Why should my wife be a virgin?
This post by Ideasmith that linked to further posts by other women suddenly made me want to understand why did men want to marry virgins. Let me try to think like different males of different ages and lets see what I can come up with:
- Damn, she’s done it before me
I don’t want to marry her. I’ve lost the race. [This applies to a guy who's not done it yet and is extremely competitive] - Aw shucks… what if she starts comparing me to the other guys…. and I am not good enough [This applies to a guy with low self-esteem and would especially apply to a guy who's never done it]
- What! She’s done it before. She’s got no morals. What if she does it with other men after marriage. I can’t marry her. [This applies a guy who doesn't understand the power of love]
- If I meet one of her ex’s and he reminds me of their time together, I won’t be able to bear it. Wah! [This applies to
insufferable romanticsweak-hearted mensome men] - She must have become “big” down there. I’ll never be able to fill her and satisfy her. [You need to grow up kiddo]
- She loves to do it too much. What if she can never have enough? She’ll wear me out and still not be happy [Go out jogging every morning...]
- She might have STD’s. Why take a risk? [The ever cautious idiot]
- She might find me too small and make fun of me
Ok… that is all I could think of. Please don’t beat me up. I just needed a break from work and something to get me to blog… and sex is usually a good topic to get out all that rust 
All these came from all the discussions we had when we were in school and later.
Sometimes age is not enough to grow up.
LOL….I absolutely lurrrve this post! It’s rocking hilarious!
ideasmith
Tuesday, February 27, 2007 at 9:39 pm
I did not understand #1 – what’s with the competition about?
I think, you could also write a converse post – ‘Why should my wife NOT be a virgin?’
Brad
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 at 12:19 am
Melody
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 at 11:20 pm
Whew.. no one’s furious yet
@Brad: I seriously can’t think of a single reason why my wife should NOT be a virgin. It barely takes any time or effort to convert from a virgin to a non-virgin
Null Bit
Friday, March 2, 2007 at 9:54 am
Rephrasing the topic – Why my wife should have at least moderate experience in bed as far as sexual performance is concerned! (Almost sounds like an exact science.)
Brad
Friday, March 2, 2007 at 9:45 pm
a wife cant be virgin. girlfriends are virgin, and we make them non vergin
ashish
Saturday, March 17, 2007 at 3:55 pm
How is your marriage relationship special if your wife (or intended wife) has been physically intimate with other men? What exactly differentiates your “bond”? The 3×5 card issued from the state magistrate costing between $15 and $35 that says you are married for tax purposes? The potential for alimony? The question the groom should ask and get an answer too is why was I not worth waiting for? You didn’t think you’d ever meet me? You thought I wouldn’t mind? Would you mind if I went ahead and had lots of sex with hookers and other people before hand? Why is sex important at all for this woman and what does it mean and furthermore since she is willing to do this with others without such commitment how strong is the bond now that ring is there? Did your future wife not consider that maybe you might be a person with feelings and might not want to share your spouse with lots of other men? Oops! Can’t go there! Wah wah wah! cries the modern woman I want (whatever) now!! I can’t be bothered to think about someone else and if I end up pregnant or with venereal disease or emotional attached just as strongly to boyfriends 2, 5, 12, 17, and 36 oh well he’d just better suck it up and like it. How dare he be a human being to be considered when I haven’t even met him!
ranor
Tuesday, May 15, 2007 at 4:24 pm
I like my woman jus the way she is non virgin… Oh well we all hav 2 go through some thing some time in life because nobodies perfect.
Anonymous
Monday, July 2, 2007 at 11:29 am
In today’s time when marrige’s happen late in life almost everyone encounters love and the attraction towards opposits sex, the exitement and eagerness to experiment and know leads to sex. It just happens. What is important is that we should make sure we stay faithful to our partners after marrige.
Vinny
Saturday, August 18, 2007 at 11:03 pm
Why should my wife be a virgin? Well… I can think of a few reasons why she should be a virgin out side of religious beliefs.
I am sorry but STDs are a big thing. If you go to bed with a girl and are not sure if she has an STD you are an idiot! Why take the chance for a half an hour of pleaser? If the girl is a virgin, that likelihood of her have an STD is greatly diminished.
Another reason why your wife should be a virgin is because what you learn with one guy doesn’t necessarily transfer to the next guy. What one guy likes is no guaranty that the next guy will like. So why get the experience and then have something to compare with you are married to the girl.
Another reason my wife should be a virgin is because it re-enforces that she will be faithful to me after marriage. The power of love you said in you reasoning. I have see love faith continually! 1 our of every 2 marriages end of in divorce! Where is your power of love! It takes more than just love to make a marriage work! It takes commitment and trust! The power of love indeed! Truly love is giving with or without receiving anything in return. Truly love is not self-seeking! Truly love will wait for she future husband.
Which leads me to my next point, why my wife should be a virgin because that is the ultimate wedding gift. She is saying that she loved me so much that she was willing to wait for me. She isn’t so needy that she shacks up with some guy just to feel loved. (that brings a tear to my eye).
And I take it this group is not religious. So I will not go into what the Holy Bible says.
(But just between you and me, I am probably going to be cursed to marry a girl that is not a virgin just because I wrote this. haha)
Danny
Thursday, March 6, 2008 at 11:06 pm
Some men think being a virgin means the girl had no “opportunities” to lose it. As in she must be worthless, ugly and so on. Also I don’t get the hypocrisy. She may not have stds if she is a virgin but that is no gurantee since she has parents who might have contracted an std they passed on to their kid. Also men should hold themselves to that standard because men can carry stds too. I would love to see a man be dumped because he isn’t a virgin and therefore “unclean.” Only then would he understand how it feels like to be rejected for something that is “damned if you do and damned if you don’t.”
Eve
Eve
Friday, April 25, 2008 at 9:33 pm
I am a 28-year old virgin (male). Not because I did not have any opportunities, but because, as was mentioned by ranor and Danny, I believe it is the ultimate wedding gift. It is absolutely true that it is the one aspect that differentiates you from all the other ‘boyfriends’. If she has ‘given’ that to 2 or 3 or 10 other men, what makes you different and special? What will you have ‘inside’ of marriage that the others did not have ‘outside’ of marriage…nothing. just as love, trust and respect should be found jn marriage, so should these be found in relationships, so there is really nothing left for you that makes you unique as her husband. And these standards apply to both sexes! I hate the fact that the world goes out after short term joy and acceptance, and in doing that sacrifies something so worthy, intimate and special!
Doors
Tuesday, June 24, 2008 at 6:11 pm
my slut wife jaqueline vasquez is not a virgin. she is a cheap whore that had sex with 2 guys b4 me.
yo mom
Sunday, September 21, 2008 at 3:22 am
Ranor, Eve, Doors, etc make so much sense. If she has slept with people before you but want to marry you, then what is she bringing into the marriage? Sure she’ll claim to take care of you, love you, etc etc but she has already shared the most intimate activity with someone else. If she wasn’t raped, what was she thinking?
I was with a girl who said the right things to me “oh i was in love with the other guy when we had sex but I assumed he would marry me”. Sorry, I am not going to marry you because I think you won’t be wise enough to have my baby and run a household.
Kunal
Thursday, September 25, 2008 at 3:14 am
Those who have had multiple sexual partners will not find issue with a wife or husband for that matter, who has had one or more prior partners. The reason being is that the more sexual partners a person has the less meaningful the physical and mental sexual connection becomes to that person, man and women alike.
So ask yourself honestly:
Q: What makes a husband/wife,(marriage) any different then a boyfriend/girlfriend,(dating)? Is it because now that you are married you have decided not to have sex with anyone else?
C: Well, you already did. In fact you most likely had your fill of sex with others and now you wanna “settle down”. Now at this point, sex in your marriage is just a thing you do to fill your physical needs. The true meaing of sex between man and wife is lost. You missed the best part.
NO, I would NOT marry a woman who is not a virgin.
However, Keep this in mind.
If you are not a virgin you cannot demand a virgin.
More Al
Sunday, January 18, 2009 at 11:25 pm
Also, if you are ok with wife not being a virgin —— PROVE IT.
Ask her about previous sexual experience(s).
Get details, find out how she feels/felt about each partner, physically and emotionally.
If she does not tell you it’s most likely because there are strong feelings for one or more partners and what she knows that you don’t know may hurt you. What she wont say is that he made her feel better then you do currently.
When you’re done with that ask yourself honestly, how do you feel about your wifes virginity now.
Roscoe
Sunday, January 25, 2009 at 6:53 pm
roscoe! doors! goood points.
stillhazard
Thursday, January 29, 2009 at 1:51 pm
another thing, this might be part of male genes, if other guys can’t put up with that they must be gay, no self-respect or a women trying to dignify her ultimate failure of not being capable of remaining a virgin, to give in to a guy who is no longer with her. lmfa0 haha, left, abandoned, unvirginised, you still consider marriage?
stillhazard
Thursday, January 29, 2009 at 1:54 pm
Why would a man need or want to marry a women these days anyway ?
Everything I can get from a having wife I can get from a girlfriend or just some chic i’m having sex with. Without the real commitment. These chics don’t respect themselves that’s why they give it up so easy. If I had to be married i’d take an a ugly virgin over a pretty whore.
Samson
Saturday, January 31, 2009 at 10:59 pm
I fell madly in love with a girl when I was 18 and we dated for six months before she told me she was not a virgin. This had a devastating effect and I’m unsure why I felt so sad but I did. I became angry towards her when drunk and whereas previously I had been a true gentlemen now I began to demand sex immadiately from her and was far less generous (I refused to celebrate Valentines day and such).
I never told her I was a virgin because when I met her because I felt so bad she had not waited for me that I did not want to give her the gift of me so I lied about my past. I would have married this girl if she had been a virgin as I was a virgin at the time without a second thought.
I can honestly also say I completely lost the respect of her and felt that our time together was not intimate so it made it very easy for me to cheat on her which I did on a few occasions. I also told her outright that it would be a cold day in hell if I married her and even if I did I would refuse to let her wear a white dress on our weddig day so her mother would know she was not a virgin (Her mother had a strong opinion on this).
With my strong opinions we finally broke up after 5 years. Because of this bad relationship I found it very hard to become close to a girl and here I am now five years later and I have found another girl.
This time I have met a lovely Thai girl and she is truly sweet with us being a perfect match. I had expected this girl had been with a Thai guy given our age but it took her three months to tell me she was with another foreigner before me. Again I went from really loving a person to now feeling very sad. Again I have explained quite clearly because of her past I will not marry you. It is now a lot more serious though as she is pregnate and is unable to live in my country without a serious commitment from me (Our immigration department). I can also say that 2 weeks after she told me about this I again lost respect for our intimate time together and I decided not to come home for the night and spent the night partying, drinking, and then finally having sex with a bar girl.
Can someone explain why I get these feelings I really want to find happiness but….
Mal
Malcolm
Thursday, March 5, 2009 at 5:41 pm
You have these feelings because you feel cheated out of something that would rightly belong to you and you alone as her HUSBAND !
I can understand your feelings in regard to the first woman as you were a virgin at the time.
However, you are no longer a virgin and niether is your new girl.
How can you ask for something of her that you can’t give yourself ?
Your days of demanding a virgin ended when you inserted your penis into a vigina.
More Al
Monday, March 9, 2009 at 5:03 am
This is why so many men have little to no respect for women. There are to many woman out there that give themselves to easily to often. What husband wants to hold a conversation or shake hands with the man who his wife used have sex with when she was just the other mans girlfriend or even worse, his play thing. Do you really wanna kiss a woman whose had someone elses penis in her mouth and make her your wife ?
Ochola
Tuesday, March 31, 2009 at 12:12 pm
I got married to my wife who is not a virgin anymore. she was with someguy for six long years before me. Lets be honest with six years relationship with her ex. like its not necessary to elaborate. now we have kids. at first i thought i was able to accept her despite of “six” yrs before me. Now I have doubts to myself, i cant find an honor as a man, thinking that someone has screwed my wife before me for six heck long yrs then dump her.
brite
Thursday, April 9, 2009 at 3:36 pm
YES, your wife should be a virgin and so should her husband.
GODs layout as part of a health marriage.
Respect Urself
Friday, April 17, 2009 at 11:53 am
My wife has a huge past ( intimate relationship with a guy for five years )…and so that makes me the second man in his life. I do want to spend my life with her (I love her seriously)but all these comments and posts are making me confused.
What do I do ?
need help
Tuesday, May 5, 2009 at 1:16 am
Do what makes you happy.
Some men can’t stand the fact that their wife has had sex with someone other than them. Some men don’t mind at all. Don’t be concerned about how others feel about it, how do you feel about it ?
Braddah Time
Tuesday, June 16, 2009 at 6:38 pm
Marry a virgin and save yourself for your spouse if you are one. Its too painful to marry someone who’s not -trust me. My wife (who was very promiscious before we met) took my virginity while we dated and now we’ve been married over a decade. I’ll just say this, I’ll never divorce her, and she’ll never know this, but If I could do it over again, I would not have spoken to her in the store where we met, I would just walk away.
Blah
Thursday, July 2, 2009 at 1:13 pm
I agree with you 100% Blah.
I love my wife but if I could do it again, I was so tired if I had just stayed at home with my firend that night I would never have met her at that disco.
Malcolm
Thursday, October 8, 2009 at 4:01 am
Alot of men feel that way.
It used to be that men would not admit it or say it but now I see more and more men who say exactly what Blah wrote.
Tanny
Wednesday, July 8, 2009 at 2:53 am
I know exactly how these other guys feel. My wife was not a virgin when we met and it bothers me even after ten years of marriage. I love my wife and thought I could get over her past. Like Blah I’ll never divorce my wife but the pain of knowing that she was someone else’s play thing makes me angry. Young girls of today (who will be the future wives and mothers) remain virgins and give the ultimate gift of love to your husband. And guys respect a virgin when you meet one. If you need physical gratification do so with a non-virgin.
Anonymous
Wednesday, August 19, 2009 at 4:53 pm
I am a 24 year old woman and I completely understand men that want virgin wives. It is how God intended it to be. Not just women though, men too. However, with all the promiscuity in the world it’s very difficult to find a woman with such strong morals. If you do meet someone who has been with someone else and it bothers you, then don’t even waste their time. I was a virgin until I was 19. I fell madly in love with a guy, I lost my virginity to him because I loved him and we were going to get married. Then he broke up with me. I was devastated. Something so valuable to me was just taken away and I felt worthless. I didn’t have sex again for a very long time. Until I met my husband. He didn’t mind that I had been with one other guy. He loved me for who I was. And after being with him I realized I never had an orgasm with my first. We are so happy now with our baby boy. It all depends on the person. Women, respect yourselves and be smart. Men, don’t be too judgemental. If a marriage is only about whether you’re a virgin or not, then you haven’t found the real reasons to get married. Nobody is perfect and if God can forgive our sins, why can’t you? I have no respect for women who just do it with random guys and same goes for guys with women. But if someone really repents for what they’ve done in the past, then let it go. Chances are you think about it more then they do. God bless you all.
John
Tuesday, September 1, 2009 at 1:39 am
I am a 24 year old woman and I completely understand men that want virgin wives. It is how God intended it to be. Not just women though, men too. However, with all the promiscuity in the world it’s very difficult to find a woman with such strong morals. If you do meet someone who has been with someone else and it bothers you, then don’t even waste their time. I was a virgin until I was 19. I fell madly in love with a guy, I lost my virginity to him because I loved him and we were going to get married. Then he broke up with me. I was devastated. Something so valuable to me was just taken away and I felt worthless. I didn’t have sex again for a very long time. Until I met my husband. He didn’t mind that I had been with one other guy. He loved me for who I was. And after being with him I realized I never had an orgasm with my first. We are so happy now with our baby boy. It all depends on the person. Women, respect yourselves and be smart. Men, don’t be too judgemental. If a marriage is only about whether you’re a virgin or not, then you haven’t found the real reasons to get married. Nobody is perfect and if God can forgive our sins, why can’t you? I have no respect for women who just do it with random guys and same goes for guys with women. But if someone really repents for what they’ve done in the past, then let it go. Chances are you think about it more then they do. God bless you all.
Jennifer
Tuesday, September 1, 2009 at 1:40 am
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
barny
Monday, September 14, 2009 at 5:42 pm
I was not the first person my wife has had sex with. Although she’s never told me I get the feeling she wishes she should have waited to give the ultimate gift of love to me, her husband. As much as we love each other, she will never find honor as a woman knowing that she lost something beautiful and precious to a guy who fucked her for two years before dumping her. She knows that our love, our marriage would have been so much more intense and stronger if she saved her virginity for me. She lost more than her virginity when she decided to fuck the guy who eventually dumped her. She gave away something that would have created a deeper and more meaningful marriage relationship.
Anonymous
Sunday, October 4, 2009 at 12:05 am
I posted above:
We are now married and have a baby girl.
I still feel bad inside at times and certainly don’t spend time near my girl if I’m drinking.
My issue is not that she had slept with someone it is that she directly told me ‘I dont know any foreigners and have never had a foreign boyfriend’. What she should have said is that ‘I have never had a foreign boyfriend but I had a three month sexual relationship with another foreigner’ If she had of told me about her relationship with a foreigner the first time I had asked her this I would have thanked her for her time and been on my way.
All I ever wanted was to have a special girl and to be a special guy or my girl.
The problem is that I feel I was forced to marry her because there is now a child involved and I have even stronger opinons about a child needing two parents. Our wedding was nothing more than signing some paperwork at a marriage office as I told her ‘western christian wedding have a special meaning and I can not be bothered putitng on a false show simply to make wedding organisers rich and keep photographers happy’
I can also say that my attitude has changed from being the most generous person in the world to something completely different. I guess it dosen’t help I earn 180K and she earns nothing now and really given her nationality has limited income earning potential. I went to a special effort to ensure my assets are structured in a way and that my income is paid into an offshore account and any new assets are to be put in trust so that if she did decide to leave, she leaves with absolutely nothing. We are also keeping seperate accounts and I give her an allowance each month, this really is not the normal behaviour for a loving husband.
Anyway we have sat and spoken about her lies and she says sorry for lieing but I still get the feeling that she is not sorry for what she actually did.
I’ve also started spending more time than a married man should with beer bar girls which frighteners her a little.
I dont think the pain ever goes away.
Malcolm
Thursday, October 8, 2009 at 3:54 am
I would also like to add that the consequences of her lies have caused her a lot of pain aswell. She now given her actions feels she can not trust me.
Imagine how hard it must be for her feeling she can not trust her own husband because she made a serious mistake in life.
This level of trust must be killing her because hse just asked the receptionist if I had brought any girls back to the room while she has been away. She also warned me that she would ask the receptionist each time she went away to keep a special eye on me. she has rights to feel like this because right now I’m thinking of a way of meeting up with this sweet girl I met about a year ago in Samui so that we can spend some romantic time together.
Malcolm
Thursday, October 8, 2009 at 3:05 pm
I notice that you mention, “‘western christian”. In your comments.
1) Were you a virgin when you married your wife ?
2) Is your wife Christian ?
3) Are you Christian ?
Wheather you and your wife are Christian or not but especially if you are; if you were not a virgin at marriage then you are just as out of line as you claim her to be.
I can see your point and understand your disappointment if you were a virgin and married her only to find out the truth afterwards.
However, GOD requires both man and woman to be without sex before marriage.
If you have not complied with your part then you need to seriously rethink your stance on this matter.
Web Professor
Thursday, October 8, 2009 at 5:07 pm
I did not expect my wie to be a virgin. In this case I completely understood the situation and just expected that I be the only foreigner she had been with.
Malcolm
Sunday, October 11, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Jennifer makes some really good points ….
Both men and women are supposed to be virgins until marriage.
So men, (this includes me as I am a man) don’t ask for what you can’t give in a marriage. In other words don’t ask that your wife or future wife be a virgin if you are not.
When two people have sex their souls becomes intermingled. The woman usually, (being a more emotional being) takes on traits, morals and character of her male partner. Although they both share traits, character & more the womans will show on the surface more so than the man. A man will show these things but mostly to his woman.
With that being said, let’s look at a woman with multiple partners. She has shared traits, character and more with multiple partners and now all this shared “information” is now apart of who she is. For a woman it is almost impossible for her to give her full self to her current man due to the fact that her full self was given to the first partner and wasn’t available for any of the partners that came behind the first. This can be seen by studying the level of blind trust a woman who is still with her first has for her man vs. a woman who has had multiple partners. The looking at the level of blind trust a woman had for her first vs. The level of blind trust she has for her current partner who is not her first.
A woman will trust her first with explanation or oncern of consequence, no other partner wil ever get that.
There are exceptions, such as rape, molestation, trickery or any situation where a woman,(and in some cases young girls) doesn’t
give herself freely. That connection with the sexual partner is limited, temporary or nonexistent.
Web Professor
Thursday, October 8, 2009 at 5:58 pm
CORRECTION:
A woman will trust her first without explanation or concern of consequence of actions, no other partner will ever get that level of trust granted to them.
Disclaimer: This statement is not set in stone and there are always exceptions.
Web Professor
Thursday, October 8, 2009 at 6:04 pm
i grew up in a christian family and i really think that my wife would be a virgin in the future….and then when i was 18 i remember the night that my ex-gf(she’s my wife now) told that she had slept with 1 guy and i remember how devastated i am.NEVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, I BECAME REALLY REALLY REALLY SAD,,like all the sadness came to me hard and quick…even my dad, brother and sister saw me crying really hard..i really love and fell inlove at first and really high hopes that she is diff than the other girls but she lost is..now we are married an pain NEVER went away even with 2 kids. and i am wondering if only 1 guy or more that had slept with her…sometime porn is my thing to cover my heaviness,,, still doesnt change i prayed to God that He’ll do something about this..but like Blah and others,,,if given a change i would’ve just walked away and not talk to her…and yes she took my virginity…
lonelyboy
Thursday, October 15, 2009 at 5:10 pm
and yes even when i hear his ex-bf’s name i really get upset and sad even stomachache…sometimes i just pretend that i didn’t hear it… but honestly if i see the guy i always thought of murdering him or burying him alive…idk…probably or probably not BUT I WILL DO ANYTHING JUST TO TAKE THIS PAIN AWAY….not necessarily have to kill the ex-bf but if it will take the pain forever i might…
lonelyboy
Thursday, October 15, 2009 at 5:13 pm
I’m with you lonelyboy just about had enough. Stuck offshore doing bit of work at the moment at an exotic location. Girl cam up to me in a bar, made her intentions clear, so I said what the hell lets go for it.
hmm… few beers down already tonigh, not long left in this location might take a tuk tuk to the bar just to see whats floating about.
Malcolm
Thursday, October 22, 2009 at 7:16 pm
Calm down buddy.
I thought you grew up in a christian family, what’s all this talk of killing ?
If you were going to do it, ( I’m not saying you should because you shouldn’t) you would be caught so fast & you premeditated it here on the internet. At some point you’ll be connected to your ip address.
Anyway, If your then gf now wife was a willing participant in the sex she had before you then you can’t blame the guy she had sex with. However, if it was a situation of force, dominance or trickery, which in most states are forms of rape, then he may deserve death but as you are a christian it won’t be by your hand. I bring this up because I see so many young girls,(12 & 13 years old) fooled by the lies of older more experienced boys, (15,16 & older). In 99% of these cases the girl was not ready for sex and/or didn’t want to have sex. These boys and sometimes men look for girls of this age bracket. These girls not having a father or male figure around is also a big plus for them, it reduces the chance of reprercussion of their actions. It’s a big problem and has been for a long time. This is why so many US states have age of consent laws where people of a certain age can be protected from such preditors.
Still Socializing
Thursday, October 22, 2009 at 3:50 pm