6. Unfortunately, WBM backups don’t seem to go beyond page 7. In fact…

        Page 8 was backed up only days after EWB’s “domain expired”… And that is truly unfortunate.

        But we’ve lost less material than we think, since Page 8 contained two lengthy (unanswered) questions and something else which we might be able to rebuild from our (organic) memories. :)

        So only about six months of (slow) conversation was lost. It could have been much worse!

        reality bites

        Thursday, February 13, 2014 at 3:16 am

      • QUOTE
        I can’t cope with any data losses man – considering the amount of stuff i keep on computer (for future reference) and never back it up =/
        /QUOTE

        I emphatically urge you to backup all your data, like, *now*. :) Believe me, data loss will be painful, WHEN (not if) it happens.

        I’m very much a fan of Murphy’s Law and its corollaries (we should talk about it more than the LOA haha). Here’s a sample.

        http://www.opundo.com/murphyslaws.htm

        For example, look at Murphy’s Laws Quantified:
        01,”When several things go wrong, the one that will go wrong first will be the one that will cause the most damage.
        02,”The damage caused is directly proportional to the cost of fixing it.
        23,”The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.”

        I recommend that you buy at least one external USB hard drive (not pen drive; size will depend on how much data you need to backup but nowadays I recommend at the very least 2TB, terabytes, of space).

        Three good IDENTICAL external USB hard drives, if you want to be completely sure you won’t lose any data. If you keep all the drives in the same room, your backup operations will be very practical but your risk of losing all your data to thieves or natural events (fire, flood etc.) may be higher.

        Backup once a month for leisure, once or twice weekly for office/professional use and daily after each SUCCESSFUL “vitally important operation” whatever that means in your case.

        Keep the data separated from the Operating System at all times, otherwise a system crash/failure can drag some data with it to Hell. In other words, don’t put your data where the OS is.

        Backing up to an uncompressed, unencrypted NTFS file system may be best, as Windows and Linux systems alike will read and understand it. If you have to encrypt something, keep copies of your passwords/keyfiles in multiple safe’n’secret places!

        Use only VERIFIED COPY apps/utilities. An unverified copy operation may corrupt your data (endangering its integrity), the target copy/file must be proved 100% identical to the source file!

        Best to “clone”/”ghost” your main data disk (after its integrity has been checked) over the other drives if you have multiple identical hard drives. Cloning may seem “lengthy” (ie. take quite some time) but is often more practical than “differential backup” (ie. manually copying every single new file onto the other drives – and then what if you forget to backup some files?).

        Along with your “offline backup”, it’s a good idea to ALSO do an “online backup”. Many will rent you server space for a fee (encrypt your private stuff first). But there are some ways to backup your data online for free: for instance, you can use Google Drive and/or GMail accounts as disk space (some how-to tutorials on the Internet explain how to do it).

        If you want more backup advice, let me know. :)

        reality bites

        Thursday, February 13, 2014 at 5:22 am

      • =O Woah that’s alot of information on backing up data! Thanks! I really need to get my files backed up soon. I have a hard drive but am just.. lazy. HA. I’m figuring out how to make use of my gmail account to store stuff (thanks for that tip!) Cause there’s alot of space in my email. Thing is, I think gmail is very difficult to navigate for some reason. And I do not really like it’s interface… =/

        Thank goodness we can still recover our EWB conversations! And your other files of course :D I don’t think we missed out much on the last few pages… I might have repeated my questions here above. Now, time to go save those conversations onto my external hard drive…

        Evelyn

        Wednesday, February 26, 2014 at 1:33 pm

      • Don’t mention it. I think you may find practical to open a second GMail account
        just for backup purposes, so you won’t mix ordinary emails and file backups. :) Promiscuity may be bad even in this field, haha.

        Also, here’s an article you may find interesting.

        http://googleblog.blogspot.it/2013/11/attachments-in-gmail-now-with-power-of.html

        Also in the news…

        March 31st is World Backup Day (before April Fool’s Day haha)… Forewarned is forearmed. :) But I’m sure you’ll have multiple backups by then.

        Last… The WayBackMachine (the guys who saved almost all of our EWB conversations) lost some costly equipment to a fire accident a few months ago. Thankfully, no data was lost. The power of multiple backups. :)

        reality bites

        Wednesday, February 26, 2014 at 9:03 pm

      • Ugh I really have to get done to doing the backups. Thanks for that bit of extra information again! Thing is, the system I’m using at work is linked to this intranet vpn thingy that is in turn HQ-ed all the way in Europe where my company is and goodness the data transferring process is so bloody slow =/ I usually give up and end up cancelling all ongoing file transferring processes cause it’s just so slowww.

        Oh, and I don’t have any questions at the moment. So feel free to post anything that you have found interesting!

        Edit: actually i DO have a question haha. Have you read the book Outliers?

        Evelyn

        Tuesday, March 4, 2014 at 2:43 pm

      • QUOTE
        Have you read the book Outliers?
        /QUOTE

        Nope; but if you want a good book about achieving success and “making it”, you should read “Think And Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill if you haven’t already done so.

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Think_and_Grow_Rich

        Some swear by the merits of the original edition, others are OK with the revised editions. Today you can read it on the Internet also in ebook format.

        Anybody serious about success should read this timeless classic from cover to cover. :)

        reality bites

        Saturday, March 8, 2014 at 2:37 am

  120. Something interesting i’ve found: http://factualfacts.com/health-facts/for-women-having-more-male-friends-than-female-friends-reduces-risk-of-stress-depression-drama-mental-disorders/

    I’m actually not surprised at this. at all. After removing alot of female friends from my life, and keeping the more independent, grounded, less emotional and sane ones in my life; i feel much happier, much better and less stressed out.

    Evelyn

    Friday, February 7, 2014 at 12:10 pm

    • Yeah, it’s quite possible. :)

      Women are more emotion-oriented and prone to “emotional overload”. The more “emotionally stable” women help others to keep sane and act as “mood stabilizers” (for lack of a better word) for the people around them.

      By the way, I pity the “girly” guys who are oversensitive and/or show violent mood swings. They are men FGS, they should aspire to be calm and secure leaders and not yell or cower behind a wall in tears when life hits them! They fail at their “natural roleplay” miserably!

      reality bites

      Sunday, February 9, 2014 at 8:20 am

      • Groan. Tell me about it. I do think society these days are producing more manly women and more feminine men. I’m mostly ok with the manly women…Mostly. But for the girly men, good God, get a grip! It’s such a turnoff. I’ve sat in mostly male groups and listened to their conversations. All the moaning and whining about their lives, and the bitching and gossiping about people. These are the same men who have never done a day’s worth of housework, probably don’t know even what to do to operate a washing machine at home and can’t find their socks without Mummy. And let me tell you, the local men where I live are EXACTLY like that. Besides the emotional stuff, they are un-manly in many other ways. For instance, what is WRONG with a girl asking you to go with lunch with her? She’s not asking for a hand in marriage, she is probably interested and wants to know you better. Goodness, the men here can’t deal with such situations and more forthcoming women like a man should. They take it that all women who make the first move are asking for a marriage proposal or something. FFS. Do you think you really look that good that we women are pretending to ask you out but really dying to nail you to our beds or something??? No wonder the girls here don’t find the guys attractive and increasingly more are marrying other nationalities (I would one of them :D).

        Evelyn

        Monday, February 10, 2014 at 2:03 pm

      • Yup; today, many men… plainly put… lack courage. They go from beer to beer, chatting about meaningless stuff with their “partners in misery” and flee as soon as a woman engages in an intelligent conversation with them. We could laugh about it but it’s actually pretty sad.

        In the media, men are portrayed as bumbling idiots and are hardly role models for the male population in real life. Still, many men behave EXACTLY like that. No wonder most women don’t consider them attractive.

        Courage is one of the ingredients of attraction, one of the trademarks of the Alpha male. Women seek confident males, not elusive whiney Momma’s boys. For what I know, in my life I’ve seen women more attracted to me than to handsomer guys simply because I dared a bit more compared to them. I believe that money is no issue either; as long as a man has some degree of economic independence, he’ll be able to do quite well.

        QUOTE
        increasingly more are marrying other nationalities (I would one of them :D)
        /QUOTE

        Yeah, I think that you should. :) In many cases, by doing so you’d also acquire a precious second citizenship… which can be useful for residence/tax/travel purposes, or to get you out of a difficult situation should it ever arise. Many times, foreign citizens are treated better by States throughout the world, as governments want to attract valuable resources and do not want diplomatic incidents. Whereas, most States tend to treat their own population like cattle to be exploited.

        reality bites

        Saturday, February 15, 2014 at 6:46 am

      • I find it pretty sad too.. and i find alot of men to be highly unattractive cause alot seem to be stuck at the mental age of 18 and have not developed beyond that it seems… ugh.

        True, courage is attractive. That combined with confidence. And I don’t mean the cocky swag, look-at-me narcissistic nonsense alot of men seem to think can pass as confidence. I find it so amateurish and pathetic. But rather it’s the quiet sort of confidence and self-assuredness, without the need to attract attention to themselves.. then again, I’ve only met about 2 men in my life who possess that. Unfortunately one is my current superior… now…. if only he were much younger and we weren’t co-workers…. :D ;) nah money isn’t an issue… at least it is not to me haha. Looks only do so much.

        That’s one of the main reasons I want to marry another nationality too.. the accessibility to another citizenship. And you are dead spot-on about countries treating their own citizens like cattle and the foreigners like gold (well, depends if you are a rich foreigner or not ;)) I feel that way in my current country so am pretty much dying to move somewhere and work or live or whatever. Doesn’t have to be permanent. Oh, btw, I’ve struck out UK as a potential country to raise kids (possibly, all of Europe even). Was speaking to a friend based there who mentioned feeling appalled when a pastor didnt want to preside over her wedding with her husband cause they already had a child before marrying. And she mentioned that ‘it’s the 21st century and everyone is doing it’. Goodness, i sure wouldn’t want my child growing up thinking it’s ok to have kids before you wed!

        Evelyn

        Wednesday, February 26, 2014 at 1:45 pm

      • Speaking of kids… You should consider giving birth to them into yet another country (different from your own birth country and your husband’s birth country).

        Many countries offer “citizenship by ancestry” programs, so your kids would then be able to acquire the citizenship of the mother and the father if needed.

        And of course you’ll be able to take advantage of your foreign husband’s ancestry to obtain (an)other citizenship(s) if you want.

        I strongly recommend that you read ALL you can about the topic of Perpetual Travelling and the “X Flags Theory” (X=3,4,5,6)

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perpetual_traveler

        You’ll be so GLAD you did. :)

        I guarantee it’s life-changing stuff, and it opens up a whole new world for you and your loved ones. You’ll start with the cheap legal strategies at first, but as your income increases you’ll be able to do more and be more than you can imagine. Legally save on taxes, exert rights you didn’t know existed, preserve your wealth etc.

        reality bites

        Thursday, February 27, 2014 at 1:26 pm

      • Oh that’s very interesting! I never considered that option before now! And I’m sure to read up on perpetual travelling. I want my kids to be as multi-cultural and as worldly as possible from a young age. And I believe having parents from different cultures is a good start but being born in a completely different country from both parents is a great idea too. There’s so much good coming from a multi-cultural/multi-ethnic family. My family isn’t super mixed, just that my mum and dad are from different ethnic background, but that has done me a whole world of good. This might also be one of the better methods for society to deal with racism as a whole. I generally find children from multi-ethnic backgrounds or who lived/grown up in many cultures to be extremely open-minded when dealing with people. Unlike the racist shit some people from mono-ethnic families are known to have.

        Evelyn

        Tuesday, March 4, 2014 at 2:37 pm

      • Not much online these days (apart from checking email)… But I’ll post something anyway! So you keep visiting this blog! :D

        QUOTE
        feel free to post anything that you have found interesting!
        /QUOTE

        There you go!

        Correlation between lifespan and divorce rates? Oh dear.

        http://www.huffingtonpost.com/natasha-burton/could-a-shorter-life-mean_b_1416332.html

        “people with lower life expectancies MAY BE less likely to divorce”.

        Strange, sure. But true? The jury is still out… Anyway, in my mind there is this 60-year old fictional guy dead on the floor with unsigned divorce papers in his hands haha. :D

        reality bites

        Tuesday, March 11, 2014 at 3:21 am

      • sure. Would check out that book by Napoleon Hill – thank you :) Though I really loved Outliers cause it’s about how environmental factors play a huge role in people’s success – more than they ever thought was possible. Most people attribute success to individual effort and sheer hard work.

        Interesting! And seems counter-intuitive. But there could be other factors at play haha.

        I’ve also recently been abit upset about something. There’s been someone I’ve had my eye on, but he recently posted something abit ambiguous on his social media site. Now I don’t know him well at all to judge what kind of person he really is and what sorts of relationships he has with people in his life (compounded by the fact we aren’t in the same country and I see things from a distance). But he posted something on his social media which sounded like he was in a relationship. And the accompanying picture was that of a girl and him at a photoshoot. Well, the girl had her arm resting around his shoulder while he was seated. And that plus the words that went with it (he called her ‘my Goddess’ – bearing in mind that he is from East Asia and they are major cultural differences) made everyone who responded to the photo think that it is his girlfriend. And people were congratulating him on his new relationship etc. The thing is, all of them are fans and don’t know him personally.

        The thing that really confused me was that the girl is his sister. I’ve seen them in other photos before and they share some of the same facial features. Exactly the same. This has been bothering me for awhile already and whilst I am trying not to think about it, I am abit upset and confused by it. Perhaps I was blissfully assuming things all along. =/

        Evelyn

        Wednesday, March 19, 2014 at 1:06 pm

      • Hello Evelyn.

        Environment is indeed a key factor in success. If Albert Einstein was born in some war-torn Central African village, I doubt he’d have earned a degree, discovered Relativity and become a world-renowned scientist.

        reality bites

        Monday, March 24, 2014 at 7:09 am

      • QUOTE
        I’ve also recently been abit upset about something
        /QUOTE

        First of all, you should gather enough truthful information about that guy. Indeed, we can often assume things that are later revealed to be inaccurate or plain false.

        IF that woman is truly his sister… Well, even taking into account the inevitable cultural differences between two distant countries, it’s weird that he called her “my Goddess”. It conjures incestuous images in the mind. By the way, a tiny bunch really DOES consider incest to be okay. Yes, there actually are men going to bed with their own sisters (!), as gross and family-wrecking as it is. Yuck.

        So take his “my Goddess” statement as a joke… However, at the same time, discreetly gather more info (if it’s worth your time). But keep in mind your main goal: to discover if he’s a person of value or not (read: intelligent, reasonable and shares your main values such as “virginity until marriage”).

        Anyway…

        If you’re romantically interested in him, I needn’t tell you that you should forget about him if he doesn’t meet your requirements or otherwise would make you feel used or “just another woman” in his harem. In that case, move on… And towards more productive “hunting areas”. :) Your Big 30 is getting closer and closer, and there are oh so many other men to examine before finding The One!

        reality bites

        Monday, March 24, 2014 at 7:45 am

      • I have other kinds of worries lately… For instance, watch this 50 minutes video if you dare:

        Rather than commenting about a set of technologies that in many cases I consider “unfathomably horrific” (because they’re so prone to abuse it’s mind-boggling – eg. who can invisibly read/transmit data?), or the long sequence of fallacies used to sell them (appeal to fear, appeal to wealth, oversimplification, red herring, etc.), I’ll tell you what I imagined in my mind…

        As I started learning about the newest wireless technologies, I imagined some kind of fictional Alien overlord saying, “Hi, we’ve masterminded the enslavement of humankind, would you please provide the funds to achieve our global domination dreams?”.

        Your thoughts?

        reality bites

        Monday, March 24, 2014 at 8:14 am

      • Hello RB!

        Hahaha yes, environmental are so important =O but always overlooked.

        Well, I found out a little bit more. This guy is from China, and he actually typed his entire message in Chinese – the my goddess bit was one small part of it; the rest were general wishes you wish any women. Not sure if you are familiar with the language, but briefly, alot of Chinese words depends on the context and the usage. Just a disclaimer – I am NOT defending him here! haha, but as I speak Chinese as well, I am always very fascinated by the different usages of the same word. Like he used the Chinese version of the words ‘my Goddess’. And in Chinese it has different meanings; it can mean you see the woman in a sexual way (they used this word in the past to describe beautiful prostitutes), it can mean you like the girl in a romantic (but non-sexual) way, or it could simply mean the person is someone you admire and respect or you put her on a pedestal just as you would a ‘Goddess’. And the post was written on Girl’s Day in China, where men wish the women in their lives well, be it relatives or partners/lovers etc. It’s also celebrated as a mini Valentine’s Day in some universities where guys confess their feelings or whatever.

        What I’m saying is… haha. Even after knowing all these, I still don’t exactly know what the post is about. And it’s very difficult to know from online posts. And maybe because of this I’m applying tunnel vision here, but if I didn’t read the post and I first saw the photo, i swear it is 90% his sister – heavily made up but exactly the same person in his other family photos, and they look alike. Also, the photo (from a photoshoot; gosh the Chinese loveee these things) was ambiguous, you could look at it and think it was a couple but aren’t showing any affection. BUT at the same time, it can also be a photo taken between 2 people that aren’t romantically linked. Plus it’s a photoshoot so as you know the poses are highly staged.

        Gosh this is so lengthy, but what i wanted to say is that essentially, you are right. I need to find out more information and not jump into conclusions too early. And most importantly the guy must have the same values.

        Let me watch your video now :D

        Evelyn

        Tuesday, March 25, 2014 at 12:46 pm

      • QUOTE
        I’ve struck out UK as a potential country to raise kids (possibly, all of Europe even).
        /QUOTE

        I’ve just found this article…

        http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/10717566/Aborted-babies-incinerated-to-heat-UK-hospitals.html

        Aborted babies burnt as fuel??? Can you imagine…

        “Gott im himmel! We haven’t yet met our burning quota this month!

        SIGFRIED! MORE FUEL IN THE FURNACE! SCHNELL!”

        Seriously. They allow this in the UK??? This country seems more immoral to me than I thought at first… UK Citizenship can be useful, but the UK may not be the greatest place to live in after all…

        reality bites

        Wednesday, March 26, 2014 at 3:31 am

      • Ugh. I’m appalled but not entirely surprised…. I think the UK is actually really messed up socially… alot of their traditional English class values are slowly being replaced by other things. And I find some of the people to be rather immoral – especially the younger generation (no surprises there). Of course it entirely depends on who you mix with and where you are. There are still pockets of areas where the people are more well-off, educated, more conservative, middle class and very well-behaved. The downside is that they can be pretty closed-off and arrogant. I used to think really highly of the Brits too, I like their traditions/culture etc. But when I was there… well you see very different things. The social class divide is extreme and people who are living in absolute poverty tend to never get out of that trap. There is also this overhanging feeling of angst amongst some of the less well-off ones. The crime rate is also pretty high (it’s no different from the US with all the random knife attacks etc; but less frequently) and although I found Central London to be relatively ok; I never felt it was completely safe. Venture further out from London and if you ever get yourself lost in a random surburb when you’re alone (happened to me); good luck to you; it’s scary as hell. There are some extremely dodgy places with dodgy people there – I guess it’s in every country in the world. But most people who think of the UK picture the London cityscape with Big Ben etc and its palaces and think it’s a great place to be. I don’t doubt that it is – but there really is more to it than meets the eye. The class/rich poor gap is extremely wide and causes tons of social problems and crime; there is also a general unhappiness with the relative incompetency of the government in many aspects. I might consider working and living there for a short while, but will never ever settle down there.

        Evelyn

        Wednesday, March 26, 2014 at 8:13 am

      • I think you’re right about the UK. That said, it’s almost a “fiscal haven” for companies compared to many other EU countries. I said: almost, haha.

        Anyway, here is a useful website for you:

        http://www.expatistan.com/cost-of-living

        A global, automated comparison of prices (updated frequently!)

        Find out how cheap (or costly) it is to live in two different countries, or in two different cities (even within the same country). Try a few comparisons, say between London and Oslo or between Shangai and Sydney.

        reality bites

        Thursday, March 27, 2014 at 5:07 pm

      • Another bit of UK madness… The Cinderella Law:

        http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/children_shealth/10732982/Parents-who-starve-children-of-love-face-jail.html

        “Not loving enough” a child will be a crime punishable by up to 10 years in prison. (Meanwhile, I suppose, the offender’s children will be forcibly reared by “foster parents” who may TRULY deny them love…)

        Imagine a future where you just add “mandatory love-o-meter subcutaneous microchips” (you thought monitoring technology served ONLY to prevent heart attacks…? Hahaha) and you have the perfect dictatorship.

        Vague laws (what is an “insufficient degree of love”?)… Faulty logic combined with burden-of-proof inversion… Hi-tech triggers… And the GPS location of the (State-created) transgressor, who will be hunted down in every nook and cranny by social workers and policemen. Due process? Don’t count on it.

        And if, on the contrary, one loves his children too much… False accuses of abuse would be ready to be served to the dissident and to the troublemaker.

        Welcome to the 21st century… Adolf Hitler would feel right at home.

        reality bites

        Saturday, April 5, 2014 at 4:07 pm

      • Yup, I’m not really surprised these things happen in the UK though. The society is a very ‘classist’ one, and the people who are born into lower than middle class families really have it quite bad. There are alot of ‘misfits’ in the lower classes who don’t have the money, opportunities etc to get a proper education and so on and the families are just trapped in vicious cycles. Also, there are many horrendous cases of child abuse/deaths in the UK, just google around a little and some famously horrendous cases will appear – the social workers are tremendously over-worked that alot of abused children do not get they need and end up dying; usually at the hands of their parents/spouse’s boyfriends etc.

        This is really the sad effects of a rich-poor/class divide in a very developed country. The rich lead a really good life, whereas the poor though living in a country other people around the world would kill to live in, have no such opportunities.

        That sad, I would much prefer living in a place like the UK than where i am now. At least there is freedom of expression, opportunities, people are nicer and the entire environment is just more fitting with my personality. People don’t conform like robots and have interesting things going on in their life besides working and sleeping. The downside of such ‘open’ societies is of course you get a massive number of oddballs and social problems, and that crime is rather high. But give and take I suppose.

        I still recall very fondly how although I was there for a day or so, 2 complete strangers came to help me when I was in a little bit of trouble. The first time I got lost finding my hotel and went into the wrong one, so left to find the right one. The bellhop left his position and ran after me, carried all my bags, walked me to the right hotel and waited for me to check in safely before he left. Second, I was in Kensington Palace and was leaving their cafe with my hands full, so I couldn’t open the door. This complete stranger from across the cafe, left his breakfast and walked over to help me open it. Spent 5 minutes struggling with it cause it was so heavy.

        Just 2 very short instances, but you will NEVER experience such things in my country. Never ever. Pigs will be flying and money will be falling from the sky the day you do. I much prefer living in a more caring soceity than the materialistic and uncaring one that I’m from.

        Evelyn

        Wednesday, April 9, 2014 at 7:31 am

  121. Some researchers believe that five sexual partners is the “right” number before finding Mr(s) Right:

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2579030/Reached-fifth-sexual-partner-Then-stop-Five-magic-number-Mr-Mrs-Right.html

    Find the (not-so-hidden) flaws in this study and win a (imaginary) cuddly Teddy Bear! Haha.

    Feel free to comment on this sort of bizarre Love Lotto. :D

    reality bites

    Tuesday, April 8, 2014 at 2:18 am

    • LOL I love these debunking such rubbish theories like these.

      1. ‘MSN’s relationship expert and psychologist Corinne Sweet says that the reason we wait till partner number five to settle is because we are most sure of ourselves then’. Sorry where is the proof given by Sweet for this? Also, no scientific explanation for why is has to be number FIVE. why not 100, 1000, 4,3,2,1, or none? Just because 25% of the twits taking the survey THINK that 4 prior sexual partners is the best for a lasting relationship makes it a scientific fact. The reason why I can’t take such surveys about love and romance seriously is because most people don’t even know what they want in their relationships. Also, alot of people ‘think’ they know what they want but what their reality is completely different.

      2. Few know that it’s only by the time they get to sexual partner number five that they really know what they want, and are confident to voice it.’ Again, how so? No conclusive explanations are given.

      3. If i use that silly calculation and get say, 35 years. And then after 35 years is up, what am I supposed to do? Up and leave the guy?

      4. Where exactly do her numbers in the ‘love calculation’ come from? How did she get 0.2 here and 0.5 there and all that? From a researcher’s point of view, it’s a completely un-scientific assessment as it is not proven to be reliable or valid.

      Some Love Formula eh!

      Evelyn

      Wednesday, April 9, 2014 at 7:16 am

      • *doesn’t make it a scientific fact. phew we need an edit button here

        Evelyn

        Wednesday, April 9, 2014 at 7:17 am

      • Well said. These are all valid objections.

        I’ll add some comments of mine:

        5. The 2,000 people who answered the survey were “most likely to settle with lover number five”.

        And so what? From a logical point of view: settling with someone, or winning the ‘longest relationship award’, doesn’t automatically mean that it will be the HAPPIEST relationship.

        Longest, or last, relationship doesn’t automatically mean happiest relationship.

        6. People stay in a relationship for many reasons. Not only love. Not all positive. It could be: ignorance, violence, economic needs, you name it.

        Who said that “staying in a relationship” automatically equals “love”?

        7. What about the demographics?

        Does the survey consider: unmarried mothers/fathers, widowers, separated spouses, divorced and remarried people? What categories are we talking about?

        And what about people who stayed Virgins Until Marriage? Many VUMs stay married for life (however long it may be), yet their overall weight is generally very small compared to the weight of people who had five sexual partners.

        And how would “fivers” fare, had they stayed VUMs instead? They’ll never know.

        Yes, this survey and its derived formula have little scientific value for me.

        reality bites

        Thursday, April 17, 2014 at 2:49 pm

      • oh yeah, you are right for pointing that out. In my observation, people who ‘settle’ or who have long relationships (and end up settling) are never really happy people. They just convince themselves they will be, but never reach that level of happiness they always want to be at, and just resign themselves to their fate. And tons of people stay in a relationship for other factors besides love. Fear (of not finding another), loneliness and boredom are the top reasons.

        I’m not sure about other societies, but people from Asian societies are the unhappiest in this relationship aspect. They usually have tons of external pressure to marry by a certain age (parents, peers, society, culture blah blah) or get into a relationship by a certain age and many of them just stay in those relationships because of all these obligations/pressure and never leave cause of fear and loneliness. I’ve not met a single couple here who were together or married because they were utterly in love with each other. It’s usually cause of all the other factors they cave into.

        Agreed about your point on the demographics. Also, I’m sure if they surveyed virgins ONLY, they would never have come up with such a ridiculous number and statement ;)

        Evelyn

        Saturday, April 19, 2014 at 5:00 pm

  122. Oh and there was a conversation I was having with someone recently. This person also happens to be an LOA believer. I was lamenting how it’s very difficult to date people in my country cause there isn’t a strong dating culture, people just meet 1 person stay with them for 5 years and then marry, the guys here are unattractive in every single God-damn manner imaginable: physically, emotionally, intellectually, personality-wise and I would be and feel much better being in another country where not only I can get to date more people, there are so much more life opportunities available – work, lifestyle, enjoyment, hobbies, nature what-have-you.

    She immediately started to berate me by saying that it’s ‘never the fault of the country, environment, government or guys in your country. it’s YOUR fault. If you have this attitude like you do here in your current country and take this to another country, you will be equally unsuccessful at dating!’

    Uhm.. what?

    First off, I get incredibly irritated when people use the argument that everything is in the individual’s control, whatever happens to you is never because of the environment you are in. It’s totally and completely your fault! And LOA people in particular, preach this ALOT. It irritates me to no end. Am i supposed to believe that? It’s like saying people who grew up in a mud-shack in Sudan have the same opportunities as someone who grew up living in a penthouse across Central Park. And worse, it’s like saying if these people living in Sudan are living in extreme poverty, the people who die in natural disasters and the World Wars; they had all these and more coming to them and deserved it. Cause it’s their fault, they wished it upon themselves with their negative thinking. How the monkeys does all these make sense?? How can anyone living in reality DENY the fact that your local environment/culture/society etc strongly impact your life decisions?? For example, if I were intending to be an artist in this country and earn enough to support myself and on the side, be recognised for my work, it is NEVER going to happen. Cause the government and society do not support such ‘frivolous’ activities as art and culture. It is seen as ‘stupid’, ‘unproductive’ and ‘a waste of time’ hence there isn’t any infrastructure in place for art and culture to thrive. It’s the biggest reason why aspiring artists here always venture overseas to pursue their ambitions, Europe, USA, even China. That’s because the environments in those countries are supportive of art, these aspiring artists have the ‘tools’ so to speak in place in the local environment to pursue their dreams. How anyone thinks that everyone has equal opportunities to pursue whatever they want wherever they are is completely beyond me. It’s very stupid, naive, ignorant thinking.

    Also, and again on differences in environment – I’m again very shocked to see that there are some people out there who think that everybody in every corner of the earth behaves the same way. Yeah right, because there is no such thing as local culture and cultural differences. Am I supposed to think that people in Timbaktu behave the same way as people living in Beijing? or Washington? or Paris? Why then is there so much friction when they are too many immigrants in the country? or why then do academics spend so much time trying to study culture and it’s differences in different countries (or different parts within the country)? If everyone is exactly the same everywhere why do we have these social problems and why do people spend so much studying all these? It’s incredibly stupid to think that if I behave a certain way and not get dates here where I am that if i behave the same way in other countries I’m not gonna get dates as well. Hello??? I behave the same way wherever I go, and in all other countries I’ve visited, China, Korea, Nepal UK etc; I was able to meet and date people very easily. Cause of the simple fact that the men in these countries are very different from the men where I am from. They are more forthcoming and people in general especially Europe, tend to be friendly and it’s easier to get to know them. Actually, I behave like my EXACT TRUE SELF more in those countries than I do here. I find that I have to mask my true personality in this country and over time, it has made me very unhappy, which is why I have a strong desire to go live somewhere else.

    Also, how is the fact that men here aren’t interesting exactly my fault? I didn’t tell them how to behave or dress etc; those were choices they made themselves. The reason why I find it so difficult to like anyone here (for the record, I’ve not seriously liked or dated any local guy here. And the more I’m exposed to other cultures, this problem will only get bigger) is firstly, most of them live with their parents and their mums/maids/grandmothers do the housework for them. They have never lifted a finger to help with cooking, tidying etc. Some men even have their mums wash their underwear for them. About 99.9% of the male population isn’t physically attractive, but they don’t help themselves by dressing like hobos whilst out. It’s not uncommon to see men in football jersey/some ratty old t-shirt with 15-year old looking bermudas or jeans with slippers walking around the city centre on dates, whilst their gfs are all dolled up. How is it attractive to be dressed like you don’t even respect yourself? In formal attire, they look equally untidy and unattractive. It completely blows my mind how ugly they can make formal attire look. To top it all off, most have nothing interesting to offer in conversation cause their lives aren’t interesting. They don’t read, take up new hobbies, learn new languages etc. All they do is work overtime, complain about it, complain about everything else in their lives, compare and boast about their wages and how internationally known their companies are, shop, eat, sleep and drink. Also not to mention most men here feel incredibly intimidated by successful/mature/ambitious women and never approach women they are interested in. Yet when the women approaches them, they act all snobbish and reject them ‘because men should make the first move’. Yeah you obviously are not making any first moves, so are you actually really a woman or what?

    And I’m supposed to find all that attractive? really?

    I get super duper annoyed when people don’t even use common sense when they are talking and come up with absolute rubbish like that.

    Evelyn

    Wednesday, April 9, 2014 at 11:04 am

    • Hi Evelyn, I understand what you mean.

      Those unattractive-by-choice males are just like Star Wars clones: robots of little value compared to a single Jedi Knight (alpha male).

      Hopefully, evolution will make short work of all “men” who behave like pussies. :)

      As for the willpower-vs-environment argument, again: willpower is important, but so is the environment. A good seed can’t truly sprout, and the plant can’t really grow, if the terrain is barren and rocky.

      reality bites

      Tuesday, April 22, 2014 at 4:52 pm

      • I hope so too.. there’s really not much hope for women who want to find real ‘men’. I’ve found 1-2, but unfortunately they are all taken and happen to be from other countries. Just more evidence that I need to get out of this country asap if I want a more wholesome life. I constantly see my more independent female friends shafted for women with nothing much to offer, and I find that quite sad.

        Exactly! I lean more to the environmental side of the argument. It’s really really important, but alot of people don’t see it and attribute actions to the individual. But we are all individuals operating in a given context at any one time.

        Evelyn

        Friday, April 25, 2014 at 8:52 am

      • You should go abroad for sure… But definitely don’t go to Norway.

        http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/04/08/domestic-violence-campaign-awareness-norwegian-_n_5111105.html

        I consider those pictures as part of a covert ANTI-MARRIAGE CAMPAIGN. The message conveyed by the pictures seems to be: marriage = domestic violence. Unmarried, violent live-in first-cousins seem to get zero media coverage though. Strange thing, that.

        reality bites

        Saturday, April 26, 2014 at 7:28 pm

      • That virginity and marriage aren’t highly prized there, we already know. But there are more reasons to stay away:

        http://goscandinavia.about.com/od/norwa1/tp/10-Things-Not-To-Do-In-Norway.htm

        Here are a couple of points about the Norwegian culture…

        Point 7… “Don’t Criticize. Keep negative comments to yourself. Criticism of anyone’s system is frowned upon.” And Point 5 is an outright oxymoron… “This is an open-minded country. Don’t criticize lifestyle choices.” Print this on a sign, and watch people laugh at the joke.

        Freedom of speech, anyone? Only in theory. In other words… In that country, you can’t speak against anyone’s lifestyle or choices. Not even politely. Self-esteem problems? No, not here, Sir.

        In Norway, there seems to be freedom to do, but no freedom to use logic to criticize a lifestyle or way of life. And the bottom line is… If you hate Asia, you’d probably hate Norway with a passion.

        reality bites

        Saturday, April 26, 2014 at 7:57 pm

  123. I believe that some scientists are trying hard to delegitimate marriage.

    Here is a study that would discourage marriage because it makes you stressed. Haha. The Daily Mail sure is one of the best sources of entertainment.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2614380/Being-married-makes-MORE-depressed-Constant-nagging-triggers-deep-rooted-stress-study-reveals.html

    I don’t think this study proves anything. As a matter of fact:

    1) I don’t know how many people were more vulnerable than average to stress and depression BEFORE they got married. Nor the categories of people who participated in the study (“male” and “female” are a bit too generic), nor their psychological profiles (healthy? narcissist? histrionic? dependent? etc.)

    2) Many people get more stressed over time anyway, as the ability to cope with stress also depends on the physical and spiritual fitness of the person. How do I know that this has been factored in the results of the study? 11 years are a lot of time in a person’s life, and if I can cope with stress today it’s not guaranteed that I’ll still be able to cope with stress the same way after 11 years (whether I’m married or not!). Anti-marriage bias?

    3) Sure, communication and resource management can cause a certain amount of stress; but I believe that OPTIMAL communication and resource management can REDUCE stress. So, spouses who collaborate in harmony will probably be FAR less stressed than spouses who don’t. DUH.

    4) It would be better to not marry rather than to marry the wrong person. But this doesn’t invalidate marriage in the least; if the sample (studied people) is flawed, we can’t blame the system (marriage) if it doesn’t function the way it was intended. It would be foolish to blame the product if you don’t use it according to the instructions manual!

    5) I don’t believe many were virgins until marriage, therefore many participants probably had MUCH “emotional/neurochemical baggage” on their shoulders – a MAJOR source of stress.

    Do you agree? What are your thoughts about studies like the one mentioned above?

    reality bites

    Wednesday, April 30, 2014 at 11:37 pm

  124. Hey! Sorry I’ve been a bit busy recently. I will read your latest two comments soon. I was also thinking of something recently and thought it would be nice to have your thoughts on it haha. :) What do you think of the concept of ‘first love’ and people being so hung up on it? Everytime I hear someone say something like they can’t forget their first love and what not and I’m like… WHY? It completely doesn’t make sense to me. Isn’t this also extremely insulting to whoever they were in a relationship with after this ‘first love’?

    Evelyn

    Monday, May 12, 2014 at 8:32 am

    • “First love” is a very complex topic and with far-reaching consequences. I did briefly mention it on the old blog. :)

      Firstly, as you may know, in a world where few people focus on developing and refining their own personality, it is VERY unlikely that a person’s first “relationship partner” will also be his/her last.

      In fact, according to Prof. Peter Todd’s study, you should date 12 people before calling someone “The One”.

      http://www.thedatereport.com/dating/science/2080-how-to-find-the-one-the-dating-theory-that-could-no-joke-change-your-life/

      Only when somebody learns what the difference between a “crush” and (true) “love” is, will (s)he have good chances of finding “The One”. In fact, many people’s “first love” is in reality their “first crush”. (Too many don’t know the difference even after years… which is sad).

      That said… It is extremely important to NOT have sex before marriage. Sex changes everything, immensely influencing (ruining…) ALL subsequent relationships. People having sex before marriage are making the “crush” problem many, many, many times worse – and most times they don’t have a clue.

      In synthesis, people should date much, court few and marry One. :)

      Sure, people break up all the time… But if a partner is wrong from the beginning, it is much better to drop him/her early rather than later. Sex can keep two people in a bad relationship much longer… making a bad problem MUCH worse.

      reality bites

      Monday, May 12, 2014 at 12:24 pm

      • People have many expectations about their “first love”, which is a true touchstone in their life. On that first relationship, anxiety, insecurities, first kisses, and nowadays in quite a few cases first sex, all combine to produce a nuclear explosion of emotions and memories that often last for a lifetime.

        On the old blog, I believe I mentioned that in marketing, it’s important to be first. The First one is often more remembered, for good or bad, than the Second one. It’s a battle of perceptions fought for our minds.

        Many feel lonely and are insecure, so will settle for whatever “first love” is available at that time. Not quite a conscious, empowering behavior. Quite desperate behavior, in fact. No wonder that apart from the powerful neurochemical aspects of infatuation, there is also much stress and strife plaguing that very important first relationship. Frequent fights, bickering, yelling and worrying can all make the “first love” a very negative experience.

        So yes, for good or bad, the “first love” is hard to forget.

        Now, allow me to link to some articles. Why “first love” is so powerful:

        http://love.allwomenstalk.com/reasons-why-first-love-is-so-powerful

        reality bites

        Tuesday, May 13, 2014 at 3:17 pm

      • Another article about: why “first love” rarely works:

        http://love.allwomenstalk.com/reasons-why-first-love-rarely-works

        reality bites

        Tuesday, May 13, 2014 at 3:19 pm

      • And here is an article about how memories “can ruin ALL your future relationships”:

        http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1121103/Why-SHOULD-forget-love-The-memories-ruin-future-relationships.html

        If you ask me, the really interesting part, that the reader may easily overlook if (s)he doesn’t pay attention, is the one where Prof. Helen Fisher has observed “similar brain activity among those who had been happily married for more than two decades with those who had been in relationships for less than six months”

        In other words: spouses who’ve been married for over 20 years can be as “in love” with each other as they were in the first six months of their relationship. I believe that the secrets of such long-term success are: dedication, patience, tolerance, and focus. :)

        So, if a 21st Century individual says “marriage is the tomb of love”, politely tell him/her to get an education. :-)

        reality bites

        Tuesday, May 13, 2014 at 3:36 pm

      • heylo! I do agree! Alot of people make out their crushes to be their first ‘loves’. And I find it abit…I don’t know, sad? that people don’t see the difference. I’ve explained to people before that there are very fine categories in romance. Like I have a few categories: infatuation/lust, attraction, interested, like.. some other stuff in between and then love. Which is why I can never wrap my head around some people calling a 6-month ‘relationship’ where 2 people barely know each other ‘love’ – and it irritates me when people do that. I mean, it has to be something much deeper isn’t it – love. If love has such a shallow meaning in society, then by that definition i have fallen in love a million times before! haha.

        Perhaps I’m abit too logical but I simply don’t understand people who keep holding onto their ‘first loves’ or whatever. I mean, that relationship existed in a previous time when both you and the person are completely different people. And now it’s simply just a memory. I don’t get why people would want to go back to that person, what are they trying to achieve? Reliving their memories? =/ Why can’t people just exist in the present and interact with a real person in the present with real romantic potential instead of harbouring all these weird fantasies about a previous relationship long past its expiry date.

        Also, do you realise people don’t date? Or rather, they are too impatient to? They just go off on attraction, feel some positive emotions towards the other person and they ‘get together’ from there. So lame -.-

        Ugh i remember you mentioning these in the old blog, I want it back!! =/

        Evelyn

        Tuesday, May 27, 2014 at 9:44 am

      • There’s this other thing where I’m abit curious about what you think, cause we might not have spoken about this before.. I don’t think.

        Would you mind dating a girl who is an actress, in the entertainment industry and stuff. And for an acting part, she has to do like kissing scenes with other actors, would you mind? Or rather, the question should be, should you mind? Should it be a cause for concern in your relationship? I know people say, ‘oh it’s just acting.. but I don’t know. I know it’s acting as well, but a kiss is still a kiss to me haha. I’m too narrow-minded maybe?

        Cause I recently got to know someone, and so far he has ticked off quite abit of criteria on my list for a potentially good partner/date so to speak (I’m still gathering information haha, and I’m also pretty sure he’s a virgin). One of the things I quite like about him is that he isn’t desperate for a relationship like so many people these days. Thing is, he is kind of on the fringes of the entertainment industry and is interested to try and get in a little bit deeper. He’s done some really small roles in some shows, hosted stuff, does modelling etc. And recently told me he’s going to get a second lead role in a small drama, the script isn’t confirmed but it’s some type of show centred around modern living etc. Thing is, I know alot of these types of shows these days always centre around romance/love/dating/marriage/who likes who – as if there is nothing else in life to do except these things, yawn – as this is also what garners the most views and sells well I guess. I’m abit worried it might be a type of role where his character has to be in a romantic relationship and there will be all these romantic scenes he might have to do… not sure if I am able to be ok with all that! lol. What do you think in such a situation?

        Evelyn

        Tuesday, May 27, 2014 at 9:54 am

      • Oh and a reason this first-love topic popped into my mind is cause, this same guy that I’m talking about. He used to be pretty popular in his field of work (he was an athlete) back when he was still active. I used to be from that field too, but am just in and out of it these past few years. I’ve vaguely heard his name before but never paid too much attention and had zero clue about his level or fame etc. So about 8-10 years ago, he was once linked to another girl in the same field as him, and apparently she was so good at what she did and stuff when rumours of them broke out, people around him didn’t think the ‘relationship’ was a good idea and told him to end it cause she was way more successful than he was. From what he told me, were ‘sort of’ in a ‘relationship’ for about 3 months, after knowing each other for about 6 months or so. I asked him what he meant by that and he said that back then that qualified as a relationship cause she was the only girl he had good feelings for, they got on as friends and one of the few he spoke to often (and almost always via phone/texts) – cause romance/relationships weren’t allowed by the coaching staff/management on his team. The management also felt that they weren’t good for each other cause the girl was winning gold medals left and right or something, and he wasn;t doing well in his sport. so he broke up with her after that to focus on his career.

        Ok, whatever. There is no way I can verify whatever he said as that was 10 years ago. But itchy fingers me went to search for his name in the internet. And her name is always there with his! And there are loads of articles about their ‘relationship’, whether they were really together, whether they are friends and loads of conflicting reports about their status. I mostly think the reports from people closer to him (his parents, coach etc) are more believable, and they all mentioned they were together before. On the girl’s side, it’s equally contradicting – she has denied it many times but there are interviews of her where she seems to be confirm it. But then when he retired about 3-4 yrs ago, the media approached her to ask for her opinion. -.- Like what has they got to do with her?! I find it very irritating and kinda upsetting that the local media just couldn’t let it go. Thank god there isn’t anything anymore about them the past few years. But log onto the internet, and all these articles are still there!!! And sometimes, some reports still mention her in them! good grief.

        how would you react to such a situation?

        Evelyn

        Wednesday, May 28, 2014 at 8:11 am

      • Hello Evelyn, nice categories. :)

        QUOTE
        do you realise people don’t date? Or rather, they are too impatient to? They just go off on attraction, feel some positive emotions towards the other person and they ‘get together’ from there. So lame -.-
        /QUOTE

        I’ve said time and time again that most people are irrational and many are way too fast to say “I love you”, where “love” is an arbitrarily and subjectively defined word. Perhaps first and foremost they need to read a good dictionary, haha. And quite a few scientific studies… Anyway:

        Indeed, for many people the “dating” phase has become much shorter, as they ARE impatient to get to the “relationship” phase (often to placate their own sexual urges). Unfortunately, attraction feelings are a VERY bad way of choosing a relationship partner. In fact, these people set themselves up for SERIAL FAILURE.

        Many don’t understand that their time on Earth is limited, and that it would be better to spend N years with ONE carefully-chosen soul mate, rather than X years with idiot #1, Y years with moron #2 and Z years with imbecile #3! (X+Y+Z=N).

        Ah, If only people had more patience and were more selective. :(

        (I’ll reply to your other messages ASAP, my “thinking factory” is rather busy at the moment, haha)

        reality bites

        Wednesday, May 28, 2014 at 5:02 pm

      • ‘Idiot #1, moron #2, imbecile #3′ – HAHAHA!

        Yup! Exactly what you said, people are rushing too quickly into the relationship stage to placate their sexual urges. There was a piece of research released recently by a national institute in my country that concluded that exact same thing!! It was more to explain why certain demographics are marrying younger these days in my country and why are divorce rates are increasing.

        And while I always hear alot of people tell me to date around more, I think these people don’t even date the ‘right way’. I think dating is also a relatively long drawn-out process where the other person is evaluated objectively, but usually the evaluation bit is missing when people date. Alot of people blur the lines btwn dating/relationship phase and try to do both together. But how can one be in a relationship with someone you haven’t dated (known well)?

        No problem, take your time :D

        Evelyn

        Thursday, May 29, 2014 at 10:17 am

      • QUOTE
        Would you mind dating a girl who is an actress, in the entertainment industry and stuff. And for an acting part, she has to do like kissing scenes with other actors, would you mind? Or rather, the question should be, should you mind?
        /QUOTE

        Of course I would (and should) mind.

        Explaining the concept of “fiction” to the subconscious (nervous system) is one of the hardest things to do – meaning, next to impossible.

        How we reason consciously is often totally different from how we reason subconsciously. Always bear in mind that. What CONSCIOUSLY may not be a problem, it often is SUBCONSCIOUSLY. Our “layered brain architecture” truly is complex.

        In my humble opinion, based on what I know, the “fake kisser” subject has a high risk of developing BAD HABITS that would be carried over to a hypothetical marriage. Kissing on the lips somebody we’re not in a relationship with is “bad sentimental practice” to me. A definite no-no.

        Add some depression, some alcohol or tiredness, or other inhibition-removal mechanism, and a “fiction kiss” can become a real one or make him/her desire (at least subconsciously) that it was real.

        And just you wait until the actor/actress must act in SEX SCENES.

        QUOTE
        Should it be a cause for concern in your relationship?
        /QUOTE

        Seems like a “loaded question” fallacy to me. :)

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loaded_question

        I would not date an actress. Much effort, much competition, dubious outcome.

        Another “loaded question” was the title of the old EWB blog:
        “Does a guy mind if her girlfriend is not a virgin?”

        My answer would be, as always… I’d never get into a relationship with a non-virgin woman. :) Then I’d say… Next question? Haha.

        (To be continued…)

        reality bites

        Thursday, June 5, 2014 at 4:41 pm

      • I meant: “Does a guy mind if HIS girlfriend is not a virgin?” I want an edit button… Anyway, this typing error allows me to illustrate a point…

        When tired (due to lack of sleep) grammar errors become more frequent… So, it seems quite likely that certain circumstances or events can lead people to make even bigger mistakes (even if they think they’re in control 100% of the time – which, rest assured, they are not).

        Romantic mistakes made for lack of self-control are among the worst. We should be very careful when we are in a “weakened mental state”, for whatever reason, and get away from a risky situation before we make that mistake.

        reality bites

        Thursday, June 5, 2014 at 6:30 pm

      • I’ll post some thoughts about your particular case ASAP… Meanwhile, feel free to read about this study and ponder its words. :)

        http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2168584/Speed-dating-study-suggests-acting-like-love-lead-real-thing–arranged-marriages-work.html

        “Behaving like you are in love can lead to actually falling in love.”

        Good as therapy for married couples… Not so good for an actor replaying a love scene tens of times to “get it right”.

        “Actions are the quickest, easiest and most powerful way to instantly change how you think and feel”. So… If an actor acts long and intensely enough with someone, he may actually start feeling some strong love emotion for that person. Which may lead to problems.

        (To be continued…)

        reality bites

        Thursday, June 5, 2014 at 9:29 pm

      • Here’s some information that really makes us think… Mind you, this is straight from the website of “Psychology Today” which is a well-known scientific magazine.

        http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/200909/why-hollywood-marriages-don-t-last

        “Contrast effect”… Hollywood actors are surrounded by women often younger and more beautiful than their current girlfriend/spouse. No wonder that Hollywood relationships/marriages last less on average than “normal” relatioships/marriages.

        It’s all about competition… And romantic competition truly IS fierce in Hollywood (a bit less on “lesser stages”, I suppose; I guess that competition is directly proportional to “star power”?).

        Competition… Something to never forget when choosing a soul mate… Actors are not “forbidden dates” but a woman must always remember there will be much competition to deal with. Day in and day out. Complain too much, be too hard to please, and the actor may just easily find someone else.

        (To be continued…)

        reality bites

        Friday, June 6, 2014 at 8:29 pm

      • In synthesis, here are some general points that anybody interested in dating an actor/actress should consider.

        An actor/actress, and especially one acting in “love movies”:

        1) In order to have a stable relationship/marriage, (s)he must be a truly extraordinary individual, capable of above-average self-control and keeping his/her emotions under control at all times. Is (s)he one such individual? Be objective when making your evaluations.

        2) Even so, because of his/her “star power” (s)he has a lot of “romantic options” and therefore can quickly have a romantic relationship with someone – and possibly with someone else, if his/her current soul mate is too difficult to deal with. In a nutshell… Easy enter… Easy exit.

        3) Can lie more easily because of his/her acting profession. So does (s)he really love you? Good question. What we think may not always be what (s)he thinks. There is plenty of unfaithful actors/actresses out there… Hard to spot because, well, their acting is good. So, you must pay attention to his/her behavior at all times. That’s a potentially very stressful situation.

        4) May be very cynical and defensive, as (s)he is usually well-aware that many people want to exploit his/her “star power” to gain popularity or other benefits. So, be prepared to deal with a person who has “seen it all” and generally hard to impress.

        5) The more famous (s)he is or will be, the more (s)he will be engaged/married to his/her career rather than to you. Will (s)he be equilibrated and put you (and Family) first? Not everyone will.

        That’s all for today…

        Evelyn, you have your reply. :) I’ve simply written it in a more general form, so every reader thinking of dating an actor/actress can benefit. ;)

        Feel free to share any thoughts on the subject if you want. :)

        reality bites

        Wednesday, June 11, 2014 at 5:04 pm

      • Oh I almost forgot…

        What a messy situation those two individuals are/were in.

        IMHO he (still) likes her, she likes/liked him back (but not more than her own career), they did well in breaking up (less well if the breakup was fake ie. dictated by pressure from team coaching/management and mass media pressure)… And there are lawyers to remove any defamatory articles from the Internet if those two want to.

        Always IMHO, also given all I’ve said above, you shouldn’t pursue him too hard. He may still be thinking of her… Or of one of the many girls he can easily have access to. I don’t think you’d be the center of his life. He may be a good person but his mind may be full of dreams and ideas that may not be quite compatible with yours.

        So, IMHO, escape this time-consuming and emotion-ridden “house of mirrors” and head for greener pastures. :) But if, against my best advice and judgement (and the “ticking biological clock” argument), you want to try and conquer this difficult prize (I’m assuming he’s a virgin with good personal qualities)… Give yourself no more than six months of time, and if he doesn’t fall in love with you within that time, wave him goodbye and run towards freedom. :)

        I hope this helped.

        reality bites

        Wednesday, June 11, 2014 at 9:29 pm

      • IMHO life is precious and we should never spend years to chase a single person who has not shown much interest in us. Find somebody close to where you want to live (but not quite on the workplace – see my years-old post) that you have many things in common with, likes you back and is a virgin. :)

        reality bites

        Wednesday, June 11, 2014 at 9:56 pm

      • Quote: Explaining the concept of “fiction” to the subconscious (nervous system) is one of the hardest things to do – meaning, next to impossible.

        This. Which is why whenever someone tells me ‘it’s JUST acting’, I feel something in my gut that that statement is just wrong, wrong, wrong. It’s not JUST acting, at least not to me, I’ve been in theatre before and I mostly find it very difficult to separate my personality from my character’s (But that could be cause I was an amateur haha). But I never really understood why people think it’s ok just cause the actor is ‘in character’ and therefore ‘it isn’t real’. I mean of course it IS real! The actor’s human right?! A kiss is still a kiss to me, whether ‘in character’ or not.

        Totally agree on the subconscious not being able to tell the difference. And this is partly why I feel a lot of actors have very unstable lives. I think a lot of them can’t really separate ‘fiction’ (their roles) from reality. And why the bad habits from their roles (drinking, kissing, anger problems etc) just melt into their real character and causes a lot of problems.

        Quote: Seems like a “loaded question” fallacy to me
        Haha, it certainly is! ;) My apologies.

        Quote: “Behaving like you are in love can lead to actually falling in love.”
        Very interesting study, and very real, in my experience. Actions do speak louder than words (or thoughts), and don’t always align with what we are thinking.

        Also, I liked how an acquaintance viewed acting, she told me nowadays with the increasing number of love/sex scenes, it is like a free-for-all for all these actors, like being in an ‘open relationship’ and enjoying all the physical perks without any emotional strings attached.

        Another acquaintance told me love scenes are alright because he’s ‘doing it for the money, and it’s his job’. Well, I’m sure he can choose other ways of earning money without having to cheapen himself in the process, and if he really wanted to act or ‘because it’s his job’, there are many other roles that he can consider (that may pay lesser) but have zero love scenes. I personally know someone like that and it can be done, but the thing is, nobody these days wants to ever consider that. Also, not everything in life is run by $$$$$$$.

        Evelyn

        Thursday, June 12, 2014 at 1:52 pm

      • Another very interesting study from psychology today. And lol @ ‘the mating career of Tom Cruise’. Also, interesting that they pointed our male teachers, because honestly I do know at least more than 5-10 male teachers over the years who have left their wives/remarried multiple times (to much younger women)/had affairs with students they were teaching. It’s all due to the availability and accessibility of these women in their environments. Also, the study didn’t mention this, but I think it makes a case for why dirty magazines like playboy and porn videos should never cross a guy’s path. ;)

        Haha, thanks for the pointers! I’m always REALLY curious about number 3. Really really curious. Because, how are you gonna know if the person is lying/pretending when they do that day in and day out for their careers? :)

        Evelyn

        Thursday, June 12, 2014 at 2:01 pm

      • Quote: What a messy situation those two individuals are/were in.

        Yup =/ Again, I’m not sure why so many people get themselves into such messy romantic situations and pay the price later.

        Quotes: IMHO he (still) likes her, she likes/liked him back (but not more than her own career)

        Just genuinely curious, what about the situation made you think he still likes her? I’m not sure about her (and could care less, ha), but from what I know she’s been married for a few years to another chap.

        6 months sounds like a good time, we will see where this goes ;)

        On a related note to what you mentioned – what are the signs that would make you sure that the person you are seeing still feels something for their ex(es)? Even if it was someone they were with like 10-15 years ago? From my experience with such people, they 1. Can’t seem to stop talking about their exes (keep talking about them at every chance they get). Huge red flag OR 2. they say they are over the ex, but whenever they speak of them, there’s a sort of wistfulness/longing/bitterness/anger that makes me really think they aren’t over them at all. And 3. I’m personally very wary of people who stay friends with their exes and even go the mile and hang out with them. Though I do know of people who do this in a completely acceptable, platonic manner and it seems fine. I wonder what are some other signs.

        I also would like to say something about women – but I find that there are lots of women out there who have no boundaries or morals when it comes to contacting ex(es). Normally I would think it would be the men who lack boundaries, but in my experience it has always been the woman. I’ve been with guys who’s ex-gfs would initiate contact with the guys every now and then, even after the guy has told them he’s with someone else now or hasn’t bothered replying them; and even when the ex-gfs themselves are seeing/married to other people. I find this behaviour to be extremely attention-seeking and utterly disgusting, even more disgusting and appalling is that it is always the woman who doesn’t have boundaries. Actually, in general I find the lack of morals in a lot of women disgusting.

        Also, have you met anyone who can’t stop thinking about people already so long out of their lives? =/ This completely doesn’t make sense to me at all, because once a person is out of my life, they are out. I don’t sit around basking in thoughts of them or what could have been. Plenty of fish out there in the sea.

        Evelyn

        Thursday, June 12, 2014 at 2:19 pm

      • Oh yes! There’s this one other thing I wanted to ask you about. We actually discussed it on the previous blog… sigh how i miss that place, i could press ctrl+F to find anything I wanted easily :( Now i have to keep asking you to repeat you’ve said before…oh well.

        I wanted to ask you about comparisons, you know, the ones we do with the exes of our current partner we are dating/in a relationship with etc. A lot of people don’t think it’s important and will tell you not to think so much. But I think it’s completely natural for humans to compare; we are all pretty competitive and want to come up ‘first’ so to speak. We want to be better, hotter, better-looking, smarter, more talented than the exes of our partner.

        Since it’s a very natural and common thing, what can we do to stop it? After all, it’s extremely rare now to find anyone who doesn’t have an ‘ex’ or some ‘romantic liaison’ of some sort… people start so early these days. One thing I personally do is not to look for (i.e.:stalk Facebook etc) or ask for too much detail of previous relationships. I honestly don’t want to know too much, as i don’t think it helps, it makes one feel worse actually. But then again, how do you ask for the important details (say, length they were together, what kind of people they were like etc) without having to know/hear about the less important details?

        Evelyn

        Sunday, June 15, 2014 at 8:49 pm

      • I found something pretty interesting. I was at a social event with him over the weekend and somehow managed to spend 2 hours talking to an acquaintance of his, whom, surprise surprise used to be a close friend of his ‘ex-gf’ when they were dating. Guess what, according to this friend; they were never together. As in, the ‘ex-gf’ never ever considered them a couple. She just felt they were very good friends but had never treated what they had as a romantic relationship. According to her (the ex-gf), that perception (of them being a couple) came from him and him only, and any media reports about them was always from his perspective. True enough when i went to quickly browse their old news items again, the media always seemed to be reporting things from his perspective, kind of always acting like an inside spokesperson for his side of things. There are rarely, if ever, anything from the girl’s side; and if she ever spoke about them, it was to say they are just friends and not a couple. Her previous interviews also struck me as someone who was a bit balanced in her views on things, unlike his interviews, which always sounded abit emotional and immature…

        I know this was 10 years ago and people change lot… but, Isn’t this interesting? Who exactly is lying? So, how do you ‘break up’ with someone you were never together with?? How does that happen? Do we have a very deluded guy on our hands? HAHA, ok, he doesn’t seem that way now, but this revelation is pretty interesting. Cause I’ve seen such a guy before. In fact, my previous ex (the one I shared about in my very first post in the previous blog), was EXACTLY like this guy. My ex would call previous girls whom he had ‘romantic liaisons’ with, his ex-girlfriends. I honestly thought they were like serious, long-term relationships, not the lame types where you talk on the phone for months and only met each other a few times; but when I probed more, I found out that those were more the latter than the former. And half the time, the women seemed to just treat him like a friend, meaning the ‘relationship’ was a romance (absolutely one-sided) from his point of view, but it was just friendship/fooling around to the women. Which means – to me – those weren’t relationships at all! Come on, how do those qualify as relationships? If that’s the definition, I would have about like a hundred by now. Kidding, kidding ;)

        This is very interesting, cause it’s 2 guys displaying the exact same behaviour trait…creepy. But this really makes me wonder.. such people really exist? i mean, how can someone be so deluded/idealistic/desperate? that you would call any random person of the opposite sex you were hanging out with a girlfriend when the girls displayed more friendly characteristics than romantic?? =/=/=/ extremely puzzled!

        Evelyn

        Monday, June 16, 2014 at 12:01 pm

      • My willpower these past few days hasn’t been too good. I’ve succumbed and been reading too much of those past articles on the internet. =/

        Was trying to see what I can find from the girl’s side, and mostly came up with nothing. She never voluntarily speaks to reporters, and if she does, never volunteers information about him/them. If asked about him, she doesn’t react or get defensive or coy or tries to side-step the question, she just responds directly and objectively; that they are friends. And when he retired and I initially thought she voluntarily chose to pass him a message through the media; it wasn’t like that as well. She was specifically asked about him (again), and she went on to give a very objective reply about why athletes retire and then wished him well. There was this one article where she was apparently interviewed and spoke at length about him, but it read like a gossip magazine article than anything else. On the other hand, like i mentioned, he usually is pretty willing to be interviewed, and I’m guessing (it’s not very clear as the articles are a mess) he volunteers information about them. And also because he’s very coy/wishy-washy/indirect in his answers concerning their status, the media just plays off that and starts a whole bunch of rumours (I don’t understand why would anyone be coy in those circumstances, how very odd). But mostly the stuff that says they are together comes from him/his perspective/his side. He uses very vague words like ‘our relations were good’ instead of coming outright and saying they were together/in love or whatever. So all pretty weird. The internet stuff is a mess and I didn’t read too far, but it seems like he liked her/perceived those friendly feelings as attraction. She thought they were very good friends but never liked him romantically. It’s all pretty weird.

        Sigh, it is pretty uncharacteristic but this has been upsetting me a little over the past few days :( Cause the thing is, he has never dated/been in a relationship after that episode. So alot of the media stuff about his romantic life is simply stuck at that episode between them, you get what i mean? If he had dated someone else after that, people would have moved on. It bothers me alot, Like I feel like I’m in a competition with these media articles. And I’m not sure who in the world likes to read about the past relationships of your current date all over the internet?!

        In addition, I have nothing against the girl, and I’m not jealous of her at all. I would have had these same feelings/thoughts if it had been someone else altogether. But as usual (think we have spoken about this before), I’m jealous that someone I sort of like now used to have feelings for someone else, plus it’s available on the net for me and the whole world to read about. Like I will read stuff and go like, ok, he hasn’t done this for me; ok I’m not like that at all, I;m not like her in this respect and I feel down. You know, The inevitable comparison.

        And I’m also not sure if it’s advisable to ask him about them in more detail? Would that make me feel better(I don’t think so)? I’m guessing the answer from you would be no. I’m inclined to say no too but there seems to be this itch that i need to know more. Sigh.

        Evelyn

        Tuesday, June 17, 2014 at 7:39 am

      • Just wanted to add: it’s abit difficult sometimes to not be tempted to ask. Cause it was such a public ‘relationship’ and everyone/the media/his camp made it out to be such a big deal, that it really makes you want to know what REALLY went on.

        Evelyn

        Tuesday, June 17, 2014 at 7:40 am

      • Whoa Evelyn, slow down and smell the roses! :)

        Don’t ask him just yet. I’ll reply to you ASAP and will explain why.

        reality bites

        Tuesday, June 17, 2014 at 11:41 am

      • Sorry if I’ll summarize a lot, but you’ve asked many things… ;)

        QUOTE
        how are you gonna know if the person is lying/pretending when they do that day in and day out for their careers?
        /QUOTE

        You must become an expert at “information warfare”. You must obtain accurate info, about people but also about things. Things that “don’t add up” from a Logic point of view can reveal the existence of lies and help in the search for truth.

        “Reading people” is a very important skill to develop, and you must especially pay attention to NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION.

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonverbal_communication

        Since tightly controlling emotions, postures and facial muscles at all times is hard, even a good actor/actress sooner or later will make a false step and give away information about their true mood, true loyalties and true thoughts/plans.

        The linked article mentions various sciences/subjects: paralanguage, kinesics, haptics, proxemics, chronemics, oculesics. And I’m sure there are many other -ics to study out there if we want to fully understand an individual’s personality and situation.

        I’ll read some stuff when I have time. :) And I believe you’ll read something about all this stuff as well. As it’s interesting AND useful!

        reality bites

        Friday, June 20, 2014 at 4:57 pm

      • reality bites

        Friday, June 20, 2014 at 5:35 pm

      • And here’s a precious resource: the Nonverbal Dictionary of the CNS institute.

        http://www.center-for-nonverbal-studies.org/./6101.html

        For example, click on the last link:
        “ZYGOMATIC SMILE”
        “…the zygomatic smile is a more accurate reflection of mood”.

        Anyway, in order to make use of all the resources quoted above, you’d have to get close to the target or at least see some (nonfiction) videos of him (any YouTube interviews of the guy might be enough). Let me remind you that:

        1) Spying is never condoned and in many cases may be illegal – but so revealing that some will do it anyway. (Never do anything illegal!)

        2) Before speaking to your target, you should “study” him from a safe distance – (legally) gathering all the info you can then using Logic to see how true and accurate that info is. At least something of what “doesn’t add up” is probably false or inaccurate.

        3) In any case, remember that people tend to be more truthful when they are relaxed and do not believe they are being observed.

        Only when you’ve gathered enough info (ie. all you legally can), can you then speak to your target and acquire further info ie. his side of the tale (to check against your gathered facts!). A tiny few people would hire an investigation agency, but I don’t recommend this costly stuff in your particular case.

        In fact… Given all you’ve told me so far, I believe that you shouldn’t pursue this guy too hard, for the reasons I’ll explain in my next post. ETA: ASAP. :)

        reality bites

        Friday, June 20, 2014 at 6:01 pm

      • Quick comment about your earlier sentence…

        QUOTE
        nowadays with the increasing number of love/sex scenes, it is like a free-for-all for all these actors, like being in an ‘open relationship’ and enjoying all the physical perks without any emotional strings attached.
        /QUOTE

        You wouldn’t believe the sex stories (narrated by certain newspapers, books and other written media) that supposedly happened “in the backstage” of certain famous movies and TV series… Even with all the hype and bullshit, some stuff must be true… Orgies, drugs and alcohol… Sad stuff. Stuff that simply reading about it makes you want to leave the cinema or stop watching the TV series every time you see those innocent-looking faces. (Spellable as: f-o-e-c-e-s!)

        Anyway… Back to the main topic. (To be continued…)

        reality bites

        Saturday, June 21, 2014 at 7:01 am

      • QUOTE
        (Spellable as: f-o-e-c-e-s!)
        /QUOTE

        … Replace “o” with “a”. Damn Medical English. Can’t believe I’ve spelled it wrong. This is a patently obvious “badly need sleep” signal for me. :D

        reality bites

        Saturday, June 21, 2014 at 7:18 am

      • QUOTE
        Another acquaintance told me love scenes are alright because he’s ‘doing it for the money, and it’s his job’. Well, I’m sure he can choose other ways of earning money without having to cheapen himself in the process, and if he really wanted to act or ‘because it’s his job’, there are many other roles that he can consider (that may pay lesser) but have zero love scenes. I personally know someone like that and it can be done, but the thing is, nobody these days wants to ever consider that. Also, not everything in life is run by $$$$$$$.
        /QUOTE

        In this respect, “doing it for the money” could be likened to a form of “light prostitution”. Sometimes “not-so-light prostitution”, actually. Definitely NOT something that helps to keep emotions under control and to stay virgin until marriage.

        reality bites

        Sunday, June 22, 2014 at 9:48 am

      • QUOTE
        Quote: Seems like a “loaded question” fallacy to me
        Haha, it certainly is! ;) My apologies.
        /QUOTE

        No apology necessary. :) We humans often assume things based on our experience. The common (wo)man obviously can’t know in advance why (based on facts) this strange RB guy (:D) would not date an actress generally speaking. :)

        QUOTE
        I’m not sure why so many people get themselves into such messy romantic situations and pay the price later.
        /QUOTE

        Mainly: myopia, as defined by Wikipedia:
        “Myopia… cognitive thinking and decision making that is narrow in scope or lacking in foresight or in concern for wider interests or for longer-term consequences.”
        “(A myopic) decision … may be beneficial in the present, but detrimental in the future… a (myopic) viewpoint … fails to consider anything outside a very narrow and limited range.”

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myopia

        By this definition, many people are mentally and spiritually myopic, and make very myopic decisions. As emotions-based decisions are very often myopic ones.

        In a broader sense… Many people are, quite simply, stupid.

        QUOTE
        what about the situation made you think he still likes her? I’m not sure about her (and could care less, ha), but from what I know she’s been married for a few years to another chap.
        /QUOTE

        Because as far as I know, when someone is in a relationship (s)he enjoys and quits because of peer pressure or life worries, that someone can go into a “unresolved feelings mode” and somehow keeps thinking (sometimes obsessively so and for many years) of the former Significant Other. Unless replaced with a “newer and better” Significant Other, if the two original lovers ever meet again or happen to live very close to each other, the passion may rekindle. At least for one of the two ex-lovers…

        However, if your Actor Target (AT for short from now on) actually NEVER WAS in a relationship with the woman you mentioned, I can’t think many good thoughts about him…

        reality bites

        Sunday, June 22, 2014 at 10:26 am

      • Which brings me to discuss this AT guy.

        Initially, I got this impression that AT and AF (his Athlete Friend woman) broke up because of peer pressure or life worries. Good or bad decision depending on points of view.

        But since you gave me more info later, I believe that AT and AF actually NEVER WERE into a relationship with each other. This may indeed be the truth. And if this is the truth… Then AT may be a liar, a “big talker” and/or a potential stalker (since he may not accept the end of an existing relationship OR that a relationship NEVER EXISTED in the first place… take note, hint hint!)

        reality bites

        Sunday, June 22, 2014 at 11:15 am

      • Let’s reason about AT’s “we are/were in a relationship” articles. But let’s keep the two people’s identities a secret.

        If she (AF) ignores their existence, she can’t print counter-articles to deny the past relationship in print for sure. In this case, lack of printed denial doesn’t equate with lack of a former relationship per se.

        But a few of her numerous friends and fans probably told her by now, so it is my guess that she probably knows about the existence of the mentioned one-sided articles.

        If she knows that such articles exist, she could have hired a lawyer to sort things out and/or have counter-articles printed to deny the past relationship (existing or not).

        Since she probably didn’t hire a lawyer nor print counter-articles (you’d have told me), she either 1) was in a relationship with the AT guy, OR 2) she wasn’t. And if she wasn’t, she either 2a) didn’t want to start a “gossip war” that would have hurt her reputation more than just ignoring the articles, OR 2b) she didn’t want to ruin a good friend.

        Bottom line… Since she and all her friends uniformly keep denying the existence of the relationship, I believe that indeed no relationship existed in the first place. As it’s hard to keep a secret for long, and all her friends keep denying… I believe that the truth is, the relationship between AT and AF never existed.

        reality bites

        Sunday, June 22, 2014 at 11:53 am

      • No matter how you look at it… My opinion is negative.

        1) If the relationship between two people existed…

        Then ask yourself why it ended. Would you date a guy who yields to peer pressure, or terminates a relationship because of life worries, or maybe made his woman uncomfortable in some way? (The woman later did marry another guy, who probably made her more comfortable that his former boyfriend!)

        2) If the relationship never existed…

        Would you date a guy that not only wrongly perceived the existence of a relationship that never was, but one-sidedly bragged about it on the newspapers for years? Would you consider such a person to be a “big talker” and maybe a liar and a potential stalker? I certainly would.

        Either way… Would you date a guy who chooses a girlfriend based on emotions rather than logic, and as a “romantic actor” is exposed to a high risk of infidelity by virtue of his working environment and love scenes alone?

        So… In closing:

        If I were you, unless newer and more favorable information emerge from credible sources, I wouldn’t talk to him – but do what you will. :)

        If you do want to talk to the guy… To get his side of the tale… You can do that. But if after talking to him, you find yourself to be amused by his explanations… Well… Don’t say I didn’t warn you. :)

        Anyway, again, keep the identities secret – better that way.

        Next topic coming up… Competition, in reply to your questions about it. But this will be for my next post.

        reality bites

        Sunday, June 22, 2014 at 12:27 pm

  125. I’ve also said, in the past, that people should be far more selective when choosing a relationship partner (including their “first love”).

    That’s what the “dating” phase is for… To understand, as quickly as possible, if the other is “relationship material” or not.

    People should resort to reason, not emotions, when choosing a relationship partner (especially when choosing a MARRIAGE partner). But many are irrational, so they will not listen and will get hurt by their own stubborness (and in many cases, outright stupidity…).

    Ultimately, the major obstacle between people and happiness is… themselves. They are their own worst enemy.

    QUOTE
    Isn’t this also extremely insulting to whoever they were in a relationship with after this ‘first love’?
    /QUOTE

    Exactly. One can’t give 100% to the current relationship partner, if the previous partners aren’t put “in the memory hole” ie. forgotten. (Again, much harder if sex happened).

    No matter what… Men and women should focus to live in the present, not in the past. My advice to “survivors” is to “get rid of bad investments” (ie. dump’n’forget bad relationship partners), accept that lost time will not come back, and move on: I’m sure that better days are in front of you. :)

    “Space we can recover, time never.”
    (Napoléon Bonaparte, conqueror and military genius)

    reality bites

    Tuesday, May 13, 2014 at 1:19 am

  126. Do you agree with my statement that this post is awesome? gdcgeaeedbeg

    Johne468

    Thursday, May 22, 2014 at 8:07 pm

    • Hi, are you a bot? “gdcgeaeedbeg” is your tracking code or simply an AI bug? Haha.

      If none of the above… Thanks! :D

      reality bites

      Thursday, June 12, 2014 at 2:08 am

  127. Whoa Evelyn, slow down and smell the roses! :)

    Don’t ask him just yet. I’ll reply to you ASAP and will explain why.

    reality bites

    Tuesday, June 17, 2014 at 11:30 am

    • Double post. :E

      reality bites

      Tuesday, June 17, 2014 at 11:43 am

      • Haha no problem :)

        Evelyn

        Wednesday, June 18, 2014 at 8:04 am

  128. I decided to start a new thread cause that was getting too long!

    —–
    Oh I love body language stuff and non-verbal communication! What I especially am very sensitive to are the energy/vibes that people give off. For some reason, I can literally SMELL an insincere/fake/un-genuine/liar from a mile away. The fake-ness and insincerity just ooze out from their pores. Yucks. I stay away from those. I’m also particularly sensitive to nasty, insecure people (loads of people are like that) who have zero inner confidence and love to put others down. Not the type I want to hang with. Will read up more about non-verbal language in those links ;)

    I personally find it abit difficult to suss someone out accurately based on videos. Have you managed to master that? I think it’s because I’m so sensitive to a person’s vibes that I need to be right there to have an accurate impression of the person. Also, I do find that A LOT of people lie in interviews, and especially so when they KNOW the camera is on them or their voices are being recorded. The fact that they are recorded in some way makes them self-conscious and lie (impression management tactic).

    And what do you think about ‘spying’ on someone’s social media? Ie: facebook,twitter etc. I think it is accurate in certain ways, but I’ve mostly found it to be inaccurate, as there’s some major image-management thing going on with these stuff. There have been many cases where I thought a person was a certain way, and I met them in person and found them to be utterly un-impressive; unlike what they post on their social media!

    Evelyn

    Sunday, June 22, 2014 at 5:51 pm

    • Haha, I almost about passed out from your ‘to be continued’ posts… talk about suspense, lol.

      I’m sure some of those stories about orgies etc are true. Also, some of these entertainment industry people are just outright indecent people. It takes a certain type of people to be attracted to this industry sometimes. I don’t believe all of them are like that, but a good number are pretty immoral individuals.

      I do have a friend who is pretty active in the theatre industry here. She’s not an actress, but part of a crew, and even she’s had weird random actors (who are married by the way), approach her and ask her to perform sexual favours for them. She was smart enough and strong-willed enough not to succumb (but even she had her weak moments where she felt like going through with it). But had it been another girl who was extremely willing, the consequences would be different. I shudder just thinking about it. And our theatre industry here is TINY. Imagine a country where such industries are much larger with more money at stake. Yikes!

      Also, yes, ‘doing it for the money’ is a form of prostitution to me. Any sort of sexual act in any movie is a form of prostitution/porn to me, except society packages it with a nice pink ribbon and calls it ART. And because it’s ART, it’s not wrong! Sarcasm**

      Evelyn

      Sunday, June 22, 2014 at 5:52 pm

    • OMG tell me about myopia. I was talking to a friend recently about this, and we were both kind of wondering aloud why can’t we find men who can think of the future consequences of their present actions; before they commit themselves to anything.. and we both concluded such men are a rare breed, and we would both be fighting each other over any we do manage to find haha. But yeah, it requires a lot of maturity.. which.. tons of people don’t have.

      Oh, those unresolved feelings, aka no proper closure. I completely agree. Been there done that. Only if you have loads of willpower to focus on your life and forget the person OR someone just as good/better comes along, then you will forget about the person. Else, your mind just has a tendency to keep ruminating and dwelling and building up this person into something fantastic. I suspect a lot of people who dwell on their ‘first loves’ do so because of this lack of understanding and proper closure (plus all the emotional upheaval).

      Evelyn

      Sunday, June 22, 2014 at 5:52 pm

    • OMG I love this whole analyzing thing! Finally, someone who will indulge me haha :D I do agree with your conclusion, I actually think the ‘relationship’ was completely fabricated/imagined (on his side), but I don’t think the girl was completely innocent as well, I personally think she fed his fantasies and never clearly articulated her intentions. Here are my general thoughts after doing a bit of investigating (this is going to be a bit long so I hope you don’t mind!):

      1) Articles ‘confirming’ this ‘relationship’ always came out from his end only. And from what I said above earlier on, he will literally talk to reporters about the ‘relationship’, and not only that, give LOADS of DETAILS about it. Oh, I gave her roses on Valentine’s, oh we text a lot, oh we meet every weekend, oh my family doesn’t know about this, oh we met in early 2004 etc etc etc etc. I mean, come on, use your brains? If you’re going to talk to the media about so much detail, aren’t you just baiting them to write more gossip about you??? Even if it doesn’t exist? They have sufficient content (from the horse’s mouth no less) to spin articles upon articles of made-up rubbish. I’m sure there is some bits of truth in this gossip trash. But what makes it really confusing is his behavior.

      2) He will go from talking in detail about them in one interview (he agrees to these interviews, by the way. What is he thinking??!), to acting coy and saying no comments when asked about her, to flat out denying and saying they are friends. As well as completely contradicting whatever he says/the reporters say.

      – We met in early 04 → we met during the Summer Olympics
      – My family doesn’t know about her → My father has met her (his father even gave an interview saying they were together)
      – I gave her roses → I didn’t give her anything
      – We meet up every week → No we can’t meet, we only correspond via text
      – We broke up after the Olympics → We broke up in 2005

      There are many more contradictions I wont bother to type out, but you get the picture!

      What makes me REALLY DOUBT him is his lack of consistency. And this is also the main reason why I am completely not interested in asking him about this situation. Cause I highly suspect whatever that comes out of his mouth will be complete bullshit/lies (the lies further piled up now that 10 years has passed, he has had loads of time to whitewash his memory and his side of the story). I won’t be surprised if he simply dismisses the topic if I ask about her.

      Evelyn

      Sunday, June 22, 2014 at 5:54 pm

    • 3) Articles ‘confirming’ this ‘relationship’ NEVER came out from her end. Rarely, if ever were her camp/fans/etc talking about it (it was always his). In fact whenever she is directly quoted in the interviews during the time they were suspected to be together (2004/2005), meaning the journalist put her words in quotation marks; these comments were always along the SAME line: we are just friends.

      She has also had some contradicting articles published, about 2 in total (compared to his about erm, 50+ articles?); where she apparently mentioned they were together. But when I read the text, the parts where it is mentioned that she said they are together aren’t in quoted marks and/or are based off hearsay.

      I personally do dabble abit in media writing/PR/corp comms and I know exactly how and why journalists quote the interviewers. The standard is that you quote someone only when they REALLY SAID whatever you are quoting. Of course that will be edited to flow properly, but the gist is there. We don’t quote when that is NOT WHAT THE PERSON SAID. Meaning, they could have said something that vaguely sounds like what we think they are saying, or we simply infer, deduce or assume that’s what they are saying. But they did not OUTRIGHT say those words. Which makes the articles that mentioned AF mentioning AT to be not credible. In fact, as I read it, those portions seem to be conveniently placed there (and as part of the title) to attract more readership. A media ploy nonetheless.

      4) But. There have been other rather confusing stuff which I can’t fathom.

      First off, his father coming out and saying they were together and he had seen her at a competition before.
      Second, both of them were wearing identical necklaces. Like IDENTICAL. During the time they were rumoured to be together. I’m sure there are many reasons for why two people can have the same accessories (a friend could have given them, one could have given the other for good luck etc), but this is abit co-incidental nevertheless. Which leads me to my next point:

      Third, these articles were spreading like wildfire during that time, but yet she never said anything about them. She HAS to know this guy is going around telling the PRESS of all people, that they are together. She either, like you said, 1)didn’t want to start a gossip war, 2)didn’t want to deny it and look even more suspicious, 3)didn’t want to say anything because she wasn’t a very innocent party either.